Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

BECCA

"Can he have a piece?" I ask Madden as I stand in his kitchen, with Donut looking up at me expectantly.

"Is it cheese? If it's cheese he can, anything else, and I have to be very careful. His stomach can be iffy when he eats certain things."

"It is." I hold it up so Madden can see. Immediately, Donut sits back on his heels. "Good boy," I praise him.

"That smells amazing. What are you making?"

It strikes me as odd that he didn't ask that question before I started cooking. "Smothered pork chops, fried potatoes, and a salad. It's just a bag." I lift my shoulder up. "It's cheaper." My cheeks heat.

"Hey." He gets up, putting his arms on either side of the counter where I'm standing. "You don't have to apologize to me about what you can afford and what you can't. I'm not here to make judgments."

"Thanks."

Mick is sitting at the table, but looks at me. "Can we go back outside until dinner is done?"

"It's okay with me, as long as it's okay with Madden." I glance over at the man I mentioned.

"It's fine, just make sure you give him a few minutes to rest if he starts panting. He's got some toys out there that you can throw for him. The ball is his favorite."

Mick watches Madden with the kind of hero-worship I would imagine is reserved for a father, but Mick's isn't around. He's missing out on these moments, and I fucking hate it for him. They go outside, and I can't help but wish Trey hadn't done this to all of us.

"Are things tough right now?" Madden asks quietly.

"Yeah." I turn back to the stove, finishing up browning the pork chops before I cover them and stick them in the oven. "Trey, Mick's dad, won't sign over parental rights. I met with Shelby, and there are a few things I can qualify for as his guardian, but it would be better if Trey would sign over rights until he gets out of jail."

"Did you ask him?"

"Yeah, I went to see him after I met with Shelby, and he told me in no uncertain terms that he wasn't planning on giving Mick over to anyone. Even if he gets more time, which is possible because he was caught with contraband." I sigh hard, finishing putting the pork chops in a casserole dish and covering them with soup. "I don't know how he expects me to take care of all this on my own. Do you know I've never even had a dog or a cat, much less a kid? Overnight I became responsible for Mick." My throat gets tight. I hate when my emotions are so close to the surface. "What if I'm not making the right decisions? I don't know what I'm doing." I sniffle, wiping the tears that are leaking from under my eyes.

"He's got a place to lay his head at night, food in his stomach, and clothes on his back. You're doing better than half the people we do child welfare checks on, Bec. I'm sorry that your brother is refusing to make things easier on you and Mick." He gets up and comes over to where I'm standing, facing the stove. Without asking, he puts his arm around me, holding on tightly.

"I'm going to get used to these hugs of yours. You know I'll begin to count on them." I say the words softly, hoping he doesn't fully hear them.

"That's okay," he says back, just as softly. "I want you to count on me, want to help you in any way I can."

Those words cause my heart to beat faster in my throat. We're dancing close to the edge, and I'm scared we're going to go head-first over it. "It's dangerous, what we're doing, Madden."

"How?" He asks, his lips brushing my ear. "As long as we both know what we're doing, and we keep our eyes on the future, it's going to be fine."

"Madden..." I sigh, my heart dropping in my stomach. My heart hammers against my chest, because what I'm about to say will either make or break us. "What happens when you find someone who doesn't have a kid that she has to take care of? When someone doesn't have the responsibilities I do, and can do whatever they want? You're going to want that, not the baggage I come with."

He waits for me to put the dish in the oven, and get the potatoes going, before he pulls me into his arms. I love his hugs. They're the best ones I've ever had. When I bury my face in his neck and inhale his cologne, a feeling of peace settles over me, one I've never had before. It's one I've wanted, I've longed for, and I've wondered where it was. I'd read all these romance novels, because I want to write one, and they always talk about when the MMC gives the FMC that feeling of safety. I now know what that is.

"Bec, I have a secret to tell you."

Here it is. He's going to tell me he doesn't want to do this. I have too much in my past for us to move forward. I dig my nose further into his neck, not wanting to face whatever he's going to say. "Okay."

He pulls back, forcing my eyes to meet his. "Everyone has baggage. No one is without it. We're all carrying around a suitcase full of shit our parents gave us, or our bullies from school caused us to have." Sticking his finger under my chin, he tilts it back so that I'm looking at him. "You're not special."

I laugh loudly. "Well, thanks for that."

"That's not what I mean. It's more like we're all dealing with something, and you aren't the only one." He's quick to defend what he said.

"No, I get it, and it actually makes me feel better. There are so many times, I feel like I'm being punished for something I did in another lifetime."

"We all feel that way." He bends down, dropping a kiss onto my forehead. "The thing is, you can't be in your head about it. You have to realize we're all walking around with trauma. Me included. There's a lot in my past that I haven't told you about. My parents weren't much better than Mick's. That's why I see so much of myself in him."

My heart breaks for him, because I know how much Mick struggles with his parentage. I can only imagine how much a man who's a cop struggles with knowing his parents aren't prominent members of society. "I'm sorry. Neither one of you deserves that."

"But it's the hand we've been dealt, and we'll deal with it, because that's who we are." He steps back from me, giving a little space before he crosses his arms over his chest.

I've been wanting to ask him a question since I met with Shelby, but I keep putting it off. "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything."

"If I wanted to visit Trey in prison, where would I request that? Shelby said it would be a good idea for me to request parental rights while Trey's in prison. Would that be easy for me to do?"

His jaw is working overtime as he looks at me. "I don't know if I like you going to the prison by yourself to meet with him. Would you allow me to come with you?"

I understand why he's asking. That's the type of man he is, but I know I have to do this on my own. "I appreciate you, Madden, but I need to do this myself. Trey wouldn't like it if someone else came with me."

"I don't give a good goddamn what Trey would or wouldn't like. He's the one who put you in this situation, but I'll respect your wishes."

"Thank you." I give him a soft smile. "Dinner will be done in a few minutes. Want me to go get the boys?"

"No, I'll take care of it. Let me know when you go see him, Bec? I'd like to tell some friends down in Birmingham to make sure you're taken care of."

"Okay." I reach out, grabbing his hand, and pulling him to me. "Thank you." I drop a kiss on his lips before wrapping my arms around his waist. "I'm lucky to have you."

"Not as lucky as I am to have you."