26. Lane

I don"t know why he"s pouting, but it"s cute.

Wait. Cute?

No, no, no. This is too much.

It"s bad enough that my body reacts to Noah the way it does. It"s bad enough that I"ve never felt more alive than I do right now. I can"t be thinking he"s cute now, too.

I"m drunk on him. That"s what this is.

He"s staring at my mouth like he wants to kiss me. Every time he gets close, I consider letting him. I want to. But I don"t think I can handle it.

The last time he kissed me, something broke inside me. Something I thought that I had cured, or at least buried so deep down it wouldn"t ever be an issue, sparked to life. At the time, I imagined it as a seed, and I suppose that still works, but it"s more now. That seed grew roots that burrowed into me with every look, every growl, every jab in each other"s direction. Over the past year, it grew into a massive tree, limbs and branches becoming a part of me. And since we"ve been at college, it"s blossomed.

His lips are the forbidden fruit, hanging low and heavy. As bad as everything we"ve done is, as condemned to hell as I will be for the pleasures we"ve taken in each other"s bodies, it"s just physical.

But if I were to let him kiss me again? What else could he unleash within me? How much deeper could he burrow inside of me? I"m certain that one kiss could drag me down past the point of no return. Instead of merely breaking something inside me, I would shatter completely.

A giggle erupts from my throat. A giggle. It"s throaty and must sound unhinged, because Noah looks at me with unbridled concern.

"Are you about to start freaking out, or are you just cum drunk?"

"Maybe," I say, because who knows. This doesn't feel real.

I"m still processing that I just sucked off a guy. And not just any guy. My stepbrother.

I"m coming around to a self-truth that has been haunting me since I was ten years old. All my secrets are in the process of being exposed, and the anonymity that was supposed to protect me is in jeopardy. Because once again, Deliverance Summit is ruling my life. My grandfather"s voice is an almost constant stream of consciousness lately, and Pastor Gideon"s cold, hateful stare haunts me in the mirror as much as it does my dreams. The only thing that blots them out is him. Right now, sitting here with him, even in the aftermath of my sins, it's quiet. I'm sure reality will creep back up on me… eventually.

"Well, put your dick away. We should get inside before it starts raining." His voice is casual and joking, but he"s still watching me warily.

"Quit looking at me like I might Hulk out," I tell him as I awkwardly tuck myself, half hard, back into my pants, accepting my tangle of shirts that Noah hands me from the floor.

Noah laughs and seems to relax, but still acts like I might bite him when he pulls my undershirt from the pile and uses it to wipe my face. "You haven"t even seen those movies."

"You don"t know that," I say, although I haven"t. He raises an eyebrow.

We finished adjusting our clothes in silence. Noah holds on to my undershirt, balling it up in his fist. I pull on my button down, which now has several missing buttons.

"I read your comics," I admit, as we"re walking through the parking lot towards the dorm.

He nods. "Makes sense. You"ve always been a big reader."

"Not until I moved away from the compound. Your books were my first taste of entertainment that wasn"t church-approved."

"Ahh, yes. And the corruption began," he says, winking, as he opens the door.

Noah"s best friend Miah, his roommate Taylor, Peters, Danny, and the two guys that live next door to them are all seated around a table in the lobby common room, playing cards. They greet us enthusiastically, still hyped from the game that I"ve honestly already forgotten about. Too much has happened for it to be the top priority in my mind.

"I"d ask how dinner went with the parents, but you look like you"ve been through something, my dudes." Miah laughs, gesturing at us both.

It"s only now that I realize how disheveled we both are. Noah"s shirt is wrinkled and stretched out, his hair matted with sweat in the back. His skin is blotchy, and there"s a red mark on his neck that I don"t remember giving him. I can only imagine what my face and hair look like, but my pants are wrinkled and my shirt is untucked and missing several buttons.

"Ah, yeah," Noah says with a bark of laughter. "We got in a fight in the parking lot."

I should be impressed by his ability to lie so easily. But I"m pretty sure my heartbeat can be heard across the room, and my face is hot with embarrassment and fear that we"ve just been caught.

Miah snorts. Jamie Peters asks who won.

"Well, I pinned him first. But fucking look at him," Noah says, gesturing to my overall stature. "He"s fucking massive. He had me laid out in no time." I choke at the underlying innuendo, glaring at him before I turn to leave.

Thankfully, they all probably think I"m still mad over whatever we were supposedly fighting about, because no one seems to react when I walk away. Noah chuckles behind me, and I turn to give him another glare before opening the door to the stairwell, but he"s not paying attention to me. I catch Danny"s gaze instead. He"s watching me curiously, his eyes roaming over my disheveled clothes and then Noah"s. The balled-up t-shirt is still in Noah"s hand, and Danny cocks his head like he"s working out a complex puzzle. All the contents of my stomach feel heavy in my gut, and the panic I was missing earlier trickles over my scalp.

And here comes reality.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I run to our apartment, barely making it inside before the contents of my stomach make a reappearance. I heave into the kitchen sink, the first receptacle I can reach in time to not puke all over the floor. I heave until there is nothing left, sucking air in through burning sinuses. Gripping the edge of the sink, I open my mouth in a silent scream, but it costs me so much effort to keep the sound in that all it really does is steal the oxygen from my brain. I have to sit back against the wall for a few minutes, but then remember the last time I sat against the wall like this, the first time Noah put his hands on me.

What am I doing?And where is this leading?

Let"s pretend for a moment that I"m not severely traumatized by the idea that I might be...Ugh, I can"t even say it in my own head!

Clearly, I have an intense physical reaction to my stepbrother. What is it about him that"s appealing, though?

He"s an asshole. You like the way he takes control. The way he loses control.

He"s full of himself. You"re jealous of his easy confidence and the way he seems to not care what anyone else thinks.

He"s flighty and careless. You wish you were free like him.

He"s a jerk to me. But always seems to notice when you need to get out of your head.

He makes me feel weak. You"ve never experienced true temptation before.

He"s an asshole. He"s beautiful.

Logically, Noah is probably not an actual demon sent to tempt me into sinning so he can rip out my soul—although it honestly feels that way sometimes. That look he gets when he has me in his clutches, like he"s about to tear off pieces of me with his teeth and devour me piece by piece. It"s probably a testament of how broken I am inside that it turns me on so much. Makes me feel alive. Makes me feel free, because he gets me out of my head with that one simple look. It starts with fear, builds into desire, and explodes in a release that clears my mind of all the turmoil.

Unfortunately, it doesn"t take too long for reality to settle in and then I"m back right here, feeling bad about myself and my choices. Even then, I"m not spiraling. I can function. I"m just disgusted with myself for being so weak.

He calls me his toy. What happens when he gets bored and moves on, and I"m left at square one, not knowing how to navigate the world without the stupid boy that"s become a crutch?

By the time Noah comes up, I"ve bleached the sink and disposal, brushed my teeth, and am just getting out of the shower. Noah closes the door and leans against it, watching me.

I don"t hide myself from him like I used to. He"s seen just about all of me, anyway, in pieces at least. There"s a towel around my waist, and I"m using another to dry my hair. I return his gaze as I walk into my room, closing the door behind me. My anger has lost its edge, but it"s still there.

Noah raps on the door softly. After pulling a pair of sweatpants on, I open the door. He"s leaning casually on the frame, his concerned gaze betraying the smirk on his lips.

"You mad, bro?"

My eyebrow raises, and I give him a pointed look, moving away from the door to get a shirt from my dresser.

"Oh, I see. Alright. Cool."

Curiosity gets the best of me. "What?"

"You"re going to give me the silent treatment and dress like a slut to get back at me, but two can play that game."

Why does him calling me a slut make me feel so warm?

"How am I dressed like a slut?"

His eyes very blatantly run up and down my body before he settles back on my face. "Grey sweatpants, no underwear, and that t-shirt is tighter than Danny's. Who the fuck do you think you"re kidding?"

I look down at myself. How can he tell I'm not?—

"I can see the outline of your cock down your thigh, Lane. If you were a girl, those pants would be a miniskirt so short I could see cheek."

"I"m not a girl. And I"m not trying to impress you. I"m getting dressed for bed, idiot."

"Since when do you not wear underwear to bed?"

Since there"s not room in them for the hard-on I get thinking about your mouth on me every night.

"Since when do you pay attention to what I wear to bed?" I snap.

"Since you started getting a big, hard boner for your big brother, that"s when."

He"s leaning forward, all but physically holding himself back from entering my room. He hasn"t come in since I yelled at him and kicked him out for snooping. I didn"t really care, I don"t have much and there"s nothing to hide in there. I was feeling vulnerable and exposed. The last straw was seeing him with his hand on one of my Beatles albums, specifically the one with the yellow border. It was the first one I bought, with Mom's help. I got it off eBay for twenty bucks. A double-sided record, Strawberry Fields Forever and Penny Lane. My only prized possession, more sentimental than my grandfather's Bible.

"Awfully conceited to think this is for you," I say, trying to borrow some of his aloof attitude. My erection is obvious, and it"s too late to hide it. My hand rests over it, not stroking or doing anything, just pressing it down so it"s slightly less distracting.

"I think it is for me," he says, relaxing against the doorframe. He unbuttons his jeans and slowly drags the zipper down. "I"ve got one for you, too," he says, pulling it from his boxer briefs. Unlike me, he doesn"t try to hide it. He flaunts it, stroking the wide shaft, closing his fist over the tip and circling before going back down. Slow and steady, watching me the entire time. "Take it out, Lane. Let me see how hard you are for me."

My body moves on autopilot, like it always does whenever he commands me to do something in that husky tone. My sweatpants fall around my ankles, and my dick is in my hands.

"I can"t decide if I want to suck you or fuck your face again first," he rasps as he pumps his fist up and down, circling over the head.

"I can"t decide if I want to let you do either of those things at all," I reply. I shouldn't let him. I shouldn't want to let him.

A slow grin spreads across his face. "You know you want it, little brother."

"Not if you"re going to go spouting off to all your friends," I tell him sharply.

"Ahh, there it is. I knew you were mad about that. Don"t worry, it threw them off our tracks enough."

"Danny definitely was giving me a look like he might know something."

"That's just because he wants your dick," he scoffs. "Don't worry, baby. It"s how I talk to everyone. You're the only one that knows I actually pinned you and sucked the cum out of you."

Jesus, help me.

"Goddamn I love it when you look at me like that," Noah groans, reaching with his free hand to cup his balls. He tugs and rolls them gently while his other hand continues stroking, and I make a mental note that he likes that, before shaking the thought out of my head and meeting his eyes again.

"Like what?"

"Like you hate me. Your nostrils flare and your pupils get so big they make you look mindless, like a shark who smells blood," he says, eyes boring into mine.

I suck in a breath. "I do hate you." Liar.

"I fucking love that," Noah groans, tilting his head back.

"You have issues."

"Clearly. Right now, my biggest issue is that I"m not fucking your throat right now. I"m curious how hard and deep you can take me."

Saliva pools in my mouth, and I swallow. I liked sucking him, liked his flavor on my tongue and the feel of him battering my throat and the way he babbled when I was doing something he liked. I felt powerful. Impressing him with how much I can take is more appealing than it should be.

"My other issue is that I"m not currently swallowing your cum. It"s become my favorite snack, and I"m famished." The word rolls off his tongue salaciously.

"That, uh—seems like a problem," I say, forcing my words to be clear and slow. No more stuttering if I can help it. Though I miss the mark at sounding disinterested. Then again, I"m standing in the middle of my room with my dick in my hand, drooling while my stepbrother jerks himself. Which should be my job.

"It is a very big problem," Noah says, eyeing my dick pointedly. "So how about you invite me in and we can take care of it."

"I"m still mad at you."

"Then let me beg for forgiveness," he says, stepping out of his jeans before he drops to his knees. He"s moved just inside my doorway, but I don"t protest.

He crawls another foot inside the room before sitting back on his heels and stroking himself some more. When I don"t do or say anything to make him leave, he removes his shirt and crawls forward again, warily making his way to where I"m standing. He kneels in front of me, wrapping his hand around the base of my dick.

"Forgive me, please," he says, staring directly into my eyes as he takes me into his mouth. He holds my gaze while worshiping my dick, licking and teasing between long, slow sucks.

"You"re going to have to do better than that," I say, trying and probably failing to imitate Noah"s sexy, commanding tone.

It"s impossible to remain unaffected while he"s playing with me the way he is. He doesn"t even notice that I"m talking; he"s distracted by my foreskin, pushing and pulling it back gently before putting his tongue inside it. My knees nearly buckle.

"Lay back and let me play with you," Noah says, pulling back just long enough to push me down on the bed. He lays across the bed horizontally and resumes exactly what he was doing. "I want to chew on it like bubblegum," he whispers before running his tongue between the head and foreskin.

I hiss out a breath, chills spreading over every inch of my skin. "Um, please don"t. But that… that"s good. You can do that again." He does it again and I shiver.

Noah moans as if he"s the one floating into space in a bubble of pure sensation. When he"s done sucking, tonguing, and yes, nibbling, at my foreskin, nearly bringing me to tears, he pulls it back and wraps his lips around the exposed head. I cry out and buck my hips, forcing him to take me deeper. It wasn"t on purpose, but he doesn"t seem to mind, repositioning himself over my lap so he can take me deeper and faster.

His hard dick juts out, almost within reach. I try to curve my body to reach him, so I can stroke him while he sucks me. Noah looks down at what I"m attempting to do and repositions us again, this time laying parallel to my body. We both lay on our sides, and I grasp his shaft just as he swallows mine again.

"Mmpphh."

God, why is this so good? I want to...

His dick, smooth and hard and leaking pre-cum all over my comforter, is inches from my face. He"s spent the last half hour exploring and playing with me, so I decide to do the same, although I"m significantly more distracted. More often than not, I have to take breaks just to absorb the waves of pleasure, but I touch and lick him all over. I learn that he likes it when I flick my tongue over the underside of his head, and when I tug on his balls, the way I watched him do to himself. My tongue tentatively licks him there, and he moans.

"Suck them," he rasps. "Please, for the love of—Gaaahhhhh." He makes a loud, unintelligible noise as I gently suck each of his balls into my mouth, swirling my tongue around. "Harder, fuck, yes!" He likes it rough.

His mouth closes around my dick again, using his hands to massage my balls while he moves up and down the shaft. He garbles out a curse and chokes when I take him deep into my throat, tugging on his balls a little more roughly than I would like myself.

Then we"re in some kind of sordid, perverted race to make each other cum from our sixty-nine position. I can take him deeper, but he knows all my sensitive spots. Including ones I didn"t know about. Like the spot just behind my balls. At first I tense up, thinking he"s going to touch me there, but his fingers press into that spot and massage it, while he sucks my sensitive head, and I explode.

"Fuck, Noah, I"m coming!" I roar, my words muffled by the dick in my mouth, just before unloading into his mouth.

He lifts up to get a good angle, slurping and swallowing me down while I tremble and suckle Noah"s dick like a pacifier. I take him deeper, holding him in my mouth while I come down. Noah"s hips start to move against me, and I wonder if I could handle...

I tap his hip to get his attention, before I remember that"s the signal to stop, and he pulls out of my mouth.

"No, sorry, don"t stop. Just… move over me," I say, not sure how to describe what I want. I grab his hips and try to reposition him, but he pulls off completely. I apologize, thinking maybe he didn"t like that, but he was just turning around.

Noah straddles my waist, pushing my shirt up my chest. I take his hint and sit up, letting him help me pull the snug fabric over my head. When I lay back down, he slides himself further up my body. "Is this what you want?" I nod, except he"s not close enough, so I shuffle my shoulders down a bit, until he"s basically straddling my neck.

He looks down at me with an expression so dark, I reconsider my earlier notion that logic rules out demonic possession. With one hand propped against the headboard, he feeds his dick into my mouth, little by little.

"You want me to fuck your face like the dirty little slut you are, Lane?" He taunts me, dripping pre-cum on the tip of my tongue while he says dirty, degrading things that make my dick forget it already came twice in the past few hours.

I jut my head forward to get more of him in my mouth, but he pulls back. He"s having too much fun taunting and teasing me, but he seems to forget that I"m bigger and stronger than he is. We both forget it too often, I think.

Lifting my arms like I"m doing curls, I force Noah"s body to tip forward, right into my waiting mouth. Before he can so much as think of getting away from me, I lock my arms around the back of his thighs and hold him still while I suck him deep.

"Oh, Fuck."

When his hips start trying to rock against me and his eyes are so hooded and heavy they"re nearly shut, I know it"s time to let him take over. He"s too far past the point of no return to be a tease any longer. He braces both hands on the headboard and thrusts, deep but gently, into my mouth, watching me with open-mouthed astonishment. My hands grip his ass, and I"m very distracted by the way I can feel his muscles contract with each thrust.

"Goddamn it Lane, you"re—Fuck!" He pulls halfway out and looks down, wide eyed and awed in a way that makes me feel oddly accomplished. "Can you take more?"

I nod, hopefully not too enthusiastically, and pull him back towards me, squeezing his ass. He groans.

"Two taps," he reminds me. I nod again.

"Good boy. I"m going to fuck your throat the way I plan to take your ass, hard and deep."

Before I can process what he just said, his thick cock plunges into my mouth, battering the back of my throat. I let my jaw go slack and breathe through my nose, relaxing my throat for him to use as he pleases. Now I really am just a toy. The idea excites me more than it should, and I slip firmly into that floaty headspace that only Noah can bring me to.

My hands roam over his thighs and ass, and I marvel at how much of him I can hold in my big hands. Enough that when I grip both of his cheeks, the jostling of him riding my face makes my fingertips fall into dangerous territory, sliding between his ass cheeks. I quickly move them, but Noah quickly corrects me, moving my hands back. My excited fingertips find their way back to the warm crevice of his ass. I don"t touch anything specific, too afraid and unsure of what to do, just run my fingers up and down while watching his eyes roll back a little farther with each thrust. Every sound he makes drives me further into a headspace where nothing exists but need and pleasure.

Then he pulls out, replacing his dick with his fingers, wetting them in the copious amounts of drool and pre-cum that dribble over my lips. I have just enough time to stretch out my jaw before he slips his dick back between my lips. His wet hand disappears behind him, and then he lifts one of my hands off his ass and towards his mouth. To my horror, because those fingers were just skimming his ass crack, he holds my middle finger up and closes his mouth around it, sucking gently. I mimic his suction, my dick twitching at the reminder of what his mouth does to me. Then he releases my finger, dribbling more spit onto it, before returning my hand to his ass, except this time he keeps his hand over mine, directing my wet finger between his cheeks.

"Touch me," he rasps, and I know what he"s asking for.

Fear and searing arousal mix into a dizzying adrenaline that pumps through my veins, sending heat to every inch of my body. My finger finds his hole, and I circle around it while swirling my tongue around the crown of his dick. I have no idea what I"m doing, but I watch him closely for instructions or some clue as to what feels good. I want to make him feel good. He pushes back against my hand with each slow thrust, my finger teasing the tight rim of his most forbidden boundary.

"Do it," he says. "Put your finger inside me."

God forgive me, please.

With a little more pressure, the tip of my finger breaches the tight ring. Noah hisses, whether in a good way or not I"m not sure, but he pushes back a little more and it feels like my finger is being sucked inside. He jerks, and I lift my head to take him deeper, swallowing around his head while I experimentally move my finger. I start by thrusting in and out in time with my mouth, and then swirl it around before pushing in a little deeper, just to the second knuckle. The pad of my finger brushes against something warm and spongy, and Noah cries out, slamming a hand on the wall. I rub against the spot again and he loses it, thrusting with abandon and moaning gutturally. His hot cum sprays the back of my throat so forcefully I almost cough it up all over him again, but I manage to swallow down every drop before Noah all but collapses on the bed next to me.

"Holy fucking shit, you have to try that," he says as he's catching his breath.