Fifteen

“ W e will be landing in Beaufort in about an hour,” the stewardess says as she passes me another drink.

“Thank you.” I smile and take a sip of the Diet Coke.

Glancing at my watch, I calculate our arrival to be around 10:45 p.m. Trent will already be waiting for us at the airport when we get there. He had to take a separate flight since Junior’s men drove us to the private airstrip, but at least I have Micah and Luca here to keep me company.

Well, sort of…

Chuckling, I swat at Micah’s arm to gain his attention, nodding in Luca’s direction, where he is completely passed out with his mouth open, snoring away.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen that man relax, but damn, is he a loud snorer.”

Micah laughs. “He’s guarding something precious… No time for relaxing. ”

I level my brother with a ‘that’s not funny’ look, roll my eyes, and then turn to look out the window.

“I'm serious,” he says, his hand gently grabbing my chin, so I look at him.

“You are the most important person in my life. I think guarding you is a privilege and something that should be taken with the utmost dedication.”

“I’m not a fragile little girl anymore, Micah. I'm stronger than you think.” I huff in annoyance.

“It’s not that I think you’re fragile. Fuck, Ash, you’re one of the strongest people I know. I just—I should have realized.” He sucks in a breath and pauses before shaking his head. “Ashley…he was hurting you and…and I had no fucking clue.” His voice is full of emotion as he glances my way, and it makes my chest ache. “I didn’t know, and if I had, he’d have been a fucking dead man. I’m sorry it took me so long to say anything to you, but I was processing exactly what Trent had told me.”

I’ve been waiting for this conversation since the day he gave me the burner phone, knowing he had spoken to Trent already. It's nothing he could have prevented, even if he tried. I’m married to the head of the Santini crime family, and there’s no such thing as divorce in the world we live in. My only escape is his death.

I share a sad smile. “I know. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone. I knew you’d come to my rescue, but I couldn’t with the thought of the fallout that would have caused.”

“I’m so mad at Dad for letting you down and putting you in that situation.” His voice is small, regret evident in his tone.

My hand reaches for his clenched fist resting on his thigh, squeezing it for a gentle reassurance .

“I felt that way, too, for a long time. But I’ve forgiven him. Mom, as well. They didn’t realize what kind of man Junior was. He played us all.”

“He played us alright…” .

I quirk my eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dragging his hands down his face, his eyes lock with mine. I brace myself for what comes next if the solemn expression he’s sporting is any indicator.

“Ash, Junior murdered Dad.”

I swallow thickly, finally receiving the confirmation I always suspected.

“I had a feeling he was behind it, in one way or another.” I’m void of emotion, but hearing the truth from Micah is more fuel for my hatred for Junior. He should be the one six feet under…and soon enough, he will be.

“I feel like I’ve failed our family,” Micah confesses.

I grab his hands off his face and hold on tightly. “Please don’t say that.”

“As your brother, I'm supposed to take care of you, protect you…protect our family. I let you down. And I'm so fucking sorry.”

“Please don’t blame yourself.” Tears threaten to stream from my eyes as I stare at my brother. I can't live with one more person blaming themselves for my current situation. For things that were beyond his control.

“Love you, Ash, so much. We will get you out of this… You deserve to be happy, above all else.”

“I love you too, now please can we get off this. We’re about to have a week away from all the shit of New York, and I want to leave that baggage at the gate.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Taking a deep breath, he smiles.

“What’s the plan?” Luca asks, sleepiness still coating his voice.

“To let loose and enjoy our time away.” I beam as I wave my hand for the stewardess’s attention. I mock a taking-a-shot action, then hold up three fingers, and she nods in understanding.

Once our shots are delivered, I raise my glass, and theirs join mine in a circle.

“To a time-out,” Luca says, and we all chuckle, then down the clear liquid.

The burning sensation coats my throat. Fucking tequila.

A look of pure disgust is splayed across Micah’s face. He rarely drinks, and when he does, it certainly does not involve shots.

Luca swats at his arm. “We got to toughen you up. You’re my drinking buddy this week.”

“You’re barking up the wrong tree. My brother is not the guy for the job. I'm sure we can find you a more suitable buddy in Nori Beach.” I laugh and take a sip of my soda.

“So what’s the lady situation looking like there?” Luca asks, and I'm not going to lie, I’m enjoying the more relaxed version of my bodyguard. I guess that just proves how seriously he takes his job.

“Well, considering everyone I know down there is either married or in a serious relationship…I don’t think I’ll be much help setting you up. But I bet if you two go out in town, you’ll be able to find some company. ”

“I'm sure we will be just fine,” Micah says dryly. Weird, he shows little interest in finding a lady for the week, where most men in his position would be jumping at the opportunity. Maybe it’s because I'm his sister, and he’d rather not discuss things like this in front of me, but come on, we’re grown-ass adults.

The two of them break off into conversation, leaving me to retreat to my never-ending thoughts.

I'm beyond nervous about seeing Trent’s parents for the first time in four years. Trent told me I have nothing to worry about, but I want to ensure I give them the best version of me. And thanks to Trent, I'm slowly returning to my former self. I can see and feel the subtle changes daily. No longer stuck in the shell of a person I’ve retreated into.

But the main reason my brain is on over-drive is because of Lottie. I didn’t even tell her about Trent and me, and I feel like the biggest piece of shit for that. Even if I had a moment to speak with her, my main phone is definitely tapped by Junior, and my other phones are for emergency use only, not for chit-chatting with my bestie.

I know deep down I withheld this information from her for fear of what questions she might ask. Questions I’m not sure I have answers to. Trent understood my hesitation but agreed that my conversation with Lottie should be held face-to-face. She deserves to get the full version of what my life has been like and not just the CliffsNotes. I owe her that.

I know she would never judge me, but now I just need to find the right timing.

Unlocking the bathroom door, I can hardly contain my giggle. We’ve been here for less than twelve hours, and we haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other. To think what we must look like walking out of the bathroom together. I fix my skirt, and Trent finishes buttoning up his pants. Before I can walk back out into the party, Trent grabs my wrists and spins me around. Crushing his lips to mine once again, our tongues twirl with one another as I wrap my arms around his neck.

I pull away from our kiss, well aware of how long we’ve been missing from Lottie and Greyson’s engagement party. I laugh at the sight of my lipstick smeared all over Trent’s mouth. Quickly grabbing a few tissues, I help him clean off the mess I’ve made.

“We have to get back out there, or people are going to start wondering where we’ve snuck off to.” I swat away his hand as he reaches for me again.

“Good. They should know I had the best bathroom sex ever just now,” he teases, too loudly.

My eyes go wide as my palm covers his mouth. “Shhh! Someone can hear you.”

I feel his lips pull into what I know is a smug-as-fuck look.

“You’re the worst. Come on,” I say, opening the door and walking out without looking back at him. Smiling inwardly as I stroll away. These past few weeks since Junior’s been gone have been filled with stolen moments like this. Forbidden glances, late-night hotel visits, sneaking off for just a minute of privacy. Even meeting at the vet office when Nori ate something he wasn’t supposed to. It doesn’t matter what we're doing, it's the time together I treasure the most. But being here is different, as if Nori Beach is our own little haven where we don’t have to hide. We can walk hand in hand and not have to worry about the repercussions.

By the time we return to the massive backyard tent, the party is well underway. The tent walls are tied back, allowing for the perfect view of the ocean right in front of their property. You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect November day in Nori Beach. The sun shines brightly, helping break through the breeze from the beach.

I’m so at ease when I'm here, always have been. Before this property was Lottie and Greyson’s, it belonged to her evil grandmother. We would come to visit every summer when we were teens, wasting our days away lying on the beach, soaking in the rays. Some of my favorite memories were made in this town, not to mention where I reconnected with Trent for the first time.

My eyes spot some movement along the tall sea grass lining the edge of their property. I squint to try to make out what could be causing such a disruption in the flowy grasses, but I don’t see anything. It’s probably my paranoia getting the best of me. I'm not used to letting my guard down in social situations anymore. It’s taking quite a bit of getting used to.

Trent laces his fingers with mine, breaking my stare. I shake off the feeling and replace it with a smile as we head over to our friends. Our friends, who have been more than understanding when Trent and I showed up like the past three years never happened. I'm thankful for their ‘mind your business’ upbringing. Makes me feel at ease.

I spot Micah and Luca already mingling with Greyson and the rest of the guys, and Lottie dancing with Emerson and Nox’s son, Kiran, in the middle of the dance floor. Everyone’s laughing and having a great time. Pure joy fills the air, and its contagiousness releases me from any trepidation. Today is going to be a great day.

Dessert is almost finished when I stand up, clinking my fork against my glass. My eyes roam over all the attending guests while I wait for them to quiet down. They linger on the familiar faces scattered throughout the tented space. Eventually, my gaze settles on the couple of the hour sitting right across from me.

“Hi, everyone. Thank you all for coming to celebrate two of the best people I know. For those of you who don’t know me, I'm Ashley.” My hand gestures to a glowing Lottie. “This gorgeous woman’s best friend since we were kids. Looking around at all your faces, people traveling from near and far, one would think with this big of a turnout, we were getting something for free.” I pause briefly for the chuckles among the crowd. “But we are, folks; we are getting something for free… A true depiction of what it means to find your soulmate. For no matter how many lifetimes it would take, these two were meant to find one another. Their love, although a little much at times…” I pinch my fingers together for emphasis and pause for the guest’s laughs. “Their love is pure, true, and constant. Like the waves crashing on the shore day in and day out, it’s there. Some days stronger and louder than others, but constant nevertheless.”

I pause as tears threaten to overtake my emotions. Trent grabs my hand to ground me with his presence. Releasing a long breath, I continue. “I was there from the beginning, the meet-cute in what some would call their romance book of a love story. Stumbling across a vixen of a Playboy Bunny and a Batman who only had eyes for her. Yes, folks, that’s right, they met dressed up in Halloween costumes, and no, not on Halloween; it was in the middle of June in the sweltering heat of a North Carolina summer. Whose idea was that, anyway?” I look at Greyson incredulously, who then points his accusatory finger at Trent. “Figures,” I jest, then continue .

“Needless to say, their love was something fierce. When these two reconnected months after the end of that summer, I knew deep down it was that forever kind of love.” Although I do recall asking Lottie if she needed me to hide any bodies for her during that separation, but that’s a story for a different audience.

“Now, here we are, four years later, celebrating their eternity. Because that’s what their type of love is. It's everlasting, one that will find them in every lifetime hereafter. So please raise your glass and cheers to the happy couple, Lottie and Greyson. May you always wake up with your best friend by your side and love in your heart. Love you both to pieces, and G, thanks for taking her off my hands.” I wink at him, and we all laugh while clinking glasses.

Trent stands beside me, pulling me close and kissing my temple. “You never cease to amaze me, babe,” he whispers, and I smile because, deep down, I was thinking of him…of us, while speaking those words. No matter what, we were meant to find each other, time and time again.

“I love you,” I say, leaning against his shoulder as he holds me tightly.

“I love you to the moon and back,” he whispers into my hair before placing a kiss on my temple.

Long after the guests have left, I find myself sitting on a lounge chair, which I dragged under the heated tent in Lottie and Greyson’s massive beachfront backyard. The guys are off somewhere catching up, and I slid out the back door once the kitchen was cleaned up and the girls were all distracted. I light the joint Ford had gifted me earlier in honor of our best friends getting married, taking a long inhale and letting the smoke drift upwards.

I didn’t think I would be so in my feelings today, but I found myself choking up on multiple occasions. Part of me wants to believe it’s because I'm overjoyed with happiness for my bestie. That she finally found her person, the man who will worship her till the day they leave this earth and even beyond. The other part of me is envious of her.

I know today has no room for jealousy, especially for the one person who has always been there for me through thick and thin. The Tig to my Bitty. But I am. I'm jealous that she gets to walk down that aisle and smile up at the man of her dreams. Sharing their vows of everlasting love and devotion with one another, surrounded by their closest friends and family. Where I, on the other hand, had to fight with everything I had not to break down in tears in front of a church filled with mostly strangers.

To imagine a life where I walk down an aisle, and the man I’m head over heels in love with is standing at the end with nothing but adoration in his eyes. The thoughts of what could have been bring tears to my eyes. It’s not that I haven’t felt these feelings before; it’s just now, with Trent back, that I am starting to realize how much of my own life I’ve been a bystander to, never fully immersed in what was actually going on.

I'm too distracted by my thoughts and the calming sounds of the ocean to notice Lottie has taken a seat beside me. “You okay out here?” she says, and I nod, then pass her the joint I’ve been sleeping on. All while trying my best to wipe away the tears before she notices.

“Bitty, you know you can talk to me,” she says with such compassion that I crumble. The floodgates open, and I'm a sobbing mess within a few moments.

“Oh, Ash.” Settling into my lounger, she comforts me in a big hug. I allow myself to break in her arms for the first time in years.

After what feels like forever, my tears begin to slow, and my breathing is back under control.

“I'm so sorry. I’m a shitty friend,” I say on a shaky breath, letting my true insecurities shine. “The way I just showed up here with Trent, not even giving you a heads-up. And now I'm crying on your special day.” I truly feel like shit, but in the past, I was always so concerned for her safety. At least now we have a plan in place, and I finally feel safe enough to tell her. No best friend should be left in the pitch-black. Our friendship has been so one-sided these past years that the guilt has been eating at me.

Between our late flight last night and the craziness of today setting up for the party, I have had little time to bring her up to speed. Beyond the initial shock, Lottie was excited to see me with Trent by my side. She’s not stupid; she can feel how unhappy I’ve been, even if it hasn’t been said out loud. I owe her more of an explanation for everything that’s been going on. She deserves that, and I need to finally get it off my chest.

“Ashley Marie Castrovinci,” she scolds, and I notice the fact she didn’t use my married name.

“Santini, you mean?” I say softly.

“Fuck that!” she says with a chuckle. “That prick doesn’t deserve you, and besides, you’ve never been his.”

I stare at my best friend, letting her words settle in .

“Talk to me, please. What else is going on?” she begs, grabbing my hands after rearranging ourselves on the lounge chair.

“I honestly don’t even know where to start,” I reply honestly. Because it’s true, where do I even start? Oh, by the way, I’ve been absolutely miserable these past three years. My husband is a monster, and it’s way worse than anyone could have ever imagined. Oh, and I’m having a secret relationship with Trent, which endangers my life and his too. Not to mention that Trent has been expertly trained to be an assassin for a secret society these past few years. Ah yes, let’s not forget that I've been secretly planni?—

“Why don’t you start at the beginning? I think that’s a good place to start,” Lottie interrupts my mental rant. She grabs the lighter from beside me and relights the joint, taking a long drag before passing it to me. It feels good being next to her like this, just like old times, when life was a much easier thing to navigate.

Letting the smoke calm my nerves, I then proceed to unload everything. I tell her about Junior and what my life has been like behind closed doors. I tell her about how Trent and I reconnected and what we’ve been up to while Junior has been in Italy. I fill her in on Micah and Luca, making sure to leave out any major details involving The Saints and their role in all of this.

“So what now, and how can I help?” she asks after I finish, like I didn’t unleash a shitload of information on her. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I’ve kept this from her. She would stop at nothing to make sure I was okay. Even if that meant risking her own life to save mine. She will always be my ride-or-die .

“There’s only one solution to all of this…” I think of what still needs to happen and what plans have already been set in motion.

“Junior needs to take a long swim with the fishes,” Lottie says, emphasizing her New York accent. I burst out laughing.

“Since when did you get all Mafioso on me?”

“I’ve been practicing. Greyson’s been on a Sopranos kick lately.” She shakes her hand with pinched fingers.

We both break out into hysterical laughter, collapsing into each other while trying to catch our breath. But this is one of those moments when if you look at the person you were laughing with, you’ll start the laughing fit all over again, like some sort of hyena.

“There you guys are?” a voice rings out, startling us both. We turn around to find Emerson standing at the tent opening with a sleepy Kiran on her hip.

“Sorry, lost track of time,” I say, not knowing how long we’ve been out here.

“Don’t be sorry at all. I'm about to put the little guy to bed, then I think Frankie talked the boys into playing a game,” Emerson says.

“Sounds great. We’ll be right in,” Lottie replies, and Emerson heads back inside.

Before we get up, Lottie wraps her arms around me once more. “Please don’t ever think you're a shitty friend. You’re my person, Bitty, and I will always be here for you. No matter what.”

“I love you, Tig,” I say softly, attempting to keep my emotions in check .

“And remember, I'm your girl if we need to make anyone disappear.” She whips out the strong accent once again. And just like before, we both crack up.

We stand up and stroll back into the house with our arms linked together. I smile inwardly, thankful for my best friend and the people who surround us. For the people who are slowly but surely putting the light back into my eyes and a smile on my face.

When all seems lost, it’s important to remember I'm no longer alone in this.

Even in darkness, there is light …

And we will make it out alive.