22. Sal

I'm not evensure how long I've been sitting in the bathroom. The lights have been on for so long, they're beginning to kind of sizzle, and I wouldn't be surprised if they explode.

It would be fitting ambiance.

Pregnant.

Gia is pregnant.

My family, apparently, just cannot keep from getting pregnant. Whether it's Caterina, Dino, or apparently me, every time we have unprotected sex, there's a baby that shows up.

I would laugh if it wasn't so completely terrifying.

Pregnant.

There are a thousand questions spinning through my mind. How long has she known for? What is she going to do? Was she going to tell me? I assume that if she took the test somewhat recently, then she might have just found out but…

How do I know?

I don't.

The things that I don't know are going to choke me. I breathe, steadily trying to keep panic from overwhelming me…

How do I know what's real? How do I know how to handle any of this?

I don't even know who took her. It could be Interpol. It could be any number of enemies that we've racked up over the years, or it could be the ones closest to home.

I need answers.

There are too many questions. I can't sort through them, because every time I try, my eyes drift down to the little plastic test in my hand.

Gia's pregnant.

There's no doubt in my mind that the baby is ours. I've been around her for the last few weeks, exclusively, and more than that, she said she had the shot.

That she was covered.

I never would have…

My heart skips a beat. Unfortunately, that's not entirely true.

I love the idea of being a parent with Gia.

The fantasy of it lingers in front of my mind like some kind of pipe dream.

Gia and I, reading books to our baby.

Having a baby shower.

Going to the doctor together.

Having insanely hot sex at night and then waking up to make the kid pancakes.

It's…

It hurts, how badly I want that.

So no, I can't think my way out of this. I can't process what I need to do. I don't even know where I should fucking start.

It's like I'm lost.

Unfortunately, I know exactly what I need in order to be found.

I need the one person who can help me.

My eyes squeeze shut.

I need my big brother.

* * *

I getmy chance nearly four days later.

It's an excruciating wait.

I keep sending Elio's phone calls to voicemail, even though they're hardly coming in fast and thick. It seems that whatever Dino told him about what Gia and I are doing is still holding up as far as cover, because if Elio knew Gia had been kidnapped…

Yeah.

He'd be doing a little more.

Luckily, it's giving me time. Time that I need in order to track down Marco and figure out how I can get him alone, without the blonde woman he's living with.

The woman who, I can only assume, is his witness protection handler.

They do everything together. For all intents and purposes, it looks to me like they're a happy couple. However, there are some places where the illusion seems to fall apart.

Every now and then, he looks at her with longing. Naked, unabashed, clear longing.

And every now and then, she looks at him with so much pain, it makes my heart clench in response.

She does, however, go for a run. Every other day. For exactly one hour and thirty minutes.

Like clockwork.

When she leaves the little cottage that he's hiding in, I don't hesitate. I saunter up to the door, ready to pick the lock.

It opens.

I freeze, waiting for the click of a gun. Instead, I just see Marco.

My heart skips in my chest.

Seeing him like this, whole and hearty and definitely not dead, makes me feel a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm happy he's alive. Thrilled, because the brother that raised me is in front of me.

Angry, because he did something to get himself here. Something that I don't necessarily want to know about.

Furious, because he's going to sell us out.

And sad, because while I'm going through all of this, he's just… watching me.

Marco, as always, doesn't have emotions. His face shows nothing as he stares at me before he shrugs.

"Might as well come in," he grumbles. "She'll be back soon."

"An hour and," I check my watch. "Thirteen minutes."

"Twelve, if she decides to sprint up the hill. Seventeen if she stops for a coffee around the corner. Either way, we're burning it up, so get in here."

Cautiously, I follow my brother into the little cottage.

Inside, it's exactly what I thought it would look like. Clean, neat as a pin. Simple. It could easily be a romantic honeymoon cottage for two lovebirds, exactly like the scene that Marco and whoever she is are playing at.

The fact that it's so flawless makes my teeth hurt, and I grind them together in my skull.

Marco sits down at the kitchen table, and gestures for me to follow.

I do, eying him suspiciously.

"I would get you tea, but I don't think you like tea," he rumbles.

His voice. It makes me want to… throw a punch at him, right now.

"I thought you were dead," I snarl.

Marco shrugs. "That was kind of the idea."

"You wanted us to think you were dead? Elio thinks you're dead. Caterina thinks you're dead. Luna thinks you're dead, for fuck's sake," I snarl.

Luna's name makes him wince. "I am sorry about that. But it's for the best, Sal."

"It's for the best that you're just here? Playing house with someone, waiting to give testimony against us?"

"I guess you heard from Dino then," he says coolly.

I roll my eyes. "For fuck's sake, Marco. You're not going to do anything to explain what the hell is going on?"

"No."

"Why?"

He rolls his eyes. "Because you've clearly got it already figured out, so why would I bother."

"Jesus Christ Marco!" I'm almost shouting. "It would be great to hear what the fuck is going on with you without thinking that you're just a piece of shit who abandoned your family and is just shacking up with some blonde woman, pretending that you're what? In love with her? Her husband? What the fuck kind of game is going on here?"

He doesn't respond. Marco at least has the decency to look away, but I can tell that I made him angry. Something about my comments about the girl are hitting a nerve with him, and I need to figure out what it is.

Finally, he takes a breath. "She's not who you think she is."

"Oh? Who is she? Interpol? Irish mafia? Can't be both so which is it?"

Marco's eyes gleam. "Did you think that I'd just let myself be arrested?"

"No," I answer honestly. "But Dino told us that you were doing it to protect him."

"Sure. I'm glad Dino thinks that."

I narrow my eyes. "You weren't trying to protect Dino's secret kids?"

"I protect all my nieces and nephews. And my family," he adds meaningfully. "I wish you'd remember that, Sal, before you go through whatever bullshit you have for me today."

I splutter. "Bullshit?"

"I know that's why you're here. You want to beg me to come back, to help you with something. To re-join the family and do… something," he sighs.

I snort. "That's not at all why I'm here."

"Then why are you?"

The question feels like it should be easy to answer. But when I open my mouth to tell him…

I don't know where to begin.

Gia's been taken by someone isn't enough. Because technically, the sentence is correct. However, there's so much more behind it.

Gia's been taken.

But it's more like the mother of my child has been taken.

The only woman I've ever wanted to be part of my life has been taken.

Gia, who is the sun to me, the only star in my life that I orbit around…

She's been taken.

It doesn't feel like the words Gia's been kidnapped work to describe how terrifying this is for me.

My mouth opens. Closes. Marco leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. "Well fuckin' say it," he barks.

"Gia's been kidnapped," I finally manage.

It's woefully short of the terror that I feel when I think of that, but it's factual. There is something to it, and it's the best I can do without getting too deeply into how I feel for her.

"Okay," Marco says.

I blink. His casual reaction is making me feel like I'm losing my mind. "Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. Did Elio send you to get her or something?"

"No…"

I see understanding flash across Marco's eyes. "Oh. I see. Elio didn't send you. which means that you're here of your own volition. Which means that, in a truly stupid move, you've gone and fallen for Gia Rossi."

"I can't look out for my sister-in-law?"

He snorts. "Gia Rossi will never be anyone's kin like that. She's fucking feral, Sal. That's never going to change."

"You don't know her."

He sits back in his chair, his eyebrows pinching together in surprise. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Sal. It's bad, is it?"

"I don't know what you mean," I say quietly.

He sighs. "Look. Gia's a fun girl. I've always known that. She's a hell of a soldier, and makes an even more effective capo. But she's not… she's Gia," he says by way of explanation.

Everything that he's saying is making my skin prickle. "So?"

"So, she's kidnapped. She's going to fuck or fight her way out of it and turn up in a couple of weeks with a great story and a new set of Jimmy Choo's. She's Gia. She doesn't get stuck. She doesn't need rescuing. She doesn't need anyone, actually, and she's pretty clear about that."

I growl. "This time, she needs me."

The emphasis on the word me makes Marco pay attention to me in an alarming way. He puts his elbows on the table, leaning over them as she studies me. "She needs you, huh?"

"Yes."

"Did she lose her tongue or something?"

"Marco…"

He throws his hands up and leans back again. "Fine. Whatever. No Gia trash talk. But what I still don't get is how you play into this."

"She needs me," I say again.

He shakes his head. "Gia Rossi needs nothing and no one."

"She does."

He tilts his head. "Does she need you, Sal? Or does she want you?"

I don't answer that.

Marco's eyes narrow. "How do you know that she wants you."

"The fuck?"

"How. Do you know. That. Gia Rossi. The queen of flirtations. The one woman that I think would rather die than be tied down. How do you know that she's interested in you as well?"

I don't.

That's the long and short answer. I know that Gia and I care about each other, and I know that she cares about me. She wouldn't… seek me out for comfort if she didn't.

"Gia needs me," I say from between my teeth. "And that's all you need to know."

"Does she?"

I tilt my head. "Marco…" I growl.

He throws his hands up. "All I'm saying is that Gia Rossi isn't just a spy. She's not just in charge of all Elio's intelligence for shits and giggles. She's dangerous, Sal. And I don't know that it's because she's smart or brutal, because both of those things are true. Gia's dangerous because you can never really know her."

That's not true. "I know her," I insist.

"You know who she wants you to know. But even Elio doesn't know her," Marco says softly. "He's said multiple times that he wouldn't be surprised if Gia betrayed him one day and tried to take over the Rossi empire."

"She wouldn't take it over. He would give it to her."

Marco barks out a laugh. "You're smarter than that, man. Come on. I know you're smarter than that."

I ignore him. "Are you going to help me or not?"

For a long, terrifying moment, I think his answer might be no. That he's not going to help me with her.

That he's going to turn me down and decide to send me away.

Finally, Marco sighs. "We won't have enough time while Maeve is out. Meet me later, here," he says, scribbling down an address.

I take the paper from him and pocket it. "Marco…"

"Just meet me there. But after this, Sal? No more." He shakes his head. "You're just as bad as Gia. Always have been. You're nosy and have to know everything, but I'm here to tell you now that even you can't control this," he says.

The finality in his voice makes me feel like a kid, and I hate it.

"Marco…"

"Don't, Sal," he says quietly. "Just don't. I've chosen this path. I know why. You don't have to."

But I do.

I very much do want to know.

If I don't fully know why Marco is doing this, then I'm always going to wonder why.

Why he didn't choose me.

Why he's abandoning his family.

Why he doesn't want to be part of us anymore.

There's something inside my chest that aches, and it's not until I get back in the car and look at the address Marco gave me that I realize what it is.

I am always overlooked.

I'm never the brother people fear. I'm never the one that stands out. Everything about me, and who I am, is designed to hide.

To stay hidden.

I haven't even told my family about my successful real estate business, and Marco's exasperation is a stark reminder of why.

They've never seen me as capable. As someone worth noticing.

So why would I want to prove them wrong, if they never believed in me in the first place?

That, at least, feels familiar in terms of my baggage with my family.

Layered in, however, is an entirely new hurt.

Gia.

As I drive away, the biggest, and most pressing, bubbles up through me like heartburn.

Why the hell am I not enough for her?

And, more importantly… Marco's words are getting to me. They're making me realize that, under everything, there's one more question that's demanding my attention.

Loudly.

Given what Marco's already said, and what Gia's told me, I keep wondering one very pivotal, crucial thing.

Will Gia ever choose me?