Chapter Seven Sneaking Out

CHAPTER SEVEN SNEAKING OUT

On Sunday morning, when everyone at the Falcone compound was getting ready for church, I sneaked out. Millie was parked in the usual spot, half-hidden by shrubbery around a giant bend in the road that dipped into a ditch about half a mile from Felice’s house. Her head was bowed, the light from her phone reflecting off her face.

A sense of determination came over me as I drew closer. I imagined a mask absorbing my features, the old bones of my personality clicking into place. I was getting so good at compartmentalizing, it was almost scary. I was learning to be like them. I was learning to be like Valentino.

I swung the passenger door open, and Millie jumped in her seat, her phone sailing across the car. ‘HolycrapSophieyoumovelikethewind.’

‘Sorry.’ I slipped inside. ‘Are you ready to make our getaway?’

She raised an eyebrow at me, the engine already purring to life beneath us. ‘What else would I be doing on a Sunday morning except smuggling my best friend away from her new home with a bunch of murderers before they notice she’s gone and track her down via a chaperone who is most likely the boy I almost fell in love with but as it turns out was only using me for information?’

We pulled out on to the road, and Millie launched into her favourite pastime – unashamed speeding. I put on my seat-belt and gripped the sides of my seat. ‘Tunes?’ She turned on the radio, and cranked it up until the car was vibrating. ‘So, spill, what’s it like in that hellish boy-filled mansion? It’s only been two days.’

I thought about the ice-cold treatment I had been getting from Luca, Nic’s eagerness to continue training me, how stuck in the middle I felt, how badly I burnt for the moment Valentino would give me my target, how guilty I felt for anticipating it. ‘Two days too long.’

‘Speaking of your somewhat strange living arrangement which I have solemnly promised to stop questioning but secretly always wonder about… How is your boo?’ She threw me a mischievous look.

I deadpanned her.

‘What?’ she said, innocently. ‘Is it “bae” now? Is that what all the cool kids are saying? Or would it be “murder-bae”?’

I shut my eyes. ‘Please do not refer to Luca Falcone as my murder-bae ever again.’

‘But it’s so funny,’ she protested. ‘He would hate it.’

Oh, you have no idea.

‘Yeah, he would hate it. Probably about as much as he hates me right now.’

Millie screwed her face up. ‘Why would Luca hate you? He practically escorted you into his family. Is he being an ass to you? Do you want me to get involved? Because I will take him down, Sophie, murder-bae or no murder-bae, I will take him all the way down.’

I smiled at my best friend, a well of love pouring over all of my frustrations. ‘He thinks I’m getting with Nic,’ I said, after a beat. Half a truth. That was the best I could do.

‘Yikes.’

‘I’m not getting with Nic,’ I thought it pertinent to add.

Millie rolled her eyes. ‘Obviously.’

‘I don’t want to be with Nic.’

‘But does Nic know that?’

I weighed the question for a minute. ‘You know, I’m starting to wonder whether there’s a difference between me telling Nic that, and Nic actually hearing it.’

‘Boys can be so pig-headed sometimes,’ Millie sighed. Her phone beeped from where it had fallen on the floor. She glanced towards it – out of reach – with so much longing on her face that she might have just tumbled right out of a war romance novel.

‘What’s his name?’

Her cheeks turned the most unsubtle shade of pink. ‘Hmm?’

‘The boy,’ I said, picking her phone up for her. I held it between us as she struggled to keep her focus on the road. ‘Don’t make me invade your privacy, because I’ll do it.’

‘Oh, please,’ she said, undaunted. ‘My privacy is your privacy.’

Well, that was definitely a one-way street.

I glanced at the screen. ‘ Who is Crispin?’ And, as an aside, I thought it best to add, ‘And why are you dating someone called Crispin ?’

‘Eh, because he’s hot, and I’m shallow?’

‘Really?’

‘No!’ She slapped my knee. ‘Not really! Because he can’t help what his parents named him. And he’s actually really kind and sweet, and yes he is hot, plus he’s perfect for this current phase in my life.’

‘Which is?’

‘ Which is the phase of needing an escort for the Halloween Masquerade Ball so I don’t look like a huge loser in front of all my peers.’

‘Oh,’ I said, suddenly remembering the dance. ‘Then I guess this loser will be going all by herself then.’

‘Cris is on the football team.’

‘Oh, that Crispin. Cris.’ The realization dawned on me. Tall, blond, ripped Crispin. ‘He is hot. Still, terrible name.’

Millie swirled her hand in the air. ‘He sits beside me in chemistry.’

‘How convenient…’

‘We’re lab partners… I let him cheat off me sometimes.’

I feigned a gasp. ‘Millicent!’

‘Look, science isn’t his strong suit,’ she said. ‘He is, however, a very accomplished baker. He makes a mean blueberry pie.’

‘Is this… is this a euphemism?’

‘I kid you not.’

‘Huh.’

‘Anyway, anyway , I was making a point here. If you want, I can get him to set you up with one of his friends and we can all ride in the limo together.’

‘The limo ?’

‘Yes,’ Millie said. ‘ The limo . So you can just go ahead and remove that negative attitude, wrap it up in a bow and hide it away for a rainy day, because you and I are arriving at the dance in a limo.’

‘Couldn’t I just walk alongside it…?’

Millie cut her eyes at me. ‘You’re going inside the limo or I’m strapping you to the top of it. Your decision.’

‘Fine. I suppose I’ll take the luxury.’

‘Do you want me to set you up with one of Cris’s friends or not?’

The mere idea of adding one more testosterone-fuelled boy to my life was about as appealing as sawing my little finger off. ‘Oh, no thank you, I’d rather die,’ I said politely.

Millie reacted like I had just violently yanked her ponytail. ‘Sophie! Come on. Let me actually help drag you back into the real world. This could be good for you. And it would definitely be good for me.’

‘A minute ago, you were pushing me and Luca together!’

‘That was a joke,’ said Millie. ‘Obviously I’d prefer you to be with someone who doesn’t kill people for a living.’

‘What about being by myself?’ I asked her. ‘I’m a pretty cool person. I could be in a very happy relationship with myself. I could also look into acquiring an aloof-yet-stylish cat.’

‘And that,’ said Millie, with a flurry of old-world drama in her voice, ‘is precisely the problem, my dear. Let me get involved.’

I turned my whole body towards her so she would know I was totally serious when I said, ‘Millie, do not under any circumstances meddle with my dating life.’

My phone buzzed. I cancelled the call.

Millie blew wisps of chestnut-brown hair from her face, pouting. ‘Fine.’

My phone buzzed again. Cancel .

‘You clearly have enough crap going on,’ she said, flicking her gaze to my lap, where Luca’s number was blowing up my screen. ‘Are you going to answer that?’

I eyed the phone with contempt. ‘No.’

‘I thought you said he wasn’t talking to you.’

‘That was before I sneaked out without a chaperone.’

Millie turned the radio down until it was a low hum between us. Her voice changed, tinges of reverence slipping into it now. ‘Does he know where you’re going today?’

‘Of course not.’

A text flashed on screen:

Where have you gone? This is NOT funny.

I flipped the phone over and turned it on silent. ‘Why would I invite Luca?’

‘Because he was there when it happened,’ she said softly. ‘I think he would want to be there for you today.’

‘Why? To keep an eye on me? Can I not even grieve in private?’

Millie flinched. ‘No, just to be there for you. Like he was… after it happened.’

I shut my eyes, the memory of Luca’s arms around me rushing in. I remembered how safe I had felt with him, how gentle he was with me, the feel of his lips against my hair, his thumbs wiping tears from my cheeks. I remembered his heartbeat thudding against mine, and how sure I had been, in the dusky quiet of my room all those weeks ago, that it meant something real. I had never felt so close to someone before. I had never felt so seen .

How could I have been so wrong?

I shook my head. ‘He wouldn’t care, Mil. Trust me, his mind is on other things now. And besides, this day isn’t about him. It’s about my mom.’

‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘We’ll give her the goodbye she deserves.’

I looked out the window, at flashes of familiarity – at the open road that was taking me home, back to Cedar Hill.

‘Are you ready?’ she asked.

No. I’m not ready. I’m never going to be ready.

I closed my eyes and imagined the mask shifting into place. A smile painted over a frown. Bright eyes to hide the tears. ‘Yes,’ I lied. ‘I’m ready.’

I turned the radio back up. Taylor Swift filled the silence. There were no words for that moment, nothing to take away the sting of where we were going, of what today meant. Millie reached over and clasped my hand in hers.

‘Thank you, Mil.’

‘Of course,’ she said, her voice cracking. I made sure not to turn my head because if I saw the tears streaming down her face, then I’d lose the flicker of composure that was holding me together. I needed that, just for today. Just for goodbye.