10. Meredith

Chapter 10

Meredith

I t'd been two weeks of hiding. And, yeah, I was woman enough to admit it. I was hiding.

But what the hell did Aiden expect? Him to fuck me into next week and suddenly I'd roll over and play in love?

No. That's not how it worked.

That's now how I worked.

He may have thought he knew me, but he didn't. Because if he did, he'd know we weren't good together. He was just like everyone else. He thought he wanted one thing, when really he wanted another.

I mean, shit, we only started hanging out because he needed help getting his dream girl. The one with the cute little cow sweater and quirky smile. Who was an artist…or whatever.

He didn't want the brash teacher who'd been told on more than one occasion that the size of her boobs would be a problem for the boys in school. Men thought they wanted me, but once they got me, they decided I was the wrong type. Too loud, too smart, too dumb, too blonde, too whatever.

And I couldn't handle that with Aiden.

I couldn't bear to not be enough or too much for him.

So, yes, I was fucking hiding. Because it was easier that way.

"You're seriously not going to come?" Jimmy asked, as he slung his arm around Claire, while the three of us headed out of school for the weekend.

I shook my head.

"But we need you."

I snorted. "You don't need me. You have sports and random pop culture facts covered and Claire has the actual hard questions. You don't need me."

"Come on," he whined. "It's the start of the tournament."

Jimmy had signed up for this trivia tournament weeks ago. It was being held at some new restaurant, a way of getting people in the door. And because there was a prize, he had to enter.

"Five hundred dollars, Mere. Five. Hundred," he said, over enunciating each syllable as he opened the passenger side door of the car for Claire.

Ugh. Gag me.

I raised my brow pointedly. "You'd think you would've learned your lesson with signing teams up for contests without checking with everyone else."

Jimmy and Claire had only started dating because he'd signed them up for a radio contest for couples without telling Claire. Because they weren't a couple.

Lo, they pretended so good they became a couple.

But he hadn't quit his competitive streak.

Claire wrapped her fingers around my wrist. "Come out tonight and keep me company."

Jimmy huffed behind us. "Excuse me, ma'am."

Claire ignored him. "I don't know what's going on with you lately, but you haven't been yourself."

Jimmy made a noise that had me flicking my attention to him. He knew. He'd been on Aiden's side. Curiously, he still hadn't spilled the beans, though.

Claire swiveled her head back and forth between us. "What? What am I missing?"

"Nothing," Jimmy and I said at the same time.

" What ?" she asked again, stepping aside so the three of us formed a triangle. A showdown of who would speak first. It certainly wasn't going to be me.

"Jimmy," Claire said, her hands on her hips.

"Hm?" He blinked a few times, the complete picture of guilt.

"What aren't you telling me?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

She glowered at me. "What?"

"I haven't been feeling well," I said, which wasn't completely untrue. I'm been sick to my stomach for two weeks, thinking about Aiden and Celeste together. Thinking about how I had to figure out how to fucking let go of the weight I'd carried from everyone else's assertions of me. Thinking I did want Aiden and didn't know how to tell him.

"There is something going on," Claire said, giving Jimmy and I both a chance to come clean, and when neither of us did, she shot her hand out, pinching Jimmy.

"Ow! Get your little claws out of here!"

She attacked him, pinching and twisting, which he apparently thought hysterical from the laughter that rang out. "My little crab thinks she's so tough."

I rolled my eyes. "All right. I'm outta here."

"No, you're not." Claire turned her pinchers on me.

I whacked at her. "Since when do you condone violence?"

"Since my best friend and my boyfriend are hiding something from me." She tried to go for my boob, but I blocked her hand with my forearm. She was quite determined when she wanted to be. I ducked and dodged, pulling Jimmy between us.

Claire sighed and looped her arm around Jimmy's waist, towing him to her, and I didn't know where her other hand went, but I assumed it wasn't in a place fit for public consumption. She whispered something to him, and Jimmy all but crumbled.

"Meredith and Aiden had a thing. He went to her house two weeks ago to tell her how he felt, and she kicked him out."

Claire gasped, her eyes wide and zipping between Jimmy and me. I couldn't deny it, so I shrugged.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, and I punched Jimmy's arm.

"Why did you tell her?"

He raised his hands. "I cannot be held accountable for what I say when she puts her hand on my dick."

"Where's your loyalty?" I asked, and he merely pointed at Claire.

As it should be.

I finally met my best friend's gaze. "It's true. I kicked your brother out of my house."

"So…you and he are…?"

"We're nothing."

"Nothing?" she repeated skeptically. "You've been out of sorts for two weeks over nothing?"

"You know, I thought you would've taken umbrage with me and one of your brothers," I said, attempting to throw her off.

"Why?"

"Because…" I held my arms out at my sides. Wasn't it obvious?

"Because you're my best friend, and I love you, and if one of my stupid brothers wanted to love you, I would be really happy."

"Well, you have one brother who isn't stupid."

She clucked her tongue, her head tipping to the side. "And that's why."

"Why what?"

"Why you kicked him out. Why you won't let yourself be happy. Because he's not stupid, and he has feelings for you, and you have no excuses to let yourself be loved."

"That's…" I huffed, waving my hand.

"That's exactly right. I don't know why I didn't think of you two together before. You and Aiden would be really good together."

I frowned. "We aren't good together."

"Yeah, you are. You're both driven and really smart. He's more introverted for your extrovert, but he's got a backbone and won't back down to you."

I huffed again, trying not to swallow my tongue as I struggled to come up with an argument.

"He'd be really good for you, good to you."

I dug the toe of my show into the pavement. "That's not… I don't…" I rubbed at my nose, at the building sting there. "He's too good, and I'm…"

"And you're perfect for him," she said, stepping into my space, forcing my chin up, and I bit my lip to keep it from quivering.

"What if he realizes he doesn't like what's underneath?"

Claire didn't answer, only hugged me, rubbing her hands up and down my back. It was Jimmy who spoke. "I'm sure you know this about Aiden already, but he's a lot like Claire. They are both way conscientious about their choices, but he's way worse."

Claire shifted away from me to bat at him, but he grinned at her. "I love you, and I love your brother, and I love that neither one of you does anything without thoroughly analyzing the decision. That's how I know you really want something." Jimmy met my eyes, and I blinked away the tears forming in the corners. "I can guarantee he's seen what's underneath, and he loves it. Or he wouldn't have brought your favorite donuts and coffee to your house. He wouldn't have said all the things I know he told you."

Claire spun on Jimmy. "I can't believe you know all of this and didn't tell me."

He hugged her to his chest, kissing the top of her head. "He made me promise, and you know I'm a sucker for happy endings."

They both turned to face me then. As if waiting to see if what kind of ending I'd chose.

I sniffed and cleared my throat. "I'm going home to change. I will meet you tonight."

Jimmy thrust his fist to the sky, and Claire smiled. "We'll pick you up in an hour. No getting away."

I nodded. No. I didn't want to get away.

I slipped into my car and headed home, where I cried in the shower, giving into the emotion I refused to face for the last two weeks. Or, really, my lifetime.

I wasn't used to letting it out, but I knew I had to if I wanted to move on. If I wanted to be happy, I had to let the past hurt go.

Drying and styling my hair took a good half an hour, and I'd barely had my jeans pulled up my legs before Claire texted that she and Jimmy were parked outside. I stuffed my keys, phone, and wallet in my cross body and jogged outside.

I sprawled in the back as Claire twisted around in the passenger seat. "You look cute."

"Thanks." I was out of breath and nervous, but… "I'm assuming he'll be there?"

"We didn't tell him you were coming," Jimmy said, pulling out onto the street. "Thought it'd be more dramatic."

Claire shot him a look. "I feel like our life could use a little less of the dramatics."

He blew a raspberry at her, then met my gaze in the rearview mirror. "If it makes you feel any better, he's been like a kicked puppy."

"No, that's doesn't make me feel better." I'd told him to leave because I wanted him to be happy. I only wanted him to have what he wanted, so it didn't make me feel better at all to know I made both of us miserable.

Claire cued up Taylor Swift's Reputation album, and it was fitting for what I was about to do.

Once we parked, I stood from the backseat, forcing my shoulders back and a deep breath into my lungs.

"You got this." Jimmy patted my back, and Claire smiled as they found each other's hands, taking the lead to walk ahead into the restaurant.

I could do this.

I could be brave.

I followed them inside, to a table in the back, but my courage wilted when I spotted the mop of strawberry blonde hair. He lifted his head when Jimmy shouted to him, and my steps momentarily stuttered. I grabbed onto the back of the chair next to me when his eyes coasted over me.

He greeted Jimmy with a clumsy handshake, his attention still on me. So much so that he tripped. And I laughed.

God, he was such a nerd.

I think I loved him.

Jimmy and Claire sat at the booth, both of them doing a terrible impression of two people not eavesdropping on our conversation as Aiden approached me with a reluctant, "Hi."

"Hi," I said, not sure what to do with my hands, so I wrung them together by my waist.

"I didn't know you were coming tonight. If I knew, I wouldn't?—"

"I'm sorry," I said, cutting him off. "I'm sorry I kicked you out of my house, and I'm sorry for telling you to go out with Celeste."

He nodded, his throat working on a swallow, fixing his glasses on his face by holding onto the wire around the eyepiece on the left side. I don't know why I found that so adorable, but I did. Made my heart crack in two each time he did it.

But then my heart broke into a million pieces when he said, "I went out with her that night."

"You did?" I croaked, my chest caving in.

He stepped closer to me, the toes of his shoes butting up against mine. "I told her I couldn't see her anymore."

I exhaled roughly. "You did?"

He lifted his hands as if he was going to curl them around my waist, but he didn't, only kept the midair. I wrapped my hands around them instead, needing to hold onto him. Onto reality.

"I told you before, you are who I want," he said, and I felt my chin quivering.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, unable to get anything else out.

"I'm not. You needed time."

"But I don't want you to think I don't want you either. I do, it's just…"

He brought our hands up between us, kissing my knuckles. "It's okay."

"It's not." I shook my head, blinking away more tears. Now that I'd given in, it felt like I wouldn't be able to stop. But Aiden was there, kissing my cheek, my ear, my temple. He was so wonderful, so perfect, so understanding, and I truly didn't believe I deserved it.

"I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for you," I admitted, and he curved his arms around me.

"You said it yourself. We started hanging out because you were fixing me to be better for someone else. When really, I think we were fixing each other." He held my cheeks, forcing my gaze to his. "There is no such thing as not good enough because you were made for me." Then he deliberately looked down the length of himself, his mouth quirking in a cocky half-smile. "And I was made for you."

It would have been true even if every single piece of clothing he wore hadn't been chosen by me.

But point taken.

I looped my arms around his neck, kissing him with enough tongue that people around us gasped and giggled. Jimmy cheered obnoxiously, and a server asked us to sit down. We were blocking the way for others.

Aiden laced his fingers with mine, offering the back of my hand one more kiss before tugging me to the booth. "Now, let's win some trivia."

I agreed with a laugh, tucking myself into his side. "Teammates?"

He kissed me good and well. "Always."

If you want to see how Meredith handles her family vacay with Aiden by her side , click here for bonus content delivered straight to your inbox!