Chapter 2

"You lost your Little?"Sadie looked horrified. "That sounds awful!" And she hugged Mandi, and Mandi, who—aside from Ralphie—hadn't had any hugs in months, froze.

Sadie noticed and went to move back, but then Mandi buried her face in the other woman's shoulder and held on.

"It's okay," Sadie said, "I'm a Little and there are lots of Littles here, and we'll help you find your Little. We can do a Little hunt for her!"

"Perhaps," Master Derek interjected, "you could explain some more about what you meant by you ‘messed up'."

Mandi tried to disentangle herself from Sadie, who wouldn't let her. There was some tussling, and a little bit of giggling, until Sadie eventually let her sit back, as long as Mandi let Sadie hold her hand instead.

She looked at Master Derek, and then immediately looked down. "It's… it's a bit embarrassing."

"That's okay, little lady," he said.

Mandi hadn't really told anyone about it before, so she paused for a few minutes, working out where to start. "I've only really had a Daddy before, and not a Mommy, even though I'm bisexual," she explained, and looked into blue eyes that were warmer than she could have expected. "So just one Daddy. And at first he was funny, and kind, and made me laugh a lot. But it turns out that some Daddies drink too much, and when they do they"—she paused and looked anxiously at them–"Oh! I forgot to give you trigger warnings in case I say something that could be upsetting for you! It's nothing physically bad, not really, but bad words. And he hurt me, emotionally."

Master Derek looked at Sadie, who squeezed Mandi's hand. "Keep going, I'm okay."

"Okay." Mandi took a big deep breath. This next bit was hard. "He wasn't very nice to me sometimes. He said that reading stories to me was weird, because he could feel my Big side waiting to correct him, but I never did! I never even wanted to! I just loved books so much and he wouldn't read to me because I wasn't good enough at being a Little."

She could feel Sadie wanting to say something, but she kept going because if she stopped now, she didn't know if she'd be able to gather up the courage to say it again. "And he said that I was Too Much." Even repeating the words felt like a stab through her heart. "I know that I'm too much sometimes, I do. I can't help it because I'm autistic—as I said in my application—and sometimes sensory things are a bit overwhelming, and I wiggle and make funny noises when I'm happy. But I promise I'll try really hard not to be weird like that while I'm here. I promise."

When she met Master Derek's eyes this time, he looked so sad that she didn't know what to do.

"And then he broke up with me, and I know it was for the best, really, because he wasn't always very nice to me, and I didn't like it when he was drunk and one time when he was drunk…" Something salty touched her lips and Mandi realized that she was crying. "We played and he was so drunk he didn't hear me when I safeworded and I think that's why my Little won't come back! She doesn't trust me to keep her safe anymore."

And with that she buried her face in Beau's fur and sobbed and sobbed. It had felt like a storm, a torrent of words flying hurricane-like out of her mouth, and now that the storm had died down, all that was left in its wake was destruction.

Her.

Destroyed.

She felt a pair of arms draw her close, and then another join them, and for a few minutes she allowed Derek and Sadie Hawkins to hold her, and she felt somewhat safe.

When they pulled back, Sadie was also wiping her eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sadie," she said, patting her shoulder, "I didn't mean to?—"

"You have nothing to apologize for," said Sadie fiercely. "Nothing. And we will find your Little. I have determined it."

"I agree with my wife," said Master Derek, "We will definitely help you find your Little side again, but you need to know, Mandi, that you didn't mess up. You had a Daddy who didn't look after you the way you deserve to be looked after, but that wasn't your fault. That was all on him."

She knew what he was saying sounded right, but it didn't feel right.

"And you will be as weird as you like while you are here. In fact, that may be an order."

A tiny giggle escaped from her.

"And I want to get to know all of your happy noises and wiggles," added Sadie. "Maybe I'll teach you a few noises of my own."

Master Derek looked at her and she subsided into giggles. "But I think perhaps that we might need to slightly alter the Ranch contract for you, Mandi."

She lapsed back into quiet again, having used up all her words and giggles, but she nodded and smiled weakly.

"Most of the rules I'm not too worried about—no drugs, no drinking for Littles and no cussing—but if Littles or guests are naughty, then they're usually subject to punishment, but I don't know"—he looked up and saw Mandi's face—"I think perhaps no corporal punishments for you. And maybe we select one person to take you under their wing, to look after you."

"I'm not looking for a Caregiver," Mandi said, her words quiet but firm. "I don't need a Daddy or a Mommy messing me up again."

"Being a solo Little is a lovely thing for those who want it," said Master Derek, "but not all Daddies or Mommies are bad. Some of them can be just what we need."

She felt her face screw up slightly, and she knew she was going to be stubborn about it when Sadie interjected suddenly. "Oh! Daddy! Mandi loves books and Miss Grayson would be perfect!"

"I don't want?—"

"Not like that," reassured Sadie, although she did look thoughtful, "she's the librarian in the Littles' Library, and she's been looking for someone to help out for a while. And you did say that you like books!"

Mandi's eyes widened, all thoughts of stubbornness forgotten. "Oh could I?" She turned to Master Derek, suddenly animated. "I promise I'll be good if I can help with the books! The bookstore where I work is closing and I'm so sad about it, but books make me so, so happy."

He laughed. "Okay, little lady. Let me speak to Miss Grayson and see what she thinks. You're booked in to stay with us for a week, yes?"

She nodded. "My job has finished and Ralphie insisted I take a proper holiday for once."

"Well, while you're here, I'm going to insist that you see one of our counselors, Catherine Denten. I think you'll like her. It's really important that you take care of your mental health, Mandi, so it's going to have to be a condition of your stay."

"Okay," Mandi said quietly. "I can do that I think."

"I'd like you to sit with Sadie and go over the form you filled out before, to double check that it's exactly what you want before you sign it. Afterward, Sadie can take you up to the Guest Wing to get you settled in your room before I bring Miss Grayson to meet you."

Mandi had no intention of finding herself a Mommy or a Daddy while at Rawhide Ranch, but there was something about the name Miss Grayson that sent butterflies fluttering through her stomach. Something that made her wonder whether she was quite so against the idea of a Caregiver after all.