Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

T he wedding day was bright and cold, and the weather seemed somehow perfect to Cressida. It matched what was in her heart and her mind.

She imagined that most people came to their wedding days in a sort of warm fog, happy for what was about to happen to them, but also dazed by it. Cressida didn't feel either of those things, though. She wasn't particularly happy to be marrying Lord Feverton, that was for certain. She hardly knew him. And as for the daze she imagined—her wits had never felt sharper than they did today. She was deeply aware of everything that was happening around her.

She was alert as she walked down the aisle, her gaze fixed on Lord Feverton's face. She knew that his first name was Matthew, and she pondered the idea of calling him by it. That certainly would have been appropriate to do now that they were about to be husband and wife—although that was a fact that still felt like something she had concocted in a story.

As she reached him, she decided that there was no way she could bring herself to use his name, no matter what they were to one another. It would have felt far too much like overstepping her bounds. It would have seemed to her as if she was being direct and rude to someone who was still very nearly a total stranger to her. They were about to say their wedding vows, and yet she knew nothing at all about him.

He did give her a smile as he took her hand. It carried his usual arrogance, and yet, for the first time, she found it reassuring. He might be arrogant, but he was also someone she knew. "Are you ready to do this?" he asked her. "To become my wife?"

"I'm ready." She couldn't allow him to see her anxiety. She would show nothing but confidence.

She was still glad she had made this decision. Protecting her sister was the most important thing to her, the most vital part of her life. This marriage would ensure that Victoria had the time she needed to move things along with her baron's son, so that there would still be hope for her to end up in the marriage she truly wanted. And as for Cressida—she could make this marriage a success. She could do anything if she set her mind to it. There would be no trouble about that.

Still, the first step was going to have to be to get to know her new husband a bit better.

She waited until the ceremony was over. In the end, she had managed to feel a bit dazed by it after all, even though she had begun the day feeling so clear-headed. It was just very difficult to know what to think about anything that was happening, and as a result, Cressida found herself lost in thought, pondering what would happen next rather than focusing on what was going on right here and now, in the moment.

That changed when they got into the carriage to make their way back to Feverton Manor. There was to be no wedding celebration today. Neither Cressida nor her new husband had wanted one, and though her father had protested briefly that the lack of a celebration would make people talk, Cressida had rightly pointed out to him that people were going to talk about this marriage no matter what they did, and that they might as well just do what they liked.

The carriage began to move, carrying Cressida toward her new life.

"That was a lovely ceremony," Lord Feverton said. "Didn't you think so?"

"Lovely," she murmured.

It was time, she decided, to seek out the answers to some of her questions.

The only trouble was she found herself feeling extremely nervous.

It was a sudden feeling, one that had sprung up in her like a weed. She looked across the carriage at Lord Feverton. He was ignoring her.

She wanted to say something to him, to draw his attention to her, but she didn't know where to begin. And aside from that, she wasn't entirely sure that she did want his attention. This was the first time they had been truly alone. What if he showed a side of himself that she hadn't yet seen?

Well, if that was going to happen, she might as well know now. She cleared her throat. "Lord Feverton," she said, "will my things arrive at your home today?"

"That was the arrangement I made with your father, yes. In fact, I'll be surprised if they are not already there," he said. "They were to be taken over while we were at the church. You can spend the day arranging everything as you'd like."

She nodded. "Thank you. And—and my lady's maid?"

"Your father released the girl who was serving you in his household into my employ," Lord Feverton said. "I didn't think you would want someone new. Although, if you do want that, you have only to let me know. The girl can easily be dismissed and replaced."

"No, that isn't what I want," Cressida said quickly. "Mary has been with me for years. I wouldn't want to replace her."

"Very well. Then you'll have everything you need."

"You said that I could arrange my things as I liked them in your home…"

"Our home," he said. "It's your home now as well."

She nodded. That had been a gracious thing to say, and though his voice was stern, she tried to remind herself that he was really just trying to put her at ease. "Thank you," she said. "Our home. But that makes me wonder whether you might have any…restrictions that you'd like to put in place for me."

She hadn't wanted to say rules , because opening the door for him to create rules set a precedent that she didn't like. Of course, he could tell her what to do in his home, and she knew it, but Cressida was very accustomed to her independence and would have a difficult time if he started trying to order her around.

"I can't think why I would try to tell you what to do with your own room," he said.

"My own room?"

"Yes, if everything goes well I don't imagine I'll ever even need to see what you do there."

"But—you never said that I was going to have a room of my own."

He looked at her. "Were you expecting something else?"

"I don't know what I was expecting," she confessed. "I've never been married before.

He laughed. It wasn't an unkind, mocking sort of laugh. It made her feel as if she wasn't alone in finding a bit of humor in this situation, and suddenly the whole thing felt less isolating and frightening. "I've never been married before either," he pointed out."

"I was under the impression that a husband and a wife often shared a room."

"But it won't be that way for us," he said. "You knew when I proposed that this would be a marriage of convenience—a business affair. I married you today because I wish to have a wife, and you married me for your own reasons—I suppose you didn't want to see your sister married to me."

"Well, no, I didn't."

"But neither of us was in love with the other. Isn't that so?"

"You're right," she conceded.

"Wouldn't you prefer to have rooms of your own at Feverton?"

"Perhaps I would," she allowed. "I hadn't given it very much thought, that's all. But I can appreciate what you're saying to me now. Perhaps it's for the best."

"It is," he assured her. "Most days you won't even need to speak to me, Lady Cressida. I will respect your privacy, and you will respect mine. When we have need of one another, we will be able to go to one another, but most of the time it will be as if you had no husband at all. I think that's what you want, isn't it? I believe you would not have wanted to marry me if I hadn't been on the verge of proposing to your sister."

"You're right about that," Cressida was forced to admit. "I wouldn't have."

"I think you'll like the room that has been set aside for you," he told her. "It's been vacant for a long time, but we've had it cleaned up and arranged so that it will be worthy of the new marchioness."

"Marchioness!"

He laughed again. "You hadn't thought of that?"

"It's just that this all happened so quickly," she explained. "I haven't thought very much about any of it."

"You are the marchioness now, of course. And by the way, you ought to call me by my name. That's only appropriate."

Cressida nodded, deciding not to mention to him now that she had been wrestling with that very question all day. "If that's what you'd like, then of course I'll do so."

"I know this isn't a conventional marriage. But I also want us to be mindful of the impression we're making with the public. You know that was a part of why I selected you to be my wife—I was impressed with the way you were able to conduct yourself in society. And it's for that reason that I know you understand how important it is to show ourselves to our best advantage."

"You're not worried what people will say about our marriage, are you?" It was Cressida's turn to feel amused, for she had thought him above worrying about such things.

"I'm mindful of it," he said. "I take it seriously. I don't worry, but I do think about it. And if there is something simple we can do to make sure that people don't ask too many questions—something like referring to one another in a friendly, informal manner—I think that we should do it. So from now on, I ask that you call me Matthew. And with your permission, I will call you Cressida."

It was nice, Cressida thought, that he had sought her permission. It was respectful. She knew he hadn't had to do that, and it made her want to cooperate. "Very well, Matthew," she said, and offered him a smile.

He didn't smile in return. He didn't seem angry, just somber, and it made her wonder briefly if he was even capable of smiling. He had done it around her, of course, but his smiles always had an edge to them. There was always a hint of sarcasm or mockery, as if he couldn't laugh unless he was laughing at something. "Do you ever smile?" she asked him.

He fixed her with his usual cold stare. "I smile when I wish to. I do everything I do when I wish to."

Do you ever wish to?

It was a question she didn't know if she could ask.

"Is something the matter?" he asked her.

"I…I don't know if I'm prepared for this," she confessed. It was the closest she could come to being honest. "For marriage."

"Well, it's as I told you. This is not a conventional marriage. There's very little you have to be prepared for." He shrugged his shoulders. "Calm yourself."

She could see that he was so used to being obeyed that it honestly didn't occur to him that those words wouldn't simply calm her at once. That the responses of her nerves might not be subject to his orders.

It was hardly the worst flaw a person could have. He was trying to make her feel better, in his way. But it did make her wonder—who was this man she had married? What was she going to find out about him now that their lives were tied together? How much more did she have to discover about his character, and would she like what she found?

There was still one big question that, in her mind, required an answer. Why had he chosen to marry so swiftly? What had pushed him into making that decision? For there had to have been something giving him that push. He couldn't have simply decided on a whim to come to Victoria—a lady he had never met, never expressed interest in—and to try to marry her.

Her father had owed money to Matthew, so it made sense that he had arranged this marriage. But surely Matthew would rather have had the money than a marriage to a lady he didn't even know. So why had he been willing to accept?

Was there some reason he had needed to marry quickly?

Or—was there some reason he had needed his marriage to be arranged, provided for him by someone who would be willing to do almost anything to erase a debt?

Perhaps no one else would have been willing to marry him. Maybe the deal her father had offered was the best he had been able to find.

In which case…

What was the matter with Cressida's new husband, that made it too difficult for him to find a lady who simply wished to marry him?

She thought back to what Lady Gunderson had told her. He was supposed to be the most eligible bachelor of the season.

But if that was true, how had he ended up married to her —a lady who had never particularly wished to marry at all?