25. Gia

It's beenfive days and Liam still hasn't come back, and I'm beginning to think that he's actually kind of devious.

Like, I think this might be a form of torture.

Because I am so fucking bored I'm going to pull my hair out.

There is nothing to do. Literally nothing.

There's wind.

Cold rain that I'm pretty sure is just snow, but in disguise.

Lots of birds and bird noises.

I heard a ruckus and Rowan told me that it was a polar bear in town, but I didn't actually get to see it.

You know that you're bored when you want a polar bear to show up.

Inside the cabin, there is no TV. No computer. There's a bunch of books but I think they might be all in Danish, and so I'm literally just alone with my thoughts.

Well.

And my body, which is doing everything that it can to kill me.

I can't keep anything down. I don't know if it's the fishy smell of bird poop that occasionally wafts up from the beach, or the fact that I'm more anxious than I've ever been in my life, or the fact that I'm stuck in a cabin somewhere so far away from the rest of the world I might as well be on the fucking moon.

But it's getting really bad.

I can see that I'm losing weight. Normally, I'm not necessarily skinny, and I'm curved. I'm short and so all of those curves look quite pronounced on my body, a fact that I'm very proud of, but as I look at myself in the mirror, I can see things I haven't seen on my body in a long time.

There are a lot more bones in my shoulders than I've ever seen before, for example.

It's been somewhere around a week since I had a solid meal. There are lots of weird Danish crackers and things that I'd never eat, and I do my best to keep them down, but it's really difficult.

I do not feel well. At all.

Beyond my body, there's my mind. I'm still completely unsure of what to do about the proposal from Liam.

Do I want to marry him?

My gut, which I'm assuming at this point is 99% baby, says hell no. This, of course, makes sense to me.

The baby would like its father to be married to me. I think there's some kind of biological imperative there, like the baby is in my body telling me what to do with its little baby-mind control stuff.

I huff.

Okay.

Even I know that's illogical. If babies could control people's brains, the world would probably be a much more interesting place. Nicer for babies. Everyone would have paid parental leave…

Huh. Baby mind control.

I'm never going to achieve my dreams of being the first female mafia don with a baby.

Our world is so male-dominated, I have to be as tough as the boys if I stand a chance of getting there. It's like in old Hollywood, where women could never have kids and be considered for a role.

If I'm going to do it, I have to be… different. Curated, sort of, so that the men around me are equally terrified and attracted to me.

That's the only way I know how to function as a woman in this world. It's how I've had success for years.

There's just simply no possible way that I can do any of that with a baby.

I think about the fact that I told Sal I couldn't even date him. Be with him. Fuck, I don't know what exactly I turned down, but I know that the idea of Sal and I together is one that scared the shit out of me, and I didn't want to lose myself in him.

But that happened anyway.

Now I'm lost without him, and I'm pregnant with his baby and…

A familiar feeling creeps up my stomach and I dash to the toilet.

A solid ten minutes later and I'm lying next to the (again, oddly Danish-looking) toilet. My stomach hurts. My body hurts.

If I'm being honest with myself… my heart kind of hurts.

This is the worst. Literally, I would do anything to not be pregnant right now…

As I think that, however, another round of bile rises in my throat.

It's not exactly true.

If I really look into my heart of hearts, I'm not upset about being pregnant with his baby, exactly.

A little squirt who looks like Sal? It's kind of… it's sweet. And if I think about it I get all weepy and soft and I want to curl up into a ball and just hug myself.

I wish Caterina were here.

Honestly, at this point I'm missing my mom.

She and I didn't exactly get along. Well, that's not true.

She was my mom and I loved her more than anything in the world, but we were oil and water.

When I said that I wanted to be a boss like Dad, she had nearly exploded with frustration.

She wanted me to be like Caterina. Sweet. Kind.

A perfect wife and mother.

Those are not bad things by any means, and as an adult I'm now re-thinking what it takes to be a mother (I refuse to think of myself as anyone's wife) but I am not, nor have I ever been, sweet.

Or biddable, which is what my mother had said a good wife should be.

Instead, I turned into a goddamn nightmare. My mother knew it, and she did her best to tame me, but as per usual…

I refuse to be tamed.

However, in this situation, when you're pregnant and so sick you feel like crumpling into a tiny ball, and you have no idea how to get through the next few minutes, let alone the next few days or hours…

You just kind of want your mom.

I'm still lounging in front of the toilet (which is clean, bless the woman who came to clean it earlier) when I hear the front door open.

I shut my eyes but I don't move. If someone wants me dead then… part of the job is already done.

"Gia?"

I recognize that voice. It's one that I haven't heard in a while, but I'd know anywhere all the same.

He's back.

For a heartbreaking second I think that the person walking through the door is Sal, but I know better. Their voices aren't the same. They don't look alike, not really.

But it's the fact that I'm so hopeful for Sal to walk in that makes me kind of hallucinate for a second.

At least, that's what I think.

When a face peeks around the side of the bathroom, my heart does a little sinking thing.

Which, in turn, makes me nauseous, and I turn to use the toilet again.

The man behind me patiently waits. "Well. That was the type of greeting that any gent would be happy to receive."

Yeah, definitely not Sal. The man behind me is definitely the one I've been hoping would never come back.

Because now, I owe him an answer.

I sigh. Through my haze, I smell him. He's got some kind of fresh scent— I'd simply overflow with joy if it was Irish Spring – and I inhale it, noting how it smells before realizing there's another scent as well.

Just Liam.

"Are you well, Gia?" he asks.

I'm pretty sure that there's genuine concern in his voice, which is not helping. A major part of my debate is the fact that Liam is…

Not terrible.

He's attractive. He's actually kind of nice. He's funny in a different sort of way, like he's got an accountant's sense of humor, and he does his best to incorporate feedback from his men.

That, more than anything, has been surprising to me.

What he's done in the last five days? Who knows. I assume that he has access to a helicopter of some kind, because he can't have gone anywhere interesting for a couple of days then come back via boat.

I think.

Again, having no clue where I am is somewhat disorienting.

"I'm fine," I mutter.

Liam arches an eyebrow and looks at me. "You don't look fine."

"Harsh, Irish."

He chuckles. "So that's what you're doing now? Calling me Irish?"

"It's the nicest thing that I can think of," I snort.

Liam sighs and slides down along the wall until he's facing me. He puts his hands on his knees, leaning forward. "Am I so bad then?"

"I don't think I know what you mean," I whisper back.

I know exactly what he means, but I'm not sure that I can answer the question.

He's not bad. Not really.

And I think it's probably about time to give him an answer.

I sit up, my head swirling as I lean against the bathroom wall. "You want me to marry you."

"Yes," Liam says somewhat confidently.

"I don't want to get married, Liam."

He turns, and I realize that I've never said his name before.

His reaction makes everything worse.

Liam's face softens, and his green eyes look down on me with something that seems less like a business partner, and more like fondness.

And I hate that.

He doesn't need to be pleasant to me. We shouldn't be fond with each other.

He's essentially kidnapping me and forcing this marriage, after all.

Whatever path we go down, it can't be one that includes fondness.

My heart feels bruised and sore as I think about what that word means to me.

He nods. "I understand. But there isn't another option, Gia. I can't just let you go."

"You could," I counter.

Theoretically, it's possible.

"You could. We could build another contract. You and…" my voice trails off.

I was going to say that we could tell him to marry Elio's daughter Luna. But she's seven.

He'd have to wait eleven years. And he'd easily be almost thirty years older than his child bride.

And I'd be selling out my niece to save myself.

Liam's eyes harden. "I'll no' be '

"Men in your position marry children all the time," I hiss.

"Maybe. But I won't," Liam confirms.

Damn it.

Why does he have to be so fucking good? It's so annoying. Of all the people in the world, the last one that I was expecting to be such a goddamn likeable person is the twin of the person who really was kind of an evil gremlin.

And now he's… offering to be my husband.

There are worse fates. There really are.

But right now, I can't think of one.

"I sent the offer to your brother," he murmurs.

That makes me sit straight up. "What?"

"I emailed Elio a copy of the contract. I want him to be involved because something tells me that Elio is as important to you as my… he's an important sibling."

"Nice dodge there, Ace."

He chuckles. "Would it be so bad?"

"The bad part is that I don't have an option. I'm not in a position to negotiate. It's either marry you or die, I assume," I whisper.

"I'm not a killer, Gia…"

"But you won't let me go, either. So even if I don't agree to marry you, I'm not going to be going home, am I?"

"A prolonged captivity is something that I was expecting, yes," he says slowly.

I snort. "Prolonged captivity. That's what we're calling it?"

"It's kinder than another term."

I shut my eyes. "Maybe we don't need to work with kindness here, Liam."

"Wouldn't you prefer it, though?"

I open my eyes.

Liam shuffles and pulls his legs up closer to his chest. I can tell from the way he's flexing that the muscles in his legs are thick.

Again, normally I'd be attracted to him.

But I just… I can't.

There's nothing when I look at him. Nothing that makes my blood beat or my heart thump or anything even remotely close to attraction.

It's like looking at him through a wall. On one side, there's this knowledge that he's an attractive man, and I can see that. I can see what he offers, and anecdotally, I know that he's a nice human being.

Or at least, one of the nicer ones in the world that I occupy.

But I don't feel him. I don't experience him in any way. All I can feel for Liam is a kind of halfway appreciation of him as a human being.

I definitely don't… care for him like Sal.

My heart skips. I had a very different word in mind, but my brain deleted it right away.

"I'd make you my consort, love," Liam adds.

"Don't say that," I say quickly.

He tilts his head. "What?"

"The L word."

"Lo…"

"That one," I cut him off.

Liam shrugs. "If it's that important to you, I'll do it," he says.

I nod.

"I wouldn't keep you away from the world that we live in, Gia. I know what an asset you are. I know what I have with you."

He might.

But that's not what I want to be seen as. Sal never saw me as an asset.

Sal saw me as… I'm not sure.

But around him, I feel worshipped.

Not tolerated.

A future with Sal though? It's impossible. More so now than ever before. Liam isn't going to give me up, especially if his vision for this is long term.

If I escape, I'm going to start an incident.

If I get rescued, Sal, my brother, Caterina, Luna, the twins… they're all at risk.

The only way out…

Is in.

I sigh. I shut my eyes.

"I'll marry you," I whisper.

The faster we get married, the faster we'll have sex.

And the faster we have sex…

The easier it will be to pass my baby off as his.

Liam sighs. "I wish it was under better circumstances, lo… Gia."

"Yeah," I sigh. "Me too."

Or no circumstances at all.

* * *

Liam offersto write the letter to Elio, and then I can sign it. The terms will be accepted.

I'm going to marry him.

He offers to stay with me for the night, but I decline. I don't want to be around anyone right now.

I just want to be alone.

I still haven't eaten. I haven't had hardly any water. I can't keep anything down, so there's really no point.

Instead of just sitting in the house, I get every blanket I can find and I bring one of the dining room chairs outside. I put it on the porch.

And I look up at the stars.

It's super dark here. I know I'm probably somewhere north of the Arctic Circle too, or nearby, because there's the strangest display of dancing lights that whisper across he horizon.

"Pretty," a familiar voice says.

I give James a hefty side eye. "I'll fucking stab you if I have to, creep."

James slinks onto the porch and settles in. He leans back against the wall and puts a leg up like a cardboard cutout of a cowboy.

"You look ridiculous," I say without looking over at him.

"Says the woman wrapped up like a damn penguin."

"The fact that you think penguins have blankets leads me to believe you're stupid," I retort.

James sighs. He's quiet for a minute. He's genuinely unsettling. The way he can be completely dead silent and quiet at the same time makes me feel nervous. Plus, he just looks shifty.

Red flag if I've ever seen one.

"He has to marry," James finally says.

"You know, I did figure that. When he told me he had to marry to run your stupid empire."

"No," he shakes his head. "I don't think you understand. He has to marry. All of the children did."

I look to the side. "What do you know about that?"

James' gaze darkens as he looks down "More than I should," he grumbles.

Interesting.

"He's no' a bad man."

"I know that," I say from between gritted teeth.

"He deserves a wife who doesn't have… attachments to another man," James rumbles.

I shoot him a quick glance.

Does he know about the baby?

"You and Sal De Luca. You've been making waves," James clarifies.

"Most of the world thought we were dead."

"Clearly," James lets himself have a satisfied little smirk. "I'm no' the rest of the world."

"Oh my god, that's annoying."

He laughs and pushes off of the wall. "Annoying I may be, Gia Rossi. But Liam deserves someone who can see who he is. Someone who recognizes the sacrifice he's made. And someone who cares for both of those things."

I narrow my eyes, but James is already slinking away.

Life with Liam will be fine.

He's level-headed. He makes good decisions.

He's going to let me have power.

I can't marry Sal. Doing so would ruin our relationship. But I have to marry Liam to save Sal.

My hand goes to my stomach.

I'm sorry, little one.