8. Auslin

Chapter 8

Auslin

" I am sorry that my father did not have a better answer for you," Kitaro apologized once they returned to his room.

"It's my own damn fool fault for being so stupid." Auslin stared at the floor because he couldn't find the strength to lift his head.

Kitaro frowned. "I know it was not what you hoped to hear, but you have my word that we will do everything to make sure you return to your time."

"I truly appreciate it." But Auslin needed to be alone and think everything over. He felt bad asking for space, but he hoped it would be forgiven under the circumstances. "I'm sorry, but it's been a really long day. Could I be shown to my room now? All I want to do is take a bath and go to bed."

"You are already in your room."

"But this is your room," Auslin said without understanding.

"Indeed, but it is now yours as well."

Auslin waved his hands in front of him. "I don't want to infringe on your private space."

"Father has entrusted me to be your guardian and protector. There is no better way to do that than have you stay with me," Kitaro explained. "It would put my mind at ease since I suspect Mitsuki will have some objections to Father's decision."

The comment filled Auslin with dread. "Should I be afraid?"

"No, at most, there may be some snide remarks that I would encourage you to ignore. He will not harm you, though. Father has expressly declared his intent of taking you under the protection of our clan. Not even Mitsuki will go against that."

"Oh." It gave Auslin a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. He could only hope he wouldn't have many interactions with Mitsuki. It was a name he didn't remember hearing from Kio, so he had no frame of reference for him. The only reason Auslin knew about Kitsuki was because he had been present for the king's interactions with Kio. Otherwise, Kio never wanted to talk about his family.

"You have my word that, as your guardian, I will allow no harm to come to you, Vanra. You are mine to protect. I will do so at any cost."

Despite his current state, Auslin's heart fluttered at Kitaro's words. He suddenly felt flustered under the gaze of such passionate blue eyes. "Thank you, Prince Kitaro."

"There is no need for such formality, especially now that you are clan. You may call me Kitaro without the formal title."

Auslin bowed his head. "I appreciate that, Kitaro." Why did saying that send such a thrill through Auslin?

"Perhaps you will feel better after a bath. There are towels in the closet inside of the bathroom. The comb on the counter will dry your hair when you use it."

Grateful for the chance to get some alone time, Auslin appreciatively bowed and sought sanctuary in the bathroom. He exhaled a sigh of relief when the door shut behind him and he was finally by himself. After using the toilet, Auslin approached the closet. Another automatic sliding door revealed shelves of the fluffiest white towels he had ever seen. The material was softer than his own scratchy, threadbare towels that barely dried anything. He wanted to wrap it around himself as a blanket and enjoy the softness, but he made himself go over and disrobe before getting into the bath.

Auslin had expected the water to be too hot, judging from the steam rising off it, but it was the perfect temperature. He sank into the comforts of it with a soft sigh, relaxing despite his troubles. For a few moments, Auslin knew peace as he enjoyed soaking in the hot water after months of bathing in freezing rivers and lakes. However, all too soon, the thoughts came crashing back to him about how he had screwed up massively by deciding to go through Fate's Gate.

He curled his legs up and rested his head on his knees he hugged to his chest. Auslin berated himself for being so stupid. Not only was he stuck in a time that wasn't his own, but his younger brother was probably scared right now. Sephen had led a sheltered life, rarely leaving the temple. He was most likely upset and despairing at Auslin's sudden disappearance.

When Auslin traveled for months, he still regularly sent Sephen letters updating him on everything. The thought of his younger brother waiting almost a year for a letter that would never come was devastating. He hated that there wasn't a way for him to reach out to his brother to let him know he was okay.

Kio seeking Sephen out to find out where Auslin went was equally upsetting. Sephen was uncomfortable around Kio on a good day. It would be even worse if he had to face the half-shifter's fiery temper over Auslin's disappearance.

Auslin hoped Kio would keep his distance because he was uncomfortable on the temple's sacred grounds, but he knew all too well what was likely to happen. Kio would try to seek him out there, ready to accuse Auslin of hiding, but now it would fall to Sephen to stand up to that anger. It made Auslin feel horribly guilty that he had put his younger brother in such an awful position. If only he had broken up with Kio sooner, his brother could have been spared.

It made Auslin realize he hoped Kio would go away quietly and not come back, whereas he should have been wanting the half-shifter to never give up hope he would return. But Auslin had to be honest with himself. Kio would most likely stay with Maseo for good. He couldn't imagine a world where the impatient and mercurial Kio would wait around for almost a year for Auslin to return to his side.

At best, he'd stick around long enough to yell at Auslin for disappearing before he would return the favor and leave the mage's life forever. On the one hand, that thought was painful. On the other, it didn't seem as devastating as it once would have been.

Auslin knew his feelings had long been out of balance with Kio's, but lately, it seemed like there was no love lost between them. Sure, Auslin felt hollow when Kio strayed to Maseo's side, but he had stopped getting upset about it because it changed nothing. Kio always left, and Auslin took him back like a fool every time it happened. Whether it was out of stupidity or a misguided sense of loyalty, Auslin wondered how much longer they would have been able to keep up the same pattern.

All Auslin had ever wanted was to be loved by Kio the way he loved the half-shifter. However, if Auslin was being truly honest with himself, he hadn't felt that love for Kio in a long time. It made him feel guilty for accepting Tatsuki's offer of support on the grounds of Auslin's relationship with Kio, which had only grown increasingly strained.

Auslin idly wondered just how much longer he could have kept up the pretense of his relationship with Kio before it finally fell apart completely. Since staying was easier than leaving, Auslin suspected he would have stayed far longer than he should have. Then again, the fact that he only cared about Kio confronting Sephen and not about Kio missing him was proof enough that things had significantly deteriorated between them. Auslin was almost past the point of caring anymore, but it still stung.

Pushing Kio out of his mind, Auslin had a stray thought, wondering if Kitsuki would notice he was missing. Despite Kitsuki's profuse hatred for his younger half brother, Auslin always seemed to run into the somber shifter monarch on his travels in Valzerna. Surely, he would realize Auslin was gone and ask, even if it was in a disparaging way about Kio driving away the only good thing that had ever happened to him.

Auslin didn't know why, but some tiny part of him wanted to think Kitsuki would be concerned about his disappearance. Then he realized it would be one more sadness heaped upon several lifetimes' worth of misery. He felt awful for thinking such a thing .

No, Auslin needed to be realistic. He was an insignificant enough presence that Kitsuki probably wouldn't even think twice about the mage's absence. For some unknown reason, that thought made Auslin's heart hurt more than thinking about Kio abandoning him for Maseo. Why?

The more time Auslin spent around Kitaro, the less convinced he was that it was Kitsuki. Their talks earlier that afternoon had been friendly and good-natured, which was something Auslin didn't honestly think Kitsuki could do. Kitaro was so much warmer than Kitsuki had ever been.

Auslin's thoughts continued to drift. Because of Kio, Auslin had always assumed Tatsuki had a fondness for humans since he was obviously willing to have a child with one. Tatsuki's vitriolic hatred of humans and mages had come as a total surprise to Auslin. It made him realize just how lucky he was that the ruler allowed him to stay. Truthfully, Tatsuki had terrified Auslin. He could only hope that the demands on the king's time would keep him occupied enough to have very little to do with the human mage.

The heat started to get to Auslin. However, he was loath to give up the comfort and privacy, so he lingered a little longer while washing his hair. After dunking under several times to rinse all the suds out, Auslin grew light-headed. He forced himself to get out of the bath.

Drying himself off with the plush towel, Auslin then wrapped it around his waist. Since he didn't have clean clothes to change into, it left him with what he had worn earlier. The thought of putting on something so dirty from traveling was unappealing when he was finally clean.

That left Auslin with the option of going out in a towel, which was nerve-racking to do in front of a shifter. Kitaro was easily over seven feet tall, with a body that looked like it had been carved out of the finest marble into a statue of a deity. But Auslin's need for clean clothes won over his embarrassment. After all, Kitaro had already seen him naked in the cave, right? How much worse could it be with a towel on?

He squared his shoulders and left the bathroom with more confidence than he felt, carrying his dirty clothes in a neatly folded pile.

Auslin had expected to return to the bedroom with only Kitaro for an audience, but there was an ancient shifter with salt-and-pepper gray hair pulled into a ponytail. He was impeccably dressed in a well-cut suit.

"Here he is," Kitaro said, gesturing at Auslin. The human instinctively shrunk back a step out of nervousness. "Vanra, this is our tailor, Lito, who is here to ensure they make properly fitting clothing for you. Please come here so that he may measure you."

"I'll go put my clothes back on," Auslin replied as he took a step back toward the bathroom, although he hated the thought of having to do so.

"There is no need, Lord Vanra," Lito said with a respectful bow. "I can get better measurements with you as you are."

It threw Auslin for a loop that the tailor had referred to him as "Lord." It was so strange that Auslin couldn't say anything.

When he was close enough, Lito instructed Auslin to store his clothes in the first black lacquer armoire cabinet decorated with images of dragon spirits playing in the spring. "Please put your towel in there as well."

Auslin blushed an even deeper scarlet. "I'd rather not, if that's okay."

Lito arched a judgmental eyebrow. "How else do you expect me to get accurate measurements?"

"When I'm actually wearing clothes?" Auslin glanced at Kitaro for support.

Rather than backing Auslin up as he had hoped, Kitaro radiated amusement at his predicament. "There is no need for such embarrassment, Vanra. Lito has lived many long years in the Living Realm. You are nothing he has not seen before."

When Auslin still didn't move, Kitaro took off his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Auslin asked in a scandalized voice.

"Clearly, you are feeling self-conscious about having to be the only one in the nude." Kitaro slid his pants over his hips and kicked them aside when they hit the floor. "I have decided to remedy that to move things along."

Avoiding looking at Kitaro's perfect body, Auslin mentally groused, That is really not helping , but said nothing. Instead, he took off his towel with a defeated sigh, putting it in the cabinet on top of his pile of clothes.

He tried not to die of mortification as the tailor quickly set to work and expertly measured Auslin. He seemed oblivious to the human's internal drama over being subjected to such treatment.

After writing down the information, Lito nodded to himself. "Lord Vanra's measurements are similar enough to yours when you were a child that I would suggest we use some of your old wardrobe while we customize him a new one, provided you have no objections, Prince Kitaro."

"You are welcome to do so with my blessing."

"Thank you, Prince Kitaro. We will begin the preparations." Lito gave a respectful bow to Kitaro, then to Auslin. "Thank you for your cooperation, Lord Vanra. You shall have new clothes in the wardrobe by morning."

"Thank you, but you really don't have to call me ‘Lord.' Just Vanra is fine."

The tailor bowed again. "While I humbly thank you for the gracious sentiment, it would be untoward to refer to you in such a disrespectful manner, Lord Vanra. I wish you both a most pleasant evening. "

With that, Lito was gone in the blink of an eye before Auslin could finish protesting, "But I'm just a guest."

"With all due respect, you are more than a mere guest," Kitaro said in a gentle voice. "Father has welcomed you into the clan as family. You have been accepted as one of us, the same as if our blood ran through your veins. As such, you are to be treated with the respect that is owed to you as a member of our royal clan. I understand you may be unaccustomed to such formalities as a mage, but while you are here, you will be addressed as one of us."

"I didn't realize…"

Kitaro cupped Auslin's flushed cheek in the gentlest of caresses. "I understand you are feeling lost and out of place, Vanra, but while you are in this time, your home is here with us. You will never be alone while I am by your side."

Unbidden tears welled up in Auslin's eyes at such unfamiliar kindness. He lost the fight against not crying. As a tear slid down Auslin's cheek, Kitaro gently brushed it away with his thumb. There was a look of such tenderness in Kitaro's gaze that it broke Auslin's heart. He did his best to steady himself emotionally, but it was proving to be a challenge.