Chapter 30

They letme leave the castle with the other brides the next day. The courtyard was vast, black rose gardens in every inch of free space, vines, thick and full of thorns rising from the ground in all kinds of shapes and sizes like they were meant for decoration. A single statue of a woman with her eyes closed and her hands to her chest stood in the middle, so old that roots had grown around its foundation and the vines slithered up and down it like snakes. The dark sky and the trees that surrounded us looked like they were moving because of the fire on the torches placed around the gardens and the stone benches. It was as beautiful as it was terrifying, but to be out there in the open air with nothing but darkness over me was still a relief.

It cleared my mind much better than I thought it could, so when I went back inside, I decided Genevieve was right. If I convinced myself that I could make it out of this place alive, then I could. I’d just have to find a way around all these guards and these animals, and the Evernight brothers as well.

I’d have dared to even ask Valentine to help me, if he hadn’t suddenly started to look at me differently since the night before. I couldn’t really say how, couldn’t put my finger on it, but something hid in his gaze every time I met his eyes the whole day, and I didn’t like it.

Or maybe it was because I could see so much more of everything now.

My body was more powerful. Faster. Alive. Even my imagination seemed to be flourishing every day more—like when I was playing the piano and I imagined I was at a concert, my own concerts. The stage was twice as big, and there were ten times as many seats in the audience, and I’d sit there with a gorgeous dress on, fascinating and inspiring every single person come to listen to my melodies.

It all looked more vivid in my head than ever before, the images so much more detailed, and I loved it.

But still, asking Valentine wasn’t an option. Yes, I might have considered him close enough to be a friend, but I had no illusion about who he was and what he could do. Mama Si had fooled me that time. I wasn’t going to let it happen again.

That night, long after playing the piano in the theatre, I sat by the door of my room, arguing with myself, trying to figure out whether I should go out there, try to run, try to find a way to escape. Trying to figure out whether I should even bother, knowing what waited for me in this castle and outside it, when…

“What was it?”

My heart stood perfectly still when Valentine’s voice reached me from the other side of the door.

Shit. I thought I’d gotten good at hearing things, footsteps coming my way even from a distance, but then again, this was Valentine. He could move without making a single sound, and speed was on his side, too.

“What was what?” I asked, not in the least bit surprised that he knew I’d be there. He could hear my heart beating just fine.

“What made you accept that deal with Mamayka?”

I said nothing, just continued to play with the ring Genevieve had given me, spinning it around my finger.

“I’m trying to figure it out, but it’s not making sense. Why? Where is your family? You’re not even curious enough about magic to have done it because of it—so, why?”

I shook my head at myself, smiling. “What are you still doing here, Valentine?” Hadn’t he left after bringing me back from the theatre?

He was silent for a while.

“It’s just driving me mad not knowing where you come from. Where you’ve been.”

I kept my mouth shut. What would even be the point of telling him? There was so little to tell, anyway, and I didn’t want him to know how weak I really was. How naive I’d been and how easily Mama Si had made a fool out of me.

A little while later, Valentine said, “Goodnight, Sunshine.”

I smiled at myself again. “Goodnight, Valentine.”

When he left, I lay down on the bed, hoping to sleep, hoping my mind would shut up so I could rest, then tomorrow the brides would take me to the courtyard again. It still felt like I was inside out there surrounded by that darkness, but it was better than the castle. Better than these never-ending hallways and paintings and the color black.

Eventually, I gave up tossing and turning and I began to pace around my room. My attention was on the windows—since that first night during the rainstorm, I still felt like Grey was riding his dragon just outside, watching me, though I’d never seen him there again. It still freaked me out just as much as it made me curious about him. Dangerous combination.

Maybe I could ask Valentine to put some blinds or drapes in my room tomorrow. That way I wouldn’t feel so exposed.

It was a little past midnight when I decided the room would drive me insane if I didn’t walk out of it soon. The room—and my stomach. I was so hungry it was growling—and what if tonight was the night when I finally found my way out of the castle?

I’d argued with myself for so long about this now that I just went ahead and did it. I opened the door and I walked out.

Shadow was in the hallway, resting on one of the lamps mounted on the wall. Valentine left him there to babysit me all the time and it wasn’t fair. He probably hated it, but I smiled and waved at him, anyway.

“Hey, Shadow,” I whispered. “Sorry you’re stuck here with me. I just wanna go find the kitchen and get a snack or something. Wanna come with?”

He blinked those small beady eyes at me, and even his long tail wasn’t moving for a second, as if he wanted to say, are you really expecting an answer from me, you fool?

“Right. Dragons don’t talk.”

Shaking my head at myself, I made my way to the stairs, and Shadow followed behind me in almost perfect silence. I could barely hear his wings beating. No guards in the hallways and none on the ground floor, either. There were plenty outside, but very few in the castle, for which I was thankful. I found my way to the dining room in no time, and though I’d never been to the kitchen before, I knew where Vinny and Aster came from to bring us food—that half-hidden door behind the strange painting of a headless man.

The dining room was empty, so silent it was kind of creepy, the lights much lower than usual.

“I’m not scared or anything,” I muttered to myself as I went to the painting, ears strained to catch the small sound Shadow’s wings made just to reassure myself that I wasn’t all alone. He was right there with me should a giant snake come to eat me. I was safe.

The door was basically the same color as the wall—a dark grey that merged in so well it took me a moment to find the handle. It let me through, and the other side was darker, just a single lamp on at the end of what looked like a long corridor set with a black carpet and the same dark walls. No paintings here, just that lamp next to a set of doors.

“Must be the kitchen.” Where else would Vinny and Aster bring us food from?

I took another look at the dining room just to make sure nobody had popped up behind me, and I went down the corridor—fast, like my tail was on fire.

On the other side of the doors was a wider space, a bit better lit. Two carts, like the ones Vinny and Aster wheeled around with our food, by the wall on the right, and a big shelf full of wooden and glass containers to the left.

The corridor opened into a large room on the other side, and judging by the sound of it, someone was in there, putting something away.

Shadow was already flying ahead, wings steady, barely beating, perfectly silent.

Black cabinets stretched from one side of the wall to the other, farther than I could see from here. Kitchen. It was definitely the kitchen, and my stomach growled again, as if on cue. The help would be here—possibly Vinny or Aster or both, and it didn’t occur to me that it was past midnight, and that they were probably asleep. I just went ahead, feeling more confident because Shadow was already in there.

In front of me was the biggest kitchen I had ever seen. So many cabinets on the right and across from me, a long isle with five chairs on either side, and to the left was a big space full of stainless-steel countertops and kitchen appliances, squeaky clean and shiny under the small white lights mounted under the top cabinets.

But everything else disappeared when I took in the two big fridges against the wall a few feet to my side, both of them open.

Grey Evernight was in front of them, picking up glass containers and putting them to the sides with one hand, as he rested the other against the top, half leaning in.

I stopped breathing.

The light from the fridges fell on his body, revealing every single detail. The curves of his muscles. The shape of his abs. The dirt and blood on his jeans that hung dangerously low on those narrow hips, and the tear of the denim on his left leg, like someone had clawed at it. Like someone had tried to rip his fucking leg off him completely. He was barefoot, dirty, bleeding a tiny pool on the floor around his leg—fuck!

A gasp escaped me, and I brought both hands to my mouth, hoping he somehow hadn’t heard.

I hoped in vain.

“Why up so late?”

His voice rang in my ears, and I felt it on every inch of my skin as if he’d touched me with his hands.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I forced myself to say, and somehow my voice didn’t waver. It was steady—unlike my legs.

“Too much on your mind?” Grey asked, and he didn’t even turn to look at me. He was still focused on moving those glass containers to the side in the fridge, like he was searching for something.

I shook my head, taking a step back. Whatever it was he was doing here, it wasn’t my business. I needed to leave—right now, before he thought to stop me.

I needed to leave and not care about whatever had done that to his leg or why he was half naked and looking like he’d been rolling in dirt—and what the hell was he looking for in the fridge that he was so focused on finding?!

“Something like that,” I said, trying to act calm. “What, uh…what happened to you? You’re bleeding.”

You’re bleeding—ugh, was that the best I could do? He knew he was fucking bleeding!

At that, Grey stopped putting the containers away, slowly, and he looked down at his legs as if he just remembered that he was hurt. That his leg was basically in fucking pieces.

“Oh. I’ve made a mess,” he muttered, and when he pushed himself to stand straight, his muscles strained—all that muscle. He was in pain and it was clear to see in the way he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes and tightened his fists.

Holy shit, he could barely stand on one leg.

Before I knew it, I was moving.

Grabbing one of the chairs from around the isle across from me, I dragged it all the way to him, right there in front of the fridge. The sound of the legs against the grey tiles on the floor just about fried my nerve ends, but it was over quickly, and I said, “Sit down.”

Grey was looking at me like I’d grown an extra head.

Then he raised a brow at the chair behind him.

“Just sit down. You’re bleeding all over the place.”

And it’s also obvious you can barely stand—but I didn’t dare say that last part out loud.

I took a step back because I knew who I was talking to. I knew who he was and why I was supposed to be afraidof him—just afraid, not curious. Afraid, like everybody else.

I thought for sure he was going to tell me to get the hell away from his face. He hated my guts—he always seemed to be plotting my murder when we were in the same room. Or maybe he was going to kill me right here and now because I’d given him the perfect opportunity tonight, but…

Grey stepped back on his good leg, and he basically fell on the chair with a deep sigh like he just put the world down from his shoulders.

Damn. I was sweating.

“What’s your next order?” he asked, head thrown back, eyes open just a slit as he looked up at me.

Now was probably not the time to think about how incredibly sexyhe looked covered in blood and grime with his hair all over the pace and his jeans all but completely ripped. Definitely not the time—but again, damn.

“Just…just sit there. I’m gonna get some water to clean you up, okay?” I said despite my better judgment because I must have really lost my mind.

But how was I going to just leave him here bleeding like that, barely standing?

His brows shot up. “Suit yourself.”

I turned.

I squeezed my eyes shut, cursing myself in my head.

Cabinets all around me, and I was opening and closing them without really thinking, too focused on my heartbeat, on the beautiful monster sitting there behind me, bleeding like he’d been cut into a million places.

Why, why, whycouldn’t I just mind my own damn business?! Why couldn’t I be rational for once in my life and leave when I knew I ought to?!

Instead, I had a plastic bowl filled with water and a few dish towels in my hands that I found in the cabinets, and I was actually going back to him.

I was going back to clean blood off Grey Evernight.

His eyes never moved away from me, even while I had my back turned to him. I felt them on me like a physical touch again, and he followed my every movement when I kneeled down in front of his chair and put the bowl and towels on the floor.

He straightened up in his seat, looking down at me like he was furious all of a sudden, and my heart skipped a beat.

Fuck, he looked so big from down here. The way he was staring at me…

“You don’t have to.”

The words struggled to make sense to me for a second—God, I was so afraid.

“I know,” I said and dipped a towel in the water. Breathe, Fall. Breathe!

I was here now. It was done. I wasn’t going to leave here without helping him. I’d already started. “May I?”

Leaning back on the chair again, Grey only nodded, so I grabbed the pieces of his jeans and I pulled them to the sides as gently as I could to reveal his leg.

Fuck, it was worse than I thought. So much blood. So many cuts—and deep. I could have sworn I saw his bones through the torn flesh, and my stomach twisted. Bile rose up my throat.

Thank God I hadn’t eaten anything, or I’d have thrown up all over his leg.

“What happened?” I whispered, slowly touching the wet dish towel to his knee where there was the least amount of open flesh. The worst of it was on his calf and shin.

My God, how had he not passed out yet? That must have hurt so badly.

“Ran into this crazy wildling tonight,” Grey said, his voice hushed, so unlike Grey. “Women just don’t like me much.”

I snorted, dipping the towel in the water again. “Nobody likes you.”

Only after the words left my lips did I realize what I said.

My arm froze, the towel barely touching his skin when I looked up at him, mortified.

Holy shit, he was going to kill me for real now…

Then Grey said, “Good.”

I swallowed hard, thinking he was just joking. Thinking he was going to start laughing any second, then cut my head off or suck the blood out of me until I was completely dry.

Did he even laugh? Or even smile? Or give any expression with that perfect face other than the one that said he was both bored to death and murderous at the same time?

A good minute passed and I was still alive. Grey hadn’t killed me yet and he didn’t look like he was about to.

I turned back to cleaning the blood off his leg with a small sigh.

We were in front of the open fridges, so their light enabled me to see his wounds with clarity. It was bad. It was really bad, but I didn’t think it was bleeding anymore the way it did while he was standing.

“A woman did this to you?” I wondered because those looked like claw marks. Or really sharp teeth. Maybe a dragon? “And what were you looking for in there? What are those?” All those glass containers on the fridge shelves were lined with paper towels so I couldn’t see what was inside.

“Meat. Rabbit meat, specifically,” Grey said.

I looked up at him again, the curiosity burning a fucking hole in my chest. He was looking at me, too—but like he couldn’t decide in which way to kill me yet. I was struck again by how impossibly beautiful he was, especially from down here, even with all that blood and dirt on him.

Or maybe it was because of it?

I turned to the wound again, cleaning more and more blood. I could have sworn the cuts weren’t as deep now as they had been a couple minutes ago.

“You’re afraid of me,” Grey then said, and my muscles jumped and my hand shook.

Talk about solid proof…

“I’m not,” I forced myself to say.

“So, what are you thinking?”

What am I thinking? I’m thinking about how you can’t decide which way to kill me yet, and I’m still not running away!

I licked my dry lips. “I’m just wondering if you ever laugh.”

He paused for a second, eyes unblinking, body perfectly motionless. And I realized, he hadn’t moved a bit since he sat down. Not even a little, only his head.

“When there’s a good joke to laugh at, sure,” he said—again, voice low and calm. Not at all like he normally spoke.

“I’m afraid I don’t know any good jokes,” I muttered, cleaning his ankle next. Blood still trickled down two of the biggest wounds, both on his calf that looked fucking shredded, but was already getting better.

“Bad ones?” he said, and I was actually taken by surprise. I genuinely didn’t think he had that many words inside him to speak with.

My lips remained sealed as I continued to clean him up for a moment.

“Why rabbit meat?” Why specifically rabbit? And how many kinds of meat did they have in these fridges?

Grey said nothing, only watched me as I cleaned his leg as best as I could. His wounds were still open. I no longer saw his bones, but they were still open.

Then I thought of something silly Annabelle had told me once when she was shitfaced. We’d been hanging out on the stairs of the apartment building one night, like we usually did when Brandon was away at one of his work conferences.

Annabelle had thought it was the funniest joke in the world, and it was so bad that I’d laughed with her all night.

“What do you call a fly without wings?” I suddenly asked, and Grey looked perfectly confused. “A walk.”

Silence.

He closed his eyes. He leaned his head back on the chair until I couldn’t see his face anymore.

He didn’t laugh and wasn’t even smiling that I saw, but I was. Fuck, I pulled my lips inside my mouth to stop the stupid urge because in my mind I saw Annabelle’s face and her wide eyes and flushed cheeks—Get it?! Get it?! It’s a walk! Ha-ha-ha…

I wanted to burst out laughing so badly I could hardly breathe.

Thankfully, there was enough blood and torn flesh in front of me that I got myself under control within seconds.

Bad joke. It was the worst joke I’d ever heard, and I should have kept it to myself. Too late now.

“She likes rabbit meat better than others. It calms her down,” Grey said when I put the dish towel in the bowl and stood up. Most of the blood was off him, but he still needed to shower. For a long time.

And I needed to not think about showers and Grey in the same sentence.

I stepped back, biting my tongue before I asked who she was. Was it Cynthia or Amita? Had he been fighting with them or something?

Was this normal?

“You should get that wrapped up. If you have bandages?—”

“It’s fine. It’ll close on its own,” Grey said and stood up on one leg, slowly, testing the wounded one.

Fuck, I’d forgotten just how big he was. At least six foot six, and those massive shoulders were easily twice the size of mine.

Butterflies erupted in my stomach. Casually, I moved back to the sink to clean the bowl and the dish towels, pretending I didn’t notice the reaction of my own body.

“Leave them. I’ll take care of it later,” said Grey, and when I turned, he’d already found the glass container he was looking for. He pushed the doors of the fridges closed, dipping the kitchen in darkness.

Shivers washed all over me. I saw him just fine still—the small lamps under the top cabinets were still on, but he looked so much more menacing in the darkness. So much bigger—and that didn’t necessarily scare me more as it should have. On the contrary. I felt safer in the dark. Safer to look at him and blush without him seeing it so clearly, at least.

Unfortunately, he didn’t really give me the chance.

“The floor, too.” And he pointed down at the pool of blood he’d left behind. “Thank you for cleaning me up.”

With that, he turned around and began to limp his way toward the entrance slowly, one hand against the wall.

My mouth opened and closed at least a dozen times.

“You’re welcome,” I whispered when I couldn’t see him anymore.

I released a long breath and squeezed my fists tightly, trying to convince myself that I didn’t need to know. It wasn’t any of my business—I didn’t need to know what happened to him or where he was going now. I just didn’t.

This was Grey Evernight. He didn’t need my help to walk. He didn’t need my help with anything.

So why in the world was I suddenly running toward the entrance to catch him?

Grey had just opened the doors, about to step out, when I called, “Wait!” Because I was not in my right mind, and I was tired of trying to pretend that I was.

He stopped.

“Are you sure it’s safe for you to be going back to…whoever did that to you? I mean, you can barely walk.” He was limping. Maybe it was not a big deal to him, but he was Grey. He did not limp. He’d never showed an ounce of weakness since I first laid eyes on him, so it was natural that I freaked out to see him like this…right?

It was normalthat I was having these feelings, that I was worried.

Right?

Grey said nothing, only continued to look at me like he wasn’t even sure I’d spoken.

“If you need help, I could, uh…I could…” Carry you? Was that what I wanted to say?

Ugh—pathetic, Fall.

I closed my eyes for a second, cursing myself in my head. This was what had gotten me in this mess in the first place—my goddamn curiosity. All the way back to the Paradise, to that triangle room.

If I’d just gone back to my bedroom that night instead of walking out into the woods when I realized the glass panel was missing, I’d have been okay. I’d have been just fine—far away from the Whispering Woods and the Evernights and the promise of magic.

A loaded moment of silence later, Grey raised a brow and said, “Come with me.”

Then he turned around and walked out the door, because he didn’t fucking need my help.

When he disappeared, I took in a deep breath, called to the rational part of my mind, and tried to reason with myself.

I was here for a snack. I’d found the kitchen. I could get a damn snack and I could disappear back to my room right now. Not follow Grey because he was walking just fine. He was a big boy. He could handle himself no matter how badly he was injured.

Or—I could even try my luck at running away again, or find Valentine, or go back to the theatre—as long as I did not follow Grey!

Another long sigh slipped from my lips and I looked back when I heard that snickering sound—Shadow was still in the kitchen sitting atop a cabinet on the other side, watching me.

“Don’t judge me,” I told him.

Then I followed Grey.

I kepta good distance between us as Grey led me down corridors, but I had my eyes on him all the damn time. There was something on his back, something that didn’t quite look like muscles, something hidden underneath his skin, but he was so bloody and dirty that I couldn’t make it out clearly.

Was it his wings? The other brides said he almost got them. They were terribly impressed by that, too, like having wings was the next level of power for these people. Like the fangs weren’t enough already.

Still, I bit my tongue before I uttered the question and actually asked him about it. I kept my mouth shut until he finally took us to the main hallway at the front doors of the castle.

I’d been there once before, that morning the snake was about to eat me raw, but the hall had been empty then.

Now, a large cage made out of bars as thick as my arms was right in the middle, and a creature with glowing yellow eyes and really long, really sharp teeth was inside it.

I stopped breathing, a hand to the wall just in case my legs let go.

“That’s her,” Grey said, limping his way closer to the cage, his eyes sparkling as he looked at the creature.

The creature that was growling like a damn beast, prowling from one side of the cage to the other, a large fluffy tail moving with her, the size of her body easily three times that of Grey.

“What is she?” I whispered, afraid, terrified to see more of her, but so curious it was impossible to sit still. Impossible to stand back, so I went closer to them, slowly, cautiously…until the beast’s glowing eyes locked on mine.

“A cougar,” Grey said, slowly walking around the cage, eyeing the beast. “I caught her in the woods tonight. Just brought her back.”

I shook my head when the cougar growled deeper. Despite knowing better, I went closer still.

“That’s no normal cougar.” It didn’t look like the cougars I’d seen pictures of back home at all. No, this creature was bigger, her deep brown fur much, much longer, and she looked like a cross between a jungle cat and a wolf—with two curved horns at the top of her head, almost completely hidden away by the fur. Those glowing eyes were wide and feline, the pupils two horizontal slits, her teeth long and covered in blood.

“It is here. One of a few kinds,” he simply said.

“But why?” I whispered, looking up at Grey where he’d stopped by the cage’s side, one hand on top of it for support while the cougar watched him, head lowered to the ground as if she was preparing for an attack. “Why would you go after her or fight her or cage her?”

“Because I had to,” said Grey as he opened the container he’d picked up in the kitchen. Another deep growl from the cougar. “Her kind is going extinct because of the lions. She’s one of three females left in the surrounding area.”

Lions. What did those look like in this place, if cougars looked like this?

Grey picked up a piece of meat from the container and threw it at the cougar in the cage. She caught it so fast, I barely saw it, and he smiled.

Grey fucking smiled—or maybe it was the light playing tricks on me? Because I’d more readily believe that.

“She’s wounded. She was bitten on the shoulder,” he continued. “You can’t see it, but I smell it. It makes her slower. She can’t really fight or run. She won’t make it to tomorrow out there without healing first.”

“She fought you just fine,” I said breathlessly, and I was right. His leg was a fucking mess.

But Grey said, “Because I was trying not to hurt her.”

Well, fuck.

The alphabet was running from me like I was its worst nemesis again, so all I did was stare at Grey as he threw more pieces of meat at the cougar, and she caught them all in her large mouth.

Surreal. Like a dream. Like a fantasy—definitely not real.

“So, you’re just gonna…keep her here?” And I was going to have to be under the same roof with not only vampires but horned cougars who looked like wolves, too?

Grey nodded. “In my tower. I have a safe place. She’ll be fine,” Grey said. “She’ll heal within a couple weeks, then I’ll take her back.”

So many questions ran through my mind, but nothing beat the feeling I got—that he cared about that cougar. Grey actually cared about an animal.

And I had no clue what the hell to make of it.

“It’s best if you go to bed now, Fall,” Grey said, turning to look at me, his grey eyes wide, calm. Different from what I was used to seeing on him.

“I will,” I said with a nod. The bed sounded mighty fine now because the alternative was sitting there with him and asking him a million questions until I figured all of him out. Until I knew exactly what the thoughts in his head looked like.

That’s what drew me to him.

I wasn’t crazy or anything, but his mystery, that he was this person who spoke so little to his own brothers, looked like he couldn’t care less about the world catching fire, but then risked getting his leg eaten by a cougar to save her life and feed her and heal her so she could return safely in the wilderness again—this fucked with my head.

Just this, nothing else.

I stepped back slowly, headed for the stairs, fighting myself with every breath I took. Reminding myself that just because he cared about an animal didn’t change anything else I knew about who he was.

“Goodnight, Fall,” Grey whispered as I went, and I turned to find his eyes on me still as he rested against the cage, not scared in the least that a beast was inside those bars, so close to him.

Once again, the looks of him pulled at these invisible strings deep inside me.

Who are you?

I wanted to know so badly…

“Goodnight, Grey,” I said, and turned the corner, relieved to have him out of my sight.

“I love how blue looks on you.”

I could have imagined it, but I heard his whisper. I heard it as if he were standing right behind me, talking in my ear.

Drawing in a deep breath, I walked away as fast as my legs could carry me, hid in my room and lay on the bed without making a single sound.

I didn’t sleep until the sun was up in the real world.