9. Maggie

MAGGIE

I feel like I’m torn between the reality of waking up and looking at Alexei today, and the memory of the kiss last night.

Well.

Maybe it’s better to say that I’m haunted by last night’s kiss.

I didn’t sleep. Not even a little. The room was super cozy and warm, even with the storm howling outside, but I couldn’t sleep while I was so keyed up over that kiss.

Keyed up is an understatement. On fire is probably more accurate.

I’ve never been so turned on by a kiss. Not ever.

And given the emotional turmoil of the night, I’m not really sure what to do with that.

So when I found Alexei sitting in the kitchen, a coffee made for me in hand, I approached the situation like I’d approach a wild bear.

Cautiously.

Knowing that I probably shouldn’t, but that I was going to anyway.

The coffee was good, though. And then Elena suggested that Alexei show me the ornaments on the tree. And then I said no because I wanted him to have an easy out that didn’t involve making Elena sad.

And then he invited me to do it anyway.

I’m not sure that I can hang in here with all of these emotional ups and downs.

I’m not really used to things being this chaotic. For the most part, my childhood has been steady and calm. Until the house fire, the scariest thing that ever happened to me was being picked on by Heather Mastronardi for having purple hair when I was in seventh grade.

Well. And some teasing about my weight, but I’m pretty sure every teenage girl has been through that.

I’m just not really equipped for this roller coaster.

At least, that’s what I tell myself as I follow Alexei into the large room with the Christmas tree.

There’s a roaring fire, which infuses the room with warmth that feels so good, I want to flop onto the comfortable furniture and curl up with a good book. Between that and the snow swirling against the windows, the room is unbearably cozy, and I can’t believe how nice it is in here.

Alexei must notice my reaction. He turns to me. “You did a good job with the decorations.”

I stiffen up. “Yes. Sorry. I know that it’s hard because of your mom?—”

“Which you couldn’t have known about unless Elena or I told you. She didn’t, and I should have,” he says.

Huh.

Alexei takes another step toward me. He’s wearing what I assume is the Alexei version of casual clothes; dress pants and a black button-down shirt. The fabric is kind of silky, and seems to slip over his hard body, caressing his muscles in a way that’s downright indecent.

I gulp at the memory of exactly how much strength is contained there.

Because now that I know?

I can never forget.

“Magdalena?”

“Maggie,” I say automatically.

Then, realizing that he was trying to snap me out of my zone out, I freeze.

I’m definitely staring at him.

Alexei’s lips tilt up in a smile. “What were you thinking about, just now?”

“Nothing,” I say quickly.

Maybe a little too quickly.

“Nothing at all?”

“No,” I gulp.

He steps closer.

“I think you might be lying, Magdalena.”

I snort. “You don’t know me well enough to know that.”

“Oh. I think I do very much know you well enough.”

“No,” I shake my head. “You don’t.”

“You weren’t thinking, perhaps, of a kiss just now?”

I freeze.

Alexei’s probably six inches away from me.

He leans forward, and if I tipped my face up, then our lips would be right there…

“Magdalena?”

“N…No…” I whisper. “I wasn’t.”

He makes a low, humming noise.

“Pity.”

“Why?” I ask.

“I was thinking about it.”

My jaw literally drops open.

Alexei’s eyes sparkle. “You didn’t think that I would be affected by kissing you, did you?”

“I… uh… no?”

He inhales sharply.

“Let us say this. Since so far we have only told each other the truth, I will not stop now. The truth, Magdalena, is that I have never wanted a wife… until I realized how very entertaining it would be to have one.”

“Entertaining?”

“Kissing you, Magdalena, reminded me of the very strong benefits of having a wife. “

“Like what?” I whisper.

I don’t know why I’m asking. It’s like I’m drawn to him, drawn to the things he’s saying.

Since we’ve so far only told each other the truth.

“The benefits of the way you taste. The feel of your skin under mine. The way I want you to scream my name,” he practically purrs.

I gulp. “Um. You don’t have to have a wife for that,” I say breathlessly.

Alexi’s grin is hungry and dark.

“And yet, I find myself drawn to my wife… just for that.”

His hands are slowly skating up my arms now. I shiver at the warmth radiating from them.

“I won’t take other lovers, Magdalena. In case you were worried about that.”

“I… okay,” I whisper. I wasn’t exactly worried about it, but I guess it’s good to know anyway.

“And I expect the same from you.”

I bark out a laugh. “Who could I possibly do that with?”

“No one,” he growls, his blue eyes darkening. “Because you’re mine.”

My head tips up, some kind of sassy response on my lips…

But it dies.

Quickly.

Because Alexei’s lips on mine end any thoughts in my mind.

I explode.

There’s no other word for it. His hands are everywhere. His mouth on mine makes me ache, and when his tongue laps at me, begging me to open for him. I do.

I’ve never felt anything like this.

The smell of citrus and spice in the air is intense, and mixed with Alexei’s dark scent I feel lightheaded.

Or, that could be the fact that his hands are tugging on my skirt.

Alexei’s hands come to my hips, and I squeak when he leans me down onto the comfortable couch. With a motion, he pulls me on top of him…

Then I moan, arching my back, as I realize that I can sense how much he wants me. It feels like another gem of truth, one that I’m holding onto with both hands.

Namely, the way his body is reacting, which sends me into a sort of frenzy.

I need more of him.

Rocking over the hardness that’s between his legs, I gasp when Alexei’s lips touch my neck.

“I compliment you on your taste,” he grunts when his fingers tease at the edge of the soft cashmere on my shoulder, “but please, please take this off.”

I comply.

The sweater comes up, drifting like gossamer over my head, until I’m bare from the waist up.

Except for the equally as expensive lingerie that I treated myself to.

I thought that the lingerie might have been a little bit of a splurge. I haven’t exactly treated myself to something so pretty in… well. Ever, I guess.

I thought it was pretty. I think I look good in it.

However, I don’t know if that’s just me.

So when Alexei sees my breasts, framed in fabric that costs more than a semester of my tuition, I’m a little insecure…

Until his rough hands palm them and I moan, arching into his touch.

“You’re so fucking pretty, Magdalena,” he rasps before he laps at one of my nipples, pulling down the expensive lace to reveal my breast to him.

I gasp.

I’m not used to men worshiping my body. I’ve always been too curvy, too much.

But Alexei touches me like he can’t get enough.

“Magdalena,” Alexei says roughly from where he’s kissing my chest. “I need more of you. I want more…”

“Don’t stop,” I whisper.

He looks up at me. “Magdalena…”

“Don’t stop. Please,” I beg.

Alexei growls again.

I squeak when he flips me onto the couch, my back against the soft surface. My skirt comes off, sliding down and off of my hips onto the floor.

Propping myself up on my elbows, I look down at Alexei.

He’s staring up at me, kneeling on the ground.

I open my mouth. Close it.

The way his eyes flash looks dangerous.

Slowly, he takes my knees and pushes them apart. I wince.

He pauses. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” I whisper.

“Then what is the problem?”

I look to the side. “Um… no one has ever.. I mean you don’t have to…” I don’t know how to tell him that normally, the thickness of my thighs isn’t something that people exactly like.

“Magdalena,” he rumbles.

I look down.

“You are so fucking beautiful. Do you not see how much I want you?” he murmurs.

I mean, I can. His thin grey pants hide very little when it comes to that.

His fingers skate up, wrapping in the sides of my very expensive panties.

“If no one has done this before, then I would be more than happy to show you. And to make sure no one will ever have this from you again,” he growls.

I raise my eyebrows.

“You’re mine. My wife. Mine,” he practically snarls.

“Alexei. I’m yours,” I whisper.

The affirmation seems to calm him slightly.

“I want to make you come, Magdalena,” Alexei looks at me, his eyes caressing down my legs. “I want to taste you.”

I’ve never had anyone want to do that before.

So, despite my heart slamming against my ribs, I nod.

I open my legs.

And Alexei grins. He kneels on the floor, and I quickly adjust, worried that his knees are going to hurt.

Alexei watches, then looks up at me with eyes glittering with interest. “You’re worried for me?”

“Well yeah, you’re kneeling on the hard floor,” I protest.

He chuckles.

“I only kneel for one person, Magdalena. And that is my wife.”

I would say something but…

All thoughts fly out of my mind when he hooks my legs over his shoulders.

When he licks me at the center of the heat that’s driving me crazy, I arch off of the couch.

“Fuck, Magdalena,” he growls. “You taste like… fuck,” he grunts.

I would say something, because it feels like I should.

But I can’t.

All I can do is feel.

Every inch of my skin tingles. I can feel the sensation of his tongue the whole way through my body, practically sizzling through my skin.

I want this to never, ever end.

Alexei’s tongue is incredible. His mouth laps and nips and sucks in all the right places. At some point I drag my fingers through his hair, pushing him down, because he’s just right there…

He pulls back, licking his lips. “What do you think of this now?” he asks.

“Yes,” I breathe.

He laughs.

Alexei’s breath on my center makes me arch up against him.

“What do you need from me, love?” He whispers.

Love.

The word feels… soon. Too soon.

But I can’t pretend it doesn’t feel good.

His tongue laps at me again, and I hook my legs over his shoulders, tugging him toward me.

“Oh,” he chuckles, the laugh clearly radiating over my heated core. “You do like this, don’t you?”

“Sorry,” I gasp. For a second, I’m flooded with doubt. Is that not okay? Should I not like it this much?

I pull my legs back, but Alexei’s big hands grasp them, pulling them firmly down towards him.

“I love it, Magdalena. Take what you need,” he murmurs.

I gulp. “I… I’ve never… I’ve never done this…”

What he doesn’t know is that I haven’t done any of this.

I haven’t dated a lot. Really. I haven’t. and I haven’t had sex.

At all.

Ever.

His eyes seem to glow. “Are you a virgin for me, Magdalena?”

I nod.

The noise he makes is positively feral.

“Have you ever touched yourself before?”

I nod.

“Good. What makes you come when you do?”

I wriggle again. “Um. Well. I’ve never really… not without… help,” I finish lamely.

I swear the blood drains out of his face. “Do you use toys when you make yourself come?”

God, his voice. It’s like an extra set of hands, rasping over my skin. I moan, my eyes fluttering as I writhe against him.

“Answer me, wife,” he snaps.

“Yes, okay,” I whisper. “I do. I have a vibrator and…”

“Did you bring it with you?”

“No,” I whisper.

He murmurs.

Then, I feel one thick finger press inside me.

I moan.

Alexei cusses in Russian. “You’re so wet for me, darling.”

“Yes. Please. I…”

“I know what you need,” he grunts.

Then, his lips move in combination with his fingers.

And I can barely hang on.

My skin feels like it’s too tight. Sensations chase over my body, each one more amplified than the next.

When he adds another finger, I practically shudder around him.

When his lips tug on my clit, sucking, I scream.

“Come for me, love,” he whispers.

I don’t know if it’s the endearment or the motion, but my orgasm crashes over me, taking me completely by surprise.

It’s the most extreme feeling I’ve ever had.

Like, I’m pretty sure that I can see stars. Or heaven.

Or both.

I’m vaguely aware of Alexei removing his fingers, the sound kind of obscene. The loss of heat from him moving away from me makes me shiver.

Alexei moves up, his big body arching over mine, his arms on either side of my head. I’m panting, staring at him, and he stares down at me.

Oh no. Does he want me to…

Gently, he presses a kiss to my head.

“We never looked at the ornaments,” he murmurs.

I laugh.

I can’t help it. I’m lying on the couch, mostly naked, and Alexei is fully clothed. Any of the staff could walk in at any time.

And I think I might have just screamed.

“Are the ornaments really the highest priority at the moment?” I murmur into the cool air.

Alexei drapes a blanket over me. “If you want them to be, then they will be.”

I rise up, my hands coming up to hold the blanket over myself. It’s so soft, and I let my fingers dance over it.

Alexei’s eyes trace the movement.

I’m not sure what to do right now. I kind of want more. I want to know what he’s like. What having a husband is like, in every sense of the word.

But I’m also scared.

Alexei is so hot and cold. One second he’s telling me I’m beautiful, the next he’s telling me to get out. He hands me a coffee, and drags me to look at the ornaments he said he never wanted to see.

I don’t know him.

Loneliness punches through me and I pull back slightly.

Alexei’s face twists. He pulls his hand back.

Now, I feel bad.

“Alexei…”

“What did you say that your holiday tradition was? Making cookies?”

I nod.

He takes a breath. “Then, I think we should do that next.”

Alexei turns to gather my clothes, but I can’t help the question that punches out of me.

“Why?”

He looks back at me.

We have always been honest. Don’t stop now. Please.

“Because, Magdalena. I find myself curious about my new wife. I want to know what I stole you away from, and how I might make it up to you. I know this is not the holiday you wished for. I would at least like to try,” he says softly.

I blink. “Really?”

“If you are asking me of my honesty… yes. We do not lie to each other,” he murmurs.

I don’t know how this whole truth thing came to be part of our very, very new marriage but…

I trust it.

More than that, I really like it.

Both of those things help solidify my decision for me.

Nodding, I take my sweater from him.

“Let me change, and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

After a quick internet search converting metric to US measuring units, and lots of help from Elena, I’m fully ready to make sugar cookies.

I’m mixing them together when I feel a warm presence at my back.

“Alexei,” I breathe.

“Hmm,” he murmurs. His lips touch my neck and I shiver.

The kiss he places is fast. Just a brush of his lips against me.

But the tenderness there is downright domestic.

It makes me ache.

“So. Tell me of these… cookies.”

I rise my eyebrow. “You don’t make cookies in Russia?”

“We make a variety of treats,” Alexei shrugs. “I think American cookies are probably different.”

“Well, first, tell me. Did you make anything like these with your mom?”

He shakes his head. “In Russia, we spend more time on New Year’s than Christmas. I think the old holiday ways are still dominant in Novgorod and nearby, but the fact that we were a country without religion for so long changed a lot of the holidays.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, and kind of sounds like a bad joke.”

“A joke?” he tilts his head.

I nod. “You know. The old ‘in Russia, you don’t have holidays. Holidays have you ,” I emphasize with a fake Russian accent.

Alexei’s face is completely neutral. “I have never heard this. And I don’t sound like that.”

“I don’t sound like that,” I mimic in my fake accent.

I’m teasing him.

The thought strikes me like a lightning bolt. I’m sitting here teasing Alexei, like we’re…

Like we’re a real married couple.

A real smile crosses his lips. “You like my accent, Magdalena?”

“Maggie,” I roll my eyes. “Seriously, I think… at this point, call me Maggie.”

“At this point?” he repeats softly.

I glance over from where I’m wrapping the cookie dough to chill.

Alexei’s eyes are burning into mine. “You said your friends and family call you Maggie.”

“I did,” I whisper, nibbling at my bottom lip.

His eyes catch the gesture and darken further, his face taking on a hungry look.

I stop.

Alexei glances up at me. “You count me among your friends or family?”

“Well, you are my husband. And you’ve seen me naked. So I think you’re kind of well on the way,” I murmur.

He looks at me.

“Maggie,” he murmurs.

In his accent, the word seems to creep over my skin. I shiver, and he moves closer.

“Are you cold?” he whispers.

“No.”

“Then why…”

I pull out of his arms. “Anyway. Um. We need to put these in the fridge and then we’ll roll them out later. And decorate them,” I say quickly, putting the dough to chill.

When I close the door, he’s frowning. “A great deal of steps before they’re done.”

I shrug. “Yeah well. Good things take time.”

I meant it about the cookies. But, Alexei seems to deflate a little.

Oh no. I didn’t mean to imply anything about him, or our marriage. Trying to salvage the moment, I smile. “Don’t tell me that you’re like… such a badass that you’ve never made cookies before.”

“I have had treats prepared for me before,” he murmurs.

I flush.

“Well. We just need to wait a while.”

“And what will we do while we wait?” he murmurs.

Okay. There’s definitely some lust in his tone.

Alexei catches my wrist and tugs me close. I curl into his arms, ready for a kiss.

He surprises me by hugging me.

It’s a nice hug. I’m stiff for a second, just because I don’t expect it, but after a minute I melt into his embrace.

We stand there in the kitchen for so long, it’s beginning to get kind of weird.

I’m the one who pulls back first. “That was nice,” I say softly.

Alexei puts his hand on my cheek. “I am not nice.”

“Okay. But it was a nice hug.”

His thumb moves over my face.

“I’m sorry, Maggie,” he says abruptly.

I open my eyes. “Why?”

“You didn’t ask for this. For me.”

My eyes pop open, and I study him.

Alexei is looking at me with… something that looks like sadness. Sincerity.

It tugs at my chest.

I sigh. “Look. We’re honest with each other. That’s what we’re doing. Right?”

“Yes,” he says softly. “I would like that.”

I nod. “Good. You’re right. I didn’t ask for this. But there are lots of things in life people don’t ask for. I wanted to go to school and be a therapist. I wanted to help people. I might still be able to do that, someday, but this came up, and I’m fine with it. Life throws things at you, Alexei. You can either fight them or roll with the punches, and as long as you’re not awful to me, I’m fine here. My mom is safe. I’m safe. For now, that’s all I need. If you want to give me more, if you want to actually build a life together, then I could do that. But for now, we’re married. I’m safe. My mom is safe. And I’m pretty content to live with it.”

His lips tug into a small frown. “But you would not have chosen me.”

“No,” I say honestly.

Alexei seems to shrink.

God. Whatever his dad did to him… “But I would like to.”

He glances at me.

I take Alexei’s hand and pull him close. “We’re stuck together. We could make that go a lot of ways. But if you want, Alexei, I could still choose you. To be with you. To…”

I stop.

I can’t promise to love him. Because if I promise it, then it isn’t really a choice.

Keeping my promises is important to me. I won’t make a promise I can’t keep.

“What does that mean, Maggie?”

“Let’s get to know each other. Let’s take some time to choose each other,” I whisper.

He looks at where our hands are joined. “But we are already married.”

“And? We can’t… date?”

He chuckles. “Date? We are stuck in a Russian mansion. I do not know when the snow will give up.”

“Then I guess we better get creative,” I wink.

Alexei’s eyes sparkle.

“I’ve got the first date planned already,” I announce.

“Oh?”

“Yes. In about two hours, get ready, because you’re going to decorate these cookies,” I wink.

Alexei’s lips tuck into a grin. “And after?”

“I guess we better see how good you are at planning an indoor date.”