30. Dreams & Nightmares

Colton

I don't deserve her. Jane is so precious, so perfect, and I'm a big fat liar. I hate myself for it.

I was one step away from saying no when the officiant asked if I wanted to take Jane to be my wife. It would have been the right thing to do, but all I could say was, "I do." Because it's the truth, and I am not a liar. Ironic, isn't it?

Now, I'm stuck between being the happiest man on earth and loathing myself for ruining this day for us.

The toasts are wrapping up, and I wasn't even paying attention.

"So," Wade finishes, his glass raised, "I'm ecstatic that my oldest friend finally found someone to share his life with. I wish you both a long and happy life together. Cheers."

"Cheers," everybody toasts in unison, and I clink glasses with Jane.

"And to your company's success," she adds in my ear, twisting the knife just a little deeper in the wound.

Swallowing, I angle myself toward Wade when I feel Jane leaning on me. I glance at her and notice that her skin has gone ghostly pale. Beads of sweat are forming on her forehead.

"Are you ok—"

Jane collapses onto me, and I catch her just in time. Shouts and murmurs erupt around us, and people are gathering around me, but all I can focus on is Jane.

"Jane, what's happening?" I plead.

Her neck is now blotched with red circles, and her breathing is coming in quick gasps. She points to her throat with her right hand.

"She can't breathe," I yell to no one in particular. "Call 911!"

Marcie Rosemont kneels next to me. "She's having an allergic reaction. What is she allergic to?"

"Seafood, shellfish," I blurt. My mind whirls, trying to locate what she could have eaten with fish in it. There was none on the menu.

"I noticed drops of fish sauce on our plates," Roxy says, a concerned look clouding her face.

"Oh, mon dieu," Agnes cries, appearing out of nowhere. She looks more distressed than I've ever seen her. "I told zem not to put anything with seafood on ze menu. I was very clear."

"Damn it. Look in her bag," I tell Marcie. "She might have an EpiPen."

Seconds later, she comes back empty-handed. "She doesn't have one," she says, propping Jane's legs up.

I spring to my feet. "Anyone have an EpiPen?"

Jennifer, Max's girlfriend, hurtles forward with a yellow stick. "Here."

"I'll do it," Marcie says, as if seeing the panic in my eyes. Remembering she's in med school, I hand her the pen. She probably knows how to use it more than I do.

I take Marcie's place, lifting Jane's legs up while caressing her hair, whispering that it's going to be okay.

Marcie plants the stick in Jane's thigh. At first, it doesn't seem to be working, but then her breathing starts to slow, and she sucks in a deep breath.

My head falls on her chest in relief. I can't believe I nearly lost her.

During the ambulance ride to the emergency room, I refuse to release Jane's hand, and she gives me a little squeeze as we're arriving, as if to tell me she's feeling better.

Once the ambulance pulls up to the curb, the paramedics lift her up onto a gurney, and I follow as they wheel her inside. My heart pounds faster with every step.

"Colton," Jane mumbles in a weak voice as we're walking.

"Jane," I say, coming closer. "It's going to be all right. You had an allergic reaction, but we're at the hospital now. They'll take care of you. You're going to be okay." I plant a swift kiss on her lips, unable to bear the fact that my wife is being rushed into the hospital. She needs to know that I love her.

"Colton," she whimpers again, her brows slightly furrowing.

"Don't try to speak now," I say. "Everything will be fine, and I'll be right here. I love you."

We cross into an examination room, and the nurses hook her up to IV fluids and elevate her legs. They tell me to wait in the corner, and that's what I do. I only leave the room when I get a text from Wade.

"Is she okay?" he asks when I meet him in the lobby. He's standing with Roxy, Andrew, Max, Jennifer, Agnes, and the Rosemont family.

I rake a hand through my hair. "I think so. Thank you for helping her," I say to both Jennifer and Marcie. "They're giving her fluids and monitoring her now, but it looks like she's mostly out of the woods."

They all sigh in relief.

"That's great news," Jo says.

"What can we do for you?" Wade asks.

I scratch my beard. "Could you just say goodbye to everyone for us and wrap up at the venue? I don't think we're going back there."

"Should I cancel your hotel reservation for tonight?" Agnes asks.

Right, I totally forgot about that. "Yes," I say with a quick nod. "We'll go straight home when she's discharged."

They each hug me in turn, telling me to pass along their well wishes to Jane. When they leave, I go back to her room. I feel a swell of relief when I see her. Most of the rash is gone, and the usual flush has returned to her cheeks.

"You kissed me," she mutters as soon as I approach her bed.

I swallow hard, shoving my hands in my pockets to prevent them from doing something stupid, like tilting her chin up so I can kiss her again. "I did," I say.

"Why?"

This is it. I have to tell her. "I love you, Jane. I have for a while now."

Her forehead wrinkles. "You do?"

I nod, sitting down on the edge of her bed. "I do. You're the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. It's like I wasn't truly living until you came into my life. You changed everything. You changed me."

I stare down at the sterile floor, waiting for her to answer. There's a ninety-two percent chance that she'll reject me, by my calculations, but who knows?

"But . . . I love you too," she says.

My head jerks up. She's frowning, and I can see in her eyes that her mind is reeling as much as mine is.

"You do? You're not pretending anymore?" I ask, my heart accelerating with each passing second. There was a miniscule part of myself that knew she felt the same way. I saw it in her eyes during the ceremony, felt it during that kiss, and sensed it from the way she looked at me. But hearing her say it out loud has just given me the best two seconds of my entire life.

"No," she says, a slow smile building on her face. "I'm not pretending. But I thought you didn't want—"

"Like I said, things changed."

"Yes, they do." She nods. "Does that mean I get another kiss?" she asks, cocking her head.

"I believe I can make that happen," I say with a smile. Leaning forward, I capture her mouth in a single, soft kiss that makes her grin against my lips.

She pulls back slightly to whisper, "I want more," and I oblige.

That single kiss turns into a thousand, and in that moment, I realize everything they say is true. My wedding day has been the best day of my life. Hands down.

Jane loves me. And I love her. Everything is so perfect right now, I can't bring myself to ruin it. I tried to talk to her when we woke up this morning, but I chickened out. Just like I didn't feel it was the right time at the hospital, it's not now either. Not when we're basking in wedding bliss and reveling in our newfound profession of love. Finally, I have everything I need. I"ll tell her tomorrow, I promise myself, assuming guilt hasn"t eaten me alive by then.

"Are you all right?" she asks, placing our breakfast plates into the dishwasher after a scrumptious meal of French toast.

I take a deep breath. Maybe I should just come clean now. But just when I open my mouth, the doorbell rings.

I check the app on my phone and see Max's face in the camera. He's shaking a manilla folder. As I close the app, my pulse quickens.

"I'll go get it," I say before bolting to the corridor. I open the front door only halfway, sticking my head out.

"Whoa. Bad time?" Max teases, hiding his face with the folder. "I should have known better than to interrupt newlyweds the day after their wedding."

"Then why did you?" I grumble, not hiding my frustration.

"You missed one signature on the contract with the Dune Investment Group."

I hold my hand out for the file, snatch it, and turn around to settle this right there at the entrance . . . Why isn't there a pen around here?

"Hey," Jane says, stepping into the corridor. "What's up?"

"Jane," Max says, pushing the door open. "Good to see you up and well. Gave us all a scare."

"Thanks for your help. I know it was Jennifer's EpiPen that saved me, so make sure to tell her I'm grateful. Actually, Colton, maybe we could send her—"

"Could you please get me a pen?" I ask through gritted teeth.

She frowns, blinking a few times. "Sure. I'll be right back."

Seconds later, she comes back with a black pen, and I add my signature. "There," I growl, handing Max the folder. "See you at work."

"Thank you! And sorry again for the inconvenience. But I knew how important it was for you to have this Middle East expansion on track ASAP." He waves goodbye and hustles back to his car.

I'm clenching my teeth so hard, they're probably starting to crack. I close the door and turn around slowly, praying that Jane left as I was handing Max the document, or that she didn't overhear that last bit. But the confused look on her face tells me I wasn't so lucky.

"What was he talking about?" she asks, fidgeting with the J-shaped charm of her necklace. "I thought you had to be married to get the deal on track. Wasn't that the whole point of us getting married in the first place?"

My stomach churns, and I suddenly feel like I'm overheating. My breathing comes fast and shallow, and if my fear of Jane's reaction wasn't the only thing that mattered right now, I'd be seriously concerned about a heart attack.

I could weasel my way out of this, say that the investors were waiting for our wedding to make it official. That Max worked all night on this. But I can't lie to her anymore. I'm a straight shooter, and even if change can be positive, I can't be so blinded by love that I become a manipulator like her ex was. She needs to know the truth.

"I lied to you," I say, biting my cheek so hard, I'm pretty sure it's bleeding by now. "The investors signed the contract the day before yesterday."

"What? But I thought—"

"Me too. That's what Max said in the beginning, but just seeing us together in a committed relationship was enough for me to pass their moral check. We didn't have to get married."

"Why did we, then?" she asks, her arms falling to her sides.

"Because I love you, Jane, and deep down, I knew you loved me too," I plead, sounding a little desperate. This is ridiculous, pathetic. Even I don't accept my half-ass excuse.

"So you tricked me into marrying you?" she asks, her volume rising. "And you thought keeping me captive in your mansion for long enough would make me fall for you?"

"It's not—I'm so sorry, Jane. I know how crazy this sounds. I wanted to tell you but—"

"But what? You have no sense of decency?"

"You were late for Marcie, and I got scared," I admit, searching her eyes, hoping to find mercy. But all I find is pure rage. "I was scared to lose you."

Tears brim at the corners of her eyes. "I told you about my past," she says through gritted teeth. "You know how hard it is for me to trust people, to share myself, yet you still took advantage of me. You could have given me the choice, let me be in control. And guess what, Colton? I would have said yes!"

My heart leaps in my chest. Would she really have chosen me? "Jane . . ."

"But you didn't give me that, and now there is no choice left to make."

"I'm so sorry, Jane," I murmur. I try to caress her arms, but she slaps my hand away.

"Don't touch me," she roars. "You know, I thought the worst thing would be for you to reject me when I admitted my feelings, but this is worse. Way worse. Because you betrayed me, manipulated me, while using love as an excuse. No, you don't love me," she spits. "You want to possess me, but I'm not for sale."

She stomps toward the door, and I hold out my hands to try to stop her.

"I said, do not touch me," she seethes, hatred lacing her tone.

She opens the front door and slams it behind her at full force.

Tears fill my eyes, and my face becomes more and more drenched as I sink to the floor. My worst nightmare just came true, and it's my own damn fault.