9. CAL

Any time we left the state, it was a mixed bag of emotions. I was nervous, excited, but most of all, I was stressed. I'd grown comfortable going out alone in Philly again, it was a secret shame that I had to overcome with Frankie's help. Nobody else knew about it, so when we left the state, it felt like it was all coming back on me, like an anchor on my chest.

Those feelings didn't really come back until we were on the freeway crossing state lines. It was sudden. Seeing that you're now entering sign.

I packed my own overnight bag, which was clothes, my Switch, and some swimming shorts because I had the credit card and I made sure to book us into a nice hotel with a pool and a hot tub, and most importantly a sauna.

Frankie packed a clean suit in a garment bag, and weapons. They weren't visible to the naked eye; they were hidden in secret places around the car on the off chance some police officer tried to make a name for himself by arresting one of the Borgesi sons. The first time it happened, I thought Frankie was joking, making a bigger deal out of things, or just generally stroking his own ego.

Thankfully, we got into New Jersey just fine. It was a nice day, I wanted to drive all the way through to New York so we could have a picnic in the park. But he told me that I was a distraction.

"You'll get time with me tonight," he said, taking the back of my hand and kissing it. "I know it's a lot right now, but we're doing this for a reason."

It wasn't like I could ID anyone by how they looked. It was their voices that I felt I could distinguish, although sometimes, as I tried to recall them, they were distorted in my mind.

We parked up near a port authority, that's where I assumed the drugs were coming in. Frankie pointed out the expensive cars in the parking lot.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"My brothers might have been right. Someone was paid off here." He took out a smaller version of the scope used for the rifle and looked through it. "Five-million street value, but that can be doubled, maybe even tripled with different cutting agents. You have your laptop?" he asked. "Run these plates."

I reached into the backseat to grab my laptop. I connected it to my mobile data. Sutton had installed many applications on the laptop for me. He said it was necessary to have all the tools. His words and the way he would not take any shit still made me laugh. "Work smarter, not harder, guys like us have brains, not a body sculpted by the Greek."

Looking up the plates of the two fancy expensive porches in the parking lot, they both came back to the same person.

"Jack Jefferson," I said. "That sounds like a fake name if I ever heard one."

"Pull up his details."

Information was readily available. It should've been illegal to do this—it possibly was highly illegal.

"Both cars were bought on the same day, three months ago," I said. "That doesn't make sense."

"Jack Jefferson is our target then. What's his address?"

I grumbled. "If I tell you, then you have to let me come with you."

He chuckled. "Absolutely not. I'll drive you to see Sutton. The two of you can use the hotel room to order room service and play around in the pool. Or visit the spa. I'll be coming back here tonight to pay our new friend, Jack Jefferson a visit."

"What if it's the guy who took me?"

"If it is, he's your kill," he said. "But if I go alone, I can do my own recon and then tell you what I find."

I knew I could be a bit of a handful and oftentimes a hindrance when it came to doing stuff together. Mostly because I couldn't stay still for longer than a minute, and when I had a thought, sometimes it was blurted out. So, I also couldn't stay quiet either.

"Fine," I groaned. "But only because I remembered that I booked us both massages, and I'm not going to let mine go to waste."

He leaned across the center console and kissed me. "And Sutton can have mine. But don't go too wild, the last thing I need is a hotel statement the size of my arm." He flexed his forearm for me.

"Now I'm tempted," I said.

"And that'll lead to a big punishment." His face unflinching.

"Ok." I was getting hot under my T-shirt. He didn't have to tease me like that. "Maybe we should drive by this address, it's on the way out of the state anyway."

He leaned in and tipped a finger under my chin. "No. Now, see what else you can find out about this guy."

As he drove, I continued to search the different programs on the laptop for information on Jack Jefferson. I was still convinced this was a fake name, but he had a paper trail. "He has a warrant out for his arrest in three states. This sounds like our guy. Caught with possession of drugs. This one says drug smuggling. No known associates, which is weird."

"What's weird is that he has arrest warrants out for him, and there's a known address, but no arrest," he said.

"So? What does that mean?"

"He's being protected by someone on the force. Probably local PD."

"If he's being protected, then maybe we should loop back around, go to the address, and see if there are any suspicious cars near his place," I suggested. I was mostly nervous that something bad would happen. It was always whenever it concerned what happened to me. Frankie was stronger and almost a machine, I knew they'd never get him in the same way that they'd got me.

He placed a hand behind my back, his other on the steering wheel, almost like he was showing off. "Baby," he said, his touch calming me. "I promise I'll be safe, and I promise that I won't do anything without you there."

That reassured me a little. I glanced back at the laptop screen and the picture of the man. It pained me that I couldn't ID him.

"Hey, look at this," he said, pulling out the jewelry box from the glovebox. "I thought you took this inside."

I had taken it inside. "I wanted to try and wear it again," I said. For all that it was worth, exposure therapy had been working. The only way I was going to feel whole again was when I didn't have the little triggers.

"Ok," he said, placing the box back inside. "Whenever you're ready."

"No."

"What?"

"You're supposed to force me to put it on," I told him. "And that's how I get better."

Frankie pressed his teeth on his lips and shook his head. "Put it on."

"No."

"I said, put the damn bracelet on."

We were both struggling to keep straight faces.

"Make me."

"If I have to pull over on the side of the road, I'll make sure that it never comes off your wrist," he said. "And then, I'll lay you down on that back seat, and I'll take some of those clothes from your bag and stuff them in your mouth so that you don't make a sound while I fuck you."

"Fine," I said, only giving in because I didn't want him to pull over and draw attention to us. "But only if you do that to me later. And I get to choose what you stuff in my mouth."

"Deal. Shake on it." He shook my hand. "Now, put the bracelet on. It cost a lot of money. I want to see it on you all the time."

It was a nice bracelet. Gold. It twinkled in the light too. I sucked back a deep breath. "If it gets stuck and I freak out, I'm crashing both of us in this car," I said.

Frankie puckered his lips and made kissing sounds. "You know you could never do that."

"Fine." I unlatched the bracelet before slipping it over my wrist and securing it in place. It was cold. I held a breath.

"How does it feel?"

It tickled. My heart pounding in my chest, I pushed out the breath. "It's—it's ok." It was completely unlike the pressure of the rope, or even Frankie's grip. "I'm good."

He took my hand by the wrist, wrapping his hand around it. I didn't feel like kicking or screaming. That was a win. "Next time, I'll get it etched on the inside. Property of Frankie. Or something like that."

I looked to my other wrist. It wasn't obvious I'd been bound by thick rope, but I still saw marks on my skin, even if they were only in my mind. "Maybe next I can get a watch for my other wrist."

"Open the glovebox," he said. "I have a spare in there."

I'd seen that watch. It was a weighty Rolex. "Maybe not one of those."

"Don't be silly. Put it on. I can have links removed from it if it's too big."

This one tested me. He was really on a roll trying to push me. I slipped the Rolex over my hand and placed it on my wrist. It was far too big. In a knee-jerk reaction, I dangled my hand, and it slipped right off onto my lap. "Oops," I said.

"Let me know how much bigger it is," he said.

I stuffed the Rolex back into the glovebox. "Later."

We finally reached New York. Crossing the Hudson River. It was nice. The big buildings always reminded me how small I was in comparison. It also reminded me that my brother was close, and I'd done a good job so far avoiding my entire family.

I received a text from Sutton telling me he was already waiting for us in the hotel lobby. He'd got into the system and upgraded us for free.

Frankie rolled his eyes when I gave him the news. "That kid is gonna be the reason I get arrested," he grumbled.

"He's not a kid. He's older than me."

"Yeah, and I'm teaching you life lessons every single day," he said. "Plus, you're my baby. I'd do that regardless of how old you were." He took the back of my hand and kissed it.

I took his hand and stroked across the bandage. "You think I should remove these before we check-in?" I asked. "I don't want the receptionist to think you're gonna cause trouble."

He placed his hand on the steering wheel. "I think what's under it will scare them more. I saw the bruising under it this morning after my shower."

Scoffed, I gave his arm a whack. "You didn't let me change them. What was I doing?"

"I didn't want to bother you after my shower. You were on your Switch, peaceful playing on your farm, or whatever game that was."

"I had to take care of my crops," I said. It wasn't a real-time game, and there were no consequences to leaving my crops without water. It just meant I could collect and sell them faster to make more money. Almost, in a way, like what the family was doing with drugs.

Sutton was waiting in the lobby, just like he said. Frankie carried my bag inside. A valet had taken the car, although he'd been told to park close because he'd be coming back in thirty minutes to head out again.

"I missed you," Sutton said. "And Frankie, nice to see you again."

"Ground rules," Frankie said as we approached the reception desk. "Don't be putting bugs on anything. That includes the laptop. And please keep Cal's mind busy and off whatever is going on."

Sutton chuckled. "Cal tells me everything, anyway, why would I need to bug you."

That was true. I nodded. "We're going to have massages and order room service, so that should help keep my mind busy."

"Why?" Sutton pressed. "Where are you going? Is it dangerous? Ugh. I wish I lived dangerously. Not too dangerous though. I don't want to be on the run for my life."

I glanced at Frankie as he eyed Sutton. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm sure if you are ever on the run from someone, they'd catch up to you, and then realize you're too much hassle."

Sutton fawned. "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Did you hear that, Cal?"

"Yeah, that's too nice. Say something mean to even it out."

"You're a loud-mouth dick," he said.

He snickered. "I heard mouth and dick. I hope you aren't hitting on me."

I stepped on Sutton's foot. "Oops," I giggled. "Don't flirt with him. I mean it."

"Boys," Frankie said, clearing his throat. "Let me get checked in, and then you can leave me to get back to work."

I groaned. "I still want to come with you."

Sutton hooked an arm around mine. "What's he doing?" he asked. "You know, you can tell me. Is this about that shipment?"

"I'll tell you later," I said. "After our massages."

Frankie cleared his throat again, this time louder. "Make sure you request a woman." His face grew closer to mine. "If I hear that you let another man put his hands on you for that massage, I'll break every single bone in both of his hands."

"Yes, Daddy," I said, glancing at Sutton on my arm. "You should also get a woman. That way there's no cross contamination."

Sutton thew his head back with sass. "I thought I was gonna have some man's hands all over me today." He always looked at Frankie when he said that, but there were boundaries. And I didn't want to go hand-to-hand with Sutton because he overstepped.

"Stay there. I'll get checked in," Frankie said.

As Frankie went to the reception desk, I looked around at how fancy the hotel was. I should've guessed when they had a valet our car. Or when I booked it, but I'd never stayed in anything quite so fancy before. There was a fountain in the lobby and a fancy contemporary art light in the middle.

I knew I shouldn't feel bad for spending his money, but this felt extravagant.