Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

" W e're going to have to stay at the inn tonight," Matthew said.

They had been on the road for a few hours since Matthew had stopped Cressida. The horse he had been riding had been sent home along with the footman who had been traveling with him, and it had all begun to feel very surreal to him. He looked out the window and realized that the scenery had changed significantly. The hills in the distance were bigger and greener, and this no longer felt like home. Matthew fought off his uneasiness. What mattered most was taking care of what was going on with Victoria.

"The inn?" Cressida asked. She'd been staring out the window for about an hour, almost as if she was in a daze, but Matthew could see that he had her full attention now. "What inn?"

"There's an inn slightly more than halfway along our route," Matthew explained. "We're going to have to stay the night."

"But we can't stop." Cressida sat bolt upright. "What about Victoria?"

"Cressida, we have to stop for the night," he told her firmly. He knew she would respond poorly if she felt she was being ordered around, but on this point, he was correct, and she needed to hear him. "It's far too dangerous to remain on the road at night. We also can't expect our horse to go all night and then all day tomorrow. A rest is necessary."

"But if we stop, we could lose Victoria."

"I'm sure she'll be stopping too," Matthew said. "There's a chance she'll be stopping at this very inn. You wouldn't want to ride right by her, would you?"

"Well, no, of course not, but what if she isn't there?"

"If she isn't there it will mean she stopped somewhere else instead, and we'll find her when we reach Gretna Green."

Cressida frowned. "I can't help worrying that she'll travel all night," she said. "She hasn't always been the most sensible young lady. And this man she's with, this Jonathan …I know nothing about him at all. He could be anyone. He could have any number of flaws. He persuaded her to leave without telling me what she was doing. I don't think he has her best interests in mind. What if he convinces her that it's necessary to ride all night so that they can make sure to reach Gretna Green first thing in the morning and be married right away?"

"I don't think he will," Matthew said. "This man will know that it's not safe to travel at night. Even if he doesn't care for your sister's well-being, I have to imagine that he cares for his own. He'll stop because it's the safe thing for him to do. And we are going to do the same, because I will not have my wife on the road in the middle of the night. It's the only reasonable thing to do."

Cressida nodded. "If that's what you think is best," she said quietly.

Her hands clenched and unclenched in the fabric of her skirt, and Matthew could see clearly how distraught she was. He reached out and took her hand in his, holding it still, running his thumb gently over the back of her hand until at last he felt her begin to relax.

"It's going to be all right," he murmured. "This is the best thing to do, I promise you that."

"I'm just so afraid for her."

"I understand how you feel," he said. "I have younger sisters of my own. I know what it's like to watch them make irresponsible choices and to wonder if they're going to ruin their lives irreparably. The number of times I've seen Edwina and Lavinia do something foolish and felt the need to intercede to protect them…it's very hard, being the eldest."

"It's impossible," Cressida agreed. "I can't imagine that being a parent is any more difficult."

"I'm sure that's even more true in your circumstances, since your father was never very responsible," Matthew agreed. "He should have been the one to put a stop to all this. It should never have gone this far."

"Victoria said in her letter that Father wouldn't give his permission for her to marry this man. That's why she felt the need to run away in the first place."

"And that makes sense. But when your father knew she was tempted by an unsuitable man, he should have done something to keep a closer eye on her, to bring her more under control," Matthew said. "He should have known that she might try something like this. I assume she's every bit as willful as you are."

"She's worse than I am. I would never have run away to marry like this. I would never have done anything so drastic without even consulting anybody. She trusts her own judgment—and she should, but not to this degree. She shouldn't do something so permanent, so foolish, without asking anyone what they think."

"You believe the choice to marry should be made by the whole family?"

"Well, of course it should! Do you think she should be able to decide something like that alone?"

"I think you did," Matthew reminded her. "Your father had arranged for me to marry Victoria, and you changed that plan. You didn't ask anyone's opinion or wait to see what anyone would think. You simply persuaded me to marry you instead."

"Victoria was happy with that choice."

"I don't think your father was, though."

"That's only because he wants me to handle everything for him." She sighed. "Perhaps he's right. He was obviously incapable of managing Victoria. If I had still been at home with her, none of this would be happening. You're perfectly right when you say that my father should have stopped things from going this far, but I knew when I married you that he wasn't the sort of man to be able to do something like that. He isn't that kind of father. Victoria needed me to keep her in line, and now that I'm not there, she has no one to do that for her."

"You know that doesn't make any of this your fault," Matthew reassured her.

"It feels like it's my fault."

"Maybe so, but it isn't. You spent so much of your life taking care of your sister at the expense of your own happiness."

"That isn't true," Cressida protested. "I was never unhappy to do it. I love Victoria."

"Of course you do. That isn't what I meant. I was only trying to say that your caring for her all the time prevented you from seeking out the opportunities every young lady should have. You would never have married if you hadn't felt the need to stop me from marrying your sister—am I wrong?"

"Well, no," Cressida admitted. "I don't suppose you are."

"And in that way, you sacrificed your own happiness," Matthew said. "Admit it—you've had some happiness since we married."

She stared out the window again for a long moment.

Matthew pressed his lips together, rather wishing he hadn't asked that question at all. What if the answer was no?

But she didn't answer. She just looked out the window. And it was only then that he recalled the kiss they'd shared—in the excitement and the anxiety of everything else they were dealing with, it had been driven from his mind.

He was thinking about it again now. And somehow, even though she'd said nothing to confirm that it was the case, he felt sure that she was thinking about it too. He was sure she was remembering that moment. But the only question was, did she consider it a moment of happiness? Or was she thinking of it as a negative thing, something she had suffered and wouldn't have had to if she had never been married? Was she thinking about it as something she hoped to help her sister avoid—a kiss from an unworthy man?

He had believed, at the time, that she had enjoyed the kiss. But they had never discussed what had happened, and he had to conceded that there was no way he could know that for certain.

They rode in silence for the remaining hour it took to reach the inn. It was very late by the time they arrived, and they were both tired. Cressida put up no further argument about the fact that they were stopping for the night. Matthew was sure she was as eager as he was to get into a bed for the evening.

They got out of the carriage, and Matthew carried Cressida's bag into the inn for her. The night air was cold, so he put an arm around her shoulders in an attempt to keep her warm and was glad when she leaned gratefully into him instead of trying to pull away. If she was upset about that kiss, at least she wasn't so upset that she was going to allow it to affect the way she acted toward him.

Inside, the inn was warm and well-lit and seemed a very welcoming place. Matthew approached the owner.

"Good evening," he said. "My wife and I will need two rooms for the night."

He had anticipated perhaps receiving an odd look when asking for two rooms for himself and his wife and was prepared to deal with that problem financially. If the owner of the inn had any comments, Matthew would give him some money and that would be the end of it.

But the owner shook his head. "We're not going to be able to accommodate that tonight, I'm afraid, sir."

"What do you mean?" Was he refusing the request? Finding it odd was one thing, but surely he couldn't care enough to actually decline Matthew's business.

"The inn is all but full tonight," the owner said. "We have one room left. I can rent that one to you and your wife."

Matthew glanced at Cressida. She was frozen, wide-eyed. Anyone seeing her would have intuited that she had never spent a night with him in her life.

And yet, what was the alternative now? They couldn't get back on the road. It was too dark, and Matthew didn't even know where the closest inn was. He hadn't anticipated this situation, but…at least there was a room. They would have a place to stay. It was the best they could do, and they would simply have to accept it and make the best of it.

"All right," he agreed. "We'll take that room, then."

"Matthew," Cressida whispered.

Matthew didn't respond. He knew exactly what she was thinking, of course, but there was no point in having that discussion here in front of the inn owner. In fact, there wasn't really any point in having that discussion at all, because there was nothing they could do about it. There was only one room, so they were going to have to take it and make the best they could of the situation.

The owner showed them to the room. It was clean and cozy, and Matthew would have been perfectly pleased with it under any other circumstances, he knew that tonight was going to be difficult for the both of them.

Cressida walked in and began to look around at the room they'd been given. Wanting to do something for her, Matthew turned back to the owner.

"We're looking for a young lady named Victoria Montrose," he said. "She'd be traveling with a man by the name of Jonathan. Can you tell me if they've been here?"

The owner looked at him. "I'm not sure that's the kind of information I ought to be giving out."

Matthew pulled out his purse.

The owner nodded. "I can take you to their room."

Cressida whipped around, a sudden fire in her eyes. "Take us there at once," she said, the problem of the single room clearly forgotten.