9

Mabel

The "invitation" to meet with the queen came right after my divorce hearing while I was still sobbing in relief. Kathy offered to go with me as she'd entered the palace many times given her family relationship with the grand duke. I didn't want her dragged into all of this—which was why I hadn't allowed her to attend court.

Instead, I asked Colin to borrow Whitney from the grand duke. I couldn't go in with either of them either as if I was their pet now or they had some claim to me.

But I knew my limits, and I was too scared to go over the finish line of this deal on my own.

I was right to have that fear when I was shown into the room and both the king and queen were there. I quickly lowered my head as I curtseyed to hide my reaction, not simply out of royal protocol. "Mabel Matthias greets the Mother and Father of the Kingdom of Areca, Your Majesties."

"Welcome, Countess," the king said but then cleared his throat.

"Please, be at ease," the queen said. "You are practically shaking."

"I apologize, but I was under the impression that it would only be the two of us meeting."

"Do you not like your king, Countess?" the king hedged, his tone making it clear what my answer should be.

I stayed in my curtsey with my head down. "No, Your Majesty, but speaking with you is very different than speaking with the queen. The amount of people alone in this room proves that. There is much I cannot say—"

"All of my people are trustworthy and will keep what is said here in confidence. Sit." His tone was almost frosty.

I moved by the chair they had for me and focused on the queen. "I beg your indulgence, My Queen."

She held up a finger to the king, studying me before nodding. "You have it. You promised me you would share information that would help the kingdom I love. Be honest with me."

Thank the Goddess.I turned and pointed to one of the king's aides. "He works for the marquis. He's a spy."

"That's an outrageous accusation," he exploded. "We have never met and—"

"We have not, but I am not an idiot and know the members of the nobility." I said his name, everyone there reacting when I clearly got it right. I met the queen's gaze. "My husband used to boast all of the time that there was a spy who stood next to the king in his family's pocket and… Unkind things about you both because of it. I have seen the proof."

"What proof?" the king demanded.

"Correspondence detailing your private meetings written in his own hand and signed by him like a braggart spy looking for his reward," I said honestly. "David had them in his study now and again. I can give you specifics to what I remember, and the proof would be if any of it leaked from the palace before you thought it should."

"Arrest him," the king told the knights. "We will question him and handle the situation with the mages."

"Your Majesty, do not listen to this sullied woman who is fooling everyone—" the noble argued.

"I warned you to stop speaking like that," the king snapped. "The queen is no one's fool and already her gamble paid off."

"Simply not for him since he's on the other side it seems," the queen muttered. She turned to the king once the noble was gone. "I do agree there does not need to be so many people here. This was not an official summons, but my invitation as she promised to speak with me that you invited yourself to."

"We can clear the room, but I am not leaving," the king said firmly, the queen shooting me a look that it was the best she could do and not to push it.

Still, it was better than how we started. I took my seat and waited until we were alone. I knew it would all reach the king's ears from the queen, but discussing this with him there was very different.

"What secrets were you keeping that you wanted to tell me, Countess?" the queen asked when I simply sat there.

"I apologize, but I am having trouble thinking or remembering what I was even going to say with the king here."

"I take offense to that—" the king started to object.

"She's scared of you, Gerald," the queen cut in, her tone annoyed. "She is an abused woman—abused by people in positions of authority over her as her father and husband were. You are known for taking offense to any breach of etiquette, and what she wants to discuss—she pointed out a spy. There are not manners for that. You will—"

"I apologize, my love," he said quietly, his tone calmer. "I will do my best to be a fly on the wall." He sighed. "Louisa, we do not know her. I do not feel comfortable with you alone with someone. I believe Ian and her situation, but—there are too many threats against you. Let me protect you."

I swallowed loudly and met his gaze. "If you can be here as her concerned husband, I will do my best, Your Majesty, but please, I cannot function if you do not keep your temper. I cannot help it after what I have been through. All of my energy went into yesterday and my nerves are…"

Pity was in his eyes for a second and he gave a sharp nod. "I will do my best as long as you do not hurt my wife."

"I have no intention of hurting either of you," I promised him before taking a deep breath and focusing on the queen.

Except I'd never uttered the words that I was about to.

It took me three tries before I huffed and finally decided to say it another way. "I smell violets at odd times, times that there are no violets around me, normally after sleep."

Her eyes went wide, which truly spoke to her shock given she was known for not showing much of a reaction to even surprising news. "You have been blessed by the Goddess Violetta."

"I do not know that," I said firmly. "I think so. It fits. I have… There are things I can do, things I simply know."

"Could you give me an example?" she whispered after a moment, both of them not seeming to recover from the news.

I nodded. "Count Follan does not travel well. He was ill from it when we met. I told the knight outside what herbs to get in the amounts and how to mix it in a leather flask. He said it was the best medicine he'd ever taken to help him and worked well."

She immediately caught on. "And I would bet this palace that you do not have training as an herbalist or have been allowed the freedom to experiment with them."

"No, no, I have not, Your Majesty," I confirmed.

"Then I have to ask how you learned this."

"I was young, maybe seven, and I was around—a maid we used to have did not travel well and the others were mean to her because of it. They made her go on any errand. She was nice to me and pushed me to behave as a child, not a doll my father would sell. I worried for her and wanted to help her. That night I dreamed of the answer and woke smelling violets."

"And you simply knew how to make it? Gave it to her?"

I nodded. "It was as if I saw it written on paper as I woke. And yes, with a child's innocence and without any bad intent, I snuck her a concoction that I had no idea would actually do anything. Or hurt her. I am horrified as an adult with reason now that I ever risked her without even her knowledge."

She studied me. "So the goddess does not speak to you? She did not tell you what it was?"

I opened my mouth but then closed it. "I do not know if she ever did. I have had moments like that, but they have been less frequent, only one since I got married. The impression with the dream was that she was disappointed with me, that she did not approve of the path my life was on. But again, I do not know, and this is the first time I am telling anyone."

Her eyes went wide again. "You never told anyone? How could you keep this quiet?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it. "I told a bishop once that I smelled violets after I woke up. I knew the temples had violets and I wanted to ask about them. My mother, who was a well-trained doll also and never spoke up about much, hurried to say there were some in my room that day. She changed the topic to a donation and the bishop ignored me.

"The temple has ignored me many times that I have attended, and when I was in the state I was, they should not have ignored me. David liked to force me to attend beaten and bruised, once with blood on my dress. He wanted me to always know that no one would help me, not even the temple. They did not. They cared more about their donations. So I would never trust them."

"Yes, their corruption has become beyond…" She shook her head. "So your mother knew."

I sighed. "I do not know. You would think, but we never discussed it. I told my father once that I woke with knowledge of his meeting. He yelled at me for speaking without being spoken to and never again to speak of such nonsense as ‘woman's intuition' or I would be severely punished. Who would I have told?"

"I apologize, Countess," she said gently. "I did not mean to have so much judgment in what I said, but it seemed…. Unthinkable. I have never considered a saint not to be found or that a family would not try everything to—"

"Exploit their own child for the benefit?" the king drawled. "They did. They were simply shortsighted with it, and that benefits the kingdom now. The Holy Empire does not need to get any stronger with the amount of corruption it has. It's been petitioning for its own armed forces. If they have a new saint, she would be an excuse to give them a reason."

"I do not want that," I blurted.

He actually gave me a kind look. "I believe that. Fully, Countess. You could have used this to your advantage before the queen helped. You wanted people to leave the room. You are a humble woman who is making it clear she's not—I believe you."

"I do not know that I am," I finished for him. "I also do not know what part of—what are the requirements of being one? I never had the chance to look or ask without drawing suspicion. My mother never reacted, but she did to that and she was afraid. My father also is not devout to the temple, so we attended for show but learned nothing."

"He does not believe?" the queen asked, glancing at the king as if that was useful.

"He believes in the goddess," I said firmly. "The only thing I agree with my father on is that our relationship with her is personal. He prays to her privately and believes in her, not the temple. He is not devout to them. I plan to be the same."

"Understandable after how they treated you," she said. "I met a saint when I was young, but we do not have the best relationship with the temple."

"They want too much and give nothing but words," the king grumbled.

"That is my feeling as well, which is why I do not want to be known to them."

"That is a hard secret to keep if you plan on changing your life and pleasing the goddess," the queen warned me.

It made me bristle that it was assumed that my path had to be that. "I want to help people. If the goddess is upset with me for doing what my family told me to, she should have made it clear what she wanted from me or not let this be the world I was born into where I did not have options or the means to simply do as I wanted.

"Her teachings are to obey our parents and be loyal to family. I did that. Is it my fault that my family is horrible and selfish? How would I know that? Why did not she tell me or give me a way to escape? Run away to die or be ruined? She should not be disappointed if her expectations of a mere human in reality are too much."

I was breathing heavily at the end of what I said, the king and queen staring at me like I had grown another head. I cleared my throat and apologized before focusing on my hands.

"Yes, I supposed that would be a complicated situation," the queen muttered. "We can never know the mind of our goddess, and while she loves us, she cannot know the life of us either, I suppose."

"So it would seem," the king agreed. "What else do you—do you have other abilities?"

I lifted my head and reached deep for strength as I met his curious gaze. "Do you, Your Majesty?" I swallowed loudly when something dark filled his eyes. "You have the same… Energy that the grand duke does and it's not like others. It makes me a bit unnerved. Does the royal bloodline have powers of some sort?"

From the way they both froze, I clearly hit the nail on the head. There was something different about the royal family.

"I will not ever tell," I whispered as I started shaking.

"There's no reason for you to be afraid, Countess," the queen said quietly. "It's a type of blessing as are their eyes for their bloodline. We reacted like that because I have only read about what you speak of."

My head popped up so fast it almost hurt. "I am not crazy? You know what this is?" Tears burned in my eyes when she gave a slight nod. "I never knew for—I thought—I worried especially after all David said about me being broken and…" I hurried to wipe the tears that fell even when I willed them not to.

"What do you see?" she asked gently. "I believe it's what I read, but—let us confirm, shall we? Tell me what you see."

"Sparkles," I answered, wiping more tears. "It's not like the fireworks I have seen, but—have you seen dresses with a very thin shimmering top layer?" I waited for her to nod. "That is the closest I can compare it to. It's not stars in the night because there is no darkness." I swallowed loudly and shot the king a quick look before focusing back on her.

But she caught it. "My husband has darkness?"

"Please do not get angry," I whispered. "I do not know what I see."

"I will not," the king promised. "I understand you are try—speak your truth, Mabel Matthias."

I nodded and took in another deep breath before meeting his gaze. "Your sparkles are darker than normal, much darker than the queen's. I have learned to avoid people like that. Yours are close to my father's but nothing like David's or the marquis. Theirs are gray and dark."

"What do you think you see? He will not get upset, but—we understand that you are not trained and are trying to figure this out," the queen pushed.

I shook my head and looked at her. "The king and grand duke are not the right ones for me to explain with given whatever blessing they have."

"Why is that?" she worried.

I gave a half shrug. "They almost conflict. It's like I am seeing the sparkles of two people. I have never seen that before. It does not feel evil or bad, but I have never seen it before, and the unknown is scary when I do not know what I am doing."

She nodded quickly, something in her eyes that I couldn't understand, but then it was gone. "Then what about me? What do you see with me?"

I smiled. "Your sparkles are very light. You are a good soul." I studied around her. "Your heart is pure. That's why I took this chance. I think the other colors I see besides white mean you are worried and too tired. There is an exhaustion in you that is not physical but almost like you are out of hope."

The king gasped. "Can you help the queen conceive a child?"

I blinked at the queen before slowly looking at him… With fear.

He jumped to his feet. "You can, cannot you? You know how. You can help us finally have an heir and—" He pulled the queen to her feet and kissed her, saying it was fate and his prayers had been answered. That the goddess put me in the path of his cousin so they could finally have the help they needed.

She seemed happy as well and hugged him.

And I sat there shaking and silently crying. This was backfiring big time. I had no idea she had a problem like that and others couldn't help her. This was a disaster.

I should have just run.

"Why are you crying?" the king demanded, his voice booming in the room. "How can you react that way to the idea of—"

"Gerald, stop!" the queen exclaimed when I shrank away from him. "She's terrified. Keep your damn temper."

I flinched when someone touched me, but then the queen came into my view… Meaning she knelt at my feet. I gasped and lifted my head, flinching when I saw tears in her eyes.

"I cannot conceive, Mabel. Please, please, if you can help me to—"

"I do not know that I can," I rasped. "I cannot experiment on you, Your Majesty. I have never tried what I saw to help in a dream. That is—if anything went wrong, I would die. I just was freed from hell and I cannot risk turning around and dying."

She closed her eyes and nodded. Squeezing my hands. "Yes, okay, that—I understand your fears, your prudence." She stood and wiped her eyes, shooting the king a nasty look. "You promised."

"I am sorry," he sighed, wincing when she did not back down. "I am sorry, Countess. I lost my head and—you have no idea how the queen has suffered. People are not kind because we have not had an heir yet. I am constantly pressured to take a concubine or divorce her. It's put a strain on both of us that…" He cleared his throat and seemed to remember himself.

"I am sorry. For both of you. Truly," I told them, completely meaning it. "I have no idea what I am doing though. Testing an idea on my own scars to see if I could create something to help people is about as far as I got. Yes, I will sell the travel aid and a few other things I have tested."

"How many? Have they all worked?" the queen asked as she sat back down, pointing to the king's seat so he took it and did not stand over me.

"Six and yes, they've worked."

"Then we find someone else willing to be the test subject," the king said easily. "The queen is not the only person in the kingdom who has trouble conceiving. Can you imagine what this will do for the kingdom to have something so amazing? Something to buy at an apothecary and—"

"I would never sell it like that, Your Majesty," I whispered, scared again when he got all excited.

"Whyever not?" he demanded, more confused than upset, but still upset.

"I am confused about that as well, Countess," the queen admitted.

I swallowed loudly and focused on her. "How could a drug like that be used, Your Majesty? Something people readily had access to that could help conception? How many husbands or people would buy that and slip it to women?" She flinched and I nodded. "I am not against helping, but I will not be party to something that has the potential to hurt so many either."

"That is a good point," she muttered, shaking her head when the king argued. "See this as more than for me, Gerald. People misusing her potions would come after her to blame and the Holy Empire could swoop in and take her. It's something that could blow up instead of being a blessing."

"You are right." He sighed and rubbed his face. "You are both right. I apologize. My excitement got the better of me." He shook his head. "There has to be some way to mediate that or—cannot doctors be the ones to give it?"

I flinched and they both froze. "You have the best doctors in the kingdom here that would never go against you. The doctor of my husband's family barely treated me when I was injured. He would do anything that David wanted, including making me sterile if he could. I cannot even imagine what else was slipped into my food and I never knew."

"Yes, there is too much corruption with the family doctors," the king agreed. "And it could not be something only at the capital. You risk the nobles pressuring people at stores in other areas and… This is a tricky one."

"Yes, but the countess can see who are good people. There might be a way to have a handful travel on a schedule—we can figure out semantics later. Let's figure out a way to verify it works first." The queen smiled brightly at me. "What other ailments can you fix for us?"

I flinched, not liking the wording of that at all. I hadn't signed up to become the palace apothecary or pet. "Forgive me, Your Majesty, but I thought my testimony for the sins of the Matthias family was the payment I was giving for your help. I was telling you because—I will help with your fertility issues, but I do not want to become… Reside in the palace or—"

Her face fell, but then she put that mask back on. "You want your freedom. Of course, you do. I got ahead of myself. I thought you were saying otherwise by bringing that up first."

I stood and knelt at her feet this time, shocking both of them. I took her hand in mine and kissed it. "Please understand, Your Majesty. I will always be here for you after your help in saving me. I told you because I could not not be completely honest with you when you took a chance on me. I will always help however you need."

"But you would not survive palace life and drama after everything you've been through," she whispered, understanding what I was thinking and where my heart was.

"No, please do not lock me away. It's all I have known. I want a different life. Please? I will make great things for the kingdom and use this information I have been given to help. I will not do it for profit margins or greed. I want to help, but please let me be free. I have always wanted to be free." I lowered my forehead to her hand as the tears fell.

"Oh, you poor child," she whispered and stroked my hair. She leaned over and kissed the top of my head. "I will not put you front and center or give you a post in the palace, but you cannot expect me to let a gem like you go completely when you are so valuable. Ian can sneak you in for private audiences with me. No one ever has to know."

I swallowed a chuckle and wiped my eyes as I lifted my head and smiled at her. "It would be my honor to be your friend, Your Majesty." I nodded when she raised an eyebrow. "You just described what Count Follan's sister Kathy did. She wanted to go to a dessert shop, but I never have, and crowds will scare me for a bit.

"All the whispers and more will be overwhelming. She said we can go and see the displays and take cakes home as friends are understanding of each other's situations. That's what you just said. You do not want me to disappear on you and be in your life. Yes, I will always be your loyal friend and help your family however I can."

She opened her mouth but then closed it before giving an elegant snicker. "I do not know if I am touched at your words or shocked that you would be so cheeky with me."

"I honestly felt the same way with Kathy after how I was raised." I kissed her hand again. "Could I promise to always have your family have first option of my products? I will always show you any products even if it's not something I sell?"

She shook her head at me. "Yes to all, and you will be my friend." She clucked her tongue when the king argued. "I took the risk and went to court. You said it was silly and she already owed Ian the information for his help." She chuckled when I flinched. "But I know the men of this family, and I would bet he did not give you a choice in that help, did he?"

I pushed to my feet as I snickered this time. "That man can placate someone better than anyone I have ever known. It was always something that would help him more in the long run so not to argue with him and simply accept, but then he's made it clear that he expects much afterwards.

"I honestly thought what I saw was warning me he's two-faced in a way I could not tell with how he turns everything around to his benefit. But his colors would not be as light as they are, and the marquis is one of the biggest liars and two-faced people I have ever known. The grand duke frames things so people will not worry he's a royal and he'll get his way then."

"He is a slippery one like that," the queen agreed as I took my seat. "He does truly care, but he handles so much he simply takes the fastest way to get the answer. Someone else orders people, so I guess it's not the worst way possible."

The king and I both winced, knowing who she was talking about. "To be fair, I would if I was the ultimate boss as well, Your Majesty. I just would not be as scary."

A giggle slipped out of the queen's mouth, shocking both of them, and then the king burst out laughing. I thought that was about as good of a way to end the meeting as possible.

They promised to contact me when they found a few commoners who could not conceive children and were willing to try out what I knew. They promised the people would be well compensated, and they weren't worried given I didn't have ill intentions and I fit the criteria for someone blessed by the goddess.

I thought there was more to it and wanted to do more research on my own… Somehow.

I still felt apprehensive as I left. I wasn't going to be forthcoming about anything else about myself or abilities. I would keep the promises I'd made and even be friends with the queen, but that was it. If I helped them have heirs, then I'd more than paid my debt to them.

Along with everything I would provide about the Matthias family.

Dread filled my stomach as I stared back at the palace as the carriage drove away. It felt like I was looking at a prison more than something other people aspired to have.

And I took it as a warning even if the Goddess still wasn't speaking to me.