Chapter 17

Odhrán's sleep was plagued by strange dreams. In them, he was making love to Maddison, and she was returning his passion with a fiery intensity, their naked bodies entwined, slick with sweat, aroused him, even in the dream. And even in the dream, a warm, buoyant feeling of elation filled his whole being, a feeling that he had secretly yearned for yet had eluded him his whole adult life… it was the feeling of being wanted, of being complete, of being loved.

But that wonderful part of the dream always ended with Maddison changing into a hissing wildcat, scratching and clawing at him with her nails, biting him, snarling and violently pushing him away.

He awoke suddenly at dawn, his mind clouded by the dreams, his manhood stiff and aching. He turned over onto his back with a groan and was mildly surprised to find himself on the floor by the hearth, not in the bed with Maddison as he had dreamt. Instantly, he was burningly aware of her being there, just feet away, breathing gently in her slumber.

All the laughter and loving they had shared the night before flooded vividly back to him. Urged by his arousal, he longed to climb in there with her, to worship her body with his own as he had the night before, and for her to return his devotion.

But cold reality set in at once, dousing his arousal in cold water and chasing away the elation. He pushed aside the blanket and sat up, raking his fingers through his hair. Disappointment, misery, and sense of hopelessness lodged like a ball of ice in his belly.

Hearing a stirring in the bed, he looked over to see Maddison was sitting up too. She yawned and stretched in a manner not unlike the wildcat of his dreams. But then, their eyes locked across the room, and she looked away hastily, her cheeks suddenly flooded with crimson. Her reaction was like a lance piercing his heart.

"Good mornin'," he murmured with an air of resignation, seeing nothing had changed since her rejection the night before. He got up and folded his blanket, gently placing the blanket and pillow at the end of the bed, trying not to look at her. But she was so alluring, coming fresh from sleep, he could not help stealing glances at her as he went about getting ready for the day.

"Mmm," she murmured, her face still a picture of embarrassment. His heart dropped further, her continued rejection making things feel so much worse after the elation he had briefly experienced, both the night before as well as in his dreams. True, physically speaking, he felt unusually sated, some of the tension gone from his body. But inside, the loss of the new-found warmth between them felt like a coveted, hard-won prize had been snatched from his grasp at the last moment.

The tension broke between them at the arrival of Joseph and Jessica, who came bearing hot water for washing and a breakfast tray, respectively. The look of relief on Maddison's face at the interruption stung Odhrán. But he hid his hurt under a stern mask, letting Joseph stoke up the fire and help him to finish dressing for the day.

Once he had dismissed the old valet and was ensconced in the chair by the fire with the breakfast tray laid before him, drinking hot tea, he covertly watched as Maddison drank hers in bed and then got out. Her lithe curves were clearly silhouetted through her shift by the creeping sunlight. Odhrán felt a twinge of desire before she cast him an indecipherable glance and drew the bed curtains with a sharp tug, so Jessica could help her dress out of sight.

A short while later, she emerged clad in a plum-colored, woolen dress with a high neck and long sleeves, as if determined to hide her body from him. He continued watching from the corner of his eye while she sat at the mirror and Jessica brushed out her long, shining, mahogany tresses and pinned them up in loose bun. His heart throbbed to recall how soft her hair had felt between his fingers the night before when he had run his hands through it, and he longed to touch it again.

When Jessica finally left and they were alone again, he tried to take heart, resolving to at least try to win back her support while his cousin was still around.

"Will ye join me at breakfast?" he dared to ask at last, gesturing with his hand at the toasted bannocks which he knew she liked. But she shook her head as she fetched a shawl and wrapped herself in it.

"Nay, I have tae go," she said, exchanging her slippers for shoes.

"Go? Go where? At this hour?" he asked, bewildered.

"Tae see Alana."

"Alana? But whatever fer?" he asked in frustration.

"That's nae any of yer business," she told him coldly, clearly preparing to leave in a hurry. Anxiety gripped him.

"But what about luncheon? What about Rollo?"

"What about him?" she asked over her shoulder, her hand on the door latch.

"Ye promised tae help me out while Rollo and his family are here," he pointed out doggedly, "and they'll be joining us fer lunch before they leave. I would like ye tae be there."

"Tae defend ye, ye mean?"

"Aye, that's what ye promised." He felt a fool saying it, but he refused to beg.

She gave a heavy sigh, not saying anything for a small eternity. "I did promise ye that," she finally agreed, turning back to face him, an expression of annoyance on her face. "So, I suppose I must stick tae me word. All right, I'll come tae luncheon with ye. But as soon as they leave, things are going back to the way they were before, so dinnae go getting any ideas," she added, shooting him a warning glance.

"Aye, I ken. Thank ye," he told her, a flicker of gratitude in his heart that, even if she had rejected him so soundly as a man and her husband, she would at least be there at his side against Rollo's barbs until the bastard left.

Before he could say anything, however, she opened the door and swiftly left him sitting there, utterly confused and frustrated by her unpredictable changes in mood, his heart heavy with a sense of loss.

Maddison was so afraid of what she might do if left alone with Odhrán a moment longer, she had snatched at the only straw she could think of to save her—an urgent need to speak with Alana. Even as she hurried across the garden to the cottage infirmary, hoping the healer would be free to see her so she could pour out her heart to her, she realized she was acting preposterously.

She was awhirl with conflicting thoughts and emotions as she reached the gate. The window was open, indicating that Alana was not busy with a patient, so she banged on the door.

"Alana, 'tis me, let me in, please. I must speak with ye," she cried, anxious to see her friend. The door opened at her third knock.

"What is it, Maddy? Are ye hurt?" Alana asked her, looking her up and down worriedly as she ushered her inside and shut the door. Maddison spun to face her.

"I'm nae hurt, but I need yer help. I dinnae ken what tae dae."

"About what? What ails ye?"

"'Tis Odhrán. I dinnae ken what tae dae about Odhrán."

"Calm down, Maddy, yer nae makin' sense. What's he done?" The question had tears pressing at the back of Maddison's eyes as she tried to formulate her thoughts and words into an answer.

"I've betrayed mesel' and all me vows tae me family," she finally blurted out, her cheeks burning with shame.

"How d'ye mean?" Alana asked, her face creased with puzzlement.

"He's… I cannae… oh, Alana! I just cannae seem tae find it in me tae hate him any longer, however much I ken I should. I'm-I'm startin' tae care fer him!" She broke off into a wail, covering her face with her hands. But the sudden sound of heavy bootsteps made her drop them, and she gasped to see Tadgh standing before her, his chest bare. He was staring at her in obvious shock, which matched her own.

"I was dressing Tadgh's shoulder when ye came in," Alana explained apologetically.

"But I thought ye were alone. The window is open," Maddison gasped out, horrified at having been overheard.

"I forgot to shut it," Alana admitted. "I'm sorry. I wasnae expectin' anyone else."

"I suppose ye heard everythin' I said?" Maddison asked Tadgh, positively glowing with embarrassment.

"Aye, I heard ye, but dinnae worry, I ken how tae keep me mouth shut," he told her calmly. "What goes on between ye and the laird is yer affair. I've nae wish tae meddle in it."

"Ye must think I'm mad." Maddison shook her head as if coming to, suddenly wondering what she was doing there.

"Nay, I dinnae think ye're mad," the healer assured her, glancing at Tadgh.

"Me neither. The human heart is a complicated thing tae try tae understand," he said gravely. "But one thing I would say is that it surely cannae be such a bad thing if ye're startin' tae like Odhrán. He's a good man, and he's yer husband, after all."

"Aye, 'tis nae so strange tae feel that way about him, Maddy. Ye're only flesh and blood. Why keep fightin' against yer own feelins if it's upsetting ye so?" Alana said in a soothing voice, her eyes imploring.

"Ye should speak tae him about it, tell him how ye feel," Tadgh suggested. "Honesty is the best policy."

Their words sank into Maddison's brain, echoing her own unwilling thoughts on the matter. She stood immobile, looking from one to the other, until it dawned on her that the former tension between the pair was completely absent. They appeared perfectly at ease in each other's company, almost as if they had spent the night together. It was clear that Alana had let down her defenses and allowed her old love back in, at least part of the way.

Feeling like an idiot, Maddison blurted, "Excuse me, I must go, I'm sorry fer bargin' in on ye like that. Forgive me." With that, she rushed out of the door and into the sobering fresh air of the garden, hurrying to find a secluded place to sit and order her emotions.

She found a stone bench in an arbor and sat there for a long time, trying to make sense of it all. Pride and stubbornness warred inside her, battling against the deepening affection growing in her heart for her husband. The man who had so reverently, so passionately shown her the night before how much he cared for her by opening himself up to her, admitting his love and lavishing upon her such unknown pleasures. He had even explained why he had been forced to lie to her and how much he had hated doing it. She believed him.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Alana and Tadgh were right: if they could mend their broken relationship after all that had passed between them, then why could she not learn to accept her situation and learn to love Odhrán?

"Hello, me darlin'. I'm so sorry I'm late. I went fer a walk in the gardens and lost track of the time. I hope ye've nae started without me. Good mornin', Tadgh, Liam." The brothers smiled their greetings. "Good mornin', Ursula. Mornin' Rollo." She nodded gaily at them all as they prepared to sit down for luncheon with Odhrán at the laird's table in the great hall.

For several seconds, Odhrán could only stare mutely at his wife as she rushed up to him, smiling, and embraced him, planting a kiss on his lips. When she was late, and he could not find her anywhere, his heart had sunk like a stone. She had promised to join them for luncheon and faced with the prospect of having to sit through the meal with Ursula and Rollo alone, his anxiety levels had hit the roof, for he had been convinced she had deserted him. Most likely in revenge for what had happened the night before, he had figured miserably. But now, here she was. And he was not going to question it.

Adapting quickly to her about-face in temperament, he swiftly reciprocated the kiss and pulled out her chair for her.

"I was startin' tae wonder where ye'd got tae, bonny lass," he said, putting on a jovial front, as much to annoy Rollo as anything. He sat down beside Maddison, wishing there was some way he could express his gratitude without alerting his ever-watchful cousin. But none presented itself, and he was content as long as she was there beside him, willing to lie for him.

"I got carried away admirin' the roses," she said, smiling at him in the way he dreamed she would smile at him when they were alone. "Would ye kindly pass the bacon, me darlin'? I'm starvin'."

"Certainly, sweetheart." He helped her to some bacon and bread and filled her cup with tea, the doting husband, before serving himself some ham and eggs.

Ursula leaned towards her and said, "Good mornin' tae ye, Maddison. I must say, ye have some roses in yer cheeks from bein' out in the fresh air. Ye look right bonny."

"Bless ye fer yer kindness, Ursula. Mayhap ye'll have time before ye go tae take a wee walk with me, put a bit of color in yer own cheeks, eh? We could take the bairns with us," Maddison suggested, and Odhrán was touched because he could see she really meant it.

Ursula was about to reply when Rollo broke in. "We'll nae have time, I'm afraid, me lady," he said with obviously feigned regret, lacing the title with sarcasm. "Perhaps next time, eh?"

"Oh, that is a shame. I'm sure Ursula and I would get on like a house on fire, left to our own devices," she said brightly. "Ye ken what we women are like, always talkin' about our men, comparin' notes and such." She ate a little of her bacon, then she piped up. "Oh, but the way, Rollo, I hope me and Odhrán didnae keep ye awake last night with our carrying on. I'm sorry if we made a bit of noise, but bein' newlyweds, ye can understand it, I'm sure. We'll have tae make sure ye have a different chamber next time ye come tae stay." Odhrán chewed his ham, inwardly smiling to himself to hear her goading his cousin. Rollo's face darkened with anger.

"I didnae hear a thing," he claimed, stuffing a forkful of eggs into his mouth, but Odhrán could tell from the way his fat cheeks were reddening that he was just keeping his fury in check.

"We're keen tae start a family as soon as possible," Maddison further explained. "So we dinnae like to let any opportunity slip by." She looked adoringly at Odhrán then and added, "Mayhap there's a wee bairn in me belly as we speak."

"Mayhap," Rollo said snidely, "that is, if me cousin has it in him tae make one."

"Rollo!" Ursula looked at her husband, clearly appalled by his behavior.

"Oh, hold yer wheesht woman. Ye ken as well as I dae what Laird Murphy thought of Odhrán. I strongly doubt he can produce a son strong enough tae rule after him, however long he spends in the bedchamber with her." He threw a pointed glance at Maddison.

Odhrán, seeing red, threw down his napkin and stood up, fixing his cousin with a stony stare. Rollo was on his feet too, his face a sneer.

"What is it, Coz, cannae face the truth, eh?" he taunted with a malicious grin.

"Ye dare tae come intae me home and insult me, the laird, in front of me wife, ye dog?" Odhrán ground out through clenched teeth.

"Aye, I dare, ye weak excuse for a man."

"Odhrán, take nae notice of him. He's only tryin' tae rile ye," Maddison cried out, putting a restraining hand on his arm.

"Nay, lass. He's gone too far this time. He'll pay fer it," he told her, the wish to grind Rollo into the dust filling him with cold, purposeful energy. He gently removed his arm from her grasp and felt for the pommel of his sword.

"We'll see who'll pays fer it, ye coward," Rollo threatened, throwing his coat aside to reveal the hilt of his own blade.

Determined to have his way, Odhrán stepped around the table and stood toe to toe with Rollo. They were about equally matched in height and weight, and he knew the outcome of the duel was not a certainty. He was prepared for a hard fight. They glared at each other. Odhrán could feel the hate coming off Rollo in waves. It matched that boiling in his gut. His fingers itched to unsheathe his claymore. He had no intention of backing down, and it was clear Rollo felt the same.

Ursula was up by this time as well, alarm etched on her face. "Rollo, nae now. Apologize, please, and let's take our leave," she begged him, hanging onto his arm in desperation. He shoved her aside roughly with his elbow, and Odhrán despised him even more for his brutality towards his wife.

"Liam, Tadgh, get them tae stop, please!" Odhrán heard Maddison beg, her voice full of fear.

Then came Liam's voice, calmly saying, "Nay, me lady. This is between the two of them. Leave them be."

"I'll have satisfaction from ye, Cousin, if ye'll step outside," Odhrán told Rollo calmly, with a sense that his true destiny was fast approaching. "I'd nae wish tae get yer blood on the ladies' dresses."

"It'll nae be me blood, ye fool. Aye, I'll be glad tae come outside and show ye who's the better man. Lead the way," Rollo drawled, grinning.

Odhrán headed to the door leading out into the courtyard, shouldering through it, with Rollo behind him, and Liam and Tadgh following. Maddison and Ursula, making sounds of despair, rushed along behind them, and everybody in the hall went after them to watch the spectacle.