Chapter Twenty-Seven One Hundred Graves

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN ONE HUNDRED GRAVES

‘What unique brand of violent romanticism is this?’ I snapped my head up to find Millie standing in the doorway to my room. ‘Because I do not love it.’

‘It’s called friendship,’ I said, pulling back from Nic, realizing in a moment of fleeting clarity that perhaps it did look like something different, something I didn’t intend.

She strode into the room, her heels and dress still miraculously intact, the black fishtail trailing behind her. ‘I have now been fully debriefed and suitably threatened by Valentino as per your request, Mr Falcone, sir.’

‘I didn’t tell him to threaten you,’ Nic said. ‘I told him to calm you down. You were getting hysterical.’

‘Huh,’ Millie mused. ‘Well, I guess he threw that part in for free. Anyways, consider my lips sealed. I do want to see my parents live into old age, you know.’

Nic ground out an unintelligible curse. ‘Did he really threaten your family?’

Millie smiled sardonically at him. ‘Only a smidge. May I have a word with my best friend now, please?’

Nic got up, muttering something to Millie before taking his leave and shutting the door behind him.

Millie wheeled around and flipped her hair away from her face. ‘A blood war,’ she said.

It felt like my head was floating several inches above my neck. My fingertips were a little numb. I nodded.

‘Are you freaking kidding me, Soph? Is this some sort of cruel Halloween prank where you dress up as someone I don’t know ?’

I flinched at the implication. If only she knew what the real disguise was – the person who had been hanging out with her these past few months, forcing smiles and feigning interest in a future that was no longer within reach.

‘You’re in a blood war !’ she repeated. ‘When the hell were you going to tell me? Or was I supposed to just join the dots at your funeral ?’

I raised my hands in the air, trying to placate her. ‘I’ll explain, Mil.’

‘You can definitely try, but I doubt you’ll talk your way out of this.’

‘I didn’t want to worry you,’ I said. ‘That’s kind of how it works in the underworld. The less you know, the safer you are. I never in a million years thought something like tonight would happen. I never would have knowingly put you in danger like that. I’m sorry.’

She pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘I would actually throttle you if you weren’t already injured, Soph. I swear to God, for a smart girl, you are acting like the dumbest person on the planet right now. You think my main point of contention is that you didn’t tell me about the blood war? No, my main issue is that you are in the middle of a blood war. How the hell did that happen?’

I blinked at her, feeling an overwhelming urge to slump over and sleep for a hundred years. ‘You know I’m a Marino. You know what they did to Mom.’

‘What exactly are you trying to achieve by living here in the middle of all this violence? Do you realize you almost got killed tonight?’

‘I realize that.’

‘Hanging out with this family is probably the worst thing you could be doing right now,’ she pressed. ‘They’ve painted a big fat target on your forehead.’

‘The target was already there, Mil. The Marinos are after me too. We’re safer if we stick together. Without them, I’m like a sitting duck.’

‘And?’ Millie prompted. ‘Is that it?’

‘What?’ I said.

‘Is that the only reason why you’re here?’

‘What are you talking about?’ Her meaning was not connecting inside my fuzzy head, but I could tell she was angling at something.

‘I spoke to Gino downstairs,’ she continued. ‘I guess he thought you had told me everything on the car ride here…’

‘I did,’ I lied.

‘Did you?’ she challenged.

I shrugged.

‘You didn’t tell me you have a gun now.’

‘I—’

‘Oh, I’m sorry. Two guns,’ she clarified.

I flinched again. ‘Gino should not have told you that.’

She dropped her jaw. ‘So I’m an outsider now?’

‘Not like that,’ I said, instantly regretting my tactlessness. ‘I just meant, he should be more discreet. It’s not like he—’

She raised her hand to cut me off. ‘You also didn’t tell me how good a shooter you’ve become.’

I looked at my hands, the shame painting circles of warmth across my cheeks. ‘I didn’t see the point in telling you. It’s nothing.’

‘It’s nothing,’ she repeated. ‘So, it’s a hobby?’

I didn’t dare meet her eyes. ‘Something like that.’

‘You expect me to believe that? You think I haven’t seen how angry you’ve become? How different you are? You think I can’t look at my best friend and see that jagged, broken heart – the darkness in your eyes when you speak about Jack, the way you bristle when I mention your dad? You think I don’t know how cut up you are over your mother? You think,’ she sucked in a breath, her voice wobbling, ‘I don’t know that the reason you spend so much time shooting that gun is because you want to point it at your uncle’s head the next time you see him and pull the trigger?’

My face fell. I was too tired to rearrange it in time. Of course she could see through me – I don’t know why I ever believed she couldn’t. She knew me better than anyone.

‘I see it,’ she said. ‘Even now, you can’t hide it from me, so don’t bother trying. You’re here for safety, sure, but you’re also here for revenge. Admit it. If you value the trust we have, then you’ll stop lying to me.’

I forced myself to look at her – my best friend, beautiful and funny and smart and brave and still glowing in her gown. And here I was, bullet-wounded below her, crumpled in her mother’s blue dress, and still afraid to show her who I really was inside even though she already knew.

Millie was the only one left. Take off the mask. If tonight had proved anything, it’s that you can’t run from who you are.

‘OK,’ I relented.

‘OK?’ She stood in front of me, her arms folded.

‘I’ve allied myself with the Falcones because I want Jack to suffer the way he made my mother suffer, the way he’s made me suffer,’ I told her. ‘I want to kill him. It’s not a whim or a stroke of grief. It’s the right thing, and I want to be the one to do it. The Falcones will help me, and after I’m done, I want to kill Donata Marino, too. I won’t rest until I have my retribution. I won’t rest until Jack has been brought to justice. I’ve always been part of this underworld, Millie. I have it in my blood and my heart. I’m not running from it any more. I’m not running from who I am.’ I leant back on my elbows, so she could see the truth in my expression.

A strangled laugh caught in her throat.

‘That’s the truth,’ I said. ‘The old Sophie is dead. She never really existed, and this person is who I’m supposed to be.’

She gaped at me. All of her teeth visible at once, her jaw slack with surprise. ‘Oh, Soph. You can’t be serious.’

‘I am as serious as this gunshot wound in my shoulder.’ I was on a roll now. She might as well know all of it. ‘In fact, I have never been more serious about anything in my life. I didn’t want to show you this side of me. I didn’t want to frighten you or put you in danger or have you look at me the way you’re looking at me right now but the truth is I’m sick of being weak and helpless, I’m sick of being on the sidelines of my own life, and I’m sick of letting other people make decisions for me. I’m taking back my power. It’s messy, and it’s dark and it’s scary, but I’m not afraid, Millie. This is who I am.’

She let the silence stretch out between us. Horror roiled over her face. She crossed her arms over her chest, pushing her silver-diamond pendant upwards until it flickered underneath the lights.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry I’m not the friend you deserve and I’m sorry I put you in danger tonight. I’m sorry I ruined your mother’s beautiful dress, I’m sorry I ruined your dance, and I’m sorry you have to stand here with me right now, with that look on your face.’

Her face crumpled. ‘Soph—’

‘I love you,’ I continued, pushing on despite the discomfort in her expression. ‘You’re my rock, my best friend, my sister, the best thing in my life, but I know you can’t stand by me in this. I would never ask you to. I don’t expect you to understand me, and I don’t expect you to forgive me for the things I’m going to do, so I want you to know that you can go. And that’s OK. You don’t owe me anything. You can go.’

‘Go?’ she repeated, like the word made no sense. ‘Go where?’

I gestured half-heartedly at the room, and then at myself, letting my hand flop into my lap. ‘Away from here,’ I said, trying to sound strong and sure, when all I felt was shaky and sad. ‘Away from me.’

A frown, a shadow of bewilderment, and then she rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, for God’s sake. Don’t be so dramatic.’

‘I’m not being dramatic,’ I protested. ‘I’m serious.’

‘Well, I’m not about to walk out on you and leave you to this giant shitstorm. You are just one big cluster of bad decisions and misinformed ideas right now, but that’s not your fault. You’ve lost a lot. I understand why you’re adrift, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to walk away. Not now. Not when you clearly need me the most. I mean, what kind of person do you think I am? Seriously?’

‘I wouldn’t blame you.’

She waved away my response. ‘Not only am I going to stick by you, I’m going to drag you out of this mess while I’m at it. We have plans. We’re going to finish school and go travelling and have adventures. You’re not going to end up dead or in jail from chasing around some lame arsehole who doesn’t deserve a second of your attention. Leave Jack to the police, or to Nic or even that oddball Felice, if you like, but don’t waste your own future on this idiot. He’s already taken enough of your past.’

‘I’m not leaving here until it’s done, Mil.’

She plonked herself down on the bed beside me. ‘Yes, you are.’

‘No,’ I repeated, more sternly this time. ‘I am not.’

The moment grew tight. We stared at each other, each waiting for the other to break, for someone to concede defeat. She couldn’t see the situation the way I could. She was looking at it logistically, and I was looking at it personally, and that made all the difference. This was my task. My retribution. My journey to healing.

‘I’m going to kill him,’ I said. ‘And there’s nothing you can say to stop me. Nothing.’

Her hand flew to her mouth, her words muffled by her fingers. Finally, she was getting it. She knew I meant it. ‘Jesus Christ, Sophie.’

I stared at her, unblinking.

‘You can’t be serious.’

‘I am.’

‘I am not hearing this.’ She shut her eyes. ‘This is not real. I am not hearing this.’

‘It’s the truth,’ I told her. ‘I’m going to kill my uncle.’

She was quiet for a few moments, shock and disbelief warring across her features. Then she spluttered back to life, snapped her eyes open and glared at me. She waved her hand around, as if she was painting a picture in the air. ‘So dig two graves then, Sophie. One for Jack and one for you. Actually, better yet, why don’t you dig a hundred?’ She wheeled around, pointing towards the hallway. ‘Dig one for every Falcone and every Marino and every goddamn idiot who loves you all. Dig all the graves you can before you go shooting anyone up because when this stupid-arse blood war hits we’re all fucked ! The people who love you won’t walk away, and it’s your stubbornness that will get them killed, just like it will get you killed.’ She brandished her finger towards my shoulder. ‘Just like it almost did tonight. Or don’t you realize how close your shoulder is to your heart?’

‘You don’t have to be involved,’ I said. ‘I told you that.’

‘Don’t be so reductive!’ she snapped. ‘Of course I’m involved. You’re involved, so I’m involved. And you’d better pray I go down before you, because if you get killed before me then I’ll have to die twice!’ Her eyes filled up, but she kept shouting, her voice climbing higher and higher. ‘How could you have so little regard for your own life?’

‘What life?’ I asked. ‘The one Jack took from me? That life?’

‘You control your own life, Sophie!’

My head was starting to swim. I needed to lie down. I needed to sleep. ‘I’m tired, Mil. I can’t have this argument again.’ Not with her, not with Luca. ‘I know what I’m doing. I know where I’m going.’

She shook her head at me, her hands coming down to my wrists, clasping around them as though she could pull me out of my thoughts. ‘Get out of here, Sophie. Before it’s too late.’

‘There’s no way out. Can’t you see that? I’m marked by the Marinos. They want me just as much as I want them.’

Millie scrunched her nose. ‘No,’ she said, searching for something to say. ‘This can’t be it.’

‘It is,’ I said firmly. ‘This is the safest place. The only place.’

‘Then go to the address your father gave you,’ Millie said. ‘At least for a while. Until you figure out—’

‘Are you crazy? What makes you think I trust my lying, murdering father?’

‘He loves you, Sophie. He wouldn’t trap you.’

‘Wouldn’t he?’

Millie shook her head. ‘He wants to help you. And now I get it. I didn’t understand it at the time, but he knows how deep in you are.’

‘I threw the address away,’ I reminded her.

‘You must remember it. At least some of it. Isn’t it worth investigating?’ she pressed. ‘It could be like a safe house… they wouldn’t look for you there.’

‘Unless my father tells them to.’

‘He’s not a monster,’ Millie said. ‘You know he wouldn’t do that.’

‘That’s the thing,’ I said, another wave of exhaustion careening over me. I sank backwards against my pillow. ‘I don’t know that. Not any more.’

‘You’re fading.’

‘It’s the pain meds,’ I said, struggling to keep my eyelids open.

Millie huffed a sigh. ‘Let’s put this on pause until you’ve slept it off. Let’s get you into your pyjamas.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I murmured, unzipping the dress. My hands were moving in slow motion. The sides of my vision were fuzzy. There was no pain in my shoulder now. ‘The dress is stained.’

Millie helped me shimmy out of it, doing most of the work while I just flopped around like a marshmallow.

‘I don’t care about the dress, Sophie.’

I wriggled into a T-shirt and sweatpants. ‘I wish you did.’

‘No, you don’t,’ she said.

‘I wish you were less observant.’

‘I wish you were less stubborn.’

‘You’re just as stubborn as me.’

‘Yup,’ she said, helping me under the blankets. ‘That’s how I know I’m going to win.’

‘Win what?’

My eyelids were drooping. I felt at peace, like I was floating above myself. The argument was far below me, in another place.

She tucked the duvet around me. Dropping her voice, she brushed the hair from my face, and her voice followed me into the darkness as I drifted off. ‘I’m going to win this argument. I’m going to drag you out of here if it’s the last thing I do.’

Then I was gone, and so was she.