Chapter 4

Miss Grayson wasn'twhat Mandi had expected. She'd been expecting someone stern and strict, not this blonde in a suit with cropped hair and a warm smile that made her toes want to wiggle.

And yes, she was talking about punishments, but somehow Mandi knew that they wouldn't make her feel degraded or all torn up inside. She understood that Miss Grayson would be stern and strict when she needed to be, but her words promised so many books.

"Can we visit the library now?" she asked, eager to get started.

Miss Grayson glanced at her watch, "Well, it's nearly lunchtime, so how about we grab some food first, and get to know each other a bit better."

Food was good. Mandi liked food. But… "I'm okay without lunch!"

The look that Miss Grayson shot her said otherwise.

"Ummm… I will have lunch?"

"You will definitely have lunch."

Master Derek chuckled behind them, and Mandi swiveled to look at him. "Oh, no," he said, "Miss Grayson's in charge now. No looking at me for respite. Come on, angel," he added to Sadie, "I think you need to have a nap before your lunch."

Sadie pulled a face. "Fine, but only because it'll mean I'll be refreshed later for our Little search." She threw herself off the couch to hug Mandi. "We're going to be the best of friends, Mandi, I promise. And if you ever feel scared or overwhelmed and Miss Grayson isn't around, you and Beau can always come find me."

"Thank you," Mandi said quietly. She'd been so isolated for so long that she'd almost forgotten what it was like to have a friend who looked out for you. And the fact Sadie had included Beau made her feel even more welcome. "Really."

Sadie met her eyes for a moment, her own clouded with sadness, and smiled a sad smile that implied that she knew exactly what Mandi had just been thinking, and then the sadness was gone and Sadie was up and off in a flurry of movement that made Master Derek and Miss Grayson laugh.

"Now," said Miss Grayson, when they were alone, "how about we move up onto the couch here and chat a bit. Would you like to do lunch in one of restaurants?"

Mandi shook her head vigorously. Restaurants had yummy food, but they also had lots of people. And people meant strangers. And strangers usually meant noise. Lots and lots of noise.

She didn't think she could cope with lots of noise right now.

"Okay, petal, but you're going to have to use your words and share what you're thinking with me."

Mandi sent Miss Grayson a beseeching, silent look to no avail.

"Nope. Sorry to disappoint you, but puppy dog eyes don't work on me. I'm too used to naughty Littles trying to coopt my art supplies for pranks. Come now, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"Too noisy," Mandi said. Luckily the short sentence seemed to suffice.

"I guess that is the case, but luckily all the eateries here deliver room service. What do you fancy, and no," the other woman said pointedly, "I will not choose for you. This is your first meal here and by the sounds of it you've had a fairly stressful morning. There's Mexican, Italian, American, and the café does sandwiches and treats. Take your pick."

Picking for herself from a takeout menu was something Mandi was well acquainted with. "Maybe a chicken salad sandwich? And a treat for dessert?"

"Absolutely," but when Miss Grayson turned to the phone to dial room service, Mandi caught the back of her shirt. "Yes?"

"Takeout is nice, but I like to cook too, and I think this suite has a kitchenette." She peered over the top of the couch, and round the room until she spotted it just past the dining area. Smiling she pointed and added, "So maybe we order room service today, but I can get some food in to cook too?"

"I'm sure that's possible. If you come up with a list, I'll make sure that Chef Connor gets it and can fill a box with your choice of ingredients."

"Do you think Sadie would like it if I cooked her mac and cheese?"

"Well, I know that Sadie loves Chef Connor's mac and cheese, so…"

Mandi didn't even hear the end of the sentence. She could feel herself drawing back from the idea, knowing it was unlikely she could ever live up to a fancy chef's mac and cheese.

"Mandi," Miss Grayson crouched down to meet her eyes. "I think Sadie would love it, and I believe it's a lovely idea to include your new friend."

The panic inside her subsided, and Mandi wiggled in her seat. The more time she spent around Miss Grayson the more she felt her Little peeking out curiously. She swung her feet experimentally, to see if that would coax her Little out, but instead her Little retreated, and she sighed.

"Is everything okay?"

This time, Mandi's voice was louder than it had been all day, and far more frustrated. "I'm just… the whole point of coming here was to find my Little and she just won't come out. I've lost her. I've fucking lost her and it's my own fucking fault."

Silence followed her outburst, though Mandi would swear the naughty words were reverberating louder and louder around the room. Mandi wanted to dive under a blanket and hide. Her very first day and she'd already broken one of the core rules of Rawhide Ranch. Her eyes stung with tears that threatened to fall, and she pulled herself up and into the corner of the couch, making herself as small as she possibly could.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, but her voice trembled, and she didn't dare look at Miss Grayson. "I know I'm not supposed to swear, but?—"

"No, you're not," Miss Grayson agreed without hesitation as she sat back down on the couch next to her. Her voice didn't sound angry, and it wasn't raised.

Mandi snuck a flicker of a look up at the other woman's face, and she looked sad. Well, that sucked. As well as cussing, she'd now made Miss Grayson sad. The tears brimmed in Mandi's eyes and she blinked them away in frustration.

"I think we possibly need a time out from all the talks about your Little. How about, while we wait for room service, you unpack the suitcase that Moses has brought up, and put all your clothes away tidily in the closet."

Slightly stunned and confused, Mandi said, "You're not going to punish me?"

"Oh I am," said Miss Grayson, "Just not how you'd expect. For every three items of clothing you put away, I want you to tell me one thing you like about yourself. You swore because you were angry at yourself, so I want you to soften that emotion and show yourself some love."

That made Mandi turn and look at her face on. "Wait, what? It's okay, I was only… I mean, I don't want to?—"

"Are you safewording?"

Mandi stared at her. Was she? She couldn't remember the last time someone had spoken to her so directly about the way she spoke about herself. It was nice, but unsettling.

"Mandi, are you familiar with the traffic-light system used to help you feel secure and safe?"

Mandi nodded. She'd used it previously with her ex—sometimes with good results. Remembering she was expected to use her words, she pictured the three color choices in her head: red for stop right now; yellow for pause and check in; green for all good. She took a moment and considered each of them before saying, "Green, Miss. I'm green, I think."

"You think?"

"No, I know. I'm green."

"Good girl. Come on, I'll come with you and you can tell me all of the lovely things I can look forward to seeing for myself."