15. Jasper

Letting out a whimper as Reece lets me go, I sniff back the tears stinging my eyes. Reece is laughing as I pull up my ripped clothing, upset that it barely covers my body, and upset that Reece is being so callous.

I'm appalled with myself for letting Reece do that–causing me to sin–in a sacred place. And I'm appalled with myself for giving into Reece again, for letting him use my body in a salacious way. It felt incredible, so pleasurable but it was a great sin.

I run off, leaving Reece at the gravesite laughing. My feet pound the pavement, leading me straight to the door of the only person I can speak to about such things.

She opens the door almost immediately upon my knock and seeing me on her doorstep crying she gapes in shock, asking, "Jasp, what happened?"

I step across the threshold, follow her to the bedroom and sit down on the bed next to her. She doesn't say anything, just rubs a hand up my bare arm.

"Nanc," I sob, sniffing back the tears again, and wiping my arm over my face. "I…I hate myself," I stammer, glancing down at my crotch and the ripped seam of my sweats.

"Why?" she questions me, her voice soft but probing.

"Because of Reece," I admit, adding in a lower tone, "And what I let him do to me."

"What did you do this time?" she asks, this time her voice has a teasing girly tone.

"I can"t verbalise my sins to you, Nancy. They"re too sordid to admit to doing."

"But Jasp, hiding from your sins will only hurt your mind." Her words are so wise, as usual with Nancy. However, today they annoy me.

"Don"t patronise me, Nancy," I snap at her, balling my fists in frustration. I feel like screaming. "I know I"ve done wrong, but yet I can"t seem to stop thinking about him, and the acts of indecency we"ve committed together."

"How indecent?" she inquires, raising her eyebrow at me.

I sigh, admitting, "Naked trysts involving our hands and mouths on our penises until orgasms, Nanc."

Nancy gasps and then laughs softly. "Firstly Jasp, please use the word dick and secondly say come, and thirdly, damn you dirty boy." Her tone is teasing, causing me to blush.

"I have been dirty, and I feel so tarnished but it feels so pleasurable in the moment," I comment, thinking back to the feel of Reece's fingers and tongue inside me, his kiss on my lips.

"Sexual acts are meant to be pleasurable, Jasp," Nancy responds, nodding to affirm her words.

"Yes, but should be saved for the sanctity of marriage," I remark.

Nancy scoffs and goes to reply, but I don't let her respond, blurting out, "I hate him. I hate that he defiles me."

"Do you really, Jasper? Or do you just hate that being with the one person you"re born to hate is the only thing that feels right?"

I exhale, once more sniffing back tears stinging my eyes. "That. I hate that," I comment with a huff.

Nancy reaches out, pulling me into a hug. Her delicate hands stroke my hair.

"I know Jasp," she soothes as I cry into her shoulder, thinking about Reece, how he makes me feel bewildered by pleasure I didn't know was possible. And at the same time, I'm contemplating Nancy"s words about being with him feeling right even though it"s wrong. I hate Reece Montserrat, despite the fact that he makes me feel alive and desiring more of his wickedness.