Chapter Five

Later that night, Circe lay in bed staring up at the darkened ceiling. Her mind was too jumbled to relax and sleep. She hated Miles for showing up and tossing her once more into a hurricane of broken hearts and dreams.

Giving up on rest, she rose and slipped on her robe before making her way to the kitchen. As she waited for the coffee to brew, she walked over to the bookcase and slid out a photo album she had stashed on the bottom shelf. Out of sight, out of mind, or so she thought. After fixing a mug of strong, black coffee, she sat down at the table and opened it.

Her as a child.

Him right next to her.

Her as a teenager.

Him right next to her.

Her graduating high school.

Him right next to her.

There wasn't one part of her life growing up that didn't have him in it, by her side, and walking down memory lane tore her up all over again. She closed the album and slid it away from her. Resting her chin on her knuckles, she stared broodingly at the damn thing. She had almost left it behind, but something made her turn around and pick it up. A premonition, perhaps, knowing she would one day be thrust back into Miles Kenneally's sphere.

She didn't know what to make of his declaration to win her back. Not knowing if she should laugh or cry. Regardless, it was far, far too late for that. Wasn't it? She couldn't deny how he made her pulse race and her blood heat. He was still the most handsome man she'd ever seen, and that included muscly surfers and volleyball players up and down Florida's beaches. Even if he hadn't been her moon-fated mate, he would've left her breathless.

Truth be told, she was scared. Scared that she hadn't stopped loving him. That she would forgive him. That he'd walk away. That she would beg him to stay.

She couldn't do that again.

Couldn't be vulnerable once more.

Restless energy snaked through her body. Rising, she stepped onto her back patio and quickly shed her clothes. In a heartbeat, her wolf came out. Tundra-colored fur and azure-blue eyes. They raced into the early morning darkness, tearing through the forest in joy. Her wolf loved to run and chase rabbits or squirrels.

The howl of another wolf caught her attention, and she immediately recognized the desolate cry of Miles. He missed her. Needed her. Although her human side would never consider joining him, her beast had no qualms with racing toward their mate.

He was a black wolf with streaks of grey peppered through his coat. The body larger than any ordinary wolf. Alpha power exuded from him, but she never had the compulsion to bare her neck to him. Perhaps because they were moon-fated mates, maybe because she had grown up with him. He greeted her with a nuzzle of his snout against hers and she in turn licked his neck. Then he jogged a few feet away and turned to look back at her, as if waiting, and gave a little yip. Inviting her to join him on a run. She burst forward, racing past him with a little taunting bark. He gave a little huff before chasing after her.

They ran through the forest, moving in sync. He could easily overtake her, if he wished. His legs were longer and more powerful, but he stayed with her, side by side, giving her little nips of affection whenever he could. Allowing herself to let the past heartache disappear into the ether. She may be reserved in her human form, unable to separate from their shattered love, but her animal side had no such hesitation. It was as if the past fifteen years never happened. A momentary blight from a long-distant memory.

She didn't know how long they ran together, but the sun was hovering on the horizon when they came across a small pond. Stopping, they drank away their thirst, then flopped down on the grassy bank. The air around him shimmered for a second as the man replaced the wolf. Miles lay on his side, naked with a sheen of sweat on his skin. She didn't want to turn back, preferring to keep up the illusion that heartache didn't exist between them.

Miles ran a hand over her fur, from her head down to her flank. Over and over, he petted her, the soothing touch relaxing her to the point of lulling her to sleep. For the first time in years, she was content.

"I know you don't trust me," he murmured, keeping his tone hypnotically low. "That's okay. I understand. I hurt you deeply, and everything rests on my shoulders. I have no excuses, except to say I was young. Arrogant. Trying to balance the weight of the pack on my shoulders."

He sighed, pausing for a moment. She continued to lay there, knowing he still needed to purge the pain and guilt lingering in his soul.

"When Zade died, my life shattered. I was suddenly the alpha heir, and I hadn't been trained on what that meant." He shook his head ruefully. "I'm not trying to make excuses. I'm only trying to explain my headspace back then."

She rolled onto her belly and laid her head down on her crossed paws, watching him.

"Suddenly, my father was trying to shove eighteen years of experience into a few short months. We had no time to grieve before the peace treaty was being drafted, and the key component was that fucking marriage."

He made a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

"It was the last straw. You leaving…" He cleared his throat. "You were my mate, and I loved you so much I couldn't even think about another woman. I was devoted to you, but I was told if I didn't marry Melissa, war would resume. My father asked me to imagine you killed in battle, and the horror of that image was so visceral, I knew I had to do anything to make sure that didn't happen. I couldn't lose you, too."

He gave a humorless chuckle.

"But, of course, that's exactly what happened. And you disappeared so completely, it was like you had died. Life had no meaning. No color. No warmth. I was ready to follow you into death, and then my father told me he was marrying Melissa and taking over the Pale Claw Pack. Suddenly, I was Alpha, and they all looked to me for guidance. People depended on me and I had no recourse left except to step up and be the best alpha I could be."

He sat up and looked up at the moon.

"I know I said some awful shit. I insulted you. I insulted the bon d— the most sacred thing in our live s— and I shit all over it. You were right about me, Circe. I was sel f— no, I am selfis h— but the thought of not having you, not loving you, is enough to destroy me."

He stood up and she raised her head, cocking it as she watched him. The darkness turned his eyes to shadow, and she couldn't read his expression.

"You have the power here, Circe. And I'm sorry. So very sorry. You deserve a mate far better than me, and the only consolation I can give you is space. I just hope you'll come back to me because you own me. Heart. Body. Soul."

He turned and slowly walked away. Circe's wolf flopped onto her side and stared at the place where the forest had swallowed him. The wolf wanted to follow him. She saw nothing wrong in forgiving him. The woman didn't know what to do.

Regardless, she soon ambled her way back to her little house where she shifted and slipped her clothing back on before heading back to bed. Tomorrow was a school day.