Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

ELI

THREE MONTHS PREGNANT

My mind is split in half. On the one hand, I am reviewing everything I should be working on, deals that need to be completed, and clients I need to speak to. Wednesdays are always my busiest days. On the other hand, my wife and I are on our way to our first ultrasound, and I am certainly not happy about it. As usual, for a sliver of a second, I feel guilt at my lack of enthusiasm and my indifference, considering there are women and men out there spending their life savings trying to have what we accomplished by accident and with prevention.

“Are you nervous?” October asks me, bringing me out of my thoughts. I look at her from the car's driver's side and place my hand on hers. I want to tell her how much I don’t want this, but I know she doesn’t either, and she has been having enough anxiety about this, so I simply smile the best I can and shake my head.

“No, baby. Not nervous. Just want to finish it so we can go about our day.” We promised to always be honest with each other no matter what. Although I left out some things, I also told her the truth.

“Yeah. Me too. I still can’t believe that with all of our planning and carefulness this is where we ended up. I mean, everything is going to change, Eli.” I nod, allowing her to express her feelings and listen to them. “We had plans. Things we wanted to do. Places we wanted to go. I mean, our entire lives are going to change.”

“That’s true love, but it will be okay,” I tell her, squeezing her hand and trying to reassure her. She looks at me, shocked as if I have fallen and hit my head.

“How can you possibly say that, Eli? We have to reexamine our income and our five- and ten-year plans. I mean, God, Eli, we used to lead a comfortable life, everything in its place and accounted for. Now what? I don’t want to live the life I grew up in.” I contemplate pulling over because I can hear the desperation in her voice, and I don’t want her to start hyperventilating, but the parking lot for the doctor's office is right ahead.

Hurriedly I pull into the lot and park. Unbuckling my seat belt, I move back, unbuckle hers, and pull her into my lap. I lift her chin with my forefinger. “Look at me, baby. I promised you, on our fourth date and in my vows that I would take care of you and never let you feel desolate and hopeless again, didn’t I?” She nods her head, a lone tear falling down her face. “Do you trust me?” She looks me in my eyes like I have cursed at her.

“You know I do, Eli. I trust you with my life.” My stomach unclenches at her admission. I know she does, but I worry in times like this, with so much up in the air.

“Then trust me to protect you and keep my promise to you, to us. I love you, baby.” Leaning over, I pull her closer to me and take her mouth in a sweet kiss; one meant to only calm her racing mind and heart. As usual, the minute any part of me touches her, I turn into a fiend. I slide my tongue into her mouth and take a sensual trip down the train of peace. She is my peace. She moans and begins rocking against me. Her body is always so responsive, but I have to show restraint. I have to stop. This is not the time nor the place.

“Eli,” she whines against my lips. I put my forehead to hers and take a deep breath.

“I know, baby. You know that I know. But we have to go, and I damn sure am not going to fuck you in this parking lot. So get your sexy ass out of this car.” Her giggle tells me she is feeling better.

We walk into the office, check-in, complete some paperwork, and before we know it, we are in the room waiting to be seen. I can feel the tense energy between us, but I try to put that aside and remain sturdy for her. Walking over to the bed, I kiss her forehead right as the doctor walks in. Doctor Daria has been my doctor since I needed birth control in my teens to regulate my heavy periods. She knows me, and I’m comfortable with her.

“Well, hello, Mr. and Mrs. Daniels. I understand you are having a baby.” Her cheerful demeanor makes me uncomfortable because I know neither of us currently possesses that emotion.

“That is correct,” October manages to say.

“Well, congratulations!” she exclaims. October and I look at each other, and our silent conversation produces exact results. We both paint smiles on our faces and try to fake them. “So, do you have any concerns?” she asks. I look at my wife because this is her body.

“Yes. I have no idea who my father is and so I would like an amnio and some genetic testing to make sure we are not going to end up with surprises.” The doctor, busy tinkering away, nods her head.

“I understand. Stop at the nurses station on your way out and make an appointment for both.”

“Thank you,” my wife says, squeezing my hand.

“No problem. Now, let’s listen to your baby’s heartbeat.”

She lifts up the hospital gown and squirts gel on October’s stomach. She is not showing yet, but I can tell the difference. She turns the monitor toward us and pints out this little blob the size of a plum. She hits a button, and suddenly, the room is filled with noise.

“That is the heartbeat,” the nurse says.

“It sounds like we are in a submarine,” I say, amazed at the overwhelming noise.

“Yeah, it does,” October says.

“Well, so far everything looks great.” She turns off the machine, wipes October’s belly, and hits a button that prints out photos. She hands it to me, and as I look down at it, all seems real and daunting. Shit.

Everything is different now.