Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The first night I was back in New York for my planned visit home was surreal. At first, it was odd to go home to Jack’s instead of where I had lived when I’d left for the tour. I wondered if it would feel weird to walk in and out without knocking and if it would ever feel like my old apartment had to me. In the nine weeks that I had been gone, Jack had moved me out of my apartment and into his. Although I had technically lived with him for a few months, I hadn’t stayed there since I had been just a guest before I left.

Even though my break was only four days, we spent the whole first day and night in bedtogether. We ordered in for food, but other than that we didn’t see another soul for 24 hours. We didn’t even turn on the television. It was just me and Jack, and it warmed my heart to feel that he didn’t want to share me as much as I didn’t want to share him that first day.

The second night I was home was the night of the AVN Awards. I was nervous about the night and had no idea what to expect. Jack told me the event was run like any other awards ceremony, beginning with a red carpet and ending with various parties thrown by the industry.The only difference, according to Jack, was that the performers receiving awards were adult film stars instead of mainstream celebrities. But being that I had never been to either a mainstream celebrity award show or an adult entertainment award show, I was a bundle of nerves as I got ready.

I looked in the mirror one final time before leaving the bathroom, excitement mixing with my nerves. I knew I looked good, but it didn’t help to calm the jitters I had about being in a room filled with beautiful people with perfect bodies. Jack stepped into the bedroom from the living room at the same moment I entered the bedroom from the master bathroom. What I saw took my breath away.

Jack’s normally disheveled— but in a completely sexy way — hair, was slicked back in a look that conjured up a celebrity from fifty years ago. He looked like he had just stepped out of a Cary Grant movie in his perfectly-tailored tuxedo, with a black bow tie and crisp white fitted shirt. He was always jaw-droppingly handsome, but that night he was beyond spectacular. He looked like a celebrity of yesteryear, the kind that people put up on a pedestal for their classic good looks.

Jack stood in the doorway and smiled at me and my heartrate accelerated at the sight of him. After I’d had my fill of taking him in, I watched as Jack did the same to me. I’d heard the phraseundress you with his eyesa thousand times before, but I never fully understood it until I watched Jack’s eyes take me in. As was usual for Jack, he made no effort to hide his indulgence, which excited me even more.

“You look amazing. I’m torn between wanting to show you off and making you wear my jacket all night.”

I smiled and rolled my eyes at him, but I secretly loved his possessive compliment.

“Come here.”

I looked at his face and knew what he wanted. “Jack,” I warned, “you’ll mess up my dress and give me just-fucked hair.”

Jack raised his eyebrows, amused at my comment, a devilish cocky smirk on his face. “Babe, we’re going to the AVN Awards. Just-fucked hair is a good thing.”

I laughed at his comment, but made no movement towardhim.

“You going to come here, or do I need to come get you?” Jack’s voice was low and a bit menacing. But I knew how he worked. He didn’t threaten. If I didn’t give in, he would most certainly come and get what he wanted.

Jack watched as I deliberated my next move in my head. I saw the amusement in his eyes. He was alion who had his prey cornered and was thinking about playing with it for a while before he went in for the kill.

“Jack!” I warned. “I don’t want to wrinkle my dress.”

“I’ll take it off.” Jack took one step closer to me.

“But we’ll be late.”

“I’ll be quick.” Another step closer to me.

“I’ll be all flushed. You know how I get afterwards.”

“You look sexy as hell afterwards.” One long stride and he was in my personal space.

As promised, my dress wasn’t wrinkled when Jack helped me slip it back on twenty minutes later.

***

Being late had its advantages too, because it meant less time to walk the red carpet and get our picture snapped, something I wasn’t entirely comfortable doing. But Jack held me tight, never letting me leave his side as photographers yelled for him to turn this way and that way for pictures. Some yelled questions, asking my name, which Jack ignored like a master. A few particularly obnoxious ones yelled, “Where is Jenna tonight?” and I felt Jack’s grip on my hip tighten each time her name was mentioned.

Inside, the large auditorium was set up withround banquet tables, each with almost two dozen seats. I wasn’t surprised to find Jenna at our table, but it didn’t make me want to scratch her eyes out any less when she kissed Jack on the cheek and whispered something in his ear. Jack introduced me to a few unfamiliar faces around the table, most of whom it was easy to tell were the “talent.” But I wasn’t forced to participate in small talk because the lights dimmed only a few minutes after we were seated.

Over the course of the night, Cole Productions won more than a handful of awards and I was pretty sure they walked away with more statues than most of the other studios combined. Jack never went up to accept an award, even when it would have been appropriate. I noticed that almost all of the other producers found their way to the stage, and inevitably took a turn in front of the microphone, even when thecategory was for best cinematography. But not Jack, he didn’t edge his way into the limelight of the people who worked for him. He simply stayed in the background and supported them. It made me even more proud to be with him because of the way he handled himself, rather than for the number of awards his company received.

At the end of awards, there was literally a line of people waiting to talk to Jack. I stood dutifully at his side, watching him uncomfortably receive hugs and kisses from beautiful actresses who were spilling out of their dresses. After one particularly large breasted young girl who looked barely old enough tobuy a ticket to an R rated movie, no less star in an adult film, rubbed herself on him while thanking him for putting her in a film that she had won an award for, I excused myself to go to the ladies room. I wasn’t mad or upset, I just needed a few minutes away from it all. Jack reluctantly agreed to release my hand so I could go the ladies room, but I managed to convince him that I really did need to use the bathroom and that everything was fine.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to find Jenna in the bathroom when I stepped out of the stall. She seemed to like to follow me and get a few cheap shots in when we were all alone.

“Sydney, so nice to see you again. I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to stop in and visit our Jack.” Jenna’s plastered fake smile couldn’t even begin to conceal her obvious intent.

I walked to the mirror next to where Jenna stood, not about to let her cut me down, and worked on reapplying my lipstick. “I wouldn’t really consider it a visit to Jack, since I live there now. It would be coming home.” I smiled back at the gawking woman. Saccharine had nothing on my smile. My instinct was right, she hadn’t known that I had moved in with Jack. I wasn’t sure if it pissed me off that Jack hadn’t told her or I was happy that he didn’t share his personal business with her.

“Well, whatever.” Jenna failed at her attempt to seem disinterested at the news I had just shared. “Just remember—” she smiled at me as she positioned herself behind me, looking at me in the mirror as she spoke “—I’m always here if he needs me when you’re gone.” And with that she walked out of the bathroom. Oddly enough, her thin veiled threat didn’t bother me. I actually found it desperate and pathetic.

***

I was glad that Jack didn’t want to go to any of the after-parties. He told me that he wasn’t wasting any more of my short break by socializing with business associates, but I had a sneaking suspicion that Jack didn’t want to expose me to the type of activities that went on at the after parties. I had overheard quite a few of the women discussing the events of last year’s parties and it definitely wasn’t something I wanted to witness firsthand. But whatever the reason, we were back home at a decent hour and I was glad I had gone to support Jack, but also grateful that it was over.

I had mentioned to Jack that his tuxedo smelled like perfume that wasn’t mine, which seemed to have caused him to not only change as soon as we got in, but to shower as well. I had changed into a tiny slip nightie while Jack showered and was looking at the movies in the cabinet in the living room when Jack walked out with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Is this… the film?” I was suddenly embarrassed, remembering my reaction to the film I was seeing in its finished state for the first time. At my request, Jack had taken me to the production studio one day for a sort of day in the life of Jack type of tour. While there, we’d watched a highly erotic BDSM film being made, which led to the most intense sexual experience of my life back in Jack’s office after watching such an incredibly sexual act up close for the first time in my life.

Jack wrapped his arms around me, his nakeddamp chest pressed to my back. I could feel his arousal through the towel wrapped tightly around his waist. Lucky towel.

“What film?” I could tell by his tone that he knew exactly what film I was talking about. He turned me around to face him, keeping mepressed tightly against his body, his dirty crooked smile a giveaway that he knew what I was referring to.

“You know what film.”

Jack lifted his eyebrows, feigning innocence.

I rolled my eyes. “The film we watched being made at your office.”

“You mean the film that got you so turned on that you were soaked before I even touched you?” Jack’s voice was low and thick, insanely damn sexy. I’d once joked that his voice and the way he looked at me might actually be enough for me to find my own release, but I suddenly wondered if maybe it were actually possible.

I blushed. “Yes.” I forced myself tomaintain eye contact, even though it embarrassed me to admit that what he’d said was true.

“God, I love that it embarrasses you to talk about you getting turned on. It’s so fucking sexy.” Jack’s eyes were blazing as he spoke.

“How did the film do anyway? Did people like it as much as we did?”

“No idea.”

Jack buried his face in my hair, gently kissing my neck. “Isn’t it out yet?”

I shivered as his tongue began to explore my neck, licking its way up to right beneath my ear.

“No, it’s not released.”

“Oh.” I tilted my head to the side to give him better access to my neck where he was gently sucking. “When is it being released?”

“Never.” Jack’s word was muffled against my neck, as he didn’t bother to stop what he was focused on to respond.

“What do you mean, never?” The words came out a whisper, it was becoming difficult to speak. The sucking on my neck had changed from gentle nudges to a firm pressure.

Jack drewhis head back to look at me, keeping his eyes on mine, his face only two inches away. “Because I couldn’t share it with anyone. The image of you watching it with your sweet innocent face and wide eyes while that incredible body came to life in response is a beautiful memory for me. I don’t want to tarnish it by sharing it with anyone.”

My eyes widened in disbelief. “So you pulled the entire movie from production?”

“No, I had the production finished, then I shelved it.”

“You shelved it. So no one will ever see it?”

“I was hoping someone would see it.”I could tell by Jack’s sexy smile that he meant me.

“But you aren’t ever going to sell it? Isn’t that a huge loss?” My brain was still trying to wrap around what Jack was telling me.

“I have the only two copies. If you get half as excited watching it as you did the day it was filmed, I would say that’s a big win, not a loss.”

How was I supposed to respond to such an insane, sweet, crazy gesture? I paused for a minute, thinking of my response. Then I decided. I pulled the movie off the shelf and put it in the DVR player and pressed play.

***

It didn’t take long before we were at the spot in the movie that Jack and I had watched be filmed live in his studio. The scene was about a dominant and his submissive, and the dom was about to punish the sub for something she had done. I watched as the dom fingered the thick red silk scarf secured as a blindfold over the sub’s eyes, transporting me back to the day it had been acted out live in front of me.

I remembered watching the workmen buckle and secure the black leather straps and chains around the sub’s naked body.Chains and straps were wrapped securely around the front of her exposed breasts and a loose silver chain hung from clamps attached to her nipples.

The woman was attractive, but was made more striking by the contrast of the dark leather to her pale white skin. Her wrists were secured with leather cuffs and bound together behind her back. A heavy chain hanging from the ceiling was clamped to a hook woven into the back of the chains wrapped around the sub’s waist. The chain was taut, lifting the woman’s heart-shaped ass slightly into the air.

I watched the flat screen in front of me, mesmerized by the intimacy of the couple on the screen. I felt like a voyeur watching the couple in their intimate private moment, yet in the back of my mind I knew the room had been filled with people.

The dom held a black leather paddle and spoke to his sub. “What’s the punishment for being disobedient, Faith?

“Six paddles, Master.”

“That’s right. And you will not cum tonight. If you cum without my permission, the punishment will be much harsher. Do you understand me, Faith?”

“Yes, Master.”

Master slowly circled around to the back of the table and stood behind Faith. He reached out and put both hands on her perfect ass and gently caressed for a minute. Then he took a step back and a moment later the black leather paddle he was holding connected loudly against her ass. Faith gasped but said nothing. Instantly her right ass cheek reddened. Master moved closer and rubbed it gently. Then he knelt down and licked the other cheek slowly from top to bottom until her left cheek glistened. As I watched, I felt a familiar swelling between my legs.

Master stood again and pulled back his arm and an even louder smack sounded as the paddle connected with her wet cheek. Faith gasped again and let out a low moan.

Master rubbed the left cheek and then stepped back again. He positioned his long erection in his hands and stroked up and down firmly a few times. Then he took one step forward and rammed himself straight into Faith without warning. My breath hitched as I watched him enter her finally. I’d seen porn before, but not like the erotic act playing out before me. The picture on the screen was so graphic and crystal clear, I could actually see Faith’s moisture glistening as he slid his thick swollen cock inside of her. He stayed planted to the hilt for a long moment and then slowly circled his hips round and round. Another small moan escaped from Faith and Master pulled halfway out and then slammed in and out twice more before pulling all the way out.

I had never been excited by the thought of being punished, but as I watched Faith Ifound myself again wondering if maybe there was more to it than pain. I’d heard there was a fine line between pleasure and pain, that if it were done correctly the line could blur and pain could bring unimaginable pleasure. I had never before thought that submission was something I could do, but as I watched I found myself picturing that I was Faith and Master was Jack.

Jack squeezed my hand and I turned my head to find him watching me. It brought back the memory of the day in his office, where I’d found him intently watching me instead of the actors in front of us. For a split second I was embarrassed that I was visibly aroused, but then I heard another loud smack and forgot everything else except for the couple on the screen. Master continued his punishment with another round of alternating smacks and licks, and after the fifth paddle Faith’s ass was bright red and I would have sworn the color on her ass matched my face. I was completely turned on and couldn’t tear my gaze away as Master finished the sixth paddle and again positioned himself behind Faith’s ass, ramming into her with one deep long plunge, then slamming in and out of her relentlessly until he earned a high-pitched squeal. Once more, he stopped abruptly and circled the table in search of Faith’s mouth.

I watchedas Faith hungrily swallowed Master’s long hard cock and he punishingly fucked her mouth until he erupted in a ferocious growl. Master pulled out just in time to empty himself all over her face and onto her hungry, wanting tongue. I felt Jack’s hands go under my body and I was quickly scooped up into his arms. He carried me to the bedroom without a word and gently laid me down in the middle of the bed.

“Do you trust me, Syd?”

I looked Jack in the eyes, not needing any time toconsider my answer. “Unconditionally.”

Jack nodded and stood, walking over to my lingerie chest. He opened the drawer and pulled out two pale white stockings, the kind I wore with a garter. He held one up, stretching the sides between his two fisted hands, showing me what would become my binding. My face couldn’t mask my nervousness, but Jack didn’t see that underneath my hesitation was arousal and excitement.

“You okay?” Jack moved closer, stopping in front of me.

“I think so.” I swallowed hard, trying to force down the lump in my throat.

“I’m not going to use a paddle on you, Syd.”

I was oddly disappointed, yet relieved at the same time.

Jack watched my face and responded with a sexy wolfish half smile. “Not this time anyway.”

He gently took my wrist in his hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing the inside of the palm of my hand. He caught my eyes and slowly lifted my wrist over my head, giving me plenty of time to object. He bound my wrist to the side of the iron headboard and tugged gently on the bind. “Too tight?” His voice was a low whisper.

I shook my head, no.

He moved to the other side of the bed and repeated his actions, gently kissing my hand before binding it above my head to the headboard. When I was sufficientlybound, Jack grabbed the delicate fabric of the tiny strap of my silk slip dress and tugged hard, surprising me. The fabric tore in his hands easily and Jack took in my startled reaction. He slid the fabric down my body, rubbing the silk firmly against my curves as his hands traveled slowly down the length of my body.

Jack removed the towel that he had been wearing and crawled up the bed, spreading my legs easily and kneeling betweenthem. I initially felt exposed and helpless, but then the look on Jack’s face told me that I had all of the control.

He ran his fingers up and down my legs, firmly pressing and massaging as he went. His big hand moved from the outside of my leg to the inside and I wiggled in anticipation.

“If you don’t stay still, I will tie up yourlegs.”

I stopped moving, knowing Jack was not one to make a veiled threat.

Jack smirked and took one foot and kissed the top, placing it back down on the bed so that my leg was wide. He did the same with the other leg, gently kissing, then spreading it wide. His positioning left me wide open and more exposed than I had ever been.

“Can you keep still in this position?” His words were softly spoken and I felt them ina dark part of me, deeper than I had known existed.

I nodded my head.

“Say the words, Syd.”

“Yes, I can keep still.” My words were a whisper of anticipation.

Jack smiled and bent over to kiss my belly.Soft, gentle kisses turned into firm sucks and light nips as I felt his hands traveling north on my inner thighs in a slow torturous ascent. His kisses moved south and met his hands as he firmly but gently eased two fingers inside of me.

I moaned, and lifted my hips off the bed, careful not to change the position of my legs.

“So wet for me already.” Jack swirled his tongue around and around on my swollen clit as his fingers pumped into me, setting a slow, rhythmic pace.

Without thinking, I went to reachdown and dig my fingers into Jack’s hair, but my binds held and tightened around my wrists as I struggled. The feeling of being bound while his mouth assaulted me and his fingers fucked me was incredibly intense. I cried out, “Jack!”

“Beautiful, baby. Fucking beautiful.” His words came out in a hot breath against the sensitive skin of my swollen clit, sending a jolt all the way down to the tops of my toes. My pulse quickened and Jack must have sensed how close I was because his fingers pumped in and out of me faster and faster.

“Come for me, baby. I need to see you.”

His words were enough to send me over the edge. It wasn’t a slow build, it was like being hit by lightening. My whole body began to convulse and I screamed Jack’s name as I thrashed my head from side to side. I hardly recognized my voice as I repeated Jack’s name in a whimper, over and over again.

I was only vaguely aware that Jack had untied me, until I felt his strong arm underneath me, flipping me over onto my stomach. Jack leaned his body over my back, pressing his erection against the top of my ass, and I felt his breath at my neck. “I’m going to take you this way,” he whispered in my ear.

Jack pulled a pillow under my head. I was in such a fog that I was relieved that Jack was still giving the orders. “Keep your head on the pillow.” Then he lifted me at the waist, drawing my ass into the air, on my knees to support myself.

I was again completely exposed, my ass prominently on display, vulnerable to Jack’s intentions. “I’ve never seen anything sexier than your perfect ass in the air, waiting for me to take you from behind.”

I felt his words in the pit of my tummy, the same feelingas hitting the high point on a rollercoaster right before the fall. I felt Jack’s finger on my spine, tracing the path from the middle of my back down through the crack of my ass.

Jack’s other hand positioned himself at my slick opening and I was startled at the strength that he slammed into me. “Aagh,” I cried out, more startled than in pain.

“You okay, baby?”

“Yeah, I just didn’t expect that and I wasn’t ready for it.”

Jack eased out a little and rotated his hips, stretching me wide. A few tender strokes and then: “You ready for me yet, baby?”

“Yes, I’m good.” I barely finished the three little words when Jack was already slamming back inside of me. He growled on a particularly deep thrust forward and found his rhythm. Each thrust was hard, almost punishing, and his pace was fast and furious. I’d never felt Jack react that way before. It was as if he needed to conquer me. It was exquisite and I wanted nothing more than for him to take me. Conquer me. Make me fully his.

“Syd!” Jack cried out as he spilled into me. The heat from his orgasm detonated my own unexpectedly. We both cried out together before we collapsed into a heaping pile of bones.

“Wow,” I said, when I was finally able to breathe again. “That was amazing.”

We lay on our sides, and Jack pulled me close against his body, my back glued to his front. We were both covered in sweat and I could smell my arousal in the air, thick around us.

“Definitely not a loss.” Jack kissed my shoulder blade from behind.

***

I don’t know when we fell asleep, I only knew there was a phone somewhere that needed to stop ringing or I might hunt it down and trample it. I was physically and emotionally spent. I had no idea if we had slept two hours or twenty hours, but I was not ready to be awoken yet. The phone finally stopped ringing, and I had began to slip back into dreamland, when the ringing started again a few minutes later.

I felt Jack’s arm leave my side and then the ringing stopped.

“Hello?” I was not happy that he had answered it. Whoever it was could wait.

I felt Jack’s bodygo tense. I couldn’t hear the person on the other end of the phone, but it sounded like a woman, which instantly brought me out of my slumber.

“When?”

I heard the woman on the other end speak, but couldn’t make out the words.

“Where is he?”

More mumbling from the unknown woman.

“Okay, thanks, Betty.”

Betty? It took me a minute to sort through my mental rolodex and recall who Betty was— Jack’s father’s longtime assistant.

“Yes… I will.” Then Jack hung up.

Jack sat up in bed, his feet on the floor, elbows on his knees, hands holding his dropped head as he spoke. “My father had a massive heart attack.” His words were so quiet I struggled to hear them.

Jack turned to face me. I could see he was struggling with whatever he felt and it broke my heart. “I’ll get dressed.” I jumped out of bed and headed for the closet, but I noticed that Jack hadn’t moved yet. I turned back and looked at his eyes, which were still looking in my direction but not quite focused.

“Jack?”

Jack’s eyes came back to mine and I could see he was searching for something. Eventually he nodded in silence.

***

The cab ride to the hospital was quick since rush hour hadn’t started yet. Jack was quiet the whole way, and I wasn’t sure what to say, so I held his hand in silent support.

The front desk told us that Jack’s dad was in ICU and we followeddirections through a series of hallways, which eventually led to an elevator bank. Outside the elevator on the 11thfloor, a nurse’s station with a curtain did little to hide the dozen patients in beds and the sounds of beeping monitors.

Jack was the type of manwho took the lead wherever we went. It was just who he was. At a restaurant he would give the name to the hostess, at a bar he ordered our drinks from the bartender, in a store he paid the cashier and left her with a flirtatious smile without trying. So I knew he was struggling when we walked up to the nurse’s station and she asked us for the name and he didn’t respond.

“Are you family?” The nurse looked to both of us questioning.

“Yes, I’m his daughter in law and Jack is his son.” I squeezed Jack’s hand as I spoke, hoping he would recognize my need to lie so that they would let us both in.

The nurse pointed to the far corner of the room, where two women were working on a man and we began to walk in that direction.

“Mrs. Heston?” It took me a minute to realize that the nurse was calling after me. I turned back to the nurse.

Her voice was low and full of empathy as she spoke. “The doctor just left. He will be back in a few hours, but I should warn you….” The nurse hesitated and it looked as if she was carefully choosing the right words. “Your father in law’s heart has been very badly damaged, and he is on life support. The machines are breathing for him now.”

What was the nurse trying to tell me? Was Jack’s father going to die? People had heart attacks all the time and survived. Isuddenly felt a wave of nausea and the room began to spin.

“Mrs. Heston, are you alright?” The nurse’s voice was full of concern as she took aquick step towards me.

Jack seemed to snap out of his fog and I heard panic in his voice when he spoke. “Syd, are you okay?” He turned to stand in front of me, grabbing my shoulders to steady me.

I took a deep breath in and struggled to regain my composure. I was supposed to be there supporting Jack, not the other way around. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. Sorry, hospitals sometimes make me queasy.” I feigned a small smile.

Jack watched me for a moment and then nodded, seemingly satisfied at my answer. We walked over to Mr.Heston’s bed and the sight startled me. The usually tan, vibrant man was pale and hollow-looking. There were machines moving up and down and monitors flashing numbers, all feeding from wires draped loosely from his lifeless body.

Jack stood looking at his father for a long time without saying a word.Long minutes passed as my heart ached, watching the man I loved looking lost as he stared down at the lifeless body before him. Eventually, I pulled two chairs from the foot of the bed over to the side so that we could sit next to him together. The man that lay before me looked so helpless and lonely. I knew how Jack felt about him, but it still broke my heart to see him that way. I couldn’t imagine what Jack must have been feeling.

Without thinking, I reached out and took the man’s hand. My eyes welled up asthe hand didn’t respond to my touch. I just knew someone needed to comfort him at that moment, no matter what he had done in his life. I saw Jack’s jaw tense out of the corner of my eye, but he didn’t say a word.

“He shouldn’t be alone now,” I whispered to Jack.

Jack studied me for a moment and eventually nodded his head, taking my other hand in his.

Hours went by, but it felt like days as we sat and waited for the doctor to come in. When the doctor finally arrived, he explained that they were going to take him for a head scan to check for brain activity and we would know more after we received the results. When the transporters came to take him, the nurses suggested we go find some coffee and breakfast.

I told Jack that we should probably call Betty, as I sipped my coffee looking out the window at the rush hour traffic outside. He agreed, but I was surprised when he handed me his phone. I gave Betty an update and promised to call her when I had more news.

***

It was at least three hours later, and we had resumed our positions next to Mr. Heston’s bed, by the time the Doctor came back. I watched for any sign of life as I held his hand, but the more time that passed, the less hope I had.

“Can we speak out in the hallway, Mr. and Mrs. Heston?” The doctor’s voice was somber and I didn’t think our conversation was going to bring good news.

Jack and I followed him dutifully to the hall, our clamped hands never loosening.“I’m sorry to tell you, but the repeat scan found no brain activity. It’s been twelve hours, so the chances of any meaningful recovery have drastically decreased. We will repeat the scan in twelve hours before making a final diagnosis, but, at this point, you may want to begin to prepare yourself.” The doctor paused to let us take in the enormity of what he had just told us.

“Does your fatherhave a DNR?” The doctor looked to us both, and I looked to Jack.

“I have no idea.” Jack squeezed my hand as he spoke.

“Is there anyone that would know?”

Jack didn’t respond. I put my free hand onJack’s arm. He was squeezing my hand so tightly that my fingers were starting to go numb. He looked down at me in response to my touch.

“Betty, maybe?” I had no idea who else Mr. Heston was close enough to entrust anything of that magnitude to.

Jack nodded and looked back to the Doctor. “We will make some calls. Thank you, Doctor.”

***

The next twelve hours felt like months. The nurses suggested we leave and come back, since there was no change in his status, but Jack didn’t seem to want to go anywhere and I thought that Mr. Heston shouldn’t be left alone anyway. I knew how Jack felt about the man, but thereare times in life when all old grudges and animosities have to be set aside, and it was definitely one of those times.

By the time thedoctor came back after the third scan, I was already sure what it would confirm. I had sat with Mr. Heston’s cold, lifeless hand in mine for almost a full day and I already knew that the man was gone. The shell was still being kept alive by machines, but my heart told me that his life that once was, was over.

Thedoctor confirmed my suspicion and we called Betty to messenger over the original DNR form that she had already faxed to the hospital. Even though I had never met Betty, I knew who she was when I saw Jack’s reaction to the older woman walking through the ICU toward us. He looked at her the way a boy looked at his mother. I knew she had been with Mr. Heston since Jack was a baby, but the way he looked at her confirmed that they had all been close once.

“You didn’t have to bring it down yourself, Betty.” Jack’s words said one thing, but I could tell he was comforted by the woman’s appearance.

Betty reached out and pulled Jack into a hug. “You boys are my family, this is where I belong.”

Jack nodded and attempted a small smile. “Betty, this is Sydney.”

The old woman surprised me by pulling me in for a hug. “I’m so glad I finally got to meet you, Sydney. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Interesting. I wondered who had told her whatever she had heard. “It’s nice to meet you too, Betty.”

***

I’m not sure what I thought was going to happen when the time came to turn off the life support, but whatever was in my head was definitely more climatic than how it happened. When the time came, a young doctor we had never met walked over and said a few words and then simply turned off all of the machines except the heart monitor. It took about five minutes. The three of us, Betty, Jack and I, stood together and watched as the numbers slowly declined. Seventy-five. A minute later, fifty-two. Forty. Another minute later, twenty-seven. Finally, the slow descent hit zero and the blips on the screen that once were mountains became flat plains.

Betty and I cried quietly as the doctor turned off the last monitor and manually checked for a pulse that he knew was already gone.It felt ceremonial rather than necessary. “Time of death, 6:52am.”

Jack stood there staring at what was once his father. He didn’t speak or cry oreven make a single sound. I gave him a few minutes of silence before I eventually squeezed his hand in a silent gesture to ask if he was okay. When he turned to look at me, his face was indifferent, and for a moment I thought he might be in shock. Then I watched as his face changed from stone to concern, when he took in my tears. A quiet sob escaped me when he took his thumb and gently wiped away my tears.

***

Jack was still quiet as the three of us made our way out the front door of the hospital. It felt odd to leave, knowing that we were leaving such a big part of Jack’s life inside that would forever be changed. Jack had called Mateo to pick us up and offered Betty a ride home, which she politely declined. We both hugged Betty goodbye and Jack walked her to her waiting cab. She stopped as she was about to get in and looked up at Jack. “I know it’s not my place, but you should know that your father loved you a great deal. He just didn’t know how to show it. I think Mrs. St. Claire was getting through to him and I know he was grateful to her for giving updates on how the two of you were doing.”

The old woman looked frail, the last twenty-four hours having taken its toll on her. She smiled at me and reached up and kissed Jack on the cheek. “I’m sorry for your loss, Jack. Call me later when you feel up to it and I will help you make arrangements.”

I watched Jack close the door to Betty’s car, stunned at what I had just heard. At first I wondered if I had even heard right, because Jack didn’t seem to react to what she had just said. But then I replayed her words over and over in my head and realized that there was no way to mistake what she had said— Jack’s father had been keeping in touch with my mother.

Jack didn’t say much on the way home, but he still gripped my hand tightly. I tossed around whetheror not to bring up the bomb that Betty had just dropped, but the look on Jack’s face told me it wasn’t the right time to talk about it. Jack had been through enough the last day and he didn’t need me to open old wounds and stir up more hard feelings toward his father.

***

I was growing more concerned about Jack when he was still quiet at home. I made us breakfast since the two of us hadn’t really eaten much in the last twenty-four hours. Jack ate, but was still uncharacteristically quiet. Neither of us had slept in more than a day and I thought that perhaps a nap would make us both feel better. I knew we had to deal with funeral arrangements, but a few hours wouldn’t have made a difference.

I drew the blinds in the bedroom, blackening out the beautiful day outside. I crawled into bed and rested my head in the crook of Jack’s shoulder, where it fit like the spot was made for me. Jack wrapped his arms around me and let out a deep breath.

My voice was agentle whisper. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to talk?”

Jack was quiet for a moment before he spoke, “Not now, I just want to hold you, Syd.”

“Okay.”

Jack tightened his hold on me, his arms wrapped firmly around my body. I couldn’t have gotten up if I tried — not that I wanted to be anywhere else. His grip didn’t even let up as I listened as his breathing slowed and he finally fell into sleep.

***

Later in the afternoon, I made funeral arrangements with Betty. Jack was there too, but he stayed quiet, deferring any decisions to Betty and I. I called my parents in the evening, but I didn’t have a chance to ask my mother about her talking to Jack’s dad because Jack was always right next to me.