Chapter Two

A Distance

"I don't need you today."

Master Nicolo's door closed, with me, once again, on the wrong side of it. Maybe it was because I'd had a rough night and hadn't gotten much sleep, but I was feeling increasingly emotional about being cut out like this, and a decent part of that emotion was anger.

What the hell was going on?

From the first time we'd met, things had never been straight forward between Nicolo and me, and they'd become more entangled when he'd made me his squire—the only female squire in the Gath.

I'd flirted and teased and even spent the night in bed with him (we hadn't made love but ‘stuff' happened). And he had, not unreasonably, responded in kind; there had been a dinner I was unlikely to forget. The attraction between us had grown fiercer for being unfulfilled, and had peaked with us moments away from finally succumbing to our mutual desire.

But then it had happened. Balduin had happened. He'd interrupted at the worst possible moment and then asked Nicolo if he could borrow me for the night… Actually that was wrong; he'd told Nicolo he was borrowing me for the night. And there was nothing Nicolo could have done to stop it and yet he'd still tried.

Since then, there had been a distance between Nicolo and me.

That didn't seem fair, because, nothing had happened between Balduin and me. Balduin had wanted to know why I hadn't assassinated Nicolo and I'd explained that Balduin had ruined my best chance. I hadn't told him that I'd also developed something approaching feelings for the man I was supposed to kill.

Now, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was a trained assassin, bound by honor and by financial agreement to carry out this commission. But I liked Nicolo—I could try denying it, but it was true. He wasn't always worthy of my affection—but the truth remained that I believed him to be mostly good, rather than entirely bad. So… what? I didn't like Balduin (despised him, in fact). What was more, I thought Balduin's reign would be that of a dangerous tyrant, and that Nicolo's death would only make matters worse, but that wasn't supposed to matter. I was a professional with a job to do.

Feelings were not supposed to get mixed up in work, but the way I felt every time Nicolo dismissed me for the day made it clear that they definitely had.

I had to assume that this distance between us was owing to the fact that he thought I'd lost my maidenhood to Balduin, even though I'd told Nicolo I hadn't. But perhaps he hadn't believed me? Perhaps he believed that Balduin and I had been amorous, that the prince had taken my virginity, and that was what made Nicolo so cold towards me now? If such were the case, it was hardly fair as it would have been in no way my fault and yet… I couldn't understand why he was acting so strangely indifferent and unfeeling towards me.

A week after the event in which I was taken to Balduin's bed chamber, Nicolo summoned me.

"I will be going away for a while," he said, not bothering to look up from what he was doing.

"To the outer districts, Master?"

Nicolo shook his head. "I will be leaving the Gath for a few weeks."

"Leaving the Gath?" Most people who lived in Woodfall Gath never left the Castle Complex. They were born, lived and died here.

"I'll pack."

Nicolo waved me off, still not bothering to look at me. "I have servants who can do that. I won't be taking much, anyway."

"I meant…" I stumbled. "I meant I should pack for myself, sir."

A flicker of uncertainty crossed his face as he started to look up at me, but then thought better of it and dropped his attention again. And his expression hardened back into the cold mask. I'd gotten used to seeing that particular mask as he'd been wearing it a lot lately.

"I will not require you to accompany me."

"Oh," I answered, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice. "What shall I do while you're gone?"

He shrugged as if my doings were of no interest to him. "You may consider this a holiday. Perhaps go and visit your relatives. I shall give you an advance on your wages if you desire."

"No, thank you, Master."

This was all going wrong. I'd spent so long getting close to him in order to assassinate him, but had, instead, ended up getting so close, I wasn't sure I could go through with it. Not only that, but I wasn't convinced he was deserving of being killed. Usually, whether or not someone was deserving of being assassinated didn't make much of a difference—you were hired for a job and you completed that job and that was the end of it. But in this case… I couldn't help but think the only person who deserved a bad outcome was Balduin. And yet… he was untouchable.

You've gotten too close to the target, Charlotte, I warned myself. You were meant to get in and get out and not bother yourself with such trifling details!

Right, well I could scarcely get in and out if I wasn't even going to be in the same town! Two weeks ago, there was no way Nicolo would have travelled without me—we were together through thick and thin. With a shock, I realized that what I missed most was the friendship we'd developed. Strangely, Nicolo had become a man I could chat and joke with. I'd seen the worst of Master Nicolo, The Unbreakable, but I'd also glimpsed the man behind the mask he wore, a man I genuinely liked. Though it was hard to reconcile the two, I did still like him.

Maybe now was the time to reiterate the truth about what had happened between Balduin and me—that nothing had happened.

Or maybe I should tell him the whole truth—about the hidden boy, Balduin's treachery and my own...

It wasn't the first time the thought had crossed my mind. I wanted to tell Nicolo that his friend was plotting to kill him. But telling Nicolo as much had two drawbacks; firstly, Nicolo would never believe anything bad of Balduin; secondly, it would mean admitting I'd come here to kill him. And that sort of realization would only push us further apart—that or he might order my death as soon as I revealed the truth.

There was something on his mind now, I could see it in the tussle of his strong, chiseled features. He hadn't yet put on his leather jerkin, and the open buttons at the top of his black shirt allowed me to glimpse the upper slopes of his well-muscled chest. What was going on inside that chest?

"Charlotte…"

It felt like a rush of joy to hear him say my name, and I found myself inadvertently focusing on his lips to watch how he shaped the word. A week ago, those lips had been pressed to mine and his eyes had burned with a passion that said just how desirous he was of me. How had it all gone so wrong so fast?

And it wasn't just the situation with Balduin and me. I'd listened in on a conversation between Nicolo and the Old Queen in which she'd dropped some hard truths and finished by telling Nicolo that his mother, whom he hadn't seen since he was a child, was still alive. Not only that, but the Old Queen admitted to knowing where the woman was. A bombshell like that was bound to shake a man, even one as strong as Nicolo. Was that why he was leaving the Gath now? I didn't imagine so, because I was fairly certain he would have taken me with him. After all, I went everywhere with him.

That was before he believed Balduin bedded you, I reminded myself.

If he believes Balduin bedded me…

More than ever, I wanted to go with him—I wanted to melt this icy discord between us and get back to the way things used to be. So I could kill him? Maybe—at least, that's what I told myself.

"Master," I replied.

Nicolo sighed. "We haven't fully discussed what happened the other night."

"What almost happened?" I suggested.

"You said the two of you," he started and his face was still stern, but perhaps there was a slim crack now visible in the fa?ade. "I know his Highness did not… that you and he… that is to say that… nothing happened."

"Oh." That knocked me sideways. It was good news, but if he knew the truth, then why was he treating me like a pariah?

"You thought I thought otherwise."

"Yes, Master."

"Because I've had no need of you this past week?"

I paused. There was always a question of how far I could push Nicolo; we had a teasing relationship, but he was still my master and sometimes I felt he was genuinely irritated with our repartee. "It seems as if I've done something to upset you, Master. I did assume it was probably the night the prince and I—"

"I don't require any more reminders about you and Balduin," he interrupted. "Especially when… nothing happened."

I nodded. "I am glad to know you believe me."

"I do," he answered and sighed.

I nodded again. "So…" I was a bit nervous now. "I did something else to upset you then, sir?"

The fa?ade cracked, and I saw genuine regret on Nicolo's face. Such emotion was a rarity. "No, Charlotte. You did nothing wrong. Or at least… nothing that I didn't encourage. Nothing more wrong than what you usually do and the great god knows I've been lax in disciplining you, because I rather enjoy your misbehavior." He frowned as he said the words—as if my misbehavior was his fault.

"I don't think I followed all of that," I admitted.

"It was entirely wrong of you to come to my room that night the way you did," said Nicolo, his eyes narrowing on me like a hawk's on a field mouse. "It was indecent and lacking in feminine sensitivity. ‘Slatternly' is the word I was taught. But," he sighed, shaking his head almost angrily, "I certainly primed you for it."

"Primed me for it?" I asked as innocently as possible.

"I expected you. I'd have been surprised if you hadn't come." He gave a rueful smile. "I would also have been disappointed."

"Thank you, Master." There didn't seem much else to say.

"But that impropriety is not entirely why I've been distant with you," Nicolo went on and this time he began pacing the room.

It seemed to me that he was using big words and more florid language either as a way to make this conversation ‘official', or because he'd practiced it in his head many times, honed it like a novelist composing his opening paragraph.

"Master?"

Nicolo swallowed. "I was ashamed."

"Master?" It was so odd to see him like this. Contrite.

"The situation between us has never been simply Master and squire," shrugged Nicolo as he paced away from me, hands clasped behind his back. "That's as much my fault as yours. You have been unforgivably forward, and I have encouraged it, rather than giving you a sound beating—which is certainly what you deserved." This said as he walked back towards me.

While I could have chosen to take offense to his comment, because in my mind, he'd been just as forward as I had, I kept my offense to myself, because I believed he had more to say.

He nodded. "I admit I enjoyed the more physical side of our relationship. I contributed to it and I did expect that it would… climax that night."

"Yes," my voice suddenly sounded very small as I watched him pace away from me again.

"I led you into thinking that something existed between us and… well, maybe something did. But then, when his Highness entered my room, I allowed him to take you with him." I could see the sharp guilt etched into his handsome features as he paced back towards me again.

"He's the Prince." I shrugged.

He turned his violet gaze on me. "And what are you?"

"Just a squire," I shrugged again.

Nicolo nodded. "I suppose that is what I told myself. But, as I said, we have always been more than that, you and I." He sighed then and rubbed the back of his neck as if this conversation was taking it out of him. "I told myself that Balduin and I have shared women before and it never mattered."

"I understand."

He looked at me then. "But what nearly happened between you and I that night, Charlotte… that was not like anything I'd ever shared with another woman." I hoped my shock didn't register in my face, but if it did, Nicolo must not have noticed it, because he continued. "Maybe I could not have stopped Balduin from taking you—once he wants something, he gets it. He takes it." He looked away from me, to the floor, as he shook his head and I could see the regret in his expression. "But I should have tried to stop it, to stop him… more than I did. I should never have allowed him to take you from my room. Every time I look at you," his eyes flicked up at me and then away again, "it takes me back to that night."

That was why he'd been avoiding me.

I hadn't done anything wrong; he had, and he was struggling to live with his own actions. In a way, it was actually very flattering, even if it did reveal something of the casual way in which he treated other women, but it also touched a nerve. Until that moment, I hadn't realized just how angry I was with him. Because I agreed with him—I wished he had fought harder, had never allowed Balduin to take me with him.

Then you never would have learned the truth about the boy Balduin was keeping prisoner, I reminded myself. And about the fact that Balduin was the person responsible for the contract on Nicolo.

Regardless, I'd buried my righteous anger deep inside. If Nicolo couldn't look at me without experiencing pangs of guilt, then I struggled to look at him in the same way I once had.

Would that make it easier to kill him? Did I even still want to kill him? After everything I'd learned? After everything we'd been through? After what I now knew about Balduin and the boy with the violet eyes?

Everything you've learned shouldn't matter, I argued with myself. You are here to do a job…

Well, that was a whole other topic and, once again, my emotions were never simple where Nicolo was concerned.

"It happened," I said. "I mean… nothing happened between the prince and me…"

"Yet something could have," nodded Nicolo. "And I should have prevented it."

There was a long pause.

Nicolo and I had always gotten along, trading jokes and comments since day one. Any awkwardness between us had been due to the physical tension that was always bubbling away beneath the surface. This was different, though. This tension was strange, alien almost, and I didn't like it.

"I should go," I said, once it was obvious that neither of us was going to say anything else. I didn't know why, but I suddenly wanted to be alone—to think about everything I'd just learned and plan around it. Somehow, I needed to go on whatever trip Nicolo was taking—I needed to go with him.

"You're dismissed," nodded Nicolo—he was still my master, after all.

I felt as if I had lead weights in my boots as I turned to the door. I didn't want things to be like this.

"Charlotte?"

I probably turned back too eagerly, but he didn't seem to notice.

"When I am gone," he started.

"Yes?"

"Where will you go?"

I frowned at him. "Well, nowhere, master."

"Your family perhaps?"

I shook my head, searching for an excuse. "They live a far ways off, sir. I will be happy just to stay here and await your return."

He breathed in deeply, as if that thought bothered him. "Alone… with Balduin… and I won't be here to ensure…" He didn't finish his sentence before he was already shaking his head. "Why… why don't you come with me?" There was hope in his voice at first, before he cleared his throat and turned the question into a comment.

"I thought you didn't want me to go?" I started, trying to conceal the victorious smile from my tone.

Nicolo drew himself up, his face resuming the more familiar expression of my master; confident, dominant, strong, and so very, very handsome.

"It was not a question. You are my squire and I expect you to come with me, whether it is convenient or not."

I couldn't help grinning as I bowed. "Yes, Master. Where are we going?"

"That's none of your concern," snapped Nicolo, sharply. "I should have you whipped for questioning me, but I don't have the time. We leave tomorrow. Spend the rest of the day assembling your things and by the great god, don't bother me again today."

"You called for me, sir."

"Charlotte."

"Yessir."

"Don't make me regret my decision."

"Very good, sir."

I didn't miss his grumbling tone as I hurried away and wondered if we could force our relationship back into what it had previously been by just resuming our old roles. It had felt oddly good to be once again master and squire, all awkwardness set aside.

But, of course, it was all fake. The issues still lay beneath the surface, even if we acted as if they weren't there. The fire that had once crackled between us in even the most humdrum of situations seemed to have been extinguished. I didn't know how to light it again and wasn't even sure I wanted to because that ever-present passion between us made my job that much harder. And my job was simple—kill Nicolo then get away without being caught.

It was so simple in theory. In practice, however...

The first question to answer was whether or not I could still go through with my mission—could I still assassinate him? Or was it better to return to the Guild with my tail between my legs and give the position to someone better qualified? Someone whose feelings wouldn't get in the way…

Perhaps Nicolo and I could never again be as close as we were before, let alone as close as we'd almost dared to be.