17. Justine

Now, this is a vacation. So, this is how the ultra-rich lives. Paul has always thought he was hot shit with his once-a-year trip to Florida, and before that, it was the Bahamas when it was just him and I. I never said anything against it, though my family had traveled all over the world because of Dad's military career.

It just wasn't that big of a deal to me, and I guess I never realized how much of a douche Paul was before. I just thought he was overly enthusiastic about things and a little bit hyperactive.

Now I know he's just an overgrown jackass with an upper-middle-class upbringing that made him think his shit don't stink like everyone else's. He'd eat his teeth if he saw where me and the girls were and what we were doing.

My kids were in the water with swimming instructors and loving the hell out of it. Gracie was pretending to snorkel with her cute little goggles on while her sisters, Emma and Susie, were just splashing everything in sight.

Marcus and I were sitting under an umbrella that was big enough to block out the sun and the shadows while still letting us enjoy the warmth of it. There were tables piled high with food of all kinds. Seafood, steak, chicken, stuff for kids, a dessert table, and a little ice-cream-making station.

It was mind-boggling that this was real. There were twice the number of people on staff to each individual that came with us, and when I saw strange men and women just milling about, not dressed for the beach, and asked Monique who they were, I almost fell off my chair. I thought only the president had a secret service.

Ever since I said yes to his proposal, I've been feeling kind of shy, something I am not in the habit of feeling. But I couldn't look at him without wondering what he must think of me. I mean, he's the one who's been doing all the giving since we met.

And seriously, what could I possibly give to him anyway? I have nothing that would compare to the life of luxury and ease he already had. "What's making you frown, gorgeous?"

Does he notice everything?

"I'm not sure. Doesn't this all seem too sudden to you?"

"Let me ask you a question? Would you have rather known that your marriage was going to come to this in the beginning so you didn't have to go through with it? Sans giving birth to your girls, of course."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Likewise, when something is good, you should get in on the ground floor."

"But how do you know that it's going to be good?"

"Why did you marry Paul?"

"Because it was the thing to do at the time. Because all my friends were getting married and settling down because we promised each other to get married once we graduated."

"Nowhere in there do you say that you loved him? The reason you don't feel any of the things you worry about not feeling is because you were never in love with him. You were in love with the idea of marriage and a family, but you chose the wrong partner to do it with."

I opened my mouth to reply, but Justice had other ideas. ‘Uh-uh-uh, let grown people talk and stay your stupid ass in your lane. Go ahead, Daddy, preach.'

"Let me ask you a question. If I walked out of your life right now and moved on with someone else right in front of you, what would you feel?" I didn't even get to answer because I got so choked up. And I didn't know that I had teared up until he reached over and wiped the tear from the corner of my eye with his thumb. "See, that's how I know."

‘I'm pregnant already. Six months. Keep talking, Daddy, and I'ma drop a litter right here.'

* * *

By Sunday night,I had all but given up on arguing with both Marcus and Justice. It was obvious that Marcus was wearing me down, though he wasn't being obvious about it. If I'm being honest, I saw no red flags, nothing that jumped out at me that said don't go there but looking at things realistically, I couldn't make it make sense.

Shit like this does not happen outside of a fairytale. No way in hell this is my life where some guy just so happens to be there the night I decided to burn my whole life down to the ground, and he's so taken by my actions that a week later, he's asking me to marry him.

‘Bitch, people get married without seeing each other even once in those arranged type things. You just looking for an excuse. You don't like being happy, huh! You sure as fuck ran down that aisle to that fucknut that left you for the sea hag. I'm only going to warn you once. You fuck this up for me; I will have you strung out on a corner looking like turtle man.'

I ignored his rant, and he decided to have a meltdown. The kids are better behaved than you are, Justice. You can't just hop on the first dick to come along just to scratch an itch.

‘That itch is from the crotch rot you got from your nasty ass ex-husband, don't blame that shit on me. All I'm saying is you spent the last ten years with a subpar human being who is about to skin you in the divorce.'

‘Why you think he hasn't served you yet? Because he cares about you and them kids? No, it's because he's trying to hide his assets so he can rob you out of what's yours. Then here comes Daddy, ready to take on the whole lotta you and you complaining.'

There might be some truth to what you're saying.

‘Of course, there is; I won't steer you wrong. Now, when you get off this plane, take him home and put it on him before he change his mind. That man brought you all the way to this luxury paradise, and you didn't even let him finger your….'

JUSTICE!

* * *

Between Justice'sbullshit and Marcus being attentive and just as sweet as can be, I'm feeling a bit twitchy. The man got my kids settled on the plane himself. He didn't leave it to the au pairs or anyone else, and he actually took the time to listen to each of them as they prattled on about the things they'd done this weekend, all of which he was there for.

Was he just doing this for show, though? Am I setting myself up for disappointment again? By the time we were on our way to my place, I was a nervous wreck. Would he expect payment in the form of sex? And if so, what should I do?

‘Girl, you got a whole other week before you're clear to fuck!'

So why have you been pestering me all weekend with this shit?

‘Ain't shit wrong with your mouth. Put it to good use.'

"Why are you blushing now?"

"I'm not blushing." He didn't push it but sat back in the car with a grin.

"I have got to meet this twin of yours at least once."

‘I've been saying that shit all week, Daddy. We on the same wavelength, but sister Beatrice over here has decided that she only likes chumps.'

Justice, haven't you heard the saying once bitten, twice shy?

‘I don't know about none a that. All I know is real country anaconda let me play with this rifle. If you hadn't been staring at his junk so long that night on the beach, I wouldn't even have noticed, so blame yourself for this shit.'

"We're here."

"Oh! How long were we sitting here?"

"Only about two minutes. You were deep in conversation, it seemed from the look of concentration on your face, and I didn't want to interrupt."

"Oh, sorry about that."

"We should get them inside and in bed."

I looked over at my kids, who were all passed out. He helped me carry them from the car into the house, two in his arms, one in mine. He left me while I was changing them into their night clothes but came back to the room with a bowl of warm water.

"I couldn't find anything else, so I hope this is okay."

"What?" He knelt next to Gracie's bed first and dipped the washcloth he'd found in the kids' bathroom in the water and wiped her hands before moving on to do the same with the other two.

Once again, I felt my eyes tear up. Justice sighed and put his hands under his chin as he eyed Marcus. ‘We're keeping him bitch. You couldn't even get your ex to wipe their nose.'

When he was done helping clean the girls up I was doubly uneasy now for sure. Here it comes; he's going to hint that maybe I should do something for him after all his trouble.

Instead, he kissed my temple at the door and left. "I'll see you at the office tomorrow. Sleep well, love." And just like that, he was gone. I stood there for a good five minutes after he was gone, not quite understanding what was happening.

It was then I realized that I'd been little more than a prostitute in my marriage. Paul always wanted something in return for everything he did, even when it involved his kids.

How had I not noticed any of this before? And how had I let it go on this long without checking him on his bullshit? Had I lost my spine at the altar? Or was I too proud to call it quits because I didn't want family and friends to see me as a quitter, a loser who couldn't keep her own family together?

Or was it for the kids that I put up with so much?

‘Fuck them kids and the dick they rode in on.'

I'm going to find a way to medicate his disrespectful ass that won't have an impact on me.