42. Ben

42

BEN

“Rina would’ve said that my brooding is the worst in the house, but I do believe you’ve won that award.”

“What?” I shake myself from the circles of thoughts that try to pull me in.

Kalos’s patient expression makes me want to run, but I won’t. This is my place. Here in his office with my tablet, solving problems while he leans back in his desk chair. The leather couch under me would be well worn if Maggie didn’t employ maids who are thorough in their maintenance. Yet it feels different.

Katarina has probably been hanging out here, changing the shape of the couch a small amount so it doesn’t feel as comforting with its sameness as usual.

Better to be here doing what I do best than struggling with the memories of a certain gargoyle and witch I’m bound to. I don’t have solutions for that. Avoidance is all I can manage.

And I’ve successfully dived into my job for two days, but the look in Kalos’s eyes heralds an end to that.

“What are you doing here, Ben?” he asks.

“What do you mean? This is my home.” My throat dries. “This is exactly where I belong.”

Not acting as a useless bodyguard to a different territory leader’s wife, not falling in love with the devil, and not connecting the three of us in a web.

“A certain pregnant witch would disagree,” Kalos says before catching himself and snorting. “The other pregnant witch. My mate also disagrees, but she’s letting me broach the subject with you.”

Katarina had been cold toward me since I’ve returned. I assume that Stella has told her something unfavorable but honest. I’m under no illusion that my leaving and subsequent silence hasn’t hurt her.

She hasn’t tried to contact me, but even if she did, I wouldn’t respond.

It’s better this way.

I’m distracted from my practiced mantra by a detail Kalos let slip.

Stella is still pregnant. My inhale is painful.

Kalos makes a considering noise. “I know the child is yours. Stella told me.”

My throat is tight when I respond. “I didn’t know if she was going to keep it.”

It’s a complication with the tensions in the territory and would be in her rights to end it. I’d expected it, prepared myself for it.

Kalos shrugs. “She seems to intend to. She wanted promises of our alliances to her specifically, whether Stoneheart remains in the picture or not.”

She’s securing her base. If she isn’t hiding the parentage of the child, which would be near impossible in a territory of shifters, she’s preparing for the upset it will cause. She won’t allow herself to be run out of her own territory. Her situation does not match her mother’s.

An ill-earned pride blooms, and it’s a struggle to keep it from touching the bond that hums in my chest. I don’t know how much either of them can pick up from the intact thing, but I haven’t decided what to do with it yet.

“So, I’ll repeat myself. What are you doing here, Ben?”

“Did she say anything else?” I can’t help to ask.

Kalos arches a brow. “No. I’m not exactly someone she’d spill her deepest secrets to.”

That’s true. Their relationship has been touchy since the discovery that Stella is the daughter of Lorenzo Leonid, and Kalos had a poor reaction.

“If she begged for you to come back, would you?” Kalos asks.

No . I need to end this bond I have with them and move on. This is where everything makes sense. Stoneheart and Stella have each other, they don’t need me.

I don’t answer him verbally, but I don’t have to.

Kalos tilts his head. “I know how keenly you ache for family. Are you really going to abandon your own blood in another territory.”

“Family doesn’t have to do with blood,” I say, and it’s true, even if the idea that I will have a child that will exist in this world is more than I can comprehend right now.

Kalos snorts. “That’s true. It’s the choice of whether we accept the tethers of others. We will see if Stoneheart agrees with you.”

I can’t keep myself from being curious. “What do you mean?”

“He hasn’t yet publicly claimed the child as his successor. I’m sure that the shifters are having a hard time trying to decide if he’s been truly cuckolded and should lose standing in their eyes?—”

“I doubt anyone would look at Stoneheart and think his dominance of the situation lacking.” My cheeks flush.

Kalos shrugs. “It doesn’t change the fact that there haven’t been any official statements, only whispers. I’ll do my best if he does choose to reject and try to oust her?—”

“He would never,” I interject. Stoneheart loves Stella, whether he accepts it or not.

“He holds a lot of territory. If people start thinking he’s weak, that his own wife was unfaithful, and he does nothing about it, things could get dicey.”

What Kalos is saying makes sense, but even with how ruthless Stoneheart can be and has been, I can’t imagine he’d reject Stella. He’s possessive of her.

But he also lies to himself about his own feelings .

“Who knows what will happen with the territory. They have their own lady out delivering charms of protection herself,” Kalos continues with the wave of his hand.

That doesn’t sound right. Kalos would eat his hoard before allowing Katarina to be so vulnerable.

It’s a good move on Stella’s part to engender good will, but Stoneheart had been furious the time we’d gone to the owl women’s place.

Why would he allow Stella to be so open to attack now?

Could there be trouble between them? It would be a simple thing to tap into the bond and see if they are content, but I don’t allow myself that. I need to remain separate. My place isn’t between a husband and wife.

“Stoneheart won’t let anything happen to her,” I say.

“If you say so,” Kalos says, his voice softens. “I’d hate for anything to happen that you’d regret not being there.”

That sentiment makes my breath catch for a moment. Regret is an impossible subject.

“I won’t abandon my family,” I snap.

Kalos sighs, and I feel a pang that I’ve disappointed him.

“With how capable you’ve become, I forget how painfully young you are,” he says, but it’s not disappointment in his gaze. It’s understanding. “I know a thing or two about not getting attached. Are you planning on dissolving the bonds?”

I rear back at the question. “How did you know?”

“It was a guess. I do know you rather well.”

I duck my head at how obvious his ploy was and in guilt over what I just acknowledged.

“It was an accident,” I say.

“That’s not unheard of for your kind. Some would say it’s even a gift.” Kalos would say that. He’d been unable to bond since the deaths of his son and former mate centuries ago. “Do you think either of them would be upset by a bond?”

My blush deepens that he’s guessed that I’m bonded not just to Stella, but to Stoneheart as well. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t belong with them. My position is here.”

“Yet, you didn’t form bonds to anyone here, platonic or otherwise.”

“I’m hardly a demon?—”

“Nonsense. Being separated from your heritage doesn’t make you any less of a demon. The fact is, they are what instigated the change.”

And I miss them terribly, but this is the logical conclusion of what we were playing at. Better to have a clean cut now.

“We’re your family, and we want what is best for you.” Kalos looks wistful now. “And that means facing the fact that you’ve outgrown us.”

Anxiety clogs my throat. “Are you sending me away?”

“Of course not, but you’ll regret staying.”

“You don’t understand.” They don’t need me. I’m ancillary to their relationship. I could be deprived of everything if they so choose. I have no claim, something that became painfully clear when I’d realized I’d fathered Stella’s child.

Kalos waits, but I have nothing left to say. I won’t cause the two that own my heart more trouble than I already have.

I’ll accept the pain of separation rather than risk them.

Kalos rolls his eyes. “Stay stubborn then. We’ll see what fate has in store for you.”

The words sound like a threat.