Chapter 6

Six

Lili

T here he goes again. Right when I go to correct him—again—the elevator doors silently slide open to reveal an oasis of soft beiges and calm lavenders. There's white, and some muted yellows too.

Every calm color I love reflects in the decor. Large windows make up the walls of the lavish apartment and I literally do not know where to look first. Beyond the glass is a beautiful view of Chicago bathed in noon sunlight.

"It's beautiful. Why do you have this place? Do you have some secret family I don't know about? A wife you keep down here out of sight?" Conspiracy theories run rampant through my head while the lump of muscle in my chest wants to shrivel up and die.

His laugh is warm, low, and strokes across my nerve endings in a way that has me throwing on the brakes.

He steps off the elevator and keeps walking through the spacious open-aired apartment.

"Nothing like that, trust me." His hands tighten on my leg and arm, pulling me tighter into his embrace.

He enters the living room and when I look back at the closing elevator doors, my mouth hinges open. Massive gurgling saltwater tanks take up both sides of the metal doors.

I can't look away. "Oh, wow! Bastian! You have saltwater tanks in here, too?"

My eyes are wide, and my heart beats wildly. Over Christmas I told him my love for aquariums. I don't want to get my hopes up at what my eyes and heart are telling me.

I inhale sharply, surprise sending a rush of goosebumps over my skin. "Bastian?" I let out with a breathy sigh.

He enters the kitchen and settles me on the counter. Firm lips meet the top of my head. He steps between my legs and takes both sides of my face in hand. More kisses fall over my forehead, cheeks, and the very tip of my nose.

"Do you like it, baby?" His forehead on mine feels nice. "I spent the last three months remodeling this place for you. It's almost finished, too. There's two bedrooms the decorator needs to finish with, but it can't be that hard to pick out a bedspread and pillows."

As he speaks he releases his hold on my cheeks and starts inspecting my body. He pulls my T-shirt off, discarding the soaked cotton in the kitchen sink. Next he takes off my shoes and if I were not sitting, he'd be working on getting rid of my jeans, too.

Since that isn't happening right now, he peels off the makeshift bandage on my arm and examines the flesh wound left by Liam's last bullet.

"Stay still. I don't think it needs stitches, but you need a fresh bandage." He pulls a medical kit out of a drawer and sets to cleaning and bandaging my arm. I watch him work in silence as he cares for me. He misses no detail. When he's done, Bastian places a kiss on top of the covered wound.

"I will never forgive myself for putting you in harm's way. I took a vow a long time ago to never let my criminal life touch your sweet soul. I broke that oath and I have no right to touch you now or even be in the same room. Thank you for letting me tend to you."

"I'm confused, Bastian."

"I know, sweet Lili. I'll explain everything."

I raise my good arm and gesture around us as I ask, "This is for me? But you were marrying me off less than an hour ago." My heart constricts as he lowers his forehead to mine, and he breathes in my exhales like he's drinking in my very essence.

"I made a mistake. One that might cost me everything I hold dear to my heart, my sweet Lili." He raises his head, but leaves his hands gripping the counter on either side of my thighs, effectively locking me into place.

His pupils dilate, and the deep brown of his eyes shift to reveal hints of gold. He's absolutely stunning to look at, but looks don't make for a happily ever after.

"You deserve so much better than me. I wish I could pluck you up and put you in the middle of paradise where you never suffer at the hands of assholes and monsters again." In all the chaos, my hair came loose and now falls over my shoulders. He plays with a curl as he speaks.

"I'm all for fairy tales, but we both know that is a fantasy that will never come true."

Bastian taps the end of my nose with his. "When I started renovating this floor, Maddox was still with us. He helped the contractor pick out all the furniture while I took care of the aquariums. As he did his magic, all he talked about was wanting to be here when we showed you the place."

Tears rim my eyes. "Maddox was a good friend."

Bastian nods. "I'm not like the other kingpins. My men are my family."

I caress a gentle touch over his stubbled cheek. "I know, Bastian. I know."

He clears his throat and continues. "Arthur and Con loved pulling this kitchen together for you. I think they dreamed of you making your famous lasagna for them every day."

His laugh breaks my heart.

"And then what? Bastian, be honest with me. What led to you not wanting me?" Strands of dark hair with silver shooting through it play over his forehead. I move them aside and place a kiss across all the creases marring his skin. I never considered his age as anything but a number, but right now he's showing every one of his forty-five years. The weight of his life in mafia years seems twice as much as a normal man's. For every year he lives, the stress costs him and today I see the toll his life's choices are taking on him.

"The kiss we shared at Christmas was still fresh in my mind when I gutted this place and started from the wooden floors up. I, of all people, believed I had a chance at happiness and giving it in return. My father was adamant I would never find a woman willing to carry my name and accept the burden of being my wife. He couldn't find a woman who accepted him and believed I was doomed to the same fate." He pauses before gruffly adding, "I'm glad he's dead and gone."

Ghosts from the past cross his expression, leaving sorrow in their wake.

Bastian pauses long enough for me to move a few puzzle pieces into place. He keeps trying to give me his name and I keep refusing. It must rip at his heart, and he must feel rejected every time I do it. A father's teachings—whether right or wrong—carry weight and Bastian measures his worth by the burden of his father's lingering words.

My heart hurts for the man I love.

Bastian pushes away and gestures to our surroundings with open arms. "I wanted to have this place ready for you by the time you came back from school. I was going to propose to you and be the perfect man in your life. I even had the spot picked out. The balcony is beautiful at night under a full moon. This far up we can barely hear the city. It's almost like living in heaven." As he speaks his face becomes more animated and I can feel the happiness push out the dread of the day. And then I witness reality strip away the hope lingering in his eyes from one second to the next.

"Pretty fucking stupid, huh?"

Shame and embarrassment weigh on the edges of his lips, making him frown. His handsome face is ashen white and the creases at the edges of his eyes look deeper than I remember.

I bite down on my lip and keep myself from replying automatically with a dismissive gesture that would make his crimes against me nothing more than irritating. He lives in a world where respect is of the utmost importance. If I want it in return, I'll have to fight for it. Or at least that is how I was raised. My junkie mother is a lot of things, and she might be out of the picture for good, but she taught me one thing. Men say a lot of pretty words and they are important to hear. But it's their actions you have to measure them by.

I give his words some thought before I say, "Not stupid. Or not entirely stupid, anyway. You had no right to force me into marrying Liam Accandis. I am not a pawn in your game. I never will be. I ask again, why did you do it? If you wanted to propose to me, why did you want to give me away?"

I'm in his arms and he presses me into his chest. I don't know if it is to keep me from slapping him, or to help keep him from falling to his knees, but I feel like he needs the connection.

"Desperation. I was willing to give up my one path to happiness if it meant saving lives. Maddox's death drove me over the edge with this war going on between the Accandis and my crew. I let grief cloud my judgment and I will pay for my misstep every day I live."

My breath hitches, and my heart forgets it has one job.

"Can you ever forgive me? I was so desperate to stop people from dying and willing to sacrifice my happiness that I forgot somehow about yours."

"That's pretty fucking selfish of you." I don't feel angry anymore, just heartbroken.

I push him back and when we lock eyes tears are streaming down his face. "I love you more than life and if you can find it in your heart to give me a second chance, Lili, I will spend every hour of every day proving how much I love and treasure you. I'll give my life for you. All you have to do is ask."

The backs of his knuckles are rough against my cheek. I lean into his touch, but that doesn't mean I'm backing down.

"Love isn't something you can just confess and think all is okay."

"What do you want from me? I'll give you everything I have. I'm not fool enough to think it is money or power. Those were your mother's weaknesses. You're stronger than simply wanting material things."

He steps back and drops to his knees. "Tell me, Lili. I'm yours to command. Either drain the veins of my blood or tell me you can love me. I either need to die now or know I have something to live for."

Harsh breaths break free from my chest. My legs are shaking along with every other body part when I slip off the countertop.

"On my last breath, I promise to protect and love you until the end of my days."

I believe him.

His words are powerful. They reach into my chest, wrap around my heart, and give me so much hope that the hurt his actions caused no longer feels like it will rob me of a lifetime of happiness. His actions in the coming years will need to match his words, but that will take time.

Right now, I fall to the floor in front of him and wrap my arms around his neck. Strong, warm arms wrap around me, and we stay like that until both of our ragged breathing calms.

Dark brown meets light green. I pull back a fraction more and he moves to take one of my hands in his. He brings it to his lips. Small kisses send jolts of electricity to parts of me that have been numb all day.

"I don't have all the answers, Bastian, but I want to try. I'm a year out from getting my law degree. I have to finish that. But this, what we have, has a chance. I can give you that. Will you take it?"

A light of hope flashes across his face. It's buried under decades of pain, angst, and loneliness, but I see it. And I am responsible for making the man under the hard mafia mask step forward from the darkness and into the light. My love—our love—is giving him hope. I could tear him down and ruin him or I can give our love a chance.

"I like the idea of putting love into the world, Daddy. Let's add more to it."

I physically watch my stepfather's chest expand and his eyes flicker with dark intentions. Goosebumps erupt over my skin from the guttural rumble in his chest.

He anchors a hand on my neck, and we press our foreheads together. "I dedicate every fucking breath I take from now until the day I die to your willingness to love me. Without you I would be a shell."

"I'm going to hold you to that, Bastian Irons. Don't you dare break my heart."

"Never again. But I will make you scream, Lili Irons. And make you beg so sweetly."

He moves fast, plucks me off the floor, and takes us deeper into the apartment. Everything is a blur of movement. I'll have to take a tour later. And from the hungry growls Bastian is giving out, it will be much, much later.

Four long strides take us out of the kitchen. A few more steps and Bastian has me flat on my back. The room is large with lavender walls and the king-sized bed in the middle of the room is heavenly. So is the pretty snow-white duvet.

"I can't wait for you to see the rest of the place." He rips his shirt off and I finally get an unobstructed view of all his ink. Vines, roses, guns, blood, and…

"Is that my name on your chest?"

His grin is pure wickedness. "It is. I got it a few weeks ago."

White lilies wrap around my name inked into his tanned skin in a beautiful thick gothic lettering.

He falls over me and his lips are tender compared to the punishing kisses we've shared until this moment. The scrape of his stubble against my chin is divine and I can't wait to feel it between my thighs again.

"I need you naked," he growls and pops open the button to my jeans. "I can't go another minute without your skin touching mine." His thick cock presses against the confines of his pants. I palm him and stroke him through the material.

His rumble of appreciation makes my core clench and hot liquid spill between my thighs.

"Same," I offer huskily. "Take these off, Daddy. I need to feel you inside me."

I fight with his belt buckle, and he does the rest of the work ridding us of our clothes—jeans, bra, panties for me, and everything for him. He stands over me looking down at me with so much reverence and awe in his eyes, that for a moment I feel like the only woman who could ever make him happy.

I hold my thighs open and pass my fingers through my sticky, slick folds. The fact my stomach flips does not change how badly I want this. I twirl the wet tip around my nipples, tempting him closer.

He presses a knee between my legs, and he slowly glides over me until his weight settles us both into the mattress. It's a decadent feeling I'll cherish forever. Our heavy breathing mixes. He laces his thick fingers through mine and in that second I know I will forever love my daddy.

"Let me show you the many ways I intend to love you, my sweet Lili."