13. Jasper

It's nearly dark as I weave through the headstones of the Capullo Vemore Cemetery. The trees are swaying in the lashing winds, casting an eeriness over the place that's foreboding even more so than being in a place that bridges heaven and hell. There are shadows lurking in the coming darkness and I'm on edge, feeling as though being here this evening is going to be unsettling.

I'm furious with myself for slipping information to Reece about coming here on the anniversary of my grandfather's death. Giving the enemy information like that was an imbecile move. I've given him something he can use against me and my family. The feud between our families–over territory and money–has been going on for generations, so far back I don't even know where, how, or when it truly began. My grandfather was the most noble man in my family, more concerned with loving his family than money.

Stepping up to his grave I sigh, picking up the dried, yellowing flowers on the base of the headstone. I cast them aside and place the fresh bunch of bright white daisies down, sitting cross legged on the grass in front.

Brushing the dust off the headstone I murmur, "Hello grandfather."

The wind whips up around me, curling the leaves and the discarded flowers up from the ground to whirl around my body. It sends a shiver through me.

"I know I've sinned grandfather," I begin, picking up one of the daisies and plucking off the petals one by one. "He is my enemy, but more. He is not at all how the world perceives him to be."

The wind whips up again, as though my grandfather is speaking to me from beyond the grave, giving me his opinion. He was always open, and accepting of me just being me. Memories collide into my mind as I'm staring at the inscription on his headstone of a time when I was sitting on his lap in the parlour of his–now ours–grand mansion on the highest hill in Vemore. I was showing him my latest drawing of two boys holding hands as they ran into the ocean waves. His comment was, ‘Is this you, angioletto?' I'd nodded, responding with a smile and ‘sì, con il mio ragazzo'. Grandfather had nodded, kissing my cheek and telling me, ‘ama chi desideri'. I'd not known his meaning then, but his meaning was clearer now. I'd said ‘boyfriend' meaning male partner, not boy friend in a platonic way.

The sky is darkening now, and I read the inscription again out loud, "In love we find hope, in death we find peace."

Those words hurt my heart. Grandfather only found peace in death, leaving this world was the only thing that was able to get him out of the fucked up feud of the past. He'd had hope, loving my Grandmother until death parted them, and I don't doubt they're still in love in their heavenly home also. But I'm still stuck with a father who can't let go of the feud, despite his father wishing for peace for his family with his final breaths. I don't wish for death, but I wish for love and the hope it will give me. I wish that in loving who I want peace comes to my family, but I know I'm probably being delusional in thinking such things.

Now the sun is setting, the wind has died down, and I stand up to leave. The edgy feeling is back, the calm I was feeling moments ago remembering my grandfather gone.

I glance around, surveying the headstones and tall trees, shaking as I call out, "is someone there?"

An almost ghostly figure steps out from behind a tree, practically floating towards me. My head is telling me to run, but my feet appear stuck to the ground, my trepidation pinning me there.

The figure gets closer, and it's no ghost, but a combat boot wearing devil in the flesh.

"Fancy seeing you here, Jasper…" he drawls out all raspy, stepping into my personal space so I stumble backwards until my butt collides with grandfather's headstone. His kiss crashes against my lips, and I groan, wanting to push him away and pull him closer at the same time.

He shouldn't be here.