Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

BECCA

I'm never going to call him. I know that as well as I know my name. I'm not the type of person to lean on others, never have been. Not since I went no-contact with my parents right after I turned eighteen. I've always been able to count on myself. I'm the only person who hasn't ever let me down, and I've done well with it until now.

It's only a ten-minute drive to the apartment complex where I live with Mick and my cousin Stephanie. That's one reason I took the job at the PD, because it's so close. It's convenient, much like everything else in my life.

I'm tired, dragging ass up the stairs to the second floor landing. Mick will be up in an hour, and then I'll take him to school before I can finally close my blackout curtains and go to sleep for the day. As quietly as I can, I enter the apartment and turn on the light in the kitchen. This is my time, the silence before the storm of Mick and Stephanie, and everything else I'm responsible for. I have a whole thirty minutes before I have to make breakfast.

Making my way over to the couch, I sigh before sinking into the cushion and pulling my phone out of my pocket.

Right there teasing me is the text from Madden. Against my better judgment, I click it, and as I read it, a smile spreads across my face.

M: You don't have to need me to text me, but if you do, I'll break my ankle getting there. Only for you, Bec.

I giggle before putting my hand over my mouth to stifle the sound. Does he know what breaking an ankle for me would do to my ego? I want to send him a message back, but I'm not a flirter, and I'm afraid that anything I type out would seem as if I'm trying too hard. Instead, I open up my social media and start scrolling.

It's my favorite mindless pastime. I should probably get another hobby, but this is all I can brain after a long shift. I search for the page I've been following closely. Has MadDog posted? When he does, it gives me something to look forward to, although I'm aware this is a weird para-social relationship.

I'm in luck, there's a new post. Clicking in, I inhale deeply as I hear a Nine Inch Nails song play, and then watch as he does his normal workout of pushups and planks. Then, he throws a curveball. Going down on his knees, and spreading them apart as he thrusts against the ground.

It's been way too long since I've had adult entertainment, because the spot between my legs clenches with the desire to feel someone like him there. I watch it more than once, and then go back and view the older ones. Should I be ashamed? Probably. Am I? Nope.

"Hey, good morning."

I glance up at my cousin's voice. She comes into the living room wearing a robe. "Good morning to you, too. You're up early."

"Yeah," she yawns. "I have to go in a few minutes earlier than I normally do. We're meeting over at The Café, apparently." She holds her cell phone up. "Did you know someone backed into the plate-glass window?"

"Sure, I answered that call."

"Of course you did." She laughs. "I'm surprised Ruby was awake to text me."

Stephanie works for what was once Whitney Trumboldt's wedding planning business. Ruby Thompson took it over a while ago, and now they've become something of a staple around Laurel Springs. If there's a place that needs any interior design done, or a party planned, they call Ruby Red Designs. "I've heard things around the police department about her and Caleb, and if it's true, that might be why she was awake."

She gives me a look. "I wish I knew what was happening in the Thompson household, but Ruby has declared her personal life off-limits. Which I get, but everyone is wondering what in the hell is going on between them."

"Right? It's like Laurel Springs is waiting with bated breath to find out what's going on with those two. I never want to have that type of relationship. I bet it's so much pressure." I put my phone down at my side. Good thing I just have a crush on an internet personality who probably lives on the other side of the country, and although I think Madden's hot, he'll never pick me.

"There's even a pool going on from what I heard, at the coffee shop." She purses her lips.

"Really?"

"Yeah." She nods. "It's not advertised. You have to ask Eden on the down low."

"That's got to be lucrative, but it also feels dirty." I grimace, but at the same time, jotting down a reminder in my brain to talk to Eden about it when I grab my next coffee.

"It does, but there's nothing else going on in LS." She sighs heavily. "Anyway, I gotta get dressed. If you make Mick something for breakfast, can you make it for me too? I'm starving."

She normally doesn't ask me to fix her anything. "I don't care to do it. Want a sandwich?"

"Yes, bacon and egg would be great, if you don't mind."

"I don't. That's what I'm making Mick. It'll be ready when you're ready."

She reaches over, giving me a hug. "Love ya, Bec."

Although I'm tired to my bones, I get up and walk over to the stove. Within a few minutes, I have breakfast going for everyone. I'm hungry too, and as soon as I have a dark room and a full stomach, I know I'll be able to fall asleep without much of an issue.

"Hey Becca."

No matter how my night has gone, I always paste a smile on my face as soon as I hear Mick's voice. It's not his fault he's been put into the position he's in, or that I've had to take on more work to take care of him. "Good morning. How did you sleep?" He's had insomnia off and on since he came to live with me. I wish I could figure out what keeps his little mind running at all hours of the day and night. More than anything, I want him to feel safe, to trust me, and to tell me everything that happened to him with his mom and dad. He goes to therapy every week, but I still haven't been able to break through the lock he has on his secrets and emotions.

"Okay." He sighs, getting up on the bar chair at the island. "It took me a while to get there."

It's as if I'm speaking to an adult. Like he's been struggling with sleep for the last forty years. I hate this for him, and make a note to talk to his therapist about this when he has his next appointment. "I'm sorry. Hopefully, we'll figure out what'll help you."

He shrugs. "Maybe one day it'll be easy for me."

My heart breaks for him. I finish the breakfast sandwiches for all of us, and pack up the one to-go for Stephanie. "It will be." I rub his back as I put the food in front of him.

"Thanks, Aunt Bec. This looks good."

God, this kid. "You're welcome. I'll be right back. I'm gonna go freshen up, and then we'll get you to school."

Going back to my bedroom, I gaze up at the ceiling and do my best to get my emotions under control. Steph stops by my door as she's walking up the hallway. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "Life hasn't been fair to him, and I wish there was something I could do to make it easier."

"You're doing the best you can." She reminds me. "And where he is with you is a million times better than the place he was with your brother."

"I worry that I'm fucking this up." I admit, feeling a wave of stress wash over me. It's suffocating sometimes, and I just want to have a positive impact on Mick.

"You're not. I promise you're not. I don't know how to make you feel better about what's happening, but you have to give yourself some grace. Are you going to be okay?" She asks. "Because I'm headed out, and I don't want to worry about you."

"I'm fine. Just a little nervous breakdown."

"We have to have one at least three times a month." She deadpans. "See ya."

"See ya, your breakfast is on the island."

"Thanks boo. See you when I get home."

I giggle at her words. "See ya honey, have a great day."

Thirty minutes later, I'm in the school drop off line. This is the worst part of my day, for sure. It's cutthroat, and I truly think there could be a fight every day. "Alright Mick, time to tuck and roll."

He laughs as he gets his backpack on. "I know. This is the scariest part of my day."

Mine too. My fingers tap against my steering wheel as we get closer. We have this down to a science, but I'm always terrified that I'm going to be the one in the car rider line who messes it up for everyone else. "Alright, get ready." His seat belt is already off, he's got the backpack on his shoulders, and his hand is on the door latch. "See you later. Time to go." Within two minutes, he's out of the car and onto the sidewalk. I don't take the moment to wave at him, instead I pull out into traffic and get away from the craziness of that whole situation.

When I'm back at the apartment, I lock the door, and then go through the empty rooms, taking my clothes off. As soon as I'm in my bedroom, I throw them in my clothes hamper and sink deep into my bed. I don't even remember closing my eyes. I'm out so quickly.