THIRTY ONE

Justine

I should be used to waking in Ronan's bed by now. Only this is his real bed. Somehow that hits different.

I breathe in deeply, savoring the particular scent of him. Relish the warm, firm body behind me and the possessive arm curled around me.

Then I remember.

He's letting me go. In all senses of the word. As soon as the show stops filming, that's it. I couldn't respond last night. I still don't know how to feel about it.

It's not that I really thought there would be something romantic here. Only, I thought after the show I'd still get to see him. Maybe find a chance to impress him, or flirt, or something. Anything. It wouldn't feel so final.

I realize now that's stupid. Why wish for something that's only going to prolong my misery? Really, in ending my employment, he's being kind.

It doesn't feel very kind, though.

I lie still a while, even when he stirs, trying to snatch a few extra minutes. I don't want to go back to the other Ronan. The stern billionaire minotaur always so in control. I prefer the bull beneath the mask he wears in public. The tender, caring side beneath the temper and the icy veneer.

I guess I won't be seeing either side of him much longer. Today is the vow ceremony, then we head into our final week of filming.

Ronan's lips nuzzle at my neck. "Good morning, beautiful."

My stupid heart thuds madly in my chest and I can't smother the smile that sneaks onto my lips. "Good morning."

"We'll have to call the crew soon and get back to the rental, but let's enjoy a few more minutes."

I don't say anything. I don't really want to. Behind me, his breathing evens out and his arm around me is relaxed and heavy. That buys me a few more minutes to think.

Can my heart survive another week of this? Already I'm melting at the smallest touch or kind word. After another week, I'll be nursing a full blown broken heart.

I wish I could take pleasure from him the way he does from me with no strings, no attachment. Only, I've never been that girl.

That's if he even agrees to another week. Maybe he'll write no and this will be over just like that. I get the feeling he's not writing no today, though. If I write yes and so does he, then I could have another week. Another week in agony where every second is a stolen moment.

I think that would be a mistake.

I know what I have to do. It's not like he's going to write yes, anyway. That's just wishful—lustful thinking.

I continue to debate furiously with myself for the next fifteen minutes while Ronan dozes.

Eventually, he pulls me closer, finally rousing and searching under the covers for sensitive places. Breasts, pussy. All of them are ready and aching for his touch. His hand sneaks beneath my defenses and the soft kisses he trails up the back of my neck are the decoy.

When he rocks his hips and grinds his thick erection against my butt, I squirm out of his arms. I can't do this right now. Not when I'm feeling so torn about my decision. I can hardly think beyond the drugging effect he has on me.

"Best get the day started," I say brightly and stumble out of bed. I brush the unruly mop of hair from my face and try to smile. "I'll make breakfast."

Dodging Ronan's puzzled frown, I snatch my clothes and scurry to the kitchen trying to compose myself. Ronan wanders in while I'm scrounging the kitchen for breakfast materials. He's wearing nothing at all!

Oh, why is the universe set on trying me today?

I avert my eyes resolutely from his cock dangling against his thick thigh and the way his taut belly tapers into narrow hips with an inguinal crease that looks as if it's been carved by a Renaissance sculptor.

He turns to fetch some mugs from a high cabinet and I can't help staring at his ass.

Oh, God.

Why does it have to be so firm and delicious?

When he turns back, he catches me standing there slack-jawed. "Like something you see, Traffic Lights?"

I swallow. "Just thirsty...for coffee. Thirsty for a coffee and some breakfast."

He chuckles and sets the mugs down on the counter by the percolator. When I can't find the coffee, he reaches above me to get it, pressing his warm, rigid muscles all up my back as he does. His hot breath on my neck has me flustered.

I dart away from more kisses, hurriedly looking into the fridge, as if that contains the answers I'm looking for.

Stark, empty shelves stare back at me. "You have no food."

"We'll pick something up on the way. Don't worry. Come here." He reaches for me.

I scurry to the other side of the kitchen. "Right. Well I'll just freshen up. Nothing like a walk of shame in last night's clothes, but I guess that can't be helped."

Ronan frowns. "You can borrow something of mine. A shirt might fit you as a dress. But what's the rush?"

I shrug, trying to keep my tone lighthearted. "Well, I'd hate to disappoint anyone. I'm sure they're waiting for our call."

Ronan looks a bit put out, but instead of arguing, he finishes making coffee and lets me slip away to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I message Amy.

Justine: ready for today's filming in half an hour. Sorry about last night. I think it's under control

Just as I'm slipping the phone into the pocket of my dress, Ronan comes in carrying his mug. "Is there something wrong?"

I laugh awkwardly. "Yeah. I'm not used to the whole naked thing. Housemate, you know?"

I should talk to him about what I'm thinking. I just can't seem to bring myself. If he questions me at all, I'll lose my resolve. And I need it steely firm to get me through this decision or I'll crack. Just looking at his sardonic smile is wearing down my defenses.

Ronan takes a long swig of coffee and sets down the mug. "I'm distracting you, aren't I, Traffic Lights? That's OK. You can say if you like looking at my cock. But let me get dressed so we can get underway. Will that make you feel better?"

Throat dry, I can only nod.

I watch him bend over to retrieve the sweat pants and shirt he folded and placed on the ottoman at the foot of the bed. Of course, I do. Can you blame me? What if this is the last chance I get?

When he turns again, I whip my eyes up to his. He gives me a knowing look. "Let's call them then." He sighs.

I hold up my phone. A new message from Amy is sitting in a pop-up notification. "No need. I already checked. They're expecting us in twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes!? Damn slave drivers. I thought I was bad."

I laugh weakly, not admitting to the fact I set that up. The less time I have to stew over what I'm giving up the better. I gather the last of my things and we head to the town car, which Harvey has waiting for us in less than three minutes.

The guy is a miracle worker, I'm sure of it.

"Dearly Be—" Cedric du Monfort casts a wary look at Ronan who is scowling beside the enormous floral archway in the Hearstone Botanical Gardens where they've set up the shot for the vow renewal ceremony.

Cedric clears his throat. "Ah yes, well... we've come here today for the final vow renewal ceremony to discover if you are brave enough to commit to the final part of the experiment. Up until now, this season has followed the familiar format. However, this week is different. This week, not only are you being asked to choose whether you'd like to continue the experiment, but you'll have to decide if you can hack it under more challenging circumstances."

I frown. I didn't see this coming. Usually week three is the bride's turn to host and it goes on much as week two does.

Cedric continues. "This year, we're testing couples to their limits. Giving you the chance to see if you really meant what you said when you vowed to take each other ‘for better or worse'."

"What?" Ronan leans in, scowling even deeper.

Cedric only grins. "You won't be staying in luxury this week. Oh no! You'll be seeing what it's like when the going gets tough. Because as they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going, and if you're really meant to be together, this will only bring you closer."

"Rubbish," Ronan mutters under his breath.

"Each of you was asked to write on your card your answer to whether or not you'd like to continue. Do you have your card here?"

I hold mine to my chest, covering the way my hands tremble. I'm not sure this is what I want. I only know this is going to hurt less in the long run.

"Do either of you wish to change your answer, now that you know what this week has in store?" Cedric looks between each of us, letting his gaze linger longest on Ronan.

Finally, Ronan sighs. "No."

Cedric looks back toward me.

"No."

"Very well." He clasps his hands together in front of him. "Ronan, do you renew your vows to have and to hold this woman for better or worse?"

Ronan lets the cover on his card fall open, revealing his answer.

I stare in stunned silence at the three scrawled letters. Yes.

I don't know what to say. I didn't think he would continue. He even had a chance to change his answer and he didn't. Even in the face of conditions I know he wouldn't like.

Have I read this wrong?

Could there be real feelings here?

It's too late. When Cedric turns to me, I look at him rather than look at Ronan's face, fearful of what I'll find there. "Justine, do you take this minotaur as your husband for another week, for better or worse?"

I can't look as I drop the cover open on my card.

In long silence, everyone takes it in.

When I can't take it anymore, I glance up and see the shutters come down across Ronan's expression. For a horrible second, there's the hurt, wide-eyed stare of a guy who has been stabbed in the back. Then the polite veneer is back. The self-assured smile. The flick of a long ear.

I try to catch his eye. Now he won't look at me.

Cedric rouses himself from his astonishment. "Oh. I see. Well that is... unexpected. Ronan, it looks like your bride no longer wishes to continue with the experiment. As such, it's my unpleasant duty to remind you that, without both parties' consent, the marriage is over. I hope you have both learned a valuable lesson about love from participating in the experiment. Just know that even though this might not have worked out for you, that doesn't mean it's time to give up. True love is out there."

Filming stops and the crew change locations, setting up for the post-ceremony interviews. Ronan and I are left standing there, staring at each other, as people and monsters move around us, setting down stools here and gather equipment from there.

"I'm sorry," I mouth at Ronan. Though we're standing feet apart, it feels like it could be miles. As if the past few days of intimacy never even happened.

His expression never shifts. "Don't be. It's for the best."

Without another word, he turns and goes with Amy to the station they've set up for his interview. A lady from hair and makeup leans in front of him to touch up something and she blocks my vision.

I'm jolted from the feeling of icy water lapping at my ankles by a kind voice. "Come on, dear. You must be glad to have this done with. From everything I hear, he's a hard guy to please. No shame on you for bowing out when you did."

I'm led over to my own stool and I follow, already numb from the chest down. Sinking into the seat, I drink the glass of water I'm handed, not really registering anything I'm told until the assistant producer asks me, "So, Justine, you've always wanted to be on Married for a Day. Was it everything you were hoping for?"

I stare at her for a long moment trying to work out how to answer. Eventually, I reply. "No. I'm not sure anything could have been what I always pictured. It's just a fact that reality never lives up to the fantasy." I blush, thinking of the one thing that most certainly exceeded all my fantasies. "Well... almost never."

"So what was your fantasy, Ms. Delany?"

I sigh a heavy sigh. It's not like I was going to meet my future husband on the show. But that's what I always dreamed about. "I guess I've always been a hopeless romantic. Maybe I imagined being swept off my feet, if only for a few days."