Chapter Eight

RAKE IS SILENT BUTwatchful as he follows me up the steps of a run-down building. He hasn"t asked any questions just yet, but a part of me is already convinced it"s only a matter of time before he realizes he"s made a mistake.

The thought has my fists clenching against my sides, and Rake suddenly grabs my wrist from behind. He turns me around to face him, his gaze questioning. What"s wrong?

I yank my hand out of his hold. Nothing.

But of course it"s a lie.

It"s the opposite of "nothing" when a murderous little icicle like me has suddenly turned into a drama queen, and all because of what? The fear that I"ll lose Rake if I expose my true colors?

Stop being so grossly insecure, Kayra Petinos!

This kind of thinking will only have my dead sister turning in her grave again, not to mention how completely unbecoming it is for someone born to a mafia family like me.

And besides...

Who says he has to know the real me, right?

Honesty is for suckers, and if I don"t want Rake to see the real me, then he won"t. I"ll simply hide it from him forever, and now that particular problem is solved—-

No more distractions while on the job!

The door to Room 418 is locked, so of course I kick it open, and instinct takes over after that. I"m already in the zone as soon as the first man tries (and fails) to knock my teeth off with his fist.

I"m not sure how much time passes after that.

Or how much blood has been shed.

It"s only when everyone"s all beaten up and unconscious on the ground, and adrenaline gradually stops pumping through my veins that I remember—-

Shit.

I"ve forgotten all about Rake, and rather than hiding myself like planned, the real me ended up putting quite a show.

Nice, Kayra. Real nice...you idiot.

If he"s gone, he"s gone, and I will not let myself go crazy—-oh.

Rake suddenly appears by the doorway of a bedroom, still looking gorgeous and immaculate except for noticeably bruised fists. "Hello again."

"Uh...hi?"

He closes the distance between us, and his gaze turns brooding as he comes to a stop before me. "Why didn"t you ever tell me?"

I look at him warily. Is he talking about how my pulse tends to race at the slightest hint of violence? Or is he talking about how I didn"t hold back at all even when I was beating up another woman? Or maybe he caught me almost smiling—-

Stop assuming things, Kayra!

I lift my chin and pretend I"m Bailey when she"s trying to play it cool with her husband for whatever reason. "I"m not sure I"m getting you."

"There"s no need to play coy."

Huh?

"I"m not playing—-stop that!"

Rake ignores my slapping hands as he pinches my cheeks.

"Why didn"t you tell me my future wife is such a badass?"

No, no, no!

I am not going to make him cockier by letting myself smile—-wait.

Does this mean he doesn"t care about seeing the real me?

And why is he still pinching my cheeks, darn it?

"Stop that."

I shove him away as I finally remember what I"ve come here for, and I"m aware of Rake following behind me to watch my six as I start searching through the apartment. Sweet and misguided of him, as always.

"What are we looking for?" Rake asks.

We get to the master"s bedroom, and my steps come into an abrupt halt when I see the most awful painting hanging over the headboard.

"Is that a...vagina?"

Rake chokes.

"Ever heard of GRWK?"

"Guh-ruh-wuck?"

Rake spells it out, and my eyes widen. I know it"s been a while since I last went to school, but how is it that people can easily read words or names now without vowels?

"You obviously haven"t heard of him," Rake observes with a grin, "but he"s one of the most popular artists in recent years—-"

"Because he likes painting vaginas?"

"That"s actually an African tulip."

I look at it again, but for the life of me I can"t see anything floral—-

Shit.

The look in his eyes tells me that he heard the same thing I did, and both of us start hacking away as the pitiful little cries get louder.

Shit, shit, shit.

It"s only when we"ve flipped the whole bed over that we see underneath it a small rug...used to cover a padlocked door. I use the butt of my gun to break the lock open, and my usually hard-as-stone heart breaks next at what I see.

"Fuck!"

Rake is already on his knees and reaching down for an emaciated-looking dog that has blisters and sores all over its body.

Damn them.

It"s times like this when I find myself dangerously close to crossing the line and letting my monster take over.

Will it be really bad to kill people who don"t deserve to live?

IT"S ABOUT AN HOURlater when the emergency vet finally comes out and gives us the happy news. Milo the Yorkshire terrier is showing signs of recovery, and we should consider ourselves as real-life heroes for getting him to the hospital in time.

"So..."

Rake"s gaze narrows on me as soon as the vet leaves, and it"s just the two of us again in the waiting room.

"Are you part of some secret animal-loving cult that thinks tracking down human abusers is their calling?"

How is this man ex-FBI, like seriously?

"Because if you are, I want in."

He is not going to make me smile again like I"m normal.

"But if you"re not, this day has opened my eyes, and how do you feel about the two of us starting one? It can be an offshoot of Strakh—-"

I roll my eyes, he grins, and did I just let him tease me into flirting with him again?

"Seriously, though. What the hell did we just do back there?"

I tell him about Yiorgos, who works for a second cousin of mine and whose dog we"ve rescued from his evil ex-girlfriend"s clutches. "She regularly sends him photos to torment him, and when he showed me one of them, I knew I had to take this job."

"And this is why they call you Familia"s most skilled tracker?"

"Yes."

Rake rubs his jaw at this, and I automatically grit my teeth to avoid betraying myself with a smile.

"There"s more to this than what you"re telling me."

"I just do what most others would say no to."

"I don"t think that"s it."

"I also don"t feel fear the way others do?"

Rake shakes his head. "Still not that."

"You"re imagining things."

"Doubt it."

"There"s no great mystery to solve here—-"

"Not buying it."

I lift my shoulders in a shrug. "Then don"t."

"Just make this easy for yourself, darling."

"Are you trying to threaten me?"

"Yes, I believe I am," he says pleasantly, "and if you don"t tell me the truth, you"ll find yourself tickled to death in public—-and it will embarrass the hell out of you, I promise."

Aargh.

It would have been so much better if he had simply threatened to kill me, darn it.

"I"m the only one who accepts jobs that involves non-human elements."

"Still not buying it."

I can"t remember being this humanly tempted to freak out. Why, darn it? Why does this man know me so well?

"Last chance, Kayra." He leans towards me and actually wiggles his fingers like we"re a couple about to giggle over tickles.

Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

I"d rather die than have someone see me being tickled, so fine. We"re already dating anyway, so it"s not like he won"t know the truth sooner or later.

I take a deep breath...and just grumble the words out in one go.

"Everything about this is pro bono."

It"s the most painful admission I"ve ever made, and all I can do is snarl as he suddenly hauls me to his lap with a laugh that patently rubs salt in my wound.

"You adorable little hypocrite," Rake purrs. "Who"s the killer with a soft heart now?"

Grrr.

"I do not have a soft heart."

"Do you know how cute you are when you"re angry?"

Why does he keep saying I"m "cute" and not "beautiful"? People say I"m beautiful all the time, and it"s always made me feel like I"m a monster hiding under a mask. But every time this man says I"m cute, he makes me feel so vulnerably human—-

"You"re looking at me that way again," he says softly.

"Like what?"

"Like you can"t make your mind up if I"m more helpful dead or alive."

"Because I don"t get you at all," I mutter. "You know what I am. You know what I can do. So why doesn"t it seem to matter to you?"

"Because I like what you are. Or rather...this between us won"t even work if you"re not who you are."

I know a man has to be crazy himself to want someone like me, but isn"t what Rake said a little too crazy?

"Are you saying you don"t want me to change?"

"I"m saying I never want you to change."

I"m not empathetic as a rule, but even though his tone is still light, the pain underscoring his words is unmistakable and heartbreakingly familiar. It"s the same pain I felt when my sister and brother-in-law were taken from me, and so I know.

"You lost someone," I say quietly.

"You sound like you"re hurting for me, darling." A smile touches his lips as he says this, but it"s the first time I don"t see his eyes twinkle at the same time.

"And now you"re changing the subject."

"I am, aren"t I?"

"Who was she?"

"Just a girl...who was too good for this world."

I expected myself to feel angry at hearing him talk about another girl, but instead it just makes me feel sad.

"She liked to put everyone else before her first."

Because this man has changed me, and now that our hearts are beating as one—-

It"s so frighteningly easy to tell.

That girl is someone he once loved, and I know he said he doesn"t ever want me to change, but what if he just doesn"t know he"s lying, and I can never compare to her?