Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

" L ucy, my dear, you have been so quiet. Please tell me, what is the matter?"

Lucy sighed, her spirit lower than ever. She'd returned to Pemberton Manor right after her mother-in-law's scathing visit. She saw no use being there anymore, playing pretend duchess when the Lord of the Manor was nowhere in sight. And so, she had returned, back to where it all began.

The days had stretched into a blur since she arrived, each one marked by an aching sense of loss. She kept her troubles to herself, unwilling to burden her family with the weight of her sorrow. But Patience was not one to be left in the dark.

Lucy forced a smile that did not quite reach her eyes. "It is nothing, Mama. I am only tired."

Her mother frowned, not convinced. She had to do a better job if she wanted her family to let her be.

"You are not yourself. You barely eat, and you look so pale."

"That's what I'm saying, Mama. It's because I'm tired. I just need to rest more," Lucy weakly offered, not quite looking her mother in the eyes.

"When have we ever kept secrets from each other, Lucy? Do you not trust your mother enough to share your burden?"

"You worry too much, Mama. Do you not think I would tell you if it was of any importance?" Lucy lied through clenched teeth. She hated to shut everyone out. But she had no choice.

"I know you better than that, my child. You carry a heavy burden, and you give none of us the chance to help you out. Tell me, is it the duke? Has something happened between you two?"

Lucy's heart lurched painfully. It was as if a dam broke and all the painful memories she'd been keeping at bay had finally let loose. She held her breath, lest the tears she'd been holding come to the surface.

She shook her head, avoiding her mother's gaze. "It is nothing truly. Please, do not worry on my account."

Patience sighed and sat beside her, taking her hand. "Lucy, you can tell me anything. You know that."

Tears welled in Lucy's eyes, but she blinked them away. "I know, Mother. But I cannot speak of it now."

Patience pulled her daughter to her, resting her head on her warm bosom as she patted Lucy's head gently. "Oh, my poor child. Whatever has happened? I hate to see you this way, for you are a cheerful one. But very well. Do remember, we are here for you. I am here for you, whenever you need me."

Lucy sighed, enjoying the comfort of her mother's presence. "I know, Mama. Thank you."

"All right. Rest well, my child. Supper will be ready in no time." Lucy nodded and Patience left. Her mother's insistence had pulled her back into the dark hole she'd been trying to crawl out from.

All her thoughts turned inward, and she replayed the events of the past days in her head—her fall, Duncan's panic, and his sudden departure. Her heart ached with the memory of his trembling hands, and his haunted eyes. What had she done wrong? Why had he left her, without even as much as a word?

She felt trapped in a haze of sorrow, her heart heavy with the weight of uncertainty. She longed for Duncan, for the comfort of his presence, but he remained a shadow in her thoughts.

At night, she lay awake, staring at the walls, her mind racing with scary thoughts.

What if he never returned? What if their marriage was truly over? The thought was unbearable, yet it haunted her relentlessly.

Lucy found herself drifting through the house like a ghost. She felt no joy, no spark in her life. It had all been crushed under the heavy weight of despair. She could not bring herself to speak of it, to share the burden with anyone. It was hers to bear alone, a silent agony that gnawed at her soul.

Her mother and sister watched her with worried eyes. She didn't miss their subtle glances or unspoken words. They tried to cheer her up. But she remained distant, lost in her own world of grief.

The soft click of the door pulled her out of her reverie. Caroline walked in, a tentative smile playing on her face.

"Lucy, come take a walk with me in the garden. It will do you good."

Lucy shook her head. "I do not wish to, Caroline. I am not in the mood."

Caroline sat across from her, studying her with keen eyes that made Lucy shift uncomfortably. "Something has happened. You are not yourself. Please, tell me." Sometimes, Caroline was too perceptive for her own good.

Lucy looked away, her voice barely a whisper. "I cannot. It is too painful." That was as much as she could tell her sister. Nothing more. She would not burden her younger sister with tales of her disastrous marriage if at all, she still had a marriage.

"Did Duncan hurt you?" Caroline's voice was sharp with worry.

"No," Lucy said quickly. "He would never. It is just complicated."

Caroline frowned, her brow furrowing. "Complicated how? You are my sister. You can confide in me." That exactly was the problem. She was tired of having to burden everyone else with her issues. She needed to deal with this alone.

"It is nothing for your little ears, you twat," Lucy attempted as a joke.

"I see what you're doing, Lucy. It is not working. Why won't you talk to me?"

Lucy lowered her eyes, afraid to confront the hurt and accusation she knew she would see in her sister's eyes. "In due time, Caroline. In due time." With that, she turned her face to the window, signaling the end of their conversation.

"I love you, Lucy. Never forget that."

I love you too, Caroline. But she had to figure things out herself first.

"Since you won't talk to any of us, maybe you will make an exception to this one."

Her eyes darted to the door and in walked… Theodosia?

"Theodosia!"

Throwing the covers off of her, Lucy leapt from the bed and shot into her older sister's waiting arms. This was the best surprise of her lifetime. She hadn't seen her sister in over a year. And seeing her now lightened her heart. Maybe, just maybe, life would be better.

"Oh, Theodosia. How I have missed you," Lucy breathed as she wrapped her hands tightly around her sister. She buried her face in the crook of her neck, breathing in that sweet apricot scent she had missed dearly.

"And I have missed you terribly as well, dear sister. Come, come, we have so much to talk about." Theodosia pulled Lucy gently and they settled on the bed. "Tell Mother, I'll be with her shortly, Caroline," Theodosia smiled deviously to which Lucy laughed. Caroline grumbled as she stepped out, mumbling about gossip and fairness.

"So now that the busy bee is out of the way, you can start talking to me, dear sister. What is the matter with you? Why have you been moping around with a long face?"

Lucy wasn't sure she was ready to answer those questions. But one thing she was sure of was her uncontained joy at seeing her sister again after so long.

Lucy sighed, not ready to be bombarded with questions. "Shall we get to that later, please? I have missed you so much, sister. How have you been? How has life in the countryside been treating you?"

Theodosia smiled, a happy content smile playing on her lips. "What can I say? I have been faring just well. Life has been peaceful. Worth living. There's none of all that gossip or scheming of the ton. Everyone is good to me. And if they know of my story, they do not act like it. In fact, they do not care."

Lucy listened in awe. It was as if her sister was a changed person. Only now, she radiated peace and contentment. "Are you really serious, Theodosia?" She couldn't believe her ears. She'd always thought life in the countryside was dreadful. But it didn't seem like the case with Theodosia.

"I assure you, Lucy. Life is slow and peaceful. It is the most peace I've ever had. Everyone is kind to me. I mean, it is a far cry from the city life here. I wake up to the bleating of sheep, in the early hours of dawn. I milk the cows, collect eggs from the chicken coop—" Theodosia stopped at Lucy's awestruck face. "Whatever is the matter with you, Lucy?"

"I just—tis only—you look so happy, dear sister. I never thought I'd get to see you again, let alone happy," Lucy gushed. "I love this for you, Theodosia. I am so, so, so happy for you, my sister. You have no idea the joy it brings to my heart seeing you like this." And before she could stop them, the tears came flowing.

"Oh dear. What now, Lucy?"

"I am so happy for you, Theodosia. Life in the country is treating you well. If there is anyone who deserves to be happy, it is you!" Lucy cried. "If only I can be half as happy as you, I will be content." Lucy choked on her tears.

Theodosia rushed to her sister's side. "I know you are happy to see me. But this is more than just happiness. Tell me, what has happened? And don't hold back anything. You know you can trust me, Lucy."

Lucy contemplated holding back. But she was tired of bearing it all. Even if it was just one person who listened to her, she would gladly take it. And who better to understand her than Theodosia? And with that, she launched into her tale, telling Theodosia all about her ill-fated marriage.

"Goodness! You went through all that? Oh, my dear sister. You should have sent word. I would have come to you in a heartbeat." Theodosia rubbed Lucy's back in soothing circles.

"You were dealing with your own issues. I could not add to that."

"Nonsense! You are my little sister. Your worries are my worries. Never forget that." And Lucy smiled, her heart finally feeling lighter in days. "So, what now? What are you going to do about your marriage?"

Lucy felt the tears she had been holding back begin to spill. "I don't know. He left, Theodosia. He left me without a word. I do not know if he will return."

Theodosia reached out, taking Lucy's hand in hers. "Oh, Lucy. I am so sorry. But you must have faith. He loves you. He will come back."

Lucy shook her head, her tears falling freely now. "I am not so sure. His mother came to see me. She said our marriage was a mistake." Lucy cried harder.

Theodosia's eyes widened. "Lady Modesty said that? How cruel!"

"Maybe she is right, don't you think? This cannot be a coincidence, can it? Maybe, we are a terrible mistake. Maybe, we were never meant to be together."

"Hush now. Do not reason that way. Lady Modesty does not speak for Duncan. You must believe in your love."

"I want to," Lucy whispered. "But it is so hard."

"You must. Do you know how lucky you are, to love and be loved? Tis only a misunderstanding. Do not give up on this beautiful thing you both have."

"Tis not so easy. What if he has given up on us? What if it is too late? If only you had seen the look on his face when he carried me back to the estate after I fell. It was so bizarre. He looked as if I was dying. It was such an intense reaction to a mere fall I had. I don't know what to make of this, but I know there is more to it.

"Which is the more reason why you should try. Don't give up. Get to the root of it and find out what went wrong."

Lucy perked up. Perhaps her sister was right. Maybe she needed to find out why Duncan reacted that way to her. Maybe then she might begin to make sense of it all. "You think so?"

"I know so. You never know until you try. And what is the harm in trying?"

"You're right. There is no harm in trying." Lucy nodded vigorously, hope filling her spirits.

"Of course, I always am," Theodosia said with a twinkle in her eyes and a sad smile on her lips. "I have to go now. I told Cousin Betty I'd be gone for only a few hours."

"You're leaving?!" Lucy was aghast. She'd hoped to spend some quality time with her sister and now she was leaving already.

"Yes, I am. You know why, Lucy. I do not wish to cause a scene. My presence is not exactly welcomed in these parts." Theodosia smiled sadly.

"Oh, Theodosia, you have only just arrived. Please do not leave so soon, I beg you."

"I wish I did not have to, dear sister. But I have no choice. Look at it this way—you have a choice. You do not have to live in the countryside like me. You still have a chance to get things right. So do that. Fight for your love."

Theodosia was right. She did have a choice—a choice to back away like a coward and a choice to fight for their happiness. A few days ago, she might have taken up arms.

But now, after everything, particularly her mother-in-law's visit, Lucy wasn't sure she was any better than a coward.