21. Calvin

CALVIN

N ightfall comes quickly, and without the usual light pollution I'm used to in the city, the stars come alive in a gorgeous tapestry that makes me think of those camping trips Elvis and I used to take when we were kids. Back when we got along, and we had something in common. He'd always been the more outdoorsy one, even after he got that big corporate job at Fletcher & Sons and became … well, a bit of a dick.

My heart sinks into my stomach at the thought of never seeing him again. Sure, we may have had our problems in the past. And yeah, I'm not always the best big brother. I'm too busy, for one thing. But I could at least try to meet him halfway here and there, which is why I think I relented with the beehive.

Heh. To think I hadn't wanted to bother with a new hobby.

And now I'm here, resting on a flower petal with the woman I'm falling for, who isn't even human. Despite everything we've endured, I wouldn't change a single thing, because it might mean not ever meeting her.

Lying back on the flower petal with one arm tucked behind my head, I point out constellations to Polina as we chat about everything from our childhoods, to our hobbies, to our shared interests.

"Your mother sounds fun," Polina says as she places her head on my chest. My heart skips, and I gently put my arm around her.

"Yeah, fun is one way to describe her, I guess. She can't mind her own business, which is super annoying and?—"

Polina boops me on the nose and smiles. "Hey. At least you have a mother to complain about. That's no small thing, Cal. Cherish that."

My face falls, and I squeeze her tighter. "You're right. Oh, God. I'm so sorry. That was super insensitive of me, wasn't it? I'm such an asshole." I readjust my glasses and squint through the enormous crack in the right lens. Couldn't be helped. I'm grateful Polina managed to find them at all.

She buzzes gently, and it sends a strange, vibrating ripple through my body. "No, you're not an asshole. It's fine, Cal. I just like hearing about your family, is all. About Elvis and your mom and your cat. Although, I'll be honest, I don't think I want to meet your cat. She sounds ferocious. She would probably make a meal of me."

I chuckle and kiss her left antenna, making it bounce. "She probably would. But I want to hear more about your family. What was it like, growing up as the fae princess in a hive as large as yours? What about your siblings?"

Polina's eyes narrow as she stares up at me. "Come on, Caretaker. You should know better than to ask that question."

I stare back at her, dumbfounded. "Er … sorry. Remind me? I only just started at the Bee Guild. It's my brother who knows more. At least, I think he does. Jules taught him everything he knows, and she seemed like a woman with her life together."

Polina sighs. I'm not used to being in a position where I have to have someone explain something to me, and it doesn't feel good. Makes me feel like I'm back in undergrad classes. "I had twenty sisters, but I killed them all in hand-to-hand combat, as is tradition, of course."

I damn near choke on my own saliva again.

"W-Wait, what?" I sputter. "You did what ?"

She nods. "Yes. I thought you knew that? Bees, whether fae or mundane, kill their rivals. I ripped off their heads and cast them over the side of the hive so I could emerge as the queen. Well … almost queen. I'm merely a princess, still."

"That's … so brutal," I say as I caress the top of her head. "I'm so sorry."

Polina lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug. "Don't be. It had to be done. They would have done the same to me, after all. Besides … I don't even remember it. I was a child, and we bee fae don't start forming concrete memories until we're six years old."

"You murdered your sisters before you were six?!" I bolt upright. "When I was six, I was playing with action figures with my little brother. And you were ripping the heads off your siblings?"

"You're thinking about this way too hard, Cal." Polina sits up next to me and puts her hand on my shoulder. "We're from different worlds. Different species. Different cultures. Yes, some of it is shocking. I don't even know what ‘action figures' are. I've enjoyed learning about you, but if you want me to stop sharing parts of myself?—"

I turn to face her and frown. "No, absolutely not, Po. Don't sanitize stuff just for my sake. You're right. We're different, but that's fine. It's okay. I've enjoyed learning about you, too."

Even the rough, ugly parts that make my stomach fold over itself. What she had to go through was … was horrifying, of course. But nature is cruel. I've seen enough documentaries to know that. Yet thinking about Polina, my Sunshine, being subjected to something so terrible … it makes me want to hold her. To shield her from the rest of the world. But how can I do that when the mere thought of combat makes me want to run away and hide?

Her eyes twinkle then, and it reminds me of the stars overhead. Damn, she's so pretty. I've never been in the company of such a beautiful woman before, not unless it was for a lecture at the university with a hundred other students. No one swipes right on me on the dating apps. If Po were on one of those dating apps and came across my profile, would she swipe left or right?

Let's be real. She probably wouldn't give me a second glance. Why would she?

"I have no idea why you even like me," I mutter, shaking my head. As I look up at the stars overhead, I can feel her eyes linger on me. Scrutinizing me.

"What do you mean?" she asks in a small voice. Then she places her hands over mine and squeezes them. "I like you because you're brave, strong, and interesting. Do I need any other reasons?"

"Brave and strong aren't adjectives anyone's used to describe me before," I say with a soft smile. "But … thank you."

Polina's buzzing becomes agitated as she latches onto my arm and clings to it like it's a life preserver. "Why do you talk poorly about yourself all the time? Don't think I haven't noticed. Any man who risks his own life to save the woman he cares for is brave, Cal. You did that, remember? The panicked stampede that would have left me dead like … like all the others. You stopped that from happening at great risk to yourself."

My breath hitches in my throat as she pins me with her gaze. She's being serious. And of course I need to ruin it by negative self-talk once again.

I snort. "Really? Because I just thought it was stupidity."

"Absolutely not!" Polina puffs out her cheeks. I grin and resist the urge to pinch the air out of them. "Please, no more disparaging yourself, okay? I like you. And I will not explain myself any further. This is an order from the crown."

"Oh, shit." My eyes widen. "An order from the crown? Oh, my. Your Highness is so commanding!" I tease her, and Polina's cheeks turn bright red. I can't help but burst into laughter as all four of her hands turn into tiny fists and she playfully hits me in the sides. "Oh, no! Her Highness is attacking me! Nooooo! I'm going to die!"

"You are such a … such a…"

I arch an eyebrow and grin. "Such a what?"

"Such a butthole!" she yells, then playfully nips my arm with her fangs. It doesn't hurt, but it is hilarious that she just bit me. My little Sunshine of Terror.

"Are you sure you aren't secretly a hornet in disguise?" I jeer as I run my hand down the back of her head, over the intricate braids that have somehow managed to stay in place all day, even after everything we've been through. That can't be a comfortable hairstyle to maintain. "Hey. Want me to take these out for you? That way, you can sleep more comfortably."

Polina blinks at me, and her tiny fists relax back into hands. Good. I'm safe from her onslaught for now.

"Um … I suppose. Though we shouldn't sleep, because I'm sure Ser Beatrix and Sylvie will be coming for us soon."

I bite my bottom lip. The fact that she has so much faith in her knights is admirable, but … it's been hours. They aren't coming. And she did say we'd wait until nightfall before heading back over to check on the situation. It's been night for several hours now, and she hasn't made any indication that she wants to head back.

I'm pretty sure she's in denial, but I'm not sure I want to be the one to push her to face something she clearly isn't ready for.

Instead, I pat my lap and grin. "Sit here and I'll get to work on them."

It takes Polina a few seconds of quiet deliberation before she finally deigns to sit in my lap. I've never had a woman in my lap before, either. I brush my fingers along her slender neck and watch as the hairs on her arms stand on end. Then I unravel each braid one by one, taking my time not to pull too hard and hurt her. Finally, after what feels like an eternity and a nanosecond all at once, I'm finished.

But she doesn't vacate my lap. Instead, she stays put and leans back to look up at the stars again. I lean down and press my lips to her throat. She shivers against my chest and wraps her upper two arms around my neck, pulling me down closer. "More," she murmurs.

I kiss the crook of her neck again, and again, and again. I'm hard. Of course I am. My cock is pretty much aching for attention, and it's been days since I jerked it, so I'm desperate for release.

"Cal?" she says in a sweet, tinkling bell of a voice. Her bright eyes are hooded with lust, but mine are probably the same right now.

"Yes?" I answer her.

Polina's antennae brush against my cheek, tickling me. "I want you to be my first. I want to finish what we started in the alcove," she says. My cock twitches at the invitation, and I suppress a groan.

"Are you sure?" I ask her in a breathy voice I don't recognize. "We don't have to rush anything."

Because I just know that the second I'm inside of her, I'm going to come. A lot. The thought of disappointing her makes me go flaccid for half a second until she nuzzles my neck with her nose.

"I've never been more certain of anything," she says. "I want you inside of me. I want you to come in me, on me, wherever you wish. I want to know what it feels like to have you deep."

Oh, fuck. Heat creeps across every inch of my body at the invitation, and I say, "But what about the knights? What if they find us when we're … we're busy?" My voice cracks on the last syllable. I'm such a loser, but Polina doesn't even seem to notice.

"Then they'll see us, I suppose," she says as she sits upright and begins to undo the stays of her dress.

Oh, geez. How am I having my first sexual experience at my age, first of all? And why does it suddenly feel like I'm fourteen again and in my mother's basement with Betty Mason? We were about to kiss on the sofa when I accidentally belched in her face thanks to the soda I'd chugged moments before. This time, I haven't had anything to drink, so that's not a danger—premature ejaculation is my bigger concern.

I drag a palm down my face as I watch her undress. Or at least, try to undress, and that's when I realize … despite how confident she's been trying to sound, Polina is just as awkward about this as I am.

"Po," I say, trying to get her attention. "Polina."

But she doesn't listen to me. She's too busy buzzing frantically as she struggles with her dress.

"Let—let me do that," I say, and move across the flower petal to take her hands into mine, stopping her. "You'll damage your dress."

Polina sighs. "Very well. Yes. Help me, then," she says, and drops her arms to her sides in surrender. I position myself behind her and very gently tug at the satin ribbons holding her bodice together. I've never so much as unhooked a bra before, and here I am undoing a princess's bodice.

But Polina, either because she's as inexperienced as I am or because she's trying to be nice to me, doesn't notice how sweaty my hands are, or how awkward and clumsy I am with untying the ribbons. Instead, she waits patiently until I untie the last one and sigh.

"Okay. Done," I say. "And I didn't rip anything."

Polina's bare back isn't what I was expecting. The strange notches in her upper shoulders would probably be a gruesome sight had I not already expected them—after all, her wings have to go somewhere when they aren't being used, right? And then there are her delicate, rainbow-hued wings glimmering in the moonlight. They're pressed against her back, traveling the length of her spine. I can't even see where they end because they disappear into her dress.

"Thank you," Polina murmurs, then looks over her shoulder. She brushes her hair aside, giving me a better view of her face. "Um … now what?"

I gulp. "I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know how this is done," she says. "But for starters, I'd like you to touch me."