15. Gia

I can't keep livinglike this.

Waking up on a yacht with Sal is like a dream.

His smell surrounds me. His arms are some kind of cross between a full body pillow and a cloud.

I'm so comfortable, it literally takes me effort to move.

This is the absolute height of luxury. There's no amount of money in the world that I could pay to get this.

It's exquisite.

I let myself linger for just a minute.

Okay it's longer than a minute. I have no idea how much time is left on our yacht ride to Ireland, but you know what?

I don't care.

I could stay here, wrapped in Sal's arms, forever.

Which seems like it might be kind of a big freaking problem.

I can't do this. This kind of sweet, lingering morning thing, that people do when they have the time and space to be lovers…

I can't.

I'm not built for it. I'm Gia Rossi. I'm the queen of being a badass.

Queen badasses don't need to have morning cuddles.

But when Sal stretches and tugs me closer to his hard chest…

Yeah. I'll take about five more minutes of this.

I burrow my nose into his pecs. Inhaling, I shut my eyes and let him pull me closer.

I didn't need it, but damn.

It was pretty nice.

His reaction to Gabriel had been… well. I can't exactly say that it was unexpected, because I did expect that Sal would be a little miffed by me trying to be flirty to escape something.

It's the whole reason that I know we could never work long term. He's going to be jealous of the men that I give attention to. What I didn't expect, I guess, was how he would turn that around.

And that I would like it.

I'm not sure how to feel about that. I definitely did like all the orgasm that I'd gotten from the whole situation.

I just never really pictured myself as being into spanking but…

Pulling Sal closer, I throw one of my legs over his hip. I'm getting wet just thinking of the feeling of his hand on my butt.

It's a little sore.

That's kind of a nice reminder.

Sal grumbles and pulls me in, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Well. I guess that's one way to wake up."

"It's a pretty good way, if you're asking me," I say in a tone that is more than just a little satisfied. I know that he can feel how wet I am on his leg.

Good.

Maybe he'll feel just as ready for me as I am for him.

Sal laughs and tips my chin up to meet his lips. "What did you dream about, Gia Rossi?"

"You," I answer without hesitation.

It's always you.

That thought hits me like a punch to the gut. Why would I think that?

I'm not meant for ‘always' and bullshit like that. I'm the type of girl that you spend a fun week in Paris with, and then leave because I'm not the marrying kind.

I'm not ‘always.'

I'm ‘now.'

Still, I'm definitely in the mood, so when Sal reaches down to kiss my lips, I'm more than happy to let him.

Within a couple of seconds though, I feel like something is wrong.

On the surface, there's nothing different than the stuff we've been doing.

I'm naked. Sal is naked.

I can feel his very impressive length, getting harder and thicker by the moment. I can feel his hands on my skin, petting and caressing me as they move upward toward my breasts.

It takes me a minute to figure out what's wrong.

This feels… intimate.

This kiss is too tender.

My heart gallops as Sal gently caresses my face. His touch feels like he's worshipping me.

It's reverent.

Suddenly, his hands feel like they're tying down bindings, and not the fun kind. I twitch under his mouth, and as he moves up there, I feel less worshipped and more…

Suffocated.

I need him to stop.

What was my word…

"Cats!" I yelp.

Sal freezes. "Gia?"

"Cats. Shit. Just… give me a minute," I gasp.

Shifting back so he's sitting at my feet, Sal studies me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I am. I just… I need some space," I say honestly.

Ugh.

Usually when I tell men that I need some space, they freak out. They're all so used to taking up space, when a woman states she's not interested, they have a kind of panic.

Sal looks like he's fighting that panic.

My heart, already beating hard because of how I feel, crumples. "I just… give me a minute," I state, shutting my eyes against the sensations roiling through my stomach.

Trapped.

Trapped.

Trapped.

"Gia," Sal rumbles. "I can…"

"I just need a freaking second!" I snap.

I can't see Sal's reaction. But I can sense the emotions curling off of him like smoke.

He shuffles, and the bed dips. I hear him grab something out of a drawer.

Then, the door shutting when he leaves.

I breathe deeply, trying to contain the feelings that are running through me. I don't like this. I don't want to feel tied down, but somehow, it's only emotional. The physical restraints? I've been fine with.

Hell.

I've even liked them.

But the way Sal got too close?

I didn't like that at all.

Finally, through it all, a single thought emerges.

Sal is a great guy.

He's clearly into me.

He's clearly interested in me despite all my weird flaws.

He can keep pace with me, and if I had to be with someone, I would be stupid for it to not be him.

But this… touchy-feely stuff that we just did?

I don't like that. I should. Anyone should.

But I don't.

What the hell is wrong with me?

* * *

A solid half hour later,I get out of bed. I shower, dress in some of the clothes that Sal had the foresight to put on the boat for me, and I haul my ass up to the main deck.

Sal, of course, has already had his staff make me breakfast. He pushes it toward me without looking up from where his eyes are glued to his phone. "In case you're hungry," he rumbles.

It's a peace offering.

I should take it.

"Thanks, I'm good. Coffee?"

I hate myself for saying those words. What on earth is wrong with me? Why can't I just accept that he's a nice guy? Why can't I just enjoy the fact that a rich, insanely attractive person who knows all my needs is looking out for me?

Why don't I like this?

"Gia. What's wrong?" Sal rumbles.

"Nothing," I answer automatically. "There's nothing wrong. What's wrong with you?"

"Gia…"

"Just… I don't know. I don't want to talk about it, Sal. It's nothing you did."

His eyes study me. "But it's something I didn't do?"

"Not exactly." I have no freaking clue. But it's something alright. I shake my head, physically trying to shake off the sensation of guilt that's crawling up my spine. "How much longer?"

"About four hours until we get to Dublin," Sal says softly. "I've checked in with Elio. He agrees that we need to keep as low of a profile as possible."

"That goes without saying," I snort. "Why would we walk into Ireland and announce that we're there? Seems kind of stupid."

"I think he was less worried about that, and more concerned that since we met up with one of your ex-boyfriends in France, there would be some consequences related to us showing up unannounced."

I snorted. "It's not unannounced. They still think we're dead, so it's not announced at all."

"Only if Gabriel doesn't say anything," Sal reprimands me.

My temper flares. "Which he won't. Because he would be sacrificing a trade deal to sell his dumb magic mushroom jelly."

"We don't know that."

"Oh, so you're not going to trust that I know what I'm talking about?"

Sal's nostrils flare. "Gia. That isn't fair. I didn't mean…"

"I know what you did and did not mean, Salvatore," I snap at him. It's not a lie, but it's also not the truth. At this point I'm just mad, and I'm ready to pick a fight. "And it sounds like for all the talk you've done about thinking that I'm great and all that bullshit, you're just like the rest of them."

"Gia. That isn't true. You're grasping at straws now."

"Yeah well. I'd rather grasp at straws than be underestimated," I snarl.

Sal's eyes narrow. "What is this really coming from?"

"You don't think that I can argue with you without it being about something else? What, Sal. You think I'm illogical? Too emotional?"

He's definitely getting pissed off now. "Don't put words in my mouth, Gia. You're the one making assumptions."

"And I'm making them because you're showing me exactly what they all did. I'm not assuming anything if it's the truth, Sal!"

Abruptly, Sal stands. His hands grip the wood of the dining table so hard I think it might shatter.

"I am going to speak to the captain about our port of entry," he says from an impressively clenched jaw. "When you feel like talking to me like a fucking adult, I'll be ready."

"Sal…"

But he's gone.

I hiss out a breath. The adrenaline and anger are fading from me. Did I overreact to him?

Maybe.

Is it something I'm beginning to feel really, really bad about?

Also maybe.

It's all just more evidence though that something is wrong with me. Instead of coming up these stairs and sitting down and enjoying the nice breakfast this nice man set out for me, I decided to pitch a fit and blow up over what is admittedly probably not a very big deal.

Ugh.

I settle into the plush seat of the yacht, my fingers tapping the edge of the table. My phone is out in front of me, and when it rings, I startle.

It's Caterina. "Hi, favorite sister of mine," I say into the phone.

"Spoken like someone with zero other sisters, or sisters-in-law."

"Doesn't matter. You're still my favorite," I smile.

On the other end of the phone, I can hear Luna screeching in the background. "Sorry," Caterina says after telling Luna to go play in another room. "She's getting a little clingy with the babies on the way."

"Well. As she should. She's been an only child for a while. Siblings is going to be a big switch," I say. As though I have any experience with that.

"Yeah. Sibling stuff is actually why I wanted to call," Caterina says slowly.

"Oh?"

"Elio told me that you and Sal are trying to find Marco."

My fingers stop drumming on the railing. "Elio is a tattletale."

"I'm not stupid, Gia. You've been trying to find him ever since he disappeared."

Dang it. No pregnancy brain for my beloved sister-in-law. "Okay. You got me. What about it?"

She's quiet for a minute before speaking. "We don't know where he is. Or what he's done. If he's… I guess what I'm saying is that I'd rather have a brother who is loyal than one who isn't," she finally finishes. "And I don't know that Sal is going to be able to make that distinction."

Ice skates up my spine. "Cat…"

"It would kill him, Gia. If Marco did something really bad and truly betrayed us. It would kill him to see that his hero had done something like that."

"We don't know what Marco did or didn't do," I say quickly. For a long time, I've suspected that Marco might have made some kind of a deal with the Irish. He was the one who was the most set against Elio and I, convinced that we had murdered his parents.

As though we'd kill his parents and our own in the process.

Caterina sighs. "I know. But I'm just saying. For Dino and Sal, Marco was more than just a big brother. He was their world. I've always been able to kind of stay in Marco's good graces, because I've been their sister. I got the princess treatment, you know? But Dino and Sal… they got to be his brothers. And if Marco did something really, really irredeemable, then I don't know that either of them would be able to do what needs to be done."

I shut my eyes.

"I know, Caterina. And if it comes to that, I'll be the one to make the right call."

"I know you will, Gia. You're one tough cookie," Caterina laughs.

"That's the nicest way anyone has ever called me a bitch," I snort.

"Well. It's true. You're tough as nails. And Sal is a lot, but I don't know that he's on that same level. You know? At his heart, he's as much of a softie as the rest of them. Maybe even more so," Caterina sighs.

If she knew that her brother was a ruthless billionaire in his own right… Nah. Caterina deserves the image she has of her brother.

Plus, Sal's the one who hides who he is from her. It's not my place to change that.

"I know, kitty-Cat," I use a nickname that I know will drive her nuts. "Kiss Luna and my other babies for me."

"When you have babies of your own, you're going to know exactly how annoying that sentence is."

A bolt of ice hits my heart. I'm not built for having kids. I don't know how I could survive it. Having people who are constantly in my space, constantly close to me? I've seen the level of vulnerability it takes from Caterina, who is an amazing mom for Luna.

I don't know that I could do it.

"We'll see about that. Love you, sis."

"Love you too."

I hang up the phone and wonder if I should tell Sal about Caterina's thoughts. There is definitely the possibility, still, that Marco has done something truly irredeemable. That he somehow sold the family out to the Irish, and that's why he's there.

But something in my gut tells me that's not right.

I stare at the ocean, which is getting progressively darker and more choppy the closer we get to Ireland. A strange sense of dread is bubbling in my stomach.

The morning's light has long since faded.

Idly, I wonder what other horrors Ireland will have to offer. Somehow, I'm certain that once we hit the harbor, everything is going to change.

The dream of Sal and I is gone, and in its place, a cold, dreary reality sets in.

Sal and I can never be together. Not like Caterina and Elio are.

Whatever I am, I'm not meant for that.

I'm Gia Rossi.

Love was never in my cards.