Chapter Eleven

In Which We Learn That It Was Really That Bad

“ I s our hot new neighbor wearing you out?” Ella teases as I throw myself down on the ancient recliner. I haven’t had a second to tell them any of the things that have been going on lately with Marcus. I’m tempted to ask how she knows where I’ve been, but Ella knows everything.

“I wish. He’s being infuriating and… confusing. I don’t know–”

“Don’t even waste your time,” Shania advises. “If he’s confusing, he’s not interested.”

“Yeah, I know …it’s just…”

Shania shakes her head. “No, justs. He’s. Not. Interested. The right man will not make you wonder.”

“It’s complicated,” I insist, knowing she’s right. “I’ve known him since I was a kid. He’s one of Lugh’s oldest friends.”

Ella claps her hands together. “My favorite book trope–older brother’s best friend or best friend’s older brother. Both are hot.”

“Both are weird,” Shania says. “You’re going to tell me they write whole books about people not noticing how hot someone is their whole life? What kind of bullshit is that?”

“But it’s so romantic–the one you’ve been looking for has been there all along!” Ella retorts.

“I did notice,” I say as they banter back and forth.

“What do you mean?” Ella asks.

“I had the biggest crush on Marcus the entire time I was in school. Our little brother even ratted me out. He read my diary out loud to him and Lugh’s entire platoon when I was fifteen.”

Ella huffs a laugh. “He did not.”

“He did. And it was the most traumatically embarrassing moment of my life.”

Ella shakes her head. “I don’t believe you. You don’t ever get embarrassed. Remember the time they accidentally sent us to the nursing home instead of the party room down the road? You danced for those old people like you didn’t have a care in the world.”

“Yeah, it can’t be that bad,” Shania says with a wave of her hand. “Besides, it’s been years, there’s no way he’d remember—”

I hold my hand up to stop her and jump up off the recliner. You’d think I would have burned it by now, but some weird part of me insists on keeping every single one of those stupid diaries. I find the box at the bottom of my closet, pull out the offending book, and bring it back into the living room.

“Is that–?” Ella asks with a smirk on her face.

I wave the bright pink book in the air. “It is. Someone hand me a beer.”

Shania heads to the fridge and returns with three–she takes one for herself and passes the other two to me and Ella. I open it, take a long swig, and drop it heavily on the coffee table. It doesn’t take me long to find the page in question, the page that haunts those nights when I can’t sleep and my brain insists on replaying every embarrassing moment of my life.

“ Dear Diary ,” I start.

Ella giggles. “People really do that? They start their diary with ‘dear diary’?”

I shrug and keep reading. “ I cannot wait for the deployment to be over. I’ll be so happy that everyone, especially Lugh, is safe, but I cannot stop thinking about Marcus.”

“Uh-oh, the girl was nasty even at fifteen,” Shania teases.

I stick my tongue out at my best friend. “I was an innocent child. Just wait.” I take a deep breath, tilt my head to the side until my neck cracks and continue on. “Marcus is absolutely the most perfect man in the world. He is so tall. I don’t know how I’d kiss him. Like, how does that work? Would he have to bend down to reach me? Do I need to stand on a chair? Maybe our first kiss would be sitting on the couch. I’ve never been kissed before, so I spend a lot of time thinking about it because I don’t want to mess it up–”

Ella puts a hand to her mouth and looks like she can’t decide if she’s going to laugh or cry. “He read this out loud?”

“To all the men in Lugh’s platoon. All of them.”

“Please tell me you beat his butt,” Shania says.

“My dad did, thankfully. But it gets better. Picture this. Fifteen-year-old me. Braces. Pimples. Awkwardness. I walk out with the hamburger patties my mom told me to take out to the grill for dad when I hear David reading this part: I can’t wait to marry him one day. I have so many plans for our wedding. I know I want it to be at grandma’s house so we can have one of those cool weddings in the barn.”

Ella giggles. “In the barn–with the gingham and potato sack bows everywhere?”

I smile. “That one exactly, and the fairy lights in the rafters.”

“What’s wrong with a barn wedding?” Shania asks.

Ella laughs. “Nothing, just a little out of date. We’ll come dance at your barn wedding.”

“Only if we get to wear cowboy boots with the bridesmaids’ dresses.” I tease.

She rolls her eyes, and I continue. “This was the part that had me fleeing into the house: I have to be totally honest, diary. I am so scared for the wedding night. I do not want to be boring, but I have no idea what to do. I hate changing in gym class. Do I really have to get naked in front of a guy? What if his dick is weird looking? What if he thinks I’m weird looking? What do I do if it hurts? Do I just lay there? How do I even find out about what happens? Like, is there a way to research this?”

I look up to find Ella and Shania covering their faces. Ella takes a deep breath, clears her throat and says, “One question. Did you drop the hamburgers?”

“Even better. I set them down because I was a good girl and wouldn’t harm the food, and when I looked up, whose eyes did I meet other than Sergeant Marcus Jones, hot as hell. Since I could not will myself into a ball of flames–I didn’t know about all the witch stuff then–I did what any normal person would have done.”

“Beat the crap out of your little brother?” Shania asks.

I shake my head and shut the book. “Run.”