Chapter 6

When I woke up,it was already dawn. The sky was a deep grey and the room perfectly silent. I sat up to realize my entire body was numb because I hadn’t moved a single inch since I’d lain down the day before. There was a clock on my nightstand, just as fancy and with the same golden colors as the lamp behind it. It was just a little after five a.m., meaning I’d slept almost twelve hours straight. I hadn’t dreamed. I hadn’t even realized I was sleeping, and now everything hurt.

Everything on the inside.

I got off the bed, trying not to panic because I had no clue what the fuck to do. Trying not to let the anxiety whispering in my ear win. I do not belong here, it said. This place isn’t mine, either, it said. I am nothing but a burden on Mama Si’s back, too.

Somehow, I found a corner and I sat with my back to it; I wrapped my arms around my legs and I rested my forehead on my knees. Somehow, I convinced myself to focus on breathing as everything that had happened to me in the past two days came crashing down right on my head.

The shock had finally worn off and I felt it all in its rawest form—the cold, sharp knife of betrayal cutting right into my heart, and the desperation and fear of being utterly alone in the world, with no one to turn to and no place to go, and the disappointment and the guilt for allowing myself to get to this point. For always expecting someone to be my hero, to come save me, even though deep down I knew that I was the only one who could pick me up and put me on my feet. Me. Not Brandon, not a faceless stranger who came in the middle of the night to rescue me from my misery, like I sometimes daydreamed. Just me.

But I’d ignored it, and now the guilt weighed so heavy on my shoulders that I couldn’t even imagine standing up.

Yes, the shock had worn off, and now I saw myself for who I was. Alone, stripped bare, sleeping under someone else’s roof once more, working as…what exactly? An actual prostitute? An escort?

What the hell did entertainment really mean in this place?

I didn’t know and not knowing was slowly drowning me. It kept me under for a long, long time.

But I knew why I was here—because of the pay, because I would only have to stay here for a year and make enough to start my life anew somewhere far, far away. I’d go to Asia. I’d go to Europe. I’d go anywhere in the world for a fresh start, but I couldn’t do anything if I didn’t spend this year here first.

It was the smart thing to do. It was the logical thing to do.

On that, at least, I agreed with my own self.

Marissa found me right there on the floor when she came to my door at eight, but by then I was feeling better. Angrier at Brandon, at myself—and anger was good. Anger would keep me moving, so I took it.

She waited for me while I was in the bathroom, then put the same dress on me as yesterday, and brought me a tray full of food—an omelet, a glass of milk and fresh vegetables that smelled like heaven.

“It’s really warm here,” I said while I ate because I wasn’t cold at all.

Come to think of it, those women and men by the pools had looked perfectly comfortable wearing bikinis, even though it was still April. It shouldn’t have been warm enough outside to go swimming yet, but…

“The air is warmer in the Paradise,” was Marissa’s response, and it was a relief. None of it was in my head—it was real. The air was indeed warmer here than it was outside those gates. And as strange as that was, I didn’t have the time to give it too much thought.

Before breakfast was over, Adam was coming through the doors with another girl behind him. She looked young and completely fascinated by everything she saw, her eyes wide and glossy as she took in the ceiling and the windows and the size of the bed I was sitting on. She barely managed a good morning as she carried three black leather cases in her hands, and then Adam came in front of me, smiling brightly as his eyes searched my face.

He was possibly over six feet, with a lean frame and cropped hair, and today he had blue mascara on, which made the light brown of his eyes look even more striking than yesterday. His cheeks were clean shaven, his lips big and plump and a natural pink color to die for. He was indeed a very handsome guy, and when he grinned mischievously like that, he became even more attractive.

“I haven’t been this excited about a project since forever,” he told me, running his long fingers through my messy hair. I hadn’t even bothered to comb it this morning.

“I’m a project?” I wondered, and he grinned wider.

“Oh, yes. Possibly the most beautiful project I’ll ever work on—and I’m about to make you even more breathtaking, baby girl.” He grabbed my chin and raised my head. “Get ready to be transformed into the most beautiful Fall you’ll ever be.”

That was actually exciting. It made butterflies go nuts in my stomach.

Transformed. I liked that word.

So, when he began to tell me what he had in mind, and how he’d envisioned transforming me all night last night, I had no complaints. I just sat in the chair in front of the vanity table, and I let him do whatever he wanted.

“It’s just highlights,” he said as he put foil all over my head, having bleached strands of it here and there. “They’ll make your natural color pop even more. They’ll bring out the green in your eyes, and those gorgeous freckles when you’re going au naturale,” he informed me. “See that bag?” He pointed at a pink leather bag that the girl, who was his assistant, had put on the vanity table. “That’s yours. It’s got all your colors in it. I’ll be using that when I come to prep you. Feel free to use it on yourself, too.”

I grabbed the bag and opened it, curious to see what was inside. Makeup. So much makeup—high end brands I’d only ever seen online. Golden eye shadow pallets and bronzers and blushes and mascaras and all those lip glosses!

“What am I supposed to do with seven different lip glosses, all basically the same shades?” I asked Adam but I was smiling ear to ear because, by some magic, I apparently loved lip glosses now.

Adam gave me a look from the mirror that made me wonder if he just threw up in his mouth a little bit. “The same shades?!” he choked. “You think these look the same?”

“Uh…” I was pretty sure they were, but I was also pretty sure that he might shave my head in my sleep if I said so.

“They’re not,” he informed me. “That’s pink-peach. That’s canned peach, obviously. That’s shimmery, and that’s mature peach. That one’s the dark side of peach, that one’s orange-peach—and this? This beauty is peach cream.”

“Peach cream. Got it,” I said with a nod, though I didn’t get it. To me it just looked a peachy pink, that’s it.

“Good. You’ll learn,” he said, folding the last foil on my head. “Go ahead, grab those tweezers while I wash my hands. I’m about to do your brows next. I think you’ll look way better if they’re half as thick as you’re keeping them right now. Your features are small. Your face deserve thinner, sharper brows.”

The way he spoke about brows made me want to blush. “Thanks, Adam,” I muttered, unsure what else to say.

He winked. “Only the best for Mama Si’s dolls.”

Marissa brought me a virgin cocktail that looked too good to drink, with colorful liquids mixed in together, and a small umbrella and strawberries on a toothpick over the rim. They turned me away from the mirror, and Adam and his assistant Carrie told me stories about when he’d done the makeup of this and that celebrity. I found myself smiling and laughing and sipping the delicious cocktail like I had no care in the world.

Before I knew it, he’d washed my hair and put a toner on it. Marissa brought us snacks hours later—cookies and perfectly cut pieces of all kinds of fruit, and a protein shake for me, which I would be taking daily now, apparently. I didn’t even mind at all—it was delicious.

By the time they were done with me, I was anxious to look in the mirror, but Adam had put Velcro rollers on my head, and apparently, the hair needed to cool down all the way first so he didn’t let me look until it was all over. So, for the next ten minutes, we sat on the bed and drank coffee together, and for a moment there I was struck by the fact that I was here. That I was living this life on this day.

“What is it? What’s going on in that gorgeous head, baby girl?” said Adam, and the way he looked at my lips while I sipped my coffee made me wonder if he was gay or not. Maybe bi? Because his eyes were a bit bloodshot just now.

“Will you answer me honestly if I ask you something?” I wondered.

“I will,” Adam said without missing a beat.

“How bad is this place really?”

The question took him off guard.

Slowly, he put down the cup on the nightstand and adjusted his blue shirt. He thought about it for a good moment, then said, “It’s a Paradise, baby girl. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

Carrie came out of the bathroom the next moment, so even if I’d had something to say, I wouldn’t, not in front of her. Not that I trusted Adam per se, but I believed what he told me was the truth. I just didn’t know what he meant yet.

When ten minutes were over, he finally took the rollers off my hair, sat me at the vanity table again, and let me look in the mirror.

I gasped.

My hair was…colorful. I had lighter strands that made my natural color look darker, more red, so much more intense. He’d given me a bit of side bangs, too, and they framed my face like a fucking dream. My complexion was glowing, my freckles just there, my eyes rimmed with a rich emerald green that made them look completely green instead of hazel, and my lips…

“Peach cream,” I whispered, eyeing the gloss on my lips that looked like they belonged to someone else. He’d overlined them a bit with a brownish shade, then had put the gloss over, and now they just looked better. Fuller. Softer. Perfect.

“Told you there’s a difference,” he proudly said. “You are absolutely stunning, baby girl. I could look at you forever.”

I saw the way my lips stretched in the mirror, bringing out the pale peach of the blush on my cheeks, and the golden highlighter that could be responsible for how glossy my skin looked.

“I don’t think I’ve ever looked like this before in my life,” I said in wonder. “It’s like…a different me.”

He put his hands on my shoulders and kissed the side of my head. “May you fall in love with her deeply, fast, and all the way.”

They hada gym in the mansion, and I was to be there five days a week to train with Jennifer, apparently. All the girls trained together, but for the first month, Jennifer was going to train with me only during the day until I gathered some stamina and my muscles got used to lifting.

Did I have a say in the matter? Not even a little bit.

But did I actually want to change anything?

Well…

“Where is she? Let me see her! Let me—oh, Fall Doll…”

I smiled. It was automatic. Impossible not to when Mama Si stopped in her tracks and put both hands on her chest and looked at me like I might be the best thing she’d ever laid eyes on in her entire life. I’d just come out of the bathroom after a quick shower, and I was still wearing the robe, but my makeup was still on—must have been all that baking Adam had talked to me about. And my hair still held the big, loose curls, too—definitely all the hairspray he’d almost choked me with.

“Oh, my Fall Doll,” Mama Si said as she came to me with her hands raised, reaching for mine. I put them on her palms automatically, that stupid smile still on my face.

“Hi, Mama Si,” I said, soaking up the warmth of her gloved hands. She wore a purple dress today, a purple so dark it was almost black, and it looked incredible on her. The purple lipstick, too. It made her eyes look violet and blue more than any other color.

God, the way her face was made. There was just something about it, but I couldn’t put my finger on it for the life of me.

“You look exquisite,” she said breathlessly, and Assa, who’d stopped by the door, nodded her head approvingly. “Absolutely fabulous. Dare I say, much better than I initially thought.”

I blushed and blushed, but I was sure nobody could tell because of my makeup.

“Adam really knows what he’s doing,” I muttered, so shy I was sick.

“But Adam can’t create what isn’t there, Fall Doll,” said Mama Si. “How are you feeling? Have you adjusted to your room? Come, sit with me. Talk to me.”

And with my hand in hers, she led us to the bed, and we sat at the corner together. She wanted me to tell her exactly what I’d done since yesterday, and she seemed so focused, absorbing my every word as if it was the most important thing she’d hear all day.

Maybe it was just me. Maybe I was never used to being heard, but it felt strange to have her asking me about whether I liked the smell of the shampoos she’d put in my bathroom or the way the meat was cooked for lunch. It felt incredibly strange—but at the same time, it felt amazing. Someone actually cared about what I ate and if I liked a fucking scent.

What kind of sorcery was this?

“Give it time,” she said when I told her the bed was too big for me. “It’ll grow on you. Just give it time. Now—Assa, bring in the dress please.” Assa immediately stepped out of the room, and Mama Si didn’t even look away from me. “I got you a little something for tonight. We have a masquerade party in the main ball room, and I’d like for you to attend if you feel like it.”

Assa came in holding a dress covered in a white fabric, and Mama Si stood up.

“A masquerade party,” I whispered, shaking my head because no way were those real. Did people actually throw parties like that?

And the main ball room? Just how many ball rooms did this mansion have?

“Yes. My favorite kind of celebration,” Mama Si told me, and then she slowly pulled the white satin off the hanger, revealing the dress underneath.

I gasped for the second time that day.

Sequins and precious stones. The colors of fire merged together so beautifully. Thick straps and a V cut in the front and back, and the dress went all the way down to the floor.

But most importantly, a mask with the same design was hanging by a turquoise-colored ribbon on the hanger, too, and Mama Si took it off, and held it in front of my face.

“There,” she said with a deep sigh, like she’d been afraid it might not look right, but now that she saw me with the mask, she was relieved. She was fascinated all over again. “Go ahead, Fall Doll. Go look in the mirror.”

“It’s…it’s gorgeous,” I admitted, a bit breathless, and I meant both the dress and the mask. Holding it carefully, I went to the vanity table and looked at the mirror. Half my face was covered by the gorgeous mask, and the colors matched my hair perfectly. I didn’t look like me at all.

Was that why I was instantly, absolutely in love with it?

“Good—wear it tonight. Come to the masquerade. You don’t have to mingle. You can just see how we make the best of our time,” Mama Si said, her voice soft, loving, and she’d put the dress on my bed as she admired it, then reached out her hand for me to go to her again.

I did. “I’m not sure…”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to come,” she said, squeezing my fingers, and again, her warmth was right there, slipping into my skin, giving me comfort. “But I would really, really like for you to be there. I want to show you off, Fall Doll.” With a laugh, she brought her hand to my cheek and turned my head toward her. “But if you want to stay in here and rest, I understand.”

Her words rang true. She sounded like she meant it.

I nodded. “Can I think about it?” Because I did want to rest. And I did want to sit here and hide and try to come to terms with this new me that I was so terrified of, but at the same time was madly in love with. I really did—but something about masquerade parties and masks and dresses that looked like they came from another world…

Something about Mama Si.

“Of course,” she said, not a hint of hesitation. “As long as you rest and you eat right and you get your exercise in, you’re welcome to think about everything else.” And she winked. “I must go get ready, I’m afraid. Don’t forget to give my Paradise time, Fall Doll.”

And she turned around to leave as Assa held the door open for her.

“Thank you,” I said before she could get out, and Mama Si stopped and turned to me again. “Thank you—for this room. For…for everything.” For giving me the opportunity to feel like a fucking princess. For giving me the opportunity to live like this, my every need catered to—while making the money to start the rest of my life from scratch. It just might be the best thing that had ever happened to me, this place. Her.

Mama Si smiled. “Oh, Fall Doll, you are most welcome.”

She looked at me like I was just a little girl—like no adult had truly looked at me before. Definitely not Missy. I liked it.

“Have a great time tonight,” I said with a wave.

She blew me a kiss. “You, too, beautiful. You, too.”

Assa closed the door behind her, leaving me alone in the room again.