CHAPTER TEN

Daniel was well aware that time had virtually run out with Anna Hawthorne and that he should have sent her an answer earlier. He told himself that he would have done so but for that damned letter from Grimshaw. But now there could be no further excuse. There was barely sufficient time left for a letter to reach her. Yet here he sat, pen in hand, in front of a sheet of paper, blank but for his address, the date and the words, Dear Miss Hawthorne … unable to continue because his situation dictated one answer and everything inside him, another.

He thought of Sophia’s advice. If Anna Hawthorne had ideas about how a marriage between them might work, he ought to find out what they were and also remember that he would be equally entitled to set terms. In other words, some discussion between the two of them wasn’t just desirable, but necessary – for both their sakes.

His friends had also had opinions.

‘Don’t do it,’ Christian had said flatly. ‘No amount of money will compensate for spending the rest of your life with a woman you don’t even like very much.’

‘Think carefully,’ advised Benedict. ‘Just because you haven’t fallen head over heels for anyone yet doesn’t mean you never will.’

And, ‘Be sure you know what you’re turning down before you do anything,’ was Anthony’s recommendation. ‘Sophie’s right. You need to know Miss Hawthorne better than you do now. How else are you to arrive at an informed decision?’

Daniel found the idea of inviting further discussion appealing in one way but slightly worrying in another. It spared him the need to reach a firm decision immediately but could also make a refusal more difficult should that be his eventual choice.

Realising that he was just finding new ways to procrastinate, he ordered himself to stop. At this stage, there was no guarantee that Anna Hawthorne would agree to discussing the matter at all … and if he delayed any longer it would be too late anyway. But if he didn’t suggest it, he’d never know, would he? He’d have to come down on one side or the other.

She had offered him a life-line and, much as he wanted to refuse, he was painfully aware that he shouldn’t. He was balanced on a knife-edge already. If, in addition to everything else, the debt to Grimshaw turned out to be real … well, he couldn’t think about that yet.

But he could and must think about Rebecca. She would be twenty on her next birthday and needed to make her come-out in the spring. As things stood, he had absolutely no hope of finding the funds he would need to make it possible. Becky rarely complained; but Daniel knew that she could see her chance of having the future she’d been brought up to expect sliding further and further away. It was up to him to ensure that it didn’t vanish completely.

Reluctantly, he dipped his quill in the ink and wrote, I have come to realise that a decision on a matter with such far-reaching consequences cannot be made without each of us having some understanding of the other’s expectations. You may have thought the same but felt it inappropriate, under the circumstances, to write to me. If so, perhaps we might meet to discuss this further? I could call upon you unless there is some preferable alternative you can suggest.

Yours etc.

Reculver

He sealed the letter and gave it to Flynn for posting before he could change his mind. She’d agree or she wouldn’t. Either way, it was out of his control now.

***

Anna broke the seal on his lordship’s letter with hands that weren’t entirely steady. Then, pulse hammering, she read the contents three times to make sure she hadn’t misunderstood.

He wasn’t saying no .

True, he wasn’t saying yes either. But his request for further discussion was more than she’d dared hope for and felt, at this late stage, like a reprieve.

I could call upon you …

No. He absolutely could not , for fear of what Mama would make of it. So what to suggest instead? She couldn’t meet him at an inn or in any public place where there was a risk of them being seen together and one or both of them recognised. Anna might not care for most of society’s rules but she had a very clear idea of what one could get away with and what one couldn’t – for him as well as for herself.

Which left what? Only one place that she could think of. The manufactory, under the pretext of … something or other.

My Lord Reculver , she wrote.

Do not think of calling on me at home. My mother’s fertile imagination would complicate the issue tenfold. Write to Mr Lowe, asking him to arrange a meeting between us at Hawthorne’s. Make it sound like a matter of business – you do not need to be specific . He will give us his office so we may speak privately.

Yours, etc.

Anna Hawthorne

As she laid her pen down, she briefly debated telling Mr Lowe to expect his lordship’s letter and then decided that it would be best to say nothing in order to appear suitably baffled but also intrigued when it came.

Summoning Sedley, she handed him the letter for posting.

***

Although somewhat surprised by Lord Reculver’s request, Mr Lowe didn’t hesitate to apprise Miss Hawthorne of it and, when she gave her permission, to immediately make the necessary arrangements with his lordship. The result was that, four days later, Anna and the viscount faced each other across a table in the manager’s office.

Having exchanged a polite greeting, both of them seemed at a loss to know what to say next. But finally, Daniel broke the silence with, ‘Since this was my suggestion, perhaps I should start?’

‘Yes.’ He was every bit as devastating as she remembered. Somehow, she had to not only put that aside but also hide how it affected her. ‘That might be best.’

‘Very well. You’ll be aware that you … you somewhat took my breath away at our last meeting. Given your previously expressed views on matrimony, your offer came as a bolt from the blue – to which I may not have reacted well.’

‘You were shocked. Naturally. Surprising though you may find it, so was I.’

He stared at her. ‘You were?’

‘Yes. I’d had the idea and could see the advantages of it on both sides.’ She paused and, shrugging, added, ‘But I hadn’t expected to blurt it out quite like that.’

‘You hadn’t?’

‘Not at all.’ Difficult though it was, she forced herself to continue meeting his eyes. ‘As for – for bribing you to consider it, I don’t know where that came from. It demeaned me and insulted you. Please accept my apologies for it.’

This was unexpected. Sometimes, Daniel thought, there was much to be said for a person who habitually spoke their mind. Deciding she deserved no less, he said wryly, ‘As to that, I could have refused. But I didn’t, did I?’

‘No. In your position, neither would I. But that doesn’t excuse me for putting you in that position. However … your letter said that, prior to making a decision on whether to – to take my proposal further, we should understand each other’s expectations. I agree but am not at all sure where to begin with it. Are you?’

‘Perhaps with the fact that your business is here and mine – if the estate can be called that – is some thirty miles distant? In practical terms, how would you see that working if we were to marry?’

‘I do not need to be here all the time. Letters and regular visits – two or three days, once or twice a month, perhaps – would be adequate for most purposes.’

‘That doesn’t sound … unmanageable,’ he allowed slowly.

Anna nodded. ‘And for the foreseeable future, you need to be at Reculver. At least until things are in better shape.’

‘Agreed. So you are saying we would live there?’

‘That would seem the most sensible solution, yes. Unless you have some objection? Or perhaps your mother …?’

‘I would have no objection – and doubt that she would either.’

‘Oh. Good.’ She waited and, when he didn’t speak, said, ‘What else did you wish to talk about?’

He could think of one vital issue but didn’t feel up to raising that just yet, so he said, ‘You expressed concerns regarding a husband’s ownership of his wife’s property.’

‘I did. And you pointed out that a lawyer could solve that problem.’

‘Unless,’ Daniel pointed out, ‘I refused to sign the necessary documents.’

‘And would you?’

‘No. But – ’

‘That’s what I thought.’ A sudden smile touched her mouth. ‘You haven’t the remotest interest in the manufactory, have you?’

‘If by that you mean that I’ve no desire to meddle with it – no, I haven’t. I’ve more than enough to deal with at Reculver. But you can’t just take my word for that.’

‘Actually, I think I could,’ she replied composedly. ‘I believe you would keep your word, as I shall keep mine. But of course I won’t rely purely on that. I’d have Mr Landry tie everything up so tight you’d virtually need a passport to get through the door.’

‘Would you indeed?’

‘I would.’

In spite of himself, he gave a tiny laugh. ‘Good for you. All right. What else?’

‘From my point of view?Nothing that I’m aware of. We’ve established that my interests can be secured legally. As can yours … and my obligations to you.’ Anna found herself distracted by a wish that he’d laugh more often. Pushing it aside, she said, ‘As I tried to intimate at our last meeting, I would prefer you to be my partner rather than my pensioner, so steps must be taken to make that possible. With your agreement, my suggestion would be clearing any debts you may have and funding your bank accounts. When you have no other encumbrances, tackling the problems on the estate will become your sole priority.’

This was very close to what she’d said before and Daniel still couldn’t quite believe that she meant it literally. ‘Don’t you want to set a limit on how much you’re prepared to contribute to that?’

‘No. What would be the point? Those things have to be done and it will be easier to take stock once they have been.’ She paused and then, holding her head high, went on in the same coolly logical tone. ‘There is also Rebecca’s Season to be considered. You would need to have money on hand for that. But I understand there are ladies willing to – to take care of her actual come-out and it would be best if one of them did so rather than myself.’

Recalling with a tiny twinge of guilt that he’d once said the same thing – or something very like it – himself, he asked cautiously, ‘What makes you think so?’

‘I was not … popular … and would not wish that to damage her chances.’

‘You appear to have given all this a great deal of thought.’

‘As I would any new venture,’ she agreed.

Daniel might have smiled at this were it not for the fact that it was beginning to strike him very forcibly that she didn’t seem to be asking for anything more than a wedding ring. On present showing, all the advantages were on his side. This pricked his conscience but also bred a suspicion that she’d ask for the one thing he not only didn’t want to provide but as yet couldn’t even bring himself to contemplate.

He said bluntly, ‘Pardon me, Miss Hawthorne … but it doesn’t seem that you would be gaining anything at all from marriage to me. Or am I missing something?’

‘Yes. I would be gaining a household of my own along with the increased freedom of a married woman. And a husband who I believe I can respect and like.’

‘And that would be enough?’

‘It would be a good place to start. And a better one than I might find elsewhere … or that many women like me ever find at all.’

Daniel frowned slightly. ‘Women like you?’

‘Yes. Ones who don’t fit the correct mould and lack the qualities which might make that unimportant.’ Neither her matter-of-fact tone nor the smile that accompanied it invited sympathy. ‘A fact which was made very clear to me during my time in London.’

‘You don’t think you do yourself a disservice?’

‘No. I know what I am – and I think you know it, too. So … have we covered everything? Or is there anything else we should address?’

Groaning inwardly but seeing no help for it, Daniel said, ‘Yes. Nothing that has been said so far has given me any understanding of what you would expect or are hoping for on – on a personal level.’

‘A personal level?’ she said blankly. ‘I don’t think I – ’ And stopped abruptly, her colour rising. ‘Oh. You mean in the bedroom?’

‘Yes. I’m presuming you have thought of it?’

‘Not in so many words,’ Anna muttered. And thought, Not ones I’m willing to say out loud anyway. ‘But if you have, please go on.’

He managed not to say, Do I have to?

Instead, harnessing every scrap of tact he possessed, he said, ‘Correct me if I’m mistaken, but you are approaching the question of marriage exactly as you would a business transaction – in which, of course, you are right because it is one, even when the couple believe themselves in love. In our case, not only are we clearly not in love, we scarcely know each other. Time would remedy that, of course. But at present I am as short of time as of everything else. Therefore, from my point of view, if we were to agree to marry we may as well do so sooner rather than later … but on the understanding that, for the foreseeable future, we would not be sharing a bed.’

Her expression did not change but he saw her swallow hard.

She said, ‘Of course. I had assumed as much.’

Relief washed over him. ‘You had?’

‘Yes. Anything else would be … extremely premature. And awkward.’ Anna hesitated. Then, closing one hand hard over the other and for the first time looking past, rather than at him, added, ‘But I would be obliged if you conducted any – any liaisons you might have with discretion.’

Daniel laughed, albeit aridly.

‘That need not concern you. Firstly, I don’t approve of men who foul their own doorstep, as it were. And secondly, having been celibate as a monk for the last eight months, I’m becoming quite used to the condition.’

‘Oh,’ she said weakly.

‘Oh,’ agreed Daniel. ‘Now … unless there is anything else, may I suggest that we both take a little time to digest what has been said? Let’s say a week? If you decide to withdraw your offer – ’

‘I won’t.’

‘Think carefully about what you’d be getting before you say that,’ he cautioned. ‘As I was saying, if you reconsider or if I decline your offer, that can be the end of the matter and settled by letter. But if both of us decide to proceed, clearly the next step ought to be me paying a formal call upon you at your home. Yes?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good.’ Daniel rose and, when Anna did the same, bowed over her hand. ‘If you think of anything further, write to me – the same when you arrive at your decision.’

‘As will you, I hope.’ Clinging tightly to her usual composure, she said, ‘Thank you for considering my proposal and for coming here today to discuss it. I didn’t think you would do that.’

‘Neither did I,’ he replied truthfully. ‘But for various reasons, sense prevailed … and I am glad to have had this conversation.’ His mouth curled in his usual smile and he added, ‘I’ve a better understanding of who I’m dealing with and, hopefully, so have you.’

***

When he had gone, Anna folded bonelessly into her chair and pressed both hands over her mouth to choke back an hysterical laugh. He still wasn’t saying no. And there was a chance, however small, that he might actually say yes.

When he smiled, it made her heart sing. And when he touched her … oh, when he touched her everything inside her ignited. She thought, Oh, please . Please let him say yes. I can help him. All I need is the chance to do it. And in return, I’ll be able to watch him start to smile again and become the man he used to be. I won’t ask for more. It would be enough .

***

Daniel drove home prey to conflicting thoughts.

He’d expected the meeting to be difficult, embarrassing and possibly unpleasant. It hadn’t been any of those things …the credit for which belonged largely to Miss Hawthorne. By the end of it, he’d started to realise that he didn’t dislike her. Once or twice, he’d even come close to liking her; to admiring that no-nonsense approach of hers.

She’d absorbed the news that he wouldn’t be taking her to bed any time soon without turning a hair. He wasn’t sure what that meant … only that it didn’t mean what Sophia had thought it did. That was a relief. He hadn’t much liked the notion that she was harbouring some kind of hopeful attraction which wasn’t ever likely to be reciprocated.

For the rest, her generosity astounded him. His debts, his overdrawn bank accounts and Rebecca. All of it offered so matter-of-factly and as if the cost of it all was of no importance that he’d started to wonder just how much money she had clear access to. Usually a young, single lady’s wealth was tied up in a way that meant even she couldn’t get at it.

Her thoughtfulness regarding Becky had swept the ground from beneath his feet.

I understand there are ladies willing to take care of her actual come-out and it would be best if one of them did so rather than myself. I was not … popular … and would not wish that to damage her chances.

That couldn’t have been easy for her acknowledge privately, let alone to admit to him. He’d been tempted, at that point, to say something comforting. He hadn’t because her manner suggested that it wouldn’t be welcome; that she’d regard it as the well-meaning platitude it would have been.

All this and more had to be weighed and measured. But the question was the same one it had always been. Could he actually do this? Could he trade his whole future and the kind of marriage he’d hoped to have one day in return for financial security for his family and the estate?

Cold reality told him that he should.

Cold reality frightened the hell out of him.

***

Anna spent the next four days swinging between hope and doubt.

Daniel spent them trying and failing to reach a decision. Then, on the fifth day, came a second letter from Harold Grimshaw.

My lord , it said.

You asked for proof of the loan made to your late father. Here it is. I will expect to hear from you at your earliest convenience, laying out details of how and when I will receive repayment.

Yours etc.

H. Grimshaw

And enclosed from Hoare’s Bank in Cheltenham, a bald statement said, Paid by H. Grimshaw to Viscount Reculver of Reculver Court, Prior’s Norton, Gloucestershire on the fifteenth day of November last, the sum of four thousand pounds.

The signature was that of P. Wilson, Under-Manager.

Slumped in the chair behind his desk, Daniel stared at it for a very long time as the sense of it gradually soaked in.

It’s real, then, he thought numbly. Well, at least that answers one question. There’s no longer any point in going back and forth over what to say to Anna Hawthorne. No choice now but to grasp the nettle and write asking when it will be convenient for her to receive me. However, first … first I’d better tell Mama and Becky. Presenting it to them as a fait accompli wouldn’t be a good idea .

Finding his mother and sister in the drawing-room, he spoke briefly and to the point. When he had finished, they stared at him in silence for a few moments … until finally Rebecca said, ‘No. Daniel, no. You can’t .’

He shook his head. ‘I can’t do anything else, love. And it won’t be so bad. She – ’

‘It isn’t her . It’s you having all your choices taken away,’ she retorted passionately. ‘This isn’t fair. Why should you have to pay for all Papa’s mistakes?’

‘Someone has to. And who else is there?’ he asked wearily. ‘As for unfair … it won’t be fair if you don’t have a Season next year so – ’

‘Don’t you dare do this for me!’ she cried. ‘ Tell him, Mama!’

Ignoring this and looking at Daniel, the Dowager said, ‘When we spoke of this – or something like it – before, you were wholly against it. Is there really no other way?’

‘No.’ He drew a long breath and then said, ‘She – Miss Hawthorne – is being extraordinarily generous. Father’s debts paid, the overdraft at the bank cleared and provision for Becky’s come-out next spring, for example.’

‘Really? That is generous.’

‘But why?’ demanded Rebecca suspiciously. ‘After everything she said about marriage and husbands owning a wife’s property and the rest of it – why has she suddenly changed her mind? And why you?’

‘I’m not sure – although she seems convinced that I won’t meddle with her manufactory.’ He decided they didn’t need to know that she still intended to make certain that he couldn’t. He respected her for that but didn’t think Rebecca would. ‘The situation is simple, Becky. We can’t go on indefinitely as we are and Miss Hawthorne’s offer is too good to refuse. I know you don’t like it … but it solves a lot of problems. So I’d be grateful if you and Mama could make it easy for me – or at least not more difficult.’

‘Of course we will,’ announced the Dowager. ‘If this is your decision, then so be it. We will do our best to support you.’ Then, holding Rebecca’s gaze with a very firm one of her own, ‘And we shall welcome Miss Hawthorne into our home as befits your brother’s wife.’

~** ~**~