12. Chara

Chapter 12

Chara

I glance at the detailed paper for the umpteenth time in the last three days. There is no way that I don't try this. No matter what reasons and excuses my mind conjures, there is always a logical and rational reason to put it aside and explore this relationship with Master Bistrita.

Fated mates…

Maybe it's only forbidden because I'm human and he's not but, in my heart, I know it's more than that. We could get past that; others have done it. Well, most after being transitioned, but not all. But I'm so much younger than him. I mean not like disgustingly younger, but still, I've barely started to experience things he is bound to be an expert at. It's hard not to think of sex because knowing he's so much more experienced and can teach me things I've never even thought of before excites me at my very core.

Maybe there is something to it because there is absolutely no denying that every red-blooded cell in my body wants to try it, to be close to him, and feel that magnetic pulse vibrating between us all the time. Just thinking about his kiss sends a shiver down my spine.

I reread the paragraph that continually replays in my mind. Why does everything else sound so good, but I can't for the life of me get past this. I put the paper aside and get dressed.

Ownership

You will wear my collar.

You will not remove my collar.

You will not allow anyone else to remove my collar.

Why doesn't he call? Maybe he's hurt, lying somewhere injured and bloody like the wolf that he killed in front of me or the ones they captured after the fight.

Because he thinks once I read the document, that I'll be through? Maybe most women would be. Adios, see ya later, like running for the mountain range scared out of their mind. Why am I not scared in the least, why can't I just believe in the fated mates thing? Why am I hung up on one little word, ownership?

Taylen walks into the suite and closes the door behind her, wearing sweaty workout gear and holding an empty water bottle. "I swear if you don't pick up that phone and text or call Master Bistrita, I am going to single-handedly throttle you. I can't take another three nights of you trying to decide if you are fated mates or not, if you're going to be his submissive or not, if you think you're good enough for him and how much he excites you. I'm going crazy with all your ramblings."

Taylen walks to the refrigerator and gets a water, taking a long, thirsty drink as she slides out of her running shoes and picks them up. "You know, that's the reason you're undecided. You're conflicted because you don't think you're good enough for him. Because of the other douchebags you've had for boyfriends, or because you're human, or both, but you need to get it resolved, and get out of your own head and mine before he returns."

For once I'm at a loss as to what to say…

But my quick-witted friend is not. "I know you feel the pull. I hear you pining away for your mate even if you don't realize it's what you're doing. Vampires and wolves, we are very different but very similar creatures in that once we find our soulmate, our forever one, we are achingly attached. I feel your heartache as your mind wanders with concern each and every hour that goes by. Call him, text him. Let him know you care."

The minute I resolve to do that very thing it's like a tremendous weight has lifted from my shoulders. "You, my friend, need to stay out of my mind, but I'm so grateful for the advice. I've literally not been sleeping at all since they left. Three nights of no sleep. I swear it's getting to me. I seriously don't know why or how to fix it."

Taylen laughs. "He's the one. He will fix it. Now you just need to get over the collar thing that's bothering you and it will all be good."

My eyes narrow at my friend. "I've never done anything like this. I mean, there's no doubt I want to try it, to learn, and I have no doubt he'll go slow and be patient with me, but…"

"But what?" she asks, pulling her damp socks from her feet and heading past me and to the laundry room.

"What if it makes me feel, you know, degraded, lesser, somehow?"

She walks back into the room. "This is what new submissives or those not in the life do not understand. You, as the submissive, have all the power. You say when, you say how, and you say no, whenever you want. You give him consent to be the one in charge in the power exchange, but you can always take it back. Talk to him about an amendment of the rules, whatever it is that is bothering you. I half bet he has some sort of rule that demands you do that very thing."

I laugh. "Are you submissive, Taylen?"

Her eyes narrow at me. "You ask too many questions, human. I need to get into the shower just in case things take a turn for the worse. I was coming back from the gym and overhead Gregor talking to one of the others. He was ordered to send all of us to the panic room the minute anything looked out of place and said he was to have us stay there until one of the masters called him with a special code word. The masters must be worried they're coming for you."

I suck in a breath. "No, if we have to be worried about anyone, it's Natalia, and she is with them."

Taylen nods. "Right? And guess who is here and not protected by the masters at the moment, and who could be viewed by the rogue vampires and Lucas as the next best thing to taking Natalia? You."

My chest heaves with angst, half wishing that she hadn't told me but so glad that she did. At least we will be prepared this time. "Go shower, and hurry," I tell my friend.

She makes purposeful strides to the bathroom but turns at the door. "I'm going to leave this door ajar, just in case. Remember, the alarms will get triggered from the first floor the minute anyone walks through that door. The panic room is four doors down. You go in, and do not worry about me. You shut that door and do not worry, understand?"

My whole body rebels against the idea of hiding in safety while my dear friend takes the brunt of the rogues' madness.

"Look at me," Taylen says.

I will myself to look at her, forcing my tears not to fall.

"I am a vampire. If all else fails, I will disappear or any other number of things. I can take care of myself, but I can't do it unless I know you're safe and you will be behind those walls. They are made of materials not even the angriest of vampires can penetrate. Understand? You go to the panic room, stay there, and we will let you out when it is safe."

I nod, still trying to absorb everything I need to remember, all while hoping that I don't need even a piece of the advice given. I point to the bathroom. "Go, you stink."

She laughs, heading into the bathroom and leaving it open a crack while I listen for any and every noise coming from the halls or down below, until finally I shake off the tremors and pull out my phone. No matter what happens, Master Bistrita deserves an answer, to know that I want to be with him.

I never knew what fated mates meant, until you. The answer is yes. My heart is in pieces waiting for you to return.

I wait moment after moment, and finally Taylen comes out of the bathroom, dried hair, makeup and all. I look up. "I texted, and he didn't even respond."

The grimness on her face, though, tells me everything that I do not want to know…