21. Kadence

Despite being blinded by tears,I move at lightning speed. Before I even get to my room, the dress is unzipped, and as soon as I reach the threshold, I stop, yank it off, and toss it onto the bed along with the lacy gloves. The boots are kicked off, then I lurch for the drawers, pulling out the first pair of jeans and a T-shirt I lay my hands on. I don't bother with socks. I just shove my ankle boots on my feet, then grab my suitcase.

The only thing I really care about is my make-up. Luckily, everything is stored in one large cosmetics bag, so I put that in the case first before running to the bathroom to rescue my expensive skincare products.

Once they're packed away, I snatch up the shoes I brought with me. As Rafferty bought me so many clothes, most of mine are still tucked away in the case, unused. I just give a cursory look around the room, snatching up a couple of things I see are mine.

Then I zip up the case and run with it to the balcony.

The McKennas are still in the entrance hallway, so there won't be any fleeing out that way. But I had idly noticed the flower trellis outside my window a while ago. It was back in the beginning, when I thought if Rafferty uncovered my secret, then this might make a good escape route.

After the first few days, I never thought I'd actually have to use it. Certainly not now.

How much can change in a blink of an eye.

Throwing my case down onto the grass first, I don't hesitate as I swing off the balcony, gripping onto the wooden lattice until I steady myself. Then I scurry down to the ground from the second floor, crushing flowers and vines under my fingers and shoes as I go.

I jump the last few feet, landing reasonably upright. My plan had just been to run through the woods, then use my phone to navigate and walk home. Maybe order an Uber once I'm far enough away from the house. I don't want to risk hailing one now and waiting around where either of the McKennas can find me.

Shame threatens to well up inside me, but I shove it down. Adrenaline is helping me focus, thankfully. There will be time to cringe at my appalling actions later. Right now, I need to move.

It seems for once that luck is on my side.

There's a car parked outside. I can see from the sticker on the windshield that it's an Uber.

I don't think. I just make a beeline for it.

"Hi," I say cheerfully to the driver as I open the passenger door. "Logan said I could take this ride to get home. He's going to order another one."

The driver is an older man in his fifties or sixties who blinks slowly at me, clearly not really giving a shit. "Okay," he says with a sigh, waving at me to get inside. "He already paid me anyway. I was just waiting for another ride in this area."

Score. In no time at all I've opened my own app and booked him for myself. Easy peasy. Once that's sorted, I sag in relief, shoving my case in first—not wanting to mess around with putting it in the trunk. Then I hop inside, slam the door, and buckle up.

Several emotions wash over me at once. I drop my head in my hands and take a few deep breaths in and out to try and regain my composure. In a moment of masochism, I turn and look over my shoulder at Rafferty's house one last time.

Just in time to see Logan come storming out of it.

Oops. Well…I guess that can be my revenge instead.

A sob threatens to claw out of my chest at my gallows humor. I swallow it down and ignore the inquisitive look from the driver. When his eyes are back on the road, I stare at the trees until they drop away as we join the highway that will lead me back to Paddle Creek.

Where I belong.

This whole endeavor has been one giant mistake after another. I never should have concocted such a harebrained scheme. Logan's words hurt, and the humiliation of crying in front of everyone felt like something I could never get over.

But I would have.

I was just so caught up in the moment. It felt like I was dying. After the neglect from my parents and Stanley, it felt like I was never going to be loved for who I was, so why bother?

The sad, pathetic truth was that the reason Logan's words cut me so deep was because they were true. I act like nothing matters to me, but I want to matter to someone more than anything.

I think I found that with Rafferty. I mattered to him.

And now it's all gone.

Somehow, I manage to hold it together until the guy drops me off. He might not have been the friendliest driver, but I really appreciated some quiet time to myself just now, so I give him five stars and a decent tip. It's all a blur as I rush into my building, up the elevator, and into my apartment.

"Hello!" I yell, belatedly realizing that I should have warned Erika first in case she and her girl were in a scene in the middle of the living room or something. It is a Saturday, after all. But my way is mercifully clear as I hurry toward my bedroom, hurtling inside and not even bothering to close the door as I collapse onto my bed.

After that, there's no holding the sobs back. They quickly become howls.

"Kadence?" Erika's voice comes from the doorway.

"I'm fine," I mumble into my pillow.

"Yeah, you look just peachy," she drawls. After a second, I feel the mattress dip, and her hand rests on my back. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"No," I say petulantly.

She laughs. I can practically feel her shaking her head. "Okay, tough guy. Then you won't mind me texting for reinforcements, will you?"

I'm not sure what she means by that. But in the ensuing quiet, I concentrate on breathing, willing the tears to stop leaking into my pillow.

Eventually, Erika's stubbornness pays off. "I fucked up," I say.

She hums. "The old man you were using for revenge found out you were blackmailing him and his son?"

Sighing, I finally turn my head and look at her. She's got shorts and a button-down on, complete with suspenders and her sensible glasses. It doesn't appear like she was in the middle of a scene, for which I'm grateful.

"Worse," I croak.

"Worse?" she repeats.

I nod. "I fell in love with him. Then he found out I was planning on betraying him."

"Oh, baby," she says sadly, combing her fingers through my hair.

"I wasn't going to humiliate him, though," I tell her, desperate for her to believe me, to understand. "Not anymore. I swear."

She shakes her head. "I seriously doubt you would have ever done that, sweetie. So why are you here instead of talking it through?"

I screw my face up, shaking my head before hiding away against the pillow again. "It's over," I wail, my body shaking once more with grief. "I'm a terrible person! I ruin everything!"

She continues rubbing my back. "That's not true, Kay," she says softly. "You're amazing. You made a stupid choice, but you didn't actually follow up with it. You worked it out before any damage was done."

"Rafferty hates me," I mumble. That's the worst damage I could imagine.

She takes a breath as if she's going to reply. A childish part of me wants her to tell me that's not true, even though I know it is. But there's a knock at the door. "Ah. That sounds like the cavalry." She pats my back, and I feel her get off the bed.

The last thing I want is to see any of my friends right now. But it seems like it's out of my hands, so I surrender to the inevitable. Luckily, I keep a box of tissues by my bed, so I pluck one out and do my best to dab at my eyes. I'd forgotten about all the glamorous make-up I did, but hopefully I don't look too much like Clayton, the college campus raccoon.

I take a couple of breaths and rub my chest. It's then I realize the other thing I'd forgotten. I'm still wearing Rafferty's jewelry. The necklace, bracelet, and earring—everything. Fresh horror rises inside me. I didn't mean to steal them! I'll have to mail them back—even though it pains me. I'd love to keep a memento of our time together, but that's just not possible. Not after the way I let him down.

The thought of Rafferty being back in that house, reevaluating every single moment of our time together, and realizing it was all a scam makes me sick to my stomach. I want to crumble all over again, but the murmured voices by the door stop, and I hear footsteps approaching. Taking a deep breath, I'm determined not to be a complete mess for my friends.

Sure enough, Erika comes back into my room, followed by Jessie and Harper, both of them looking anxious. Jessie's wearing his Kittens training gear. He must have been on his way to cheer practice.

"You guys didn't need to come," I say sheepishly with a sniff.

Jessie and Harper share a look. "Erika said it was an emergency, so yeah, we did," Harper explains.

"But, um," Jessie adds nervously. "We ran into someone else in the hall. He said he had to speak to you."

They move aside…and then there's Rafferty, standing right in front of me.

I squeak, unable to do much else.

"We'll, uh, give you guys some space," Erika says, ushering my friends out. I just stare at Rafferty until I hear the front door open and close, signaling that we have the apartment to ourselves.

"How did you find me?" I blurt out.

He chuckles ruefully and shakes his head. "You're my employee, remember?"

My face burns. No, I had quite forgotten that. "I'll pay the money back," I mumble, unable to meet his eyes.

"Why would you do that?" he asks. His calm demeanor is killing me.

I wince and hug my knees to my chest. He's just standing over me as I try and do my best to disappear. But he's between me and the door, so escape isn't going to be as easy this time around.

"You know why," I rasp. "I tricked you. It was all a lie."

"Was it?"

"Yes!" I snap, finally glaring right into his eyes, fresh tears falling down my face. "Weren't you listening to Logan? It was all a plot to get revenge on him for humiliating me. For him never once treating me with respect despite all the times I let him fuck me. For him treating me like I was nothing."

For a moment, Rafferty is still. Then he nods and goes and sits on the chair at my desk, facing me, his hands clasped between his knees. "And how were you going to do that? Do you have photos of the two of us in compromising situations? Videos? Sound recordings? Did you have someone spying on us at the party last night? Or when we met?"

I swallow and shake my head. "No," I say softly. "That was the plan, but…"

"But you didn't actually go through with any of it," Rafferty says. I don't understand what he's saying. But I realize he's right about one thing.

"You were paying me," I say.

"Yes," he agrees. "As a personal assistant. Were you going to prove that wasn't your job?"

"I could have," I say with a shrug, looking away again.

"But you didn't?" he prompts. "Are you going to?"

I shake my head more vigorously, squeezing my eyes shut as more tears leak out. "No, I swear!" I cry pitifully. "I wasn't going to do anything. I wasn't ever going to tell you. I-I changed my mind."

He sighs. "Then pardon my confusion, Kadence, but what the hell's the problem here?"

"I used you!" I yell at him, angry that he's making me spell out my failings so cruelly. "I knew who you were that first night, and I seduced you to try and ruin your family name so I could get revenge on my heartless fuck buddy! I lied! I took advantage of your very real bisexual awakening! I am nothing but scum and Logan is right—you should report me to the police!"

My words hang in the air for quite some time as I pant. We stare at each other.

"Do you want me to be disappointed?" Rafferty asks.

"Yes!" I reply incredulously.

He nods once. "Fine. I'm disappointed that my son hurt you. He's going to have to work very hard to earn my forgiveness on that one. I'm disappointed you left without allowing us any time to talk through not just the events of this morning but also what happened last night. I'm disappointed that you scared me when I searched the house and couldn't find you. I'm disappointed that my boy still seems to be in that bed and not wrapped in his Daddy's arms where he belongs."

He actually looks a little pissed off by the time he finishes speaking. I blink, trying my best to digest his words.

"W-what?" I say eloquently.

He huffs. "Are you disobeying your Daddy, Kadence?"

I'm still too confused, though. "Why would you want anything to do with me now? It was all a sham."

He tilts his head and raises his eyebrows. "Everything we shared was a sham?" he says in a clarifying tone. "Every scene we did was a lie? You were trying to find ways to film me that whole time, especially when we fucked in front of a literal camera and could have been discovered by my entire board of directors? You stayed beyond the weekend just to have more time to entrap me? You dressed up like a princess this morning just to get another one over on me?"

I bite my lip. "No," I utter softly.

"No, what?"

I'm trembling. Even shoving my hands under my thighs doesn't stop them from shaking. "No…none of that is true."

He grunts in satisfaction. "So I'm right in thinking that the only nefarious thing you really did was see me at the party, realize you might have an opportunity to take some power back from my son, and then seize it?"

I lift one shoulder in a partial shrug. "It was a shitty thing to do."

"It was tactical," Rafferty corrects. "You saw me as an enemy. I admire your ingenuity."

Baffled, I stare at him. "You do?"

It's his turn to shrug. "Yes. But I guess it also depends on something."

"What?" I ask immediately, desperate for a shred of redemption.

He studies me a second, and I hope a hundred times harder that my make-up isn't dripping down my face. "How do you see me now? Am I still your enemy?"

"No," I groan. The tears flow once more as I grimace and shake my head. "No, of course not. I…I…I don't want to hurt you. I'm so sorry for everything I've done. This is all such a mess!"

"The only mess is how this all unfolded today," Rafferty says practically. "That wasn't my intention, obviously. I wanted to discuss how you were feeling, but I can see that might be complicated. So let me be straight with how I'm feeling." He smirks. "Okay, maybe straight isn't the right word."

I'm aware my mouth is hanging open. I thought he was furious, that he hated me. I'm not sure what's happening right now, but so long as he's still talking, he's not leaving. I nod, urging him to continue.

"This isn't a fling for me, Kadence," he says as he leans his elbows on his knees, looking earnestly at me. "I care deeply for you. I think I might even love you. The light you've brought into my life is incomparable. You've awakened sexual desires in me I never knew existed. But it's not simply that. Your presence in my home is calming. Sweet. Delightful. And yet still sassy and enticing. I am as content watching TV with you cuddled up by my side as I am fucking my gorgeous Kiki doll until we both come our brains out. I don't want you to leave. If you agree, I don't want to hide you away, either. It's true that I'm afraid of how you might be treated by others, but I'm not afraid of coming out for you. Of telling the world that you're mine. I'll be your Daddy, your partner, whatever you want. But I do need to know what you want, preferably soon. Not because I need to tell my wife or my son or my staff. But because if I don't know how you really feel right this minute, I might just die."

He swallows, his eyes glassy as he stares at me, his gaze unblinking, holding his breath as he waits for my answer.

It's too much. I can't fight this battle any longer. I feel myself break down as a sob wracks my chest. "Daddy!" I cry, launching from the bed and throwing myself into his arms.

He gathers me in his lap, hugging me fiercely as I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his back, burying my face into his neck. "Shh, shh," he soothes me, stroking my hair.

"I love…I want…" Nothing I need to say is coming out of my mouth.

"You can have whatever you want, Kadence," he assures me. "You can move in. You can be my doll, my boyfriend. I'm all in. I know this isn't just an experiment anymore. It never really was, I don't think. I want to give a real relationship a go. If you'll have me."

I lean back incredulously. "If I'll have you?" I splutter. He raises his eyebrows, and I realize he's serious. "You trust me?"

His shoulders drop just a fraction, and he smiles sweetly at me. "You might have neglected to mention a couple of things, sweetheart. But I don't believe you ever actually lied to me. Not with your body or your soul."

I shake my head. He might have a point there. "It started out as something else, but everything I felt was true."

He brushes back a curl. "I know, beautiful boy. Why else would you have lost your temper with me like that about your town? That argument wasn't anything to do with our relationship beyond us both realizing how much we care what the other thinks of us. You showed me your heart for real that night. I know who you are. I do trust you. I want to be with you. I want to build something new together."

I close my eyes. It seems impossible that I have any more tears left to cry, but these feel different than before. They are my relief, my joy.

"I want that too, Daddy," I manage to whisper, opening my eyes again. "I want to be your boy and your doll. I want to stay with you. I want to go public with you, but only when you're ready for that. I…I love you, Rafferty. So much. No one has ever come close in my life to getting me like you do. You're kind and thoughtful and sexy and commanding. I love it all."

We only look into each other's eyes a second before we lean in together, our lips meeting for the second time. Last night I was drunk on endorphins, strung out from sex, and high on adrenaline.

Right now, I am clear-headed. I know this is the only thing in the whole world I want. I am committed to whatever bumpy road lies ahead. So long as I have Rafferty by my side, I can do anything.

He sighs against my mouth and breaks the kiss, rubbing my back and gazing into my eyes. "What do you say, my beautiful boy? My perfect doll. Shall we go home?"

"Home,"I repeat with a shaky laugh. He really means it this time. He wants it to be our home now.

It's not like we're out of the woods yet. We have a lot more obstacles still to overcome. But as he takes me by the hand and picks up my suitcase, I let all those worries fade away. We can deal with them later.

In this moment, all we need is each other.