Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
T he air was clear and bright on the night of Lady Gunderson's ball. Matthew stepped out the front door and stood under the darkening sky, looking up at the stars that were only just beginning to emerge. It would be a good night, he thought. A beautiful night for a ball, and a perfect opportunity for him to show the ton that he had made a good match for himself. Cressida had turned out to be a wonderful choice, and he was grateful for the fact that she had insisted on marrying him herself instead of leaving the marriage to her sister. She was lovely, quick-witted, and socially adept.
Still, it was a relief to see that there would be no storm tonight. It was good to know that she would have no fear during the ball.
He examined himself momentarily to see why he was relieved by that knowledge. Was it just the fact that he would have found it difficult to make a good impression if she was panicking the way she had?
It was certainly true that such a thing would make people think less of the both of them. But…no. That wasn't his concern. He simply didn't want her to be uncomfortable.
As he was pondering this, Cressida herself appeared at the top of the stairs. She wore a gown made of the rich blue fabric he had selected and tailored to suit her perfectly. Her hair was arranged in neat curls atop her head, and her cheeks were pink with excitement.
"You look wonderful," he told her.
It was true. There was something about seeing her in the fabric he had selected for her, the gown he'd had made for her, that made his heart glow with pride. He deserved to be able to show her off tonight. She looked beautiful, and it was thanks to him.
But his mind immediately rejected that thought. He couldn't take credit for her beauty and he knew it. She had been beautiful from the moment he had first laid eyes on her. She had been beautiful even when he had found her in the library in her nightgown, her face streaked with tears and her eyes wide with terror.
The gown was beautiful, and it pleased him to see her in it. But her beauty was much bigger than any gown.
And she was his wife. She would be on his arm tonight, and everyone would see.
She made her way slowly down the stairs, pausing at the bottom to look up at him. "Is everything all right?"
"Everything is wonderful," he assured her. "You look lovely."
"Thanks to you." She smiled. "I should have listened to you from the start when you told me what fabrics we ought to buy. I must be honest—I don't believe I've ever owned anything this fine."
"I'm sure that whatever you wear, you make it look lovely," he told her.
"That's very kind of you to say. But the fact is that my father could seldom afford to buy such fine things for me—or for Victoria. We never minded, of course. We learned to make do with what we had, and it was enough. But this…" She ran her hands over the bodice of the gown. "This may be the most beautiful gown I've ever seen . I'm thrilled that I get to wear it tonight."
"Well, I'm just glad you're happy," Matthew told her.
She looked down at her feet. "I wasn't sure whether my happiness was a priority for you," she confessed.
"I would never want to be the sort of gentleman whose wife lives an unhappy life," Matthew assured her. "We married for advantage, not for love, but I would like that advantage to be mutual if possible. I do want to give you a happy life, Cressida."
She nodded, looking up. "I think I understand that now," she said. "And I value it. I hope you know that. I will do whatever I can to be the sort of wife you were hoping for, and to help you position yourself socially in the way you want to."
He reached out and took her hand. "I see you got my gift." He'd had the gloves sent up to her room that afternoon. "Do you like them?"
"I love them," she assured him. "They're so soft. They may be even finer than the gown."
"And the fit is all right?"
"The fit is perfect, thank you," she held up the other glove, the one he wasn't holding, so that he could see how perfectly her hand fit into it.
And Matthew noticed, all at once, that she hadn't pulled her hand away from his.
Perhaps it shouldn't have mattered. It wasn't as if this was the first time the two of them had been close, after all. That night in the library, they had been as close to one another as any husband and wife.
And yet, it felt different. She had needed him then. She had needed strength and comfort. Right now, she didn't need anything, and yet she was allowing him to hold her hand for no other reason than that it was what she wanted.
Matthew had never anticipated feeling this way, but he found that he wanted it too.
He didn't want to let go of her. The feeling of having her close, having her hand in his, was as exciting as anything he'd ever felt. He had been eager to take her to this ball to show her off, but it occurred to him now that it would also serve as an opportunity for the two of them to dance, and he was momentarily dizzy with desire at the thought of having her in his arms all night long.
She gave his hand a quick squeeze. "Are you ready to go?" she asked. "I know you don't want to be late."
He rather did, suddenly. A moment longer alone with her would not have been unwelcome. But then, he rationalized, they had the rest of their lives for little moments alone. The more pressing thing was to get to the ball. Cressida was right. They did not want to be late.
"The carriage is waiting outside," he told her. "Shall we?"
She released his hand at last. He offered her his arm instead, and she took it and looked up at him with a smile. "I think we make a handsome couple," she told him. "You're right. People will be impressed."
"I have no doubt of it," he assured her.
They walked out to the carriage. Matthew held out a hand to help her in, and she took it. There was that same feeling of heady excitement as she stepped up into the carriage, leaning against him for assistance. Matthew entertained a brief, thrilling fantasy of her losing her footing and falling backward into his arms, of him catching her and holding her against his body…
What was the matter with him? Why were his thoughts so out of control like this? He had known he was marrying for convenience, not for love, so why was he acting as if he was utterly smitten?
It had to be the fact of having a beautiful lady in such close proximity all the time, he decided. It was something he was unused to. And now he shared his home with her, he took his meals with her, and he saw her every day. It was only natural that unexpected thoughts like this would come into his mind. It didn't mean anything, and there was no reason he shouldn't indulge in a bit of fantasy. As long as he kept his mind straight and remembered what this marriage was truly supposed to be about, little fantasies did no one any harm. He would need to remind himself of that, and to remember how important it was that he not get carried away.
Cressida was safely in the carriage, so he climbed up behind her and took the seat opposite hers. "Are you ready?" he asked as the door was closed.
"I think so," she said, her expression serious and businesslike. "But would you like to talk about what we can expect? I don't want to disappoint you."
"You won't disappoint me," Matthew assured her. "Are you worried about that?"
"I wouldn't say worried ," Cressida said. "But I do want to be prepared. I want to know what you're hoping for tonight so that I can help to ensure that everything happens according to your wishes."
He nodded, amazed all over again at what a good choice he had made when selecting a wife. Cressida could be so opinionated sometimes, but it seemed that she meant to be compliant when it meant the most, and he was grateful for that. "It won't be difficult," he assured her. "We'll say good evening to some people and allow them to see us together. We'll discuss our recent marriage and make sure everyone knows what's transpired between the two of us. The purpose of all this is that my business associates see me as a trustworthy person and don't worry that there's some scandal that has been keeping me from marriage. You know as well as I that when a person remains unmarried for too long, there are those who will raise questions about it."
"I do know," Cressida agreed. "I've faced my share of those questions. And I can understand very well why you would want to put a stop to them, especially in a business setting. I'm happy to be helpful with this."
She settled back in her seat and turned to gaze out the window at the passing scenery in the gathering dusk, and Matthew sat back too—but he only had eyes for her.
So much of their lives together, from the moment they'd married, had been a welcome surprise to him. So many things about her were better than he could have dared to hope, and he was thrilled that he had her as his wife.
Of course, there was no telling what would happen tonight. It could go any number of ways. But nevertheless, Matthew was excited. He would get to show her to the members of the ton and they would all see what a fine match he'd made for himself. He would get to dance with her, to hold her in his arms as he had dreamed he might, and this time she wouldn't be distressed or unhappy, in need of comfort. This time, they would both be enjoying themselves.
And for the first time in his life, Matthew felt the thrill of being a part of a genuine partnership. They would embark on these endeavors together, with mutual goals, and in the days to come they would be able to reminisce together about what had happened and all they had shared. These memories would be a part of their collective lives, a part of the fabric of their marriage.
This was what marriage was, he thought suddenly—or at least, this was part of it. Romance and progeny might play a part in many marriages, but the true meaning of a marriage was togetherness. It was making one's life a joint endeavor.
And in that regard, Matthew's marriage to Cressida would be as conventional as they came—and he found that the idea pleased him.