31. Gage

Chapter Thirty-One

GAGE

By the time I hit the parking lot, my brain felt like it was on fire. Light rain was falling, and the night air was suffocating. The faint metallic tang of a storm that had barely touched ground filled my nostrils, and I breathed deep.

Open space and fresh air should have felt like freedom, but my chest was tight, and my skin was crawling with unease. I needed a strong drink and a shower, something to scrape this hellish day off me. How had Ben survived five years of this feeling?

The change of fortune felt surreal. One minute, I was counting cracks in the concrete floor of my cell; the next, they were shoving my bloody clothes at me like I’d lost them after a bad night out. Wallet, keys, paperwork—I took it all on autopilot. My questions remained unanswered, but I didn’t miss the sideways looks exchanged by the deputies as they released me into the parking lot.

That’s when I saw him.

Wyatt was leaning against his Jeep, arms crossed, staring down at the asphalt. The half-dead streetlights cast murky yellow shadows that hollowed out his features. Strain was pulling his face taut. He looked like he was barely holding it together, like duct tape and prayer were all that was holding him upright.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and kept walking, but slower now. My knuckles stung and my shirt reeked of sweat and blood, but none of that explained the warning bells going off in my head. My instincts told me something was wrong, but after a day of emotional whiplash, I barely knew which way was up.

Still, the way his eyes tracked me sent a chill down my spine. Calm, but not really, watching me like I was a problem he didn’t know how to fix.

I stopped a few feet away, trying to get a read on him, but he was locked down tighter than Fort Knox. I’d spent hours convincing myself that he’d washed his hands of me, that even if he wanted to help, there was nothing he could do. I’d burned the last bridge and he was done trying to pull me out of the fire. Now he was here, looking at me like I was the fire, and I didn’t know what the hell to do with that.

“Didn’t think you’d leave me hanging,” I said, aiming for light and failing miserably. My voice was so rough it scraped the inside of my throat. “But I’ve got to admit…I wasn’t sure.”

Wyatt flinched, just barely, but I caught it. Not hurt, exactly. More like something I’d said had caught him on a raw edge. “You actually thought I’d leave you there?”

I shrugged, and it was only then that I noticed how sore my shoulders were. Every inch of my body ached, and all I wanted was to crawl into bed. Not my bed, though—that wasn’t where my mind went. I wanted Wyatt’s bed, the huge picture window overlooking the creek, and his arms around me. I wanted safety.

But the look on his face told me it wasn’t happening. He nudged a duffle bag with his boot, drawing my attention.

“What’s with the bag?” I asked, cocking my head. “You heading to the gym? Want me to call Mason for a ride?”

Before I could keep running my mouth, he cut me off. “Get in the car, Gage.”

I didn’t move. “Yeah, see, I’m gonna need more than that. I know you’re pissed about how I handled things?—”

“I’m not angry,” he interrupted wearily. It was a lie. Fatigue wasn’t the only thing weighing him down. He was angry, and it was aimed at me. His eyes, darker than usual, pinned me in place. “I just want to get you out of here. I want you safe at home where I know you’ll stay out of trouble for at least one fucking night.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I don’t want to clean up any more messes tonight!” His voice cracked, and there it was—the jagged edge of something he wasn’t telling me. His fingers flexed at his sides like he wanted to punch something. Maybe me. “Get in the goddamn car, Gage.”

“Don’t do me any favors,” I snapped, glaring at him through the rain. “I never asked you to clean up after me. I’ve been taking care of myself since before I could walk. I’ll find my own way home.”

I headed in the opposite direction without a plan, but the parish wasn’t that big. Even walking, I’d be home before midnight. All I knew was that I needed the space and to get away from that cold look in his eyes before I said something I regretted.

Before I made it halfway across the lot, Wyatt was on me. His hands were in my hair, spinning me around, and then his mouth crashed into mine. It wasn’t a soft kiss. There was no tenderness in it, only frustration. His tongue shoved between my lips to score the inside of my mouth, and for a confused moment, I just took it. Just as I began to tentatively respond, he tore his mouth away, leaving me breathless and stunned.

“After everything you’ve put me through today, you can damn well cooperate for once,” he growled. “Get in the damn car. We’ll work the rest out later.”

“If you’re done with me, just say it,” I said shakily.

Wyatt grabbed my face with both hands, his grip firm, almost bruising. His thumbs pressed against my jaw, forcing me to look at him, and his eyes bored into mine, dark and unrelenting. “I’m not done with you,” he hissed. “I’m never done with you, Gage. That’s the fucking problem.”

“I’m not sorry,” I said, jerking out of his hold. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Guys like Paulie Tibbs go after easy targets. Now that he knows Ivy’s got people watching out for her, he’ll move on to easier targets.”

“He won’t be on the streets any time soon. I made sure of that when I made the deal with Vanderhoff to release you.”

“How?” I asked, and then I thought of a better question. “Why’d you even get involved if you resent it so much? I never asked you to help me.”

Wyatt took a deep breath and hung his head. He looked like he was bracing himself for something he didn’t want to say. “I turned in my badge.”

That knocked the wind out of me. I stared at him, trying to inflate my shocked lungs, but my breath was gone. His words were almost nonsensical. Wyatt was that badge. It was the thing that defined him, the one thing he’d loved longer than I’d known him, and he’d given it up—for me.

“What?” I whispered. “Why?”

I understood that darkness in his eyes now. It was a well of misery. His lips pulled into a grimace when he said, “Vanderhoff’s been gunning for your family and anything to do with Boone Beaufort since before I put on my first uniform, but he hates me almost as much. Because every time you fuck up, I’m there to run interference. He gave me an ultimatum: I could stand back and watch you face charges, or I could hand over my badge and walk. So, I walked.”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” I said hoarsely, swallowing a surge of nausea. “I didn’t ask you to do that. I’d never ask you to do that!”

His laugh was flat and humorless. “No, you didn’t. But I’ve been looking out for you too long to stop now. Even if you insist on making it nearly impossible.”

“That’s not fair,” I protested, but even as I said it, I knew he was right. Wyatt was better than me in every way that mattered. In a less crazy world, he’d never have looked twice at me. “I never asked you to do that.”

“None of this is fair, Gage!” I’d never heard him raise his voice like that before. His face was tight and pale under the dingy streetlights. “But unless you want to live like a hermit in the bayou, this is what happens. It doesn’t matter if you think you deserve it or not. When you’re in a relationship, you don’t get to face everything alone anymore.”

“If I’m too much for you, why are you still here?” I demanded, forcing the words out through my tight throat.

“Because I thought…” He faltered, and when he finally continued, his tone was steadier…but colder too. “I thought you wanted to do better. Once you’ve got an adult record, you can’t help out with the foster program anymore. You get that? You’ve got people who care about you. People who’d do anything for you?—”

“And what good has that ever done?” I barked, cutting him off before he could finish. My eyes were stinging, and my breath was coming fast and ragged. “The last time I needed help, Ben paid the price. Now you’ve thrown your life away, and for what? For this?” I gestured wildly at myself. His disappointed gaze only deepened the ache in my chest. “I’m not worth it, Wyatt. I never have been.”

“Knock it off!” Wyatt snapped, so furious his voice shook. “You don’t get to decide that. You think you’re the one who decides what you’re worth? Screw that, Gage. Screw you.”

My ears rang in the sudden silence. My heart was pounding so hard I felt it in my throat, and I saw the same flicker in the base of Wyatt’s throat. I fixated on that pulse to avoid looking him in the eye.

“Get in the car,” he said quietly, barely above a whisper. “Let me take you home. Please.”

I closed my eyes and dragged in a shaky breath. There was nothing I wanted less than to be trapped in a car with him right now. Hell, I’d rather be back in my cell. But I owed him that much, so I ducked my head and stalked over to his Jeep without meeting his eyes.

It was a long, suffocating drive. The patter of rain and the rhythmic squeak of the wipers were the only sounds. Wyatt didn’t even try to make conversation. His eyes stayed fixed on the road and his hands locked on the wheel at two and ten. Every so often, his jaw would flex, like he was chewing on words he didn’t trust himself to speak. I stared out the windshield, watching the headlights carve tunnels through the rain, and kept my hands fisted atop my thighs.

By the time the house loomed out of the darkness, I was ready to jump out of my skin. I reached for the handle and was out the door before Wyatt had even cut the engine—but he was faster. He caught up with me in the foyer and grabbed me by the arm.

“Wait,” he said, low and fervent.

I froze like I’d stepped on a live wire. “You don’t have to?—”

“Just…just shut up for a second.” He’d never sounded so frustrated. His voice cracked, and that did it. I turned—because I couldn’t not —and the look at his face nearly ruined me. Before I could pull away, his arms were around me, tugging me into a hug that was all steel and warmth. I closed my eyes, and my breath hitched. The noise that clogged my throat crept perilously close to a whimper.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered in my ear. “We can get through this. Just…just give me a little time.”

I wanted so badly to believe him, but I couldn’t. Wyatt didn’t know the first thing about what was waiting for us. He didn’t see the pit I’d been clawing my way out of my entire life—but I did. Every time I got close to daylight, something dragged me back down. And now I was dragging him down too.

It killed me to step out of his arms, but somehow, I found the strength. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, baby,” I said, chucking him under the chin.

His eyes flared, but I didn’t wait around for his reply. I was already taking the old servant’s staircase two at a time, leaving him standing alone in the foyer, looking after me like he wanted to follow but didn’t know how.