7. Maggie

MAGGIE

A lexei’s lips on mine are…

Everything.

Somehow, in the span of seconds, my whole world is reduced to this.

His lips.

His mouth.

His hands on my face.

His tongue, slipping into my mouth, tangling with mine in a deep, consuming kiss.

I’ve never been kissed like this.

I mean I’ve definitely been kissed. But comparing those kisses to this one is like comparing rocks to… apples.

This is the type of kiss that makes me feel alive.

I moan, shrugging into his arms. He wraps a fist in my hair, tugging my head back to deepen the kiss.

Holy cow.

I gasp again as he breaks the kiss, his lips trailing down my neck. I moan as they trace against the sensitive place where my neck and shoulder meet, and gasp again as he pushes my silk button-down shirt off of my shoulder.

“You bought clothes,” he growls under his breath.

“You told me to,” I murmur.

That seems to make him very happy. He grunts, the noise sounding satisfied. “What else will you do if I tell you to, Magdalena?”

I shiver, because I’m kind of afraid to answer that question.

Alexei’s fingers grasp, covering my breast. I moan as he kneads me through the light silk of my shirt.

His kiss is like fire.

I feel hot everywhere, despite the chill of the room. I can feel his kiss in every part of my body. I can feel it from the bottoms of my feet to the top of my head.

Alexei’s kiss is like holding onto a live wire.

He makes my body light up like an electrical storm. I can’t even hide the fact that I’m insanely aroused…

And, that I’m making out with him in the room that he yelled at me for being in before.

I back off, breaking the kiss.

Alexei and I have too much… stuff between us to be doing this here.

Too much that we don’t know. Too much that’s gone unsaid.

Too much that we need to figure out before we can be making out

Alexei’s chest is heaving. He opens his eyes slowly. They’re so blue, and they seem to glow as he looks at me.

For a second, I think he’s going to say something.

Then, his face shutters, and he turns from me.

Shit.

Shit.

“Alexei…”

“That was a mistake,” he growls.

I blink. “What?”

“I did not mean to do that.”

“Oh,” I whisper.

“It is just… it is the room. And the decorations.”

And now we’re right back where we started. “Tell me about the decorations, Alexei.”

He pauses.

I shut my eyes and pull out the big guns. “Please.”

I swear I can hear the snow falling outside.

Alexei takes a deep breath. “My mother… she loved to decorate for the holiday.”

“Your mother?”

“She passed when I was a teenager,” he whispers.

My eyes widen.

I wondered where all the decorations came from. Elena just pointed me to them and said that they belonged to the lady of the house…

Who I totally assumed meant me.

I shut my eyes. “And I dragged all of the decorations out, and it reminded you of your mom.”

“This was her room,” he murmurs.

Shoot.

“Alexei… I’m so sorry.”

He’s dead silent.

Opening my eyes, I look at where he’s standing, so close to me, but so far away. “Sorry. I guess that I just got caught up in the moment. Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just… I’m sorry,” I whisper.

Alexei is quiet.

Finally, his head bobs and he looks down at me.

“You didn’t know.”

“But now I do. I can take them down…”

“No.”

I freeze.

Alexei clears his throat. “No. They brought you and Elena joy, did they not?”

“Yes. My mom and I always decorate a lot for the holiday.”

“Then keep them. Please,” he murmurs. “I… I will return to Novgorod. I will stay there through the new year.”

“Oh…”

“I do want you to be my wife, Magdalena. And I don’t wish to treat you as a broodmare. I wish to have a… I wish to make sure it is not bad.”

I snort. “Oh, I don’t think it’s going to be bad if that’s how you kiss.”

Oh.

Shit.

I clap my fingers over my mouth. “Oh my god. Pretend I didn’t say that out loud.”

Alexei’s voice carries a tone of humor. “I will pretend.”

“Thanks,” I whisper.

The thought of spending Christmas alone… well. It sucks.

But I understand.

If the loss of his mother was so painful that he can’t even look at Christmas decorations…

I get that.

He turns to go. Instinctively, I kind of reach for him.

It’s not that I don’t want him, or the future he’s offering.

I do want it.

I want it very, very badly. I want to do more than just kiss him. I can’t deny that I’m crazy attracted to him.

But my fingers curl around empty air.

“Alexei,” I call.

He freezes.

“If you… if you wanted to stay. You could,” I whisper.

He doesn’t move.

“Being alone on Christmas would suck. For both of us,” I add. “If we’re going to be… if we’re going to do this, maybe we should spend the time doing something else.”

He turns, and the hungry look on his face makes my stomach clench.

“I mean. We could get to know each other. So that things like… the decorations… they don’t happen again.”

Alexei studies me.

“Perhaps,” he murmurs.

Then, he’s gone.

I give him a minute, then quietly, I close the door to his mother’s room behind me.

I’m okay with giving Alexei space. If he needs it.

This might not be love.

But I think that if we both just… try, it could be something else.

Something that I’m okay with, even if it’s not what I’m dreaming of.