Chapter 17

Leah

Who was that?

Standing back behind the curtain, peeking around at the crowd that filled the dining hall, Leah watched the pretty, pink avanava female talk to her mates. All the while, she wrestled with a wholly new, uncomfortable feeling that was twisting up in her guts. It burned like anger, but sank like fear, and it released icy tendrils up through her chest to choke around her throat like clinging vines.

Who was that?!

She was gorgeous. Like, not even just ‘for an alien'. She was positively beautiful. And what's more, she was talking to Sollit and Tillos like she knew them. A gift? Wine? What was she even going on about?

And why did Leah suddenly want to scream?

"Oh, look at that. Biella's back."

"Huh?" She turned, checking on the person who'd come up behind her. It was one of the cleaning crew males she worked with. He was a nice guy, though she didn't know his species, he was obviously avian in origin. His name was Twa, and he liked to whistle a lot.

"Biella," Twa repeated, gesturing to her with his head. "She's Tillos and Sollit's biggest fan. Well, she's always been a fan of the troupe in general, but she really loves those two."

That did not help at all.

"Oh, don't worry, Leah," Twa rushed to comfort her with a hand on her shoulder. "No matter how much she might want it, Biella's definitely not their mate. You are. You have nothing to worry about. They haven't indulged her since their date. And that was a long time ago."

That didn't help either! She wanted to demand more information from Twa, but he was called by one of the others and ran off to help, leaving her alone to stew and worry, that terrible new emotion taking over with the power granted to it by his words.

Leah was gnawing on her lip as she looked forward again. Why did she suddenly feel so completely and wholly inadequate? She'd never had body image issues before, but she did now! And they were running riot through her mind as she found herself comparing every line, flaw, and curve to this beautiful, pink, shimmering gold lady!

Why did she shimmer?! How was that fair?! Leah had an oily face in the morning, but this girl looked like she was dusted in gold.

Oh, goodness gracious…

Leah's heart dropped as she leaned back. Realization struck her like a bolt.

Jealous.

She was jealous .

It was a completely foreign emotion to her. She'd never cared about relationships before, wasn't even allowed to have them. The only thing that really mattered to her – singing – she was the best at in her school, so there had been no one to envy. It was the first time she'd ever felt that gnawing, discomforting, aching emotion ripping through her with jagged claws.

And she didn't like it.

Knowing what it was almost made it worse. Like the sheer act of acknowledging the source allowed the emotion to sharpen into laser focus and target her.

It took entirely too long for Corvidair to come along and tell Biella that she had used up her time with the twins and she had to move on. He said it with a joking smile, but familiar, like he was used to having to convince her to leave.

Biella laughed, bemoaning how it didn't seem like nearly enough time.

Leah had to fight the urge to run out and push her away. As it was, she couldn't stop her hands from tightening against the curtain, like she might use the blue fabric as a springboard to rush out and do just that if she didn't get away from them!

But she did get away, stepping back, waving bye to Tillos and Sollit. Smiling at them dreamily. Sighing when they turned their attention to the next person in line.

As Biella turned, she caught sight of Leah.

The two of them locked eyes. Leah froze. Like a deer in headlights, unable to move or breathe, Leah was unmoving as she looked into the shining golden eyes of this female that shared a species with her mates.

Yeah, that's right. Her mates. They belonged to Leah, not Biella!

Biella cocked her head curiously, but she said nothing and eventually turned, walking into the crowd without looking back.

Leah watched her go and only once she lost sight of her amongst all the other fans did she finally relax. The jealousy hadn't gone away though. It only weakened. She wanted her mates to come and comfort her, to tell her it was okay and that no avanava female, no matter how unfairly gorgeous, would ever take them from her.

But that was childish. And they were working. She could hardly demand their attention right now. Or ever, she thought, gnawing on her lip again. She was the one being unreasonable right now. Right? Everyone always said envy was irrational and petty. It was certainly something that had to be controlled, because she was definitely afraid of what that terrible emotion might make her do in an effort to sate it somehow.

But she couldn't ruin their meet and greet. She could ask them about her later – calmly . That would be the adult, rational thing to do.

No matter how much she wanted to demand an explanation, before grabbing onto them both and refusing to let that other female close ever again.

Forcing herself to step back behind the curtain, she took some deep breaths to calm herself down before focusing back on her job. Because that was the mature, responsible thing to do. Only children indulged their emotions recklessly like she dearly wanted to do right now.

***

"Leah?"

"Is something wrong?"

"Huh?"

Looking up from her – blessedly normal, not worm – pasta, Leah focused on her dates. And a flash of guilt hit her when she realized that she didn't know who had said what. Sollit and Tillos were both looking at her, concerned, their own meals forgotten. And she had been so wrapped up in her stupid jealousy, she'd completely zoned out of the conversation.

This restaurant was beautiful. They told her it was in the Holotulle style, which really just meant it was in a general style meant to appeal to all species. The menu was large and varied, but it had many items that she'd been interested in – that had neither worms nor bugs nor any other creepy crawlies. She wasn't sure what this green sauce was on her pasta, but she couldn't even taste it. Everything seemed to be turning to ash in her mouth.

She just couldn't forget that avanava female, or stop comparing herself to her. Was this what body image issues felt like? Because she definitely hated this and was absolutely behind the abolishment of this gnawing self-discomfort. She wouldn't call it hatred, just a sudden awareness that she might not be enough . And it was uncomfortable. Like a tiny pebble in her shoe. Nothing harmful to the point it would make her bleed or cause damage, but obnoxious and somehow able to steal the entirety of her attention for how minor a thing it really was.

"Leah?" It was Tillos who spoke this time, setting down his fork. "You look troubled. What is it?"

"I'm fine," she said quickly, fixing a smile on her face.

"Leah," Sollit chuckled, giving her a look. " Aevea , you're a delightful singer, but you're not a good actress. Something is bothering you. Tell-"

"Who's Biella?!" Leah gasped, clapping her hands over her mouth. She hadn't meant to shout it like that. It just came out. It even sounded accusatory.

She couldn't believe she'd just done that. She was being unreasonable and childish, and they were going to tell her so. It wasn't her place to question her males. She needed to trust in them completely and know that they would do the right thing. Besides, what was she even complaining for? She got two mates, but they couldn't? That was sexist as well. And she was in the wrong for-

"Leah," Sollit reached out, taking her wrists – the ones adorned with their bracelets – and pulling them away from her face. He looked so concerned by her action, but his touch was so nice, she leaned into it as Tillos cupped the back of her neck.

"Biella is nothing," Tillos said firmly, no room for doubt in his voice. "She is a fan. That is all. You've nothing to be concerned about from her."

"But you went on a date with her!"

"We did."

"It was a prize," Sollit smiled, kissing her knuckles. "She won a raffle. One day date experience with us. We took her to a fair, we played some games, we bought her dinner, then we took her home. That's all that happened."

"We never even touched her," Tillos continued, coming around to press his lips against her temple. "I promise you, aevea , it was strictly a work thing. And it was a long time ago. We have given her nothing but politeness since."

Leah nodded, biting her lips to keep them closed.

"You're still upset?" Sollit frowned. "Do you not believe us?"

"I do," she breathed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come at you like that. I know it's not a woman's role to question her… oh…"

She didn't realize what she was saying until they were both giving her confused looks. Because that was her religious upbringing choking her again. That was one of the first things the women at the shelter had tried to un-teach her. She knew now that it was weird she would have just willingly gone along with marrying a man ten years her senior who already had two kids just because her father wanted it. She would even say now that she fully agreed that it was wrong. Looking back, she got chills when she realized how close she'd come to what was undoubtedly a miserable life of control and abuse at the hands of an older man.

But that wasn't her life anymore. She'd been taught better than that.

"It is my role and my right to question you about such things," she muttered, sounding much more like a question than a statement.

But her males both smiled at her. Like they could sense her inner turmoil.

"It is," Sollit said.

"And you always can," Tillos finished.

Leah smiled. A real one this time. Relieved and uncertain. "I believe you. I'm sorry. I was just so jealous. But that's stupid, right? You two don't get jealous, why should I?"

"We don't get jealous?" Sollit laughed.

"Wherever would you get that idea, aevea ?" Tillos asked, cocking an amused brow.

"Well, I mean, come on," she looked between them. At the way Sollit was still holding her hands, using them to caress his face and lips. At the way Tillos still had hold of her neck, leaning her against his shoulder as he nuzzled her head.

"What?" Tillos smirked. "You think because I share you with my brother that I am incapable of being jealous over you?"

Sollit snickered. "You think because we enjoy touching you together that we would ever tolerate another male putting his hands on you?"

"Let us banish those assumptions now," Tillos growled in her ear, making her shiver.

Sollit's hands tightened around her wrists, turning into manacles, as he pulled her arms over his shoulder, getting in close in a forced parody of an embrace. "No male shall ever touch you again. No male shall ever catch your eye again."

"We will make certain of it." Tillos hissed, pressing a hand against her lower belly, teasing her with pressure right over her womb that made her squirm in her chair. "If you find yourself lusting after another male, that just means we have to fuck you harder."

"Claim you more," Sollit grinned, fangs glinting in the light of the restaurant.

Public. They were in public, and they were talking like this. Leah's heart was going to beat its way out of her ribcage as her face melted from the sheer power of her embarrassment.

But she didn't ask them to stop. Her tongue was too fat. There was a thick knot in her throat. It was overwhelming her, but she couldn't say she disliked it.

"And since there are two of us," Sollit continued, smirking, "we can make certain that you always have at least one of us inside you."

"Owning you."

"Filling you.

"Making sure that you are too tired-"

"-too delirious-"

"-to even think of another male."

"You think we don't get jealous, aevea ?" Sollit's grin was distinctly predatory.

"Test us." Tillos nipped at her ear, making her jump. But their grip on her meant she couldn't get away from them.

She didn't want to get away from them.

"You'll see how quickly-"

"-how thoroughly-"

"-how deeply -"

"-we'll rid you of that notion."

Leah was trembling. Panting. Her eyes starting to roll back. There was a burning between her legs, so acute as to be nearly painful, demanding satisfaction.

"Guys, please…"

"Yes," Tillos hissed, pressing down against her belly. Press and release. Press and release. Building that ache as though he were touching her between her legs.

"There's no one else for you," Sollit turned his head, nipping at the inside of her wrists. "You have two mates, greedy female. Both of us demand satisfaction."

"We'll demand a great deal from you."

"And you'll give it to us."

"Again."

"And again."

"Because you want nothing else."

"Because we'll give you everything else."

Out amongst the other patrons, someone laughed. The sound cut through the fog of her mind like a serrated knife. She jumped, gasping, remembering.

Public. They were in public .

"S-Stop…" She breathed, shaking.

Tillos and Sollit pulled back. Trailing their hands down her arms. Sitting back in their chairs. Giving her space, but still looking at her with that dark desire shining in their teal green eyes. She's the one who asked them to stop, but she's the one who kept reaching for them, holding onto their hands so they couldn't pull away completely.

Because part of her didn't actually want them to stop, she realized. They were right there, but already she felt cold and lonely. She missed their hands on her. She missed the way they surrounded and adored her.

"Are you still worried, Leah?" Tillos asked, his voice pleasant, like he hadn't just been massaging her belly so sensually just a moment ago.

"About… what?" She breathed. Her brain was scrambled eggs. She had no idea what they were even talking about anymore. She should probably be grateful they were in public, or she might have demanded they make good on their words and claim her now.

Wait. Why should she be grateful about that?

She couldn't think of a single reason why she shouldn't be enjoying her males. Her mates. They both belonged to her, as she belonged to them. Joining them in the flesh should be the next step, right? Did their planet have marriage? Did it even matter?

Sollit and Tillos were chuckling. At her answer? Why?

"What's funny?" She asked, looking between them.

"Not a thing, aevea ," Sollit smiled, kissing the hand she kept clasped in his.

"Nothing at all," Tillos agreed, kissing the other one, before they both let her go. "Your food is getting cold. Eat up."

Right. Food. They were on a date.

Robotically, Leah picked up her fork and obediently shoved a bite of pasta in her mouth. The rich, slightly tangy, herby sauce was really good. She made a sound of delight as she chewed. Her face was still burning, and it wouldn't likely go away soon as her mates were both grinning at her, supremely satisfied about something.

She didn't know what. She didn't really care.

She was wrestling with the idea that, apparently, she was looking forward to mating her males. Something she would never have guessed would happen. Not based on what she had been taught about sex. But she was. And she realized that it was probably going to happen sooner than she thought.