20. Jonah

20

JONAH

I watch my girl ahead of me. In fact, I can barely take my eyes off the two of them. They look so good together that it starts to eat away at me that I’m not good enough. That I could never give her the things she needs.

Those thoughts and feelings always creep back in when I meet someone, which is why I’ve never let myself be in a serious relationship after Jill. I couldn’t have my heart ripped out like that again.

Commitment was never a problem when I got married. I was in love. I was faithful. I wanted it; a wife, a family, the white picket fence. But then everything changed. I’ve always had an urge, one that Jill never knew about, and maybe that’s why I’ve suppressed it all this time. I would never have wanted her to be ashamed of me.

I would never want to dull her memory or make it seem like what we had wasn’t what I wanted. It was. I loved her, I will always love her, but then life changed. Life threw up a brick wall and I hid behind it with Eli, never letting anyone new inside.

When I first met Lace, things were uncomplicated. I thought we’d just have some fun, but then I quickly learned that there was something different about her. She’s not like other women and I don’t know how to explain that other than a feeling. The one where you could easily fall in love again.

She’s the whole package; smart, funny, beautiful, caring. I know she has layers to her that I’ve yet to discover, and it shocks even myself that I want to learn what those are. All those quirks, even the ones she thinks are bad, are where all the good stuff is.

Then there’s Manny. I don’t know how to explain it, but the connection is there. I realize now that the reason I’ve never ventured into any kind of relationship with a man, whether it be a one-night thing or more, is because I’ve never had a connection like I do with Manny.

It’s weird how I’ve been alive this long, but I’m only now starting to learn these things about myself. When I kissed him, it shocked me. It raised all kinds of questions, but I pushed them aside.

Being naked with him? I want that. I want it more than anything because I’m a physical being and I like it when the people I care about know it. When I can do things for them, so they know.

I may be a brute at times, but I would take care of both of them in the bedroom. I know Lace loved being pummeled as much as she did being taken care of afterward. She’s a dirty little girl and I love that side of her; the one where she tells us what she wants and we learn every curve of her body, how she wants things, how she likes things.

Having sex with Manny fills me with as much trepidation as it does excitement. I’ve never kissed a man in my life, but when we touched, my entire being set on fire. I could’ve done so much more, and it’s clear he wanted to; judging by the fire when he kissed me back.

His body is beautiful. Muscled without being obtuse. Lean. Perfect. His dick is mouth watering, big and long and when I remember seeing it ramming in and out of our girl while rubbing against mine, it makes me wanna turn this sled around and drag them both back there. Into our little bubble. With me, Manny and Lace together? Man, that’s my every fantasy brought to life.

My son shifts and I’m brought back into the reality; my child. What would he think of all of this and how do we negate any of it if things… if things what? Work out? Are we really gonna enter a throuple relationship? Or am I jumping the gun just a little?

“You okay, bud?”

“I’m good, Dad.”

I smile to myself. I’ve been blessed with my child, and I like to think Jill is watching over him. He’s never given me a lick of trouble, not like I did when I was his age. Then again, I never had a stable upbringing, so I can be forgiven for some of that. He’s also only a child, so maybe things will change when he’s a teenager. I just hope we’re always like this and no matter what the future holds, he won’t hold it against me for my life choices. I’m done with running away from my feelings and judgment.

My sister would be shocked, but then again, it’s none of her business what I get up to. I’m not bringing Eli into any of it. As far as the club or anyone knows, nothing is going on, and I want to keep it that way.

Having the boys judge me does send a trickle of fear down my spine. I’ve always had to save face my entire life, hiding from my true self. But something tells me that if they accept Manny knowing full well he’s bi, then there is no reason they couldn’t accept me. Which reminds me; Cash talked about Manny being possibly patched in, but no more has been said about it. Then again, Bronco was told to get a cut organized, so maybe they’ll do it soon?

It warms me when I think about the look on Manny’s face if he were to get that cut. He’s earned it, and I’m not just thinking that because of that thing I said about him just being a cook. I know that was wrong, and I’ll never utter a cruel word like that ever again. I was nursing a bruised ego, and fighting my confused feelings, but that’s still no excuse.

We travel through the city and out to US 90, heading toward Fort Pike. Cash said we could stop today so Eli could see some of the fort and ruins. Out here we’re miles away from the city; just wildlife reserves, swamps and bayous. Sometimes we stretch even further toward the beach and coastline of the Gulf of Mexico, but today we take it easy and walk around Fort Pike. I’m all for my son learning a little history. Then we grab some lunch and take the trip back at our leisure. I avoided talking to Lace or Manny. Keeping my eyes off them has been proven difficult all day, but I smiled to myself when I saw Lace taking photos and posing for selfies.

Today has been magical; having everyone here from the club to let their hair down after months of being in lockdown, and Eli excited about visiting the fort. There’s nothing that compares to the freedom on the road and being around my brothers.

Harlem and my sister ride next to us, and my family is complete. I can’t shake the feeling that now I’m onto such a good thing, it could be all undone. The shiver that runs up my spine when I think about all of the things that I can’t control. The decisions that I’ve had to make when Eli was being cut out of my wife’s stomach so he could have a chance at life. Maybe that will never leave me, I doubt it ever could, but it’s made me stronger. I can’t use my past as an excuse to hide who I really am, and when I’m with Lace and Manny, all of that goes away.

When we pull back into the clubhouse lot hours later, the weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders. For the first time in a long time, I feel relaxed. Cash has arranged a barbecue for dinner, and Manny, of course, is in charge of bossing everyone around. I put my arm around my son, sitting outside as it’s warm and enjoying the balmy evening. Deanna walks up and passes me Caprice. “You don’t mind for a second, do you, Bandit?”

I grin. “Of course not. You know how much I love kids.”

Caprice is almost two now, and she’s grown so much over the year that I’ve been here. She also has a flock of black hair like her momma, and Cash’s blue eyes. She’s tired, almost asleep, as Deanna scruffs Eli on the head and I hold her in my arms. I’m always the one the women come to when Harlem isn’t available.

When I see Cash, Hawk and Bronco in my periphery, I know something’s going down. I press the beer bottle to my lips and try to hold in my grin when I see what they’re holding. Manny has his back to the group, still cooking sausages, steak and corn.

Cash dings his fork against the neck of his beer to draw everyone’s attention. So they’re finally gonna do it. “It’s a little of out of left field, but I have an announcement,” he starts, Deanna folding into his side as she beams. Everyone quietens down as our gazes swing his way. “As we know, someone in the NOLA Rebels has been pivotal in keeping our club not only fed and well nourished, but also given us a place that feels like home.”

“Is that because he won’t get the hint?” Ryder calls out and everyone laughs.

Manny has stopped in his tracks, turning with the tongs in one hand, and a hotdog bun in the other.

“Like we’d want him to, we’d all starve!” Bronco laughs.

“Which is why it’s high time we recognized that being a member of this club isn’t just about patching in members and honoring those on the committee, it’s about family. It’s about loyalty to this club and the endurance that it takes to be part of an MC,” Cash goes on. Ryder steps in, taking the cut from Bronco and handing it to Cash; it’s a big deal. Like handling the crown jewels. The cut is brand new; the patches are still vibrant and new. It has Manny’s name at the top left breast pocket, then Club Chef underneath it. “So it’s with honor and pride that the entire club was unanimous in patching in Emmanuel today and welcoming him as a permanent member of our club for as long as he’ll put up with us. Manny?”

I watch him from across the room, my eyes flicking to Lace, who has tears running down her face as Halo wraps an arm around her shoulders. Trust her to get all emotional over it, though I have to admit, I have a frog in my throat at the sight of his shock.

“For me?” he squeaks.

Cash laughs. “Don’t see any other fucker around here with a pussy boy name. Get over here before I change my mind.”

He drops the tongs, and when he doesn’t move, Summer takes the bun out of his hand and gives him a gentle push toward Cash. Manny may enjoy being the center of attention most of the time, but I’m chuckling to myself at how uncomfortable he really is when the spotlight is on him. “Wait? Does this mean you guys now get to beat me up? I remember Pipes looking like a half-dead raccoon when you’d finished with him. You all realize this is my money maker?” He circles his face and chuckles ring around the group.

“Really? I thought it was your magic hands!” Luna calls out, clapping her hands together.

“This wasn’t in the group chat, you guys!” Indi agrees. “Seems like the ol’ ladies are slipping with the pillow talk.” Harlem whispers something in her ear and she laughs shyly, her cheeks blushing.

“Nope, we thought we’d give you a reprieve,” Ryder laughs. “Wouldn’t wanna ruin that pretty face, or that ridiculous haircut.”

“Ridiculous?” Manny puts a hand on his heart as he reaches Cash. I can tell he’s struggling for words, trying to make jokes, but his voice is hoarse, his eyes watery, and it hits me on a whole other level. “You’re just saying that because you’ve got a receding hairline.”

Everyone laughs, except Ryder, who starts feeling around his forehead. Crystal reassures him that Manny is kidding, and then Manny gets an elbow in the ribs, which he cleverly deflects.

He rips off his apron and Cash tells him to turn around. He wipes his eyes, not able to hold it anymore and I rock Caprice. Eli jumps up and down in his seat, excitedly.

“This is so cool!” He grins.

“Isn’t it, bud? Manny deserves it. He never gave up when people gave up on him. He’s worked really hard, and he’s always feeding us.”

“I really like his food, Dad.”

“Me too.” I like a lot of things about him. “He’s a good person.”

Manny shrugs the cut on and it fits perfectly. His whole face lights up and as he turns, Cash pulls him into a big hug, squeezing the life out of him. Manny’s face is red as he tries to hold back his emotions, but when Ryder pulls him in for a hug, then Harlem, Tag and the rest of the club, he can’t fight it for much longer.

I hand Caprice back to her mom, and when it’s my turn, I pound hug him and whisper in his ear, “You deserve this. This is your family.”

He nods. “Thanks, Bandit, appreciate it.”

He pulls Eli off his feet and spins him around, then does the same to Crystal and Ryder’s little boy, Ade. He squeals and laughs until Manny puts him down. Lace kisses him on the cheek and they hug, too. She lingers a little longer and I don’t hear what she whispers in his ear, but he grins at her and nods.

I want to say so much more. I want to tell him how fucking good he looks wearing it, but there are others in line to congratulate him. Then Cash is calling order so Manny can give a speech. For once, he’s lost for words.

Lace stands close by me, our fingers touching but not entwining. Pride written all over not just Manny’s, but everyone’s faces.

“I really don’t know what to say,” he begins. “But this is one of the best days of my life. If it weren’t for meeting Stella…” He flips a hand her way, and when I glance over at her, she has tears streaming down her face too, all the girls do, which just goes to show you how much everyone loves this man and what an integral part of the club he is. “And then Daddy Harlem…” Everyone laughs. “I wouldn’t be here.”

“Stop with that,” Harlem shouts. “You were always gonna do good things, boy, proud of you.”

Manny nods, a tear or two slipping. “Appreciate it, more than you’ll ever know. I never had a family growing up, well, one that I’d want to write home about, but then I joined the Rebels. You’ve always accepted me for who I am?—”

“And your weird outfits!” Nevada calls as we all chuckle.

“You’re just jealous because he has amazing hair,” Star snaps back. Nevada pulls her into his side, kissing her on the side of the face.

“I do have amazing hair,” Manny agrees. “And my heart is so much bigger now that I know you don’t only just like me for my food, but for me.” Those words hang and I clear my throat, unable to look at him anymore. I feel Lace’s hand in mine as she gives it a squeeze.

“He’s gonna be beside himself later,” she whispers.

“We may have to comfort him.”

“Don’t you have Eli?”

“I’m sure he won’t mind a sleepover at my sister’s.”

“Pretty soon they’re gonna realize something’s going on,” she says.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I’ll say I have to work.” I know it’s lying, but tonight can’t go without some Manny attention. I won’t have it.

“Not gonna start a party without me, are you?” Shep calls and everyone turns around in shock as he walks in, followed by two of his Cowboy teammates Jos Sanchez, the Linebacker, and Sam Wildman; the Wide receiver.

“Holy shit!” Manny’s hands fly up to his face. “Who called the cavalry?”

Shep embraces his friend, slapping him on the back. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world, and I brought some buddies with me.”

Everyone stirs as the two giants follow behind, waving to the suddenly silent crowd. Shep always makes an entrance. I’m happy for him, but now I grow restless because he’ll be with Shep and the boys tonight and we need him.

An idea springs to mind, and I can’t wait to run it by Lace.

“This is called sneaking around,” Lace whispers.

“Manny said it was okay.” I kiss her. We’ve been making out on Manny’s couch. He stayed behind after the party, and we called it a night, wanting to give him some time with Shep.

“In his safe space?” She kisses me back. We’ve been trying, and failing, to keep our hands to ourselves all night, but that’s been impossible. We haven’t fucked, but we’ve been touching each other, ready to combust, but also wanting to wait for Manny to get here.

“Maybe I should bounce you up and down on my cock. He might walk in on us and join in,” I muse.

“Ooh, don’t tempt me to get fully naked.” She straddles me and we kiss long and hard. She pulls her tank down and I play with her tits.

“Not wearin’ a bra is considered public indecency.” I lean forward to capture one nipple in my mouth as her groan runs right through me.

“I want to be indecent with the two of you.” She gasps when I twist her other nipple, enjoying the feel of her pussy pressing into my straining cock.

One hand slides up her torso and her hand darts out to grip my wrist. I stop. “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head. “It’s my… my scar, I just…”

I pull my hand away. “It’s okay, it’s a no-go area, I get it. If you don’t want me to touch it, I won’t.”

She stares down at me. “It’s just always been an ugly reminder of my past.”

“I’ll kill anyone who hurt you.”

She smiles softly, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “He’s already dead.”

I brush her hair back behind her ears. “That’s good then. Hopefully, he’s rotting in Hell.” I pause. “Do you want to talk about?—”

“No, well, I will, but I want Manny here.”

Instead of being jealous about it, I feel relief. I want him here too, and it surprises me just how much.

“Can’t stop thinkin’ about him,” I whisper. “How happy he was tonight, it was so sweet.”

“Me either, he deserves it.”

Like music to our ears, we hear the door unlock. We don’t move from our position on the couch; Lace half undressed and me with my shirt off, my top button of my jeans undone.

I’m still cupping her tits when we hear Manny’s voice. “I see I’m not too late to join the party?”

Lace squeals, jumping off me to leap into his arms, peppering him with kisses. He laughs, kissing her back, and I sit up, adjusting my cock before I stand. “We’ve been talking about you all night. It’s been killing both of us that we can’t be near you,” she whines.

He kisses her, his eyes shifting to me as I move toward them. “Yeah.” I clear my throat. “About that.”

He doesn’t have time to speak. I grab him by the neck and apply a little bit of pressure, walking him back until his back hits the wall as I cage him in.

“Fuck,” he mutters.

My eyes scan his body as I run a hand through his hair. “We also need to discuss how fuckin’ hot you look in this cut, right, Lacey?”

“Mmmhmm.” She appears by our sides and puts her hands on both of us.

I lean in, my lips hovering over his, my hand at his throat. “You been a good boy?”

Manny swallows hard. “I guess you’re about to find out, right, Daddy?”

I grin, my lips crashing to his as I press my body into him, his muffled groan drawing out as our kiss intensifies and I hear Lace mutter how fucking hot we are.

When we part, I pull Lace in and she kisses him too, then me, then I kiss Manny. We’re just all kissing one another and my dick jerks uncomfortably in my jeans. “Fuck, I need to play,” I mutter, loosening my hand around his throat. “So fuckin’ hot for you right now.”

“Me too,” Lace whispers. “Touch me, Manny. Touch us. Let us make you feel good.”

A grin spreads across my face as Manny looks like a deer caught in headlights. For a moment, I think we’re scaring the shit out of him, then he recovers. “I think I like the sound of being your Little Princess .”

I grunt. “I was more thinkin’ along the lines of our little bitch, but we can roll with that.”

He lifts Lace into his arms as I uncage him. He moves toward the couch and I tut.

“Uh, uh. We’re gonna need the bed for what I have planned.” I scan him from head to toe, licking my lips as he kisses Lace and beckons me to him. “Couch won’t cut it.”

His eyes meet mine. “Whatever you say, Daddy.”