OZZY

I fucking hate myself.

If I could, I’d rip the beating heart out of my chest and hand it to Fallon, promising her that I’m doing this for her and I’ll be back, but it’ll never be enough.

She is going to fucking hate me.

I lied to her countless times over the last twelve hours, and the laundry list is beginning to overflow.

But, my God, I love her.

More than I ever thought was possible, but when I think about someone hurting her, it pushes me forward, reminding me that I’m making the right choice.

One day, we’ll have the life we dream of, that much I’m certain of. Whether it be in a few weeks, a month or two, or years down the road. Fallon is the only woman for me, and I will find her in those places where the light hasn’t yet been discovered.

But for now, this is how things need to be.

I have to leave her, to keep her safe.

Lose her, to save her.

It’s a fucked up, twisted sense of doing anything to protect the ones you love, and as much as I can’t stand it, we’ll be better off in the long run.

One thing she won’t understand, at least not right away, is that I’m doing this for her, not to her.

Our meeting today was harsh, the guys realizing they had to leave their girls behind, too, but we’ve been promised their safety. This client is a pain in the ass, a crazy control freak, and determined, but one thing I know for certain, is that he wants to work with us.

The girls’ safety is a condition of that, and I’m confident in leaving them behind for a short while, giving us a chance to build a rapport with him, and learn more about who we’re up against. That’s the best way to bring everyone back together safely, and we’re all on the same page.

Instead of leaving in two days like I told Fallon, we’re leaving tomorrow night.

It’s harsh, cruel, and will break her heart, but I believe in us, and she’ll eventually understand why I’m doing this.

The rooftop party is slowing down, and as I hold a sleepy Fallon against my chest, the only thing I can think of is how badly this is going to hurt me, too.

I may get the chance to make the decision, but it’s not even a competition – this is the hardest fucking thing I’ll ever do in my lifetime.

Walking away from her, traveling to a place where she can’t reach me, unable to hold her when she cries, or being the one to bring that beautiful smile to her face. Those are the things I’m sacrificing and it feels like I’m losing pieces of myself, the more I think about what I’ll miss most about her.

My beautiful girl, my Bambi.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed,” I whisper, jostling her awake.

She nods, and holds her arms out, her way of asking me to carry her.

I scoop her up, her arms wrapping around my neck, and her head resting perfectly on my shoulder, just like the first time, and every time since.

I sneak a peek at the night sky before ducking into the stairwell, and the stars are shining, perfectly visible without a cloud in the sky. There’s a billion more out there, but I know one thing for sure, those stars are illuminated for us tonight, proving to me that we’ll be okay, no matter what.

“Baby, I’m sorry, I’m a little drunk,” Fallon whispers as I lay her down in bed.

“It’s okay, Bambi. Come here,” I say, kicking off my clothes and opening my arms until I feel her body against mine.

“I’m going to miss this place,” she says, slurring her words as she starts to doze off.

“Me too, Fallon. Me too.”

Sleep evades me tonight in the worst way, as I’m kept awake by the reminder of how terrible I feel. The last thing I ever want is to hurt this beautiful, strong, immaculate woman beside me, but it’s time to rip the bandaid.

In less than twenty-four hours, I’ll be breaking not one, but two hearts, and I’m beginning a mission to simultaneously heal them by bringing down the person responsible for all of this.

Everyone has a look of dread plastered on their faces, knowing what today holds in store. The four other men in the room stare at me, looking to me as their leader, but I’m a fucking mess.

I didn’t sleep a wink, my mind is all over the place, and my attitude is less than pleasant.

It’s a recipe for disaster, but we all know what’s at stake.

“There’s no way we can guarantee their safety, Ozzy. How am I supposed to tell Pepper that I’ll see her soon, and just leave?” Lex asks somberly, his head in his hands.

“I don’t know, Lex. I’m fucking lying to Fallon. Oliver and Cami have been through this before. I don’t know how you handle your girlfriend, but you just do,” I tell him, and it comes out harsh, but not in a way that I intended.

“When are we leaving?” Max gears up, pulling out the duffle bags for the cash and weapons.

“Tonight. We go, and look forward, not backward, for everyone’s sake.”

That ends the meeting, and everyone’s sad faces plague the dealership, a certain gloom looming over the place that we haven’t experienced before.

Fallon is busy organizing, separating our things by suitcase, and I lean against the doorframe, watching as she darts around the room with precision. She’s mumbling to herself, striving for perfection, just like she did when we packed for Jacksonville.

The guilt begins to gnaw at me, threatening to eat me alive before I finally put a stop to her madness. Fallon has done a million things for me, but I cannot let her pack my things, knowing what I know. I’m making a shit choice, but I’m not evil, and I’d never take advantage of her.

I know better than that.

“Hey, Bambi. Leave my things, I can do it,” I say, pulling her out of the lists running a mile a minute in her mind.

I admire her natural beauty the most, the moments like these where her hair is pulled back into a bun, and her outfit of choice is a simple t-shirt and sweats combo. She doesn’t need to dress fancy, or do her hair and makeup to impress me. The girl I fell madly in love with wore my clothes home because I destroyed hers in one devious night, the one where I claimed her as mine .

The girl I fell madly in love with only enhances her beauty when she dresses up to the nines, making every single person jealous when they enter a room. I have been lucky enough to watch that girl blossom into the woman standing in front of me, her smile as big as the whole sky, and I know she’s going to be alright without me.

I believe in her .

“Are you sure? I know you’re under a lot of stress, I don’t mind. You know I love to pack,” she counters, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her lips against mine.

I breathe her in, holding onto that vanilla perfume that’s had me in a chokehold since the second she invaded my space, saving the reminder for a time when I need it the most.

“I’ve got it, my beautiful girl . Can we sit for a minute?” I break our kiss and lead her to the bed.

Her eyes meet mine, the concern flaring behind her dark brown pupils, and I have to look away to keep my emotions in check. I’m on the verge of tears every time I look at her, but I can’t break now.

Not yet.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. I just want to hold you, hold onto this moment for a bit,” I say, and she nods, climbing onto my lap.

“I love you, Ozzy. I have such a good feeling about this, like we’re going to find something so spectacular on our trip. Life changing,” she rambles, that beautiful mind always seeing the best in any situation.

“We’ll be alright, Bambi.” It feels like my body is being pulled in two directions, stretching until I’m so thin, I can barely see where I need to be and where I want to be.

No part of me wants to do this, but I know I have to.

We all have dinner together, one last pizza delivery and we all put on our best poker faces. I’m a shell of myself, attempting to hide my guilt and true intentions, but I’m having a hard time keeping a straight face.

Cami breaks out the top-shelf vodka, pouring everyone a shot, encouraging us to live a little, as she put it.

She’s going crazy in here, desperate for fun, the same old Camila that I’ve always known, but tonight, I’m grateful for her.

A few shots will be just enough to take the edge off but also put Fallon to sleep in a way that will allow me to slip away without her waking up.

I can’t bear to look into her eyes, tell her the truth, or give her a proper goodbye. I’m spineless, weak, selfish, and fucking evil, but she’ll never let me go without her, either.

It’s two sides of a bad coin, neither side landing on a good outcome no matter how many times I flip.

“I haven’t told her yet, either,” Lex whispers, standing beside me as we watch the girls play their version of flip cup.

It’s the same game, but they take shots way more often, treating the vodka as a reward, rather than a punishment.

I place my hand on his shoulder, knowing the exact demons he’s struggling with. Time seems to be ticking much slower tonight, and every time I look at the clock, or think of the time we chose to leave, the agony grows inside me. I want to silence my thoughts, block out the strong urge to call it off, fast forwarding time until we’re on the road, when there’s no going back.

I watch as Cami and Fallon steal flirty glances at each other, their touches lingering for a few seconds too long, the understanding of love radiating between them, and finally, I see a ray of light in this fucked up situation.

They’ll have each other.

It won’t cut as deep for Fallon with Cami by her side.

“Why do you look so sad over here, all by yourself?” Pepper strides up to me cheerfully, popping the top off a beer and handing it to me.

“Rough couple days, Pep, that’s all. Thanks for checking in,” I tell her, watching as she furrows her eyebrows with my response.

“Okay, sure. You’re being too hard on yourself. She’s fine,” she says sternly, not buying my bullshit answer for a second.

People underestimate Pepper because she’s goofy, unaware, and blonde, but deep down, it’s all an act. She’s smarter than any of us give her credit for. I’ve caught those moments where she lets her intelligent side show, even though it’s usually very brief, and covered up by a dumb comment.

“Don’t you just love them? They’re so carefree, just enjoying each other in the best ways. I’m so happy for them,” she whispers, talking about Cami and Fallon.

They’ve stopped pretending and decided to dance together, their hands roaming slowly and getting used to a larger audience.

“I couldn’t agree more, Pep,” I say, and she smiles, walking back toward the group.

The atmosphere is tense tonight, with all the guys trying to end the party way before we usually would. It’s getting late, and time to begin the plan to leave before anyone backs out.

There are a few hours left until we go, and I want to hold Fallon until the last possible second.

“Come here, Bambi.” I reach in between her and Cami, pulling her directly into my arms.

“Ozzy! I was dancing!” She cries, but I scoop her up, waving at everyone as I carry her away.

“I need snuggles from my beautiful girl , is that okay?” I ask, dropping her on the mattress and lying beside her.

She strokes my hair softly, coming closer and resting her head on my chest, right where she belongs.

“All you have to do is ask.”

I wrap my arms around her body, memorizing every little detail about her while I still have the chance.

The small freckles that span down the bridge of her nose and across her cheeks, painting the perfect trail that leads to her dimples when she smiles real big. She does her best to hide it, but the purple dye is fading, and the blonde roots are starting to grow in, something I’ve only seen one other time.

She hates anything resembling her old self, and the reminders of the life she used to live, the purple hair is a very large part of that persona she’s always trying to forget.

“You’ve been so quiet, are you okay, baby?” She checks on me, and I close my eyes, so close to breaking down.

“I’m so tired, Bambi. Everything that’s happened since this client came to us … it’s almost too much. I need a real night’s sleep,” I tell her, rubbing her arm lightly and leaving light scratches in my wake.

“Let me rub the oils on your back? I know that works best when you’re restless,” she offers, and I swear, if this goes on any longer my heart is going to shatter in my chest.

“No, that’s okay. Not tonight. I just need you.”

She pulls the blankets over us, her breathing slowing down as she gets comfortable against me. This has become our nightly routine, and within minutes, she’s fast asleep in my arms. The tears begin to slip down my cheeks, the ominous feeling creeping in knowing that this is the last time either of us will get a good night’s sleep. It’s going to take absolutely everything I have inside me to climb out of this bed, and walk out of this room, but if I don’t move soon, I never will.

I’ve thought about this all day, what I’m going to leave her with, and what I want to take to keep her close to me while I’m gone, but now that it’s time, my hands are shaking, and I can’t breathe. Slowly, I slip out from under her grasp, tucking her back under the covers as I move around the room.

My bags are by the door, but before I can grab them, I unclasp the necklace Fallon gave me, leaving it on the pillow beside her.

Earlier, I wrote her a note, and I slip that under the chain, knowing it’s not nearly enough to let her know what she means to me, but it’s all I have right now. One last time, I bend down, place a kiss on her forehead and tuck the loose hair behind her ear. She’s snoring, unbothered by my intrusion, and as much as it’s killing me, I grab my things and head toward the door.

With my hand on the knob, I take one last look around the room, the place she created for us, and I’m so choked up, I can barely breathe. I glance at the framed pictures hung on the walls, each of them representing a memory that I could never forget, but my favorite one is calling out to me, and in one quick motion, I take it down off the wall, shoving it into my bag.

A light tap on the door breaks me out of my trance, and I know it’s time to go, but my feet are cemented in place, my body frozen as I think this through one last time.

I have to do this.

I have to save everyone.

My crew. My love. My life.

Without my Bambi, none of that exists.

“I love you, Bambi. Like an oath,” I whisper in the dark, my voice cutting through the silence in the room.

I slip out of our bedroom, following the rest of the guys to the van, sneaking out in the middle of the night like teenagers. We’re all silent as we pile inside, and drive away from the one place any of us truly ever called home .

I take the seat in the back row, the tears silently falling, my chest heaving as I try to contain my emotions, but it’s no use. I left a piece of my heart back at that dealership, and I can only hope that one day, everything we’ve dreamed of will come true.

From the moment I saw Fallon, I was infatuated with her, but I should’ve known all along that she would be the very thing that wrecked me .