1. Kadence

"Remindme again why we're here?"

I try not to whine. That's never a cute look. But as frat parties go, this is looking horribly straight from the outside. I can see a lot of football players and…you know…dudes.

My bestie, Jessie, chuckles and rubs my back. "Come on," he encourages me. "School's almost out for the summer, you've basically graduated, and we promised we'd go to as many of these things as possible as a bon voyage. I think the whole cheer squad is here. We'll have fun, I promise."

I tut and roll my eyes but allow myself to be ushered up the steps of the Alpha Zeta Kappa frat house. Jessie had a bit of a rocky start to his time with the Paddle Creek Kittens, and he has three more years of college yet with a lot of these people. If it's important to him, I'll make the effort.

But no one better try and talk sportsball at me. I am fully prepared to fake my death if necessary.

I met Jessie in his first semester because I make it a habit to seek out and befriend cute, kinky queers. I might be more or less done with college, but I'll be sticking around this tiny town for now at least because these people are my family.

They're the only family I've got.

I shake myself and take a second to remember that my sister isn't actually the worst human being. We just have very little in common, and for the last couple of years, she's been off wandering the earth, chasing her happiness in a different way. She's got yoga on a beach. I've got dick and tequila.

To each their own.

Mercifully, Jessie knows to grab my hand and pull us through the busy house directly to the kitchen to get our refreshment on. Waiting there is the tall, slim, and blond form of one of my other best friends I've made this year. I'm happier leaving campus knowing that Harper and Jessie will both still be studying together.

Selfishly, however, I know a little space from them is also necessary for my sanity. Don't get me wrong—I'm thrilled that they've both found their dream Daddies. Harper technically has three guys who Dom him in different ways, lucky bitch. But there are times when I find it hard to see just how sappy the two of them get.

Love is fine for other people. But there's only so much I can have it shoved down my throat. I don't do emotions. At least not deep and meaningful ones. Does snarky count as an emotion? I can do that plenty.

"Don't you both look fabulous?" Harper comments, already waiting with two cups of punch to thrust into our hands. I sniff it and he grins. "Don't worry. I already tested it. It's got a kick, but it's not going to erase that degree you just earned from your brain."

We laugh and tap our cups together in a toast. "To Kadence," Jessie says brightly.

I love how he'll often wear his kitten ear headbands out in public now, unafraid to show a bit of his true nature to the world at large. My kinky side is so completely separate from the rest of my life I'd never think of doing anything like that. But I still look pretty fucking gay in my tight leather pants and shimmery tank. Jessie's got a cute crop top on and denim shorts along with his ears, whereas Harper looks a little more sophisticated in a button-down open over a T-shirt. We're a bit of an eclectic bunch, but I feel nothing but warmth as we all drink together.

By the time I'm on my second cup, I start to think that maybe this party won't be so bad after all. Sometimes, I forget just how many of the football players are in fact gay, thanks to Coach Drevin being so out and proud. Consequently, a lot of the cheerleaders are also queer, and even a few of the basketball players.

It's kind of staggering to think about the knock-on effect Drevin has had on this small, kind of crappy town. It's most likely why he was able to get the job in the first place. I bet bigger colleges and universities balked at the idea of an out gay coach. But Paddle Creek isn't exactly renowned for anything much at all, so the dean was probably stoked to have someone of such caliber step up to the plate.

Because Drevin is good. Suddenly, the Paddle Creek Panthers were winning not just games but championships, and gay players were coming from all over the country to play for the town. There's a lot of boarded-up real estate around here, but the businesses that are open are more often than not run by people from the LGBT-plus community. Even the local biker gang is a rainbow-centric chapter, encouraging more and more like-minded people here.

Hence giving the town such a high quality of life score when it comes to being queer. When I moved out of my parents' house, my only concern was to get as far away as possible. Paddle Creek looked both welcoming and cheap, so I packed my bags and never looked back.

As I dance in the living room with my friends to an old Shakira song, I grin over the lip of my Solo cup and let my gaze travel across the room. I might be a cynical motherfucker, but even I can admit that I've grown fond of this place and the (sometimes slightly odd) people who live here. I'm glad I've got myself a small apartment lined up to live with another friend and an entry-level office job to pay for it. I'm sure I'll be bored out of my skull, but it'll be worth it to know that I'm safe and welcomed everywhere I go.

Almost everywhere.

"Warning," Harper grumbles, glaring over my shoulder. "Trouble at twelve o'clock."

Jessie and I turn our heads to see what he's talking about. Jessie grunts in exasperation and rolls his eyes. Whereas my heart does that weird flip-flop thing it always does when I see Logan McKenna out in the wild.

The problem with incredibly good-looking closeted guys is that they're like god-damned catnip to me. No strings attached, and all that pent-up frustration? Sign me the fuck up.

It took little to no time at all to lure him into bed, and the secret sex has been addictive. There was never any chance of catching feels because—quite frankly—he's a dick. Not just to other people, but to himself. Internalized homophobia is toxic, and I'm not interested in being around that any longer than it takes to come my brains out.

And that's fine. I swore I'd never let anyone else get close to my heart and I mean it. The one person I trusted with it left it slashed in tatters. No one's ever going to hurt me like that again.

So I don't care that Logan has his girlfriend hanging on his arm. I'd feel sorry for her, but Tara Sherman is just plain mean and deserves a little karma coming her way. I'm not jealous of her, though. I don't wish I was the one dating Logan McKenna.

But try as I might, I'm not some hollow, emotionless creature. I've let that man inside my body on numerous occasions, and yet when our paths cross in public, he makes a point of sneering at me. Even laughing at me. If there's one person I'd be keen to avoid now that I've graduated, it'll be him. I told him as much the last time we hooked up.

It's over. He wasn't happy.

He told me I was being a pussy and that he liked fucking me because he didn't have to do that ‘girl shit' with me. The deal was that I wasn't supposed to care or have feelings, that it was just about sex, and I agreed. But him treating me like garbage out in the real world crosses a line.

It also comes perilously close to echoing the words my Daddy told me when he ended our relationship the summer before. The ones that cut me to the bone and left me a broken wreck of a boy.

Look, I love my kink. Being a lifeless doll and letting a guy have his way with me is exhilarating. It lets me get out of my head and just be someone else's beautiful prop. But I didn't claw my way out of that suffocating, conservative hell hole where I grew up only to be told that my opinions don't matter. That I'm still someone who should be seen and not heard.

Logan doesn't get to decide when I matter or not. I do. I don't want to be his boyfriend, but I'm not going to let him dehumanize me out in the real world, either.

So my breath hitches as he and Tara enter the room. I only have a second to wonder how he's going to react, then the problem is solved for me. In a matter of speaking.

"What are you doing here, traitor?" Tara sneers at Jessie, who crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at her.

"It's a free country," Jessie says defiantly. "If anything, I should be asking what you're doing here. You decided to fuck around and find out, so you're not on the squad anymore. This is a Panthers house. I'm here with the Kittens. You know? The team you quit."

Tara looks my friend up and down with a curled lip. "Whatever, freak. I'd rather quit than be associated with a drug-dealing biker gang and that crazy old cat man who you let fuck you."

Jessie looks murderous and steps forward, but I put my hand protectively on his chest and laugh. "She's not worth it, hon."

And that's when this blonde bitch turns her attention to me. "You," she rasps. "Another little freak that deserves to be locked up."

I scoff. "Oh, sweetheart, threatening me with handcuffs isn't going to get you the reaction you're hoping for."

She makes a repulsed face and moves closer to Logan, who automatically wraps his arm around her waist. "Fancy seeing you here, Hughes," he says smoothly. I grit my teeth and force my dick not to jump like Pavlov's fucking dog at the sound of his voice. Damn, that boy loved dirty talk and at the time, it was fun.

I'm not interested in hearing another word from him if he can't at least treat me with a modicum of civility.

"McKenna," I say curtly. "We were here first, so either deal with it or find somewhere else to spend your Friday night. I hear Clayton, the school raccoon, is hosting a rave behind the dumpsters."

I flash a grin at him as several people laugh. Even over the music, our little interaction is earning some attention. It's not surprising, really. Logan's kind of the closest thing this town has to a celebrity or royal family. His dad is mega-rich and owns half the public property around here. The rumor is that he's waiting until he has enough to flatten it all and start from scratch, gentrifying the whole area. He even used to own the football team, and they almost renamed the stadium after him.

I never did ask Logan why that fell through. Probably because I don't care. I bet his dad is just as awful as he is. I never met him officially, just saw him once from afar. God damn it, why does Logan have to be so pretty?

Neither Logan nor Tara likes being laughed at. "Can it, Hughes," Tara snaps at me. "Your blatant crush on my boyfriend is so pathetic. Give it up. He'd never fuck you in a million years."

I blink at her and laugh. "Is that so?" I say, flicking my gaze toward Logan, who's gone stiff as a board. "And what makes you think I'd ever fuck him in a million years?"

She rolls her eyes. "He told me all about how you begged him so many times. See, we don't keep secrets in this relationship."

This is becoming less funny. I try not to give a shit what others think of me. But I hate people lying about me. Yeah, okay, I slept with her boyfriend, which is not a great look. However, he pursued me.He's the one who insists on publicly dating a girl, even though he's as gay as RuPaul in West Hollywood at Pride. It's not a real relationship and she's awful, so personally I don't consider it cheating. Not when I specifically only wanted him for his body and not his poisonous personality.

I knew this would come back to bite me in the ass. Great sex isn't worth getting tangled up in their drama and lies.

"I seem to remember the begging was the other way around," I say coolly to Logan.

For a fraction of a second, his eyes go wide. Then he barks out a laugh. "In your dreams, Hughes. I'm not a fucking fag, and even if I were, I'd never degrade myself with a nobody like you."

"Good thing you don't have to anymore," I retort. "It's over, remember? Why don't you admit to yourself and your clueless girlfriend that you're just as much of a fag as I am?"

"If anyone's clueless, it's you," he snarls, hugging Tara to his side. "Be as deluded as you want, but don't drag my girl into it. She's everything you're not."

"I know. She has a vagina," I say in exasperation, throwing out my hands.

People are laughing again, but Logan grits his teeth and leans closer to me. "She's rich, beautiful, and smart. You should shut your mouth and leave us alone, you freak."

He releases Tara and gets in my face, his blazing eyes locked with mine. I jut my chin up defiantly. We're about the same height, so I'm not going to let him intimidate me.

Or at least I'll try. When he speaks, it's so low only I can hear him.

"Don't fucking test me, princess," he snarls. "I know you better than you think. You're so desperate for someone to tell you that you matter, but you don't. You say you don't do feelings, but that's only because deep down, you know you're unlovable. Your fancy family didn't want you, and neither did your ex-boyfriend. We had something good, and if you think breaking it off is going to make me respect you, then you are tragically misinformed. You're nothing, and you'll always be nothing."

I step back, my heart racing.

Suddenly, I'm not at the party anymore. I'm back in Daddy Stanley's bedroom as he packs my things and tells me he's bored of me.

"If I wanted someone else's opinion, I'd date a real man. You're supposed to be my doll, and you can't even do that right."

I'd never been so degraded in my life. I'd felt utterly worthless. At least I knew my parents never really loved me, and it was a relief to escape them. With Stanley, it was supposed to be different. But in the end, he made me feel even worse than they ever did. Like it was mortifying that I ever thought I had opinions that mattered or that my voice should be heard. I've never cried so hard before or since that night.

It takes me a horrifying second to realize that tears are sliding down my face in the here and now.

"Oh my god!" Tara cries gleefully at Logan. "He's so obsessed with you that you made him blub!" She glares at me again. "So pathetic. Get it through your empty head, freak! He's never going to fuck you, ever!"

This can't be happening. No, no, no! I worked so hard to make sure I was never vulnerable in front of anyone in my new life so they wouldn't have the ammunition to hurt me like Stanley did or like my parents tried to do. I've spent the last year in control, and Logan McKenna is undoing all of that in a matter of minutes. People are still looking at us, but they aren't laughing anymore.

Their expressions are ones of pity.

"Okay, that's enough," Harper shouts as Jessie wraps his arms around me. But it's like a dam has broken and every emotion I've done my best to lock away over the past several years is tumbling out now.

I'm not sure what's worse. Tara's lies or Logan's truth.

I hate that he has the measure of me like that. I do put on a front and pretend like no one can get close enough to touch me because that's the way I want it. The reality is that I'm so terrified that if someone breaks me down like that again, I won't recover. My parents treated me like nothing, only for Stanley to confirm it was true.

I swore I'd never feel that way again.

"Fuck you," I snarl through gritted teeth, jabbing a finger into Logan's face as tears drip from my chin. "You weren't worth it. I wish you a miserable, closeted life. I'll be out here loud and proud, living my truth. You're the one who's pathetic."

Logan laughs at me. "This is my town, Hughes, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it."

I guess people like him really don't get kink. He doesn't understand that because I used to let him take charge in the bedroom, it doesn't mean I'm helpless in the real world. I never even dressed up for him or went full doll mode. He'd have lost his mind, and not in a good way. But he thinks because I was a pillow princess for him in bed that he gets to dictate how I live my life now?

Nuh-uh.

"Oh, we'll see about that," I say with a savage grin. It's my turn to speak so quietly we're the only two who can hear me. "You want to tarnish my reputation? I'll destroy yours, pretty boy. Just you wait."

He laughs again, but this time it's uncertain, and he frowns at me. In that moment, I wish I had some proof as to just how much of a fake he is, but I don't.

Between his vicious words and the way he made me lose it in front of everyone, I'm afraid to admit I'm pretty devastated. I put up all these walls to keep myself safe. But breaking off our arrangement obviously hurt him more than he'd care to admit. He went for my metaphorical jugular and left me bleeding out on the floor with everyone else standing around, watching. Sure, my friends tried to support me, but I never wanted them to see me like that, either.

Paddle Creek has been my do-over. My clean slate. Even after Stanley, I refused to move. This is my home. Am I going to have to run from here as well?

I look between Jessie and Harper, who are still clinging to me, and Logan and Tara as they laugh at me. The crowd looks awkward, and the music feels uncomfortably loud. Oh, fuck.

Some people have their phones out. They've got one of the worst moments of my life on camera for all the world to see.

I wish I'd filmed Logan. I'd smear his name so fast his head would spin. He wants to make me out to be something I'm not? The truth would be far more damning for him. All his very loud homophobia would come back to bite him in the ass.

But I don't have a single shred of evidence.

Not yet, anyway.

I can be patient. No one gets to make me feel like this. No one has that kind of power over me, at least not for long. I swore I'd never let anyone treat me like my parents or Stanley did ever again, and I mean it.

"Hey, what's going on?"

A nerdy-looking guy in glasses pushes his way through the crowd. It's Gabriel Visoth, a sophomore I'm friends with and I think the only non-football player who's a member of Alpha Zeta Kappa. He's closer to Jessie than to me, but I do know that his two ex-Panther boyfriends are also his Daddies. Despite being a small geek, he's got a lot of respect around here.

People look sheepish, and I'm glad for an excuse to snap out of this ordeal. I've had quite enough humiliation for one evening. Besides, the way Gabe is glaring at Logan, he's not thrilled to see him either. I feel like I can walk away with some dignity intact. Time to make a swift exit.

"This isn't over," I snarl at Logan.

He huffs and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, sure, Hughes. I'm quaking in my boots."

For a second, I hold his gaze, long enough for him to swallow nervously.

Gotcha.I mean it. He's going to rue the day he ever fucked with me.

With one last disdainful flick of my eyes up and down the body I used to worship, I shake off my friends and storm toward the front door. I'm not in the mood to party anymore.

I've got revenge to plan.