5

Mabel

Kathy Follan was everything I was not and everything I was taught a noblewoman should never, not ever be. She was boisterous, passionate, opinionated, and… Amazing. She was absolutely amazing and open.

From the moment we met, I adored her totally and completely.

"Kathy, this is Countess Mabel Matthias. My Lady, this is my younger sister, Kathy Follan. She debuted just last year," Count Follan introduced.

Kathy came and took my hands in hers. "You are so beautiful, My Lady. I will whip whoever gave you those horrible bruises, but you still shine so brightly even with them. Are you in pain? The healers have tended to you, yes?"

"Sister," Colin sighed when Kathy kept rambling on.

She flinched and gave me a subdued smile. "I apologize. My family tells me often that I must adjust myself to—"

I gasped and gripped her hands back. "No, please, do not ever change. Do not listen to what any of them tell you to be. You will become a doll like I did who never knows who she is and is only what people tell her to be. Never let them make you become that, My Lady. I am jealous of the energy and excitement you have for life and simply meeting someone."

She blinked at me a moment before throwing her head back and laughing. "We will be great friends, Mabel. I know it." She hugged me tightly and then linked our arms, leading me towards the dining room. "Fine, then we will ignore the sticks in the mud and be what we want to be."

If only life could be that easy.

We sat down and were served the first course as I listened to Kathy talk about how excited she was to have another lady in the house. While she adored her older brother, she'd always wanted an older sister since she'd lost her mother young. She'd hoped her brother would marry soon, but now she changed her mind and thought a friend of her own was better.

She was so honest that I simply enjoyed listening to her and nodded along with what she said.

"We will have so much fun after you get through this mess of your divorce," she promised.

"Kathy," Colin hissed.

I'd frozen in stabbing my next bite, my heartbeat in my ears as I remembered my situation and how horrible my position was. I'd forgotten listening to her, her excited way of speaking infectious.

She sighed and looked at him. "Not speaking of it does not make it any less of a reality, Brother. Part of the problem of high society is people do not genuinely talk of things. It's all hidden and then whispered behind people's backs as if they should be ashamed. She should feel no shame. He will blame her because women do not discuss these things. So let her discuss it."

"She did not. You did, Sister," he chastised.

"But she is right," I said quietly. "And the faster I get used to talking about it, it no longer becomes something people can use against me. The moment the whispers cannot be used as a weapon, there stops being whispers. It's why there have not been whispers about my husband's mistress for years. People saw that I did not care."

"It's true," Kathy agreed, giving me a look that she was proud of me. "I listen to all of the gossip and I heard nothing about the count's mistress. It was not discussed once and I was at parties you were. All I heard of you was—well it does not matter anymore because we will change what people say."

I gave her a kind smile. "That I could not speak or think unless my husband told me what to say or think. Something like that?"

Her eyes filled with sadness. "Yes, but they left off the part where clearly it was because you were abused. I only saw you from a distance and we were not introduced. I did not know of your abuse, I swear it. No one mentioned it."

"No, even if they spoke of it, it would not have been with one as young as you and unmarried," I said gently. "Even the vipers in high society have their limits."

Colin snorted. "Barely."

He wasn't wrong.

"Still, I did listen to a lot and I am stealthy like Commander Lessa," she said firmly.

I was shocked she'd brought him up and wondered if there was some connection to their family. Had that been why he'd been so involved with my time at the police station? I had been worried about that and uncomfortable around him. I had thought him someone unfriendly with the king and grand duke.

My husband had always said that, and that made him a friend of their side. I had thought that meant in their pocket, and that had scared me to have him near me.

"Gossip is not helpful in this instance, Sister," Colin warned, clearly trying to get her to drop the topic. We could talk around him, but I didn't care if Kathy expressed her opinions openly with me.

I wanted to learn from her example even.

"I disagree, Brother," she said firmly.

Like that. I couldn't believe how easily she disagreed with a male in her family. Her older brother and guardian in the capital. It was hard not to drop my fork in shock.

Yes, I wanted to learn much from her.

She hurried on when he looked like he might argue. "Who was the marchioness that got divorced in the east? She caught her husband with a woman and she got ten million gold as a payout in her divorce settlement."

"Truly?" I gasped.

She nodded. "That's what she said. I am horrible with names, but it should be filed as all of that is. I doubt public record or the papers would have it all, but we do know the Minister of Justice."

"I do not know it's useable in court since it would look like Ian is abusing his position, but it is something to mention to him," Colin agreed, glancing at his sister. "I apologize, Sister, you—"

I dropped my fork then, the noise echoing loudly in the room. I cleared my throat when they both looked at me and hurried to pick it up. "I apologize."

"It's fine. Are you okay?" Kathy worried.

"Oh, no, I was—it was shocking."

"What? The amount or—"

But the count figured it out. "Has a man in your family never apologized to you, My Lady?" His tone was gentle—sad.

I couldn't meet his gaze, but I nodded. "I was taught that a good woman should never embarrass a man by expecting or even accepting his apology."

"How nice of them to teach women to accept bad behavior and make it their fault if anyone brings it up," Kathy said with disdain. "Disgusting."

It really was. When she said it like that, I shook my head. "I never thought of that. My mother… It was the only way I saw a noble woman behave until I debuted and then it was always about failing their lessons or being new money."

"That's not raising a daughter, but a pet for someone that they trained."

"Kathy," Colin snapped. "That's too far."

"She's right," I rasped. "It hurts, but she's right." I let out a slow breath and met her worried gaze. "Thank you for caring enough to be brutally honest with me. I have had enough of being fed lies and told it was for our family or things were best for all of us. I want no more lies in my life. Only truth."

"How anyone could hurt such a wonderful person like you makes me so upset that I want to ask the grand duke for your husband's head and to dance in his blood," she seethed.

A giggle slipped out before I could stop it, and on instinct I apologized. Kathy smiled and then waggled her eyebrows at me as if poking me to do more.

"Baby steps," I told her.

"Good, tell me no too," she agreed. "True friends can tell each other that and be honest."

"I'd like that. I'd like that very much." I took in a slow breath. "Kathy."

She beamed at me. "Me too, Mabel."

Colin simply shook his head and focused on his meal. "What other gossip have you heard about divorces? I did not hear about the settlement, but I did hear the marchioness initiated it after he cheated. I will say her father is a duke and they were insulted he treated their daughter that way. I am sure that played a part in it."

"And my father said he'd prefer me dead to divorced and to kill myself before I shame the family."

"Truly?" Kathy whispered in horror, shaking her head when I confirmed it. "We are going to bring pain to them all and get all of their money." She nodded when I couldn't hide my shock. "Take it all and live well with it. Donate it to charity. Do whatever you want, but do not let them have it after hurting you. I know you want to be free, but get revenge, Mabel."

"I would never say this publicly, but I agree and would feel the same."

"You would say it publicly if you did not work for the grand duke and he was always annoyingly neutral," she argued. "Even Father would. ‘Never take a slight you do not get revenge for; otherwise you deserved that slight.' He says it all of the time."

"He does, but she's in a dangerous position. Having means to live and coming out alive are most important."

"Of course." She met my gaze. "Yes, those are most important. Living well after your divorce is a good revenge as well. I am not saying otherwise. I am saying aim for the moon and try for it all. If my genius brother is helping you and the grand duke is at your back—you are not stupid enough to think small."

Wasn't I? I had only thought to get free and some money to survive.

"What other settlements have you heard of?" I asked her after a moment.

She smiled at me. "Would it piss them off if you donated it? Are you going to do good with that jackass's money?" She sighed when Colin cleared his throat.

"I do not say that word in mixed company either," he defended. "There are things you can say alone with women and the men with men. I am unmarried and soon—the goddess willing—the countess divorced. There is a line there."

I thought about what he said and agreed but focused on what Kathy said. "If I had the capital, I would do good, but it would make money. It would be a business of use to—it would help the quality of life of people. I think that better than charity that can only go so far. As long as the focus never becomes profit margins."

Colin froze in his next bite. "I did not realize you had such ideas and plans."

"Plans? No, but one always dreams," I muttered, forgetting not to share so much. "Even dolls."

"I think that's a wonderful idea, whatever the specifics are," Kathy said firmly. She went on about what she knew from society about divorces and other gossip.

"I might not have my family backing me, but Kathy is right that everything is about leverage, and my father-in-law is one of the main leaders in the aristocratic party that is the rival to the king. He likes his position and the perks, boasting that he keeps the royals in line and his house is always in order. That is leverage."

"It is, but it's leverage that could backfire because he wishes to shut you up and you are making promises not to, My Lady," he reminded me.

I hid that I was insulted he thought so little of me. "My Lord, running my mouth in public is rather different than being instructed to answer the king's questions. Or even the grand duke's. Normal business agreements and confidentiality agreements do not even include talking to the authorities. Divorce decrees cannot when the sanctity of marriage does not protect them."

"Yes, you are very right and I was thinking of the one rule that spouses cannot speak the crimes of each other but yes, you would be divorced. If you get the agreement and there aren't extra addendums. However, you are assuming both sides are playing fair and we know they will not. Also, I have seen such agreements stating nothing shall be said without proof."

Which he didn't think I had. That was what he thought. Fine, that was less insulting.

"I understand your point, but for terms to be laid out, both parties have to agree to it. How long do you think the count will be able to keep himself in check? I would put a lot of money on less than a week if the deal is not what he wants. His temper is… It will get worse once he loses his punching bag. His mother said it improved after we married. It was my only use to her."

"She gets added to the list we punish," Kathy grumbled.

I couldn't have agreed more.

What we discussed gave me a lot to think about and more thoughts racing in my head. What Ian said about silencing me after signing the divorce decree was what kept coming to the front of my mind.

But I could lose my help without the leverage of what I knew. It was a tricky balance to keep.

What if it was given before but not to the king?

That made me sit down at the desk with excitement. I thought back to the first time I met anyone of the Matthias family. Even if it was painful, I started from the beginning and replayed everything.

My hand moved almost instantly, remembering a few things his mother had said about this and that. Names and details. I had no idea if they were useful or relevant to crimes, but it was what I knew.

I worked for hours until my hand could not write anymore. I let out a slow breath and then decided to trust my new friend—my first friend. I took the lamp I'd been using and went to Kathy's room. Knocking quietly, I leaned in and listened to see if there was any noise.

She opened the door and rubbed her face. "Mabel? Are you okay?"

"Yes, sorry, I—could I ask a favor?"

"Of course. Please, come in."

"Thank you." I waited until I was inside and the door was closed again. "I thought about what your brother said. I think I know how to accomplish what I need to. The knowledge I have and the promise of giving it is why people are willing to help me."

She sighed and nodded, not wanting to badmouth her brother but understanding. "And you cannot give it away and risk their help yet."

"No, but if my divorce gags me in some way, I need to leave breadcrumbs."

Intrigue filled her eyes. "And you know how to make these breadcrumbs?"

"I know how to hide ink secretly and a special way to make it visible again," I answered.

"Everyone knows the trick of lemon juice and—"

"No, normal ink," I promised.

Her eyes went bug wide. "That secret alone is a gold mine, Mabel. Do you know what the king might pay for that to send secret messages to those loyal to him—that would have helped greatly in the war."

I opened my mouth and closed it. "I never thought of it like that. True, but if I was one of the people who knew the secret way the king sent messages, he might not want that person around anymore."

She winced. "Yes, that would be a risk." She nodded her head. "Yes, much better not to—you are smart. Do not tell me the way."

"No, I would never risk you. I have eyes on me though, so I was hoping you might pick up what I need tomorrow." That was still risky for her now that we'd thought of something dangerous, so I hurried on. "Plus a few other things I need? I need some herbs for my healing and the ink-hiding process."

She studied my eyes and sighed. "I will help you as long as you promise that Colin will not be in trouble for this. I truly want us to be friends, Mabel, but I love my brother. Do not let him get hurt."

"I promise to do my best, and I promise—I already helped him," I answered, blurting the end. I nodded when she raised an eyebrow. "I told the knight how to help him with the herbs so he could travel better. I know herbs."

"He said it was the herbalist in your father's territory."

"Whitney bought them there, but… I did not want the attention." It was my turn to sigh. "I want to be free, Kathy, not put in another prison."

"Which means you are talented. Yes, I understand. My brother and the grand duke would never do that, but you do not know that or them." She reached out and patted my arm. "Thank you for helping him. He said it was better than anything he'd ever had from any doctor even. He was hoping to talk to that herbalist and get more."

I read between the lines. "I will make you enough for a year and any of his travels. I will add it tomorrow. It has to be mixed with a certain amount of normal temperature water in a leather flask. Not warm or hot water. And the flask has to be leather. Something about the leather… I am not sure, but it has to be."

"Clearly, you are right and it worked. I will buy whatever you need and thank you. Colin has never been able to travel well, and his job needs him—life needs him to."

I nodded, fully understanding. "It will be good for a year but maybe lose potency. One dose a day only. More than that and it will hurt him in the stomach."

I thanked her again and promised to have a complete list for her in the morning. I went back to my room and worked on it, mixing the materials I needed to hide the ink well among other things so no one would ever know which was for what.

Then I finally fell asleep feeling comforted that I had a true plan.

The next morning, I gave it over to Kathy and she simply blinked at the long list. I shrugged and told her I needed some supplies to make it all work like a grinder and such. It wasn't as if I had the tools to work with herbs in my room.

"Fine, but there are two popular dessert places that my brother will not ever take the time to visit with me and I am dying to try. When you are free, we will go together," she said firmly… But I saw the hesitation in her eyes.

I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze, waiting until she met my gaze. "I have never been to a shop like that, and I would love to go my first time with you. Truly. I will be terrified and might not be able to stay long because of how I was trained by—I would love to go, but baby steps."

She leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Yes, baby steps. We can go and look at the displays the first time and bring some back home."

"You are such a kind soul. The goddess loves you," I whispered.

Her eyes flashed shock and then she chuckled. "You sound like a priest at the temple. The goddess loves you too, Mabel."

I wasn't sure some days, but she used to have plans for me. I doubted it anymore, but… Who knew?

We had breakfast and then I was to meet with my divorce attorney, Alec. About five minutes in, I had the same uncomfortable feeling as I had when I'd met him. Whitney wasn't there to give me comforting glances and make me relax, and after a bit more, I finally couldn't take it anymore.

"Why do you not want to help me with this? Do you believe this is all my fault as well?" I blurted. "Do you plan to hold hands with my husband? Why are you so upset with me?"

He slowly raised his head and blinked at me. "My Lady, you misunderstand the situation. I apologize profusely. I do not dislike you at all. I also have never met your husband much less am I willing to ever conspire with such a monster after hearing a fraction of what I have from you directly."

"So this is about not wanting to help me," I whispered. "You think it my fault."

"No, no I do not, and no woman or wife should ever be treated as you have," he said firmly. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes before focusing on me. "May I be candid, My Lady?"

"Yes, we are beyond formalities, and I would hope my attorney would tell me everything regarding this matter when my very life is on the line."

Surprisingly, that, he flinched at. "Yes, but not only your life will be on the line when court starts. I feel horrible for your situation, but there is a reason I did not become a criminal attorney. Or a family attorney. I am a business attorney, My Lady. This is a dangerous situation, and while I wish you to get out of it, I did not want to be dragged into it."

It was my turn to simply blink at him for a few moments before I asked him to explain what he meant exactly.

And when he did, I felt an absolute fool.

But an angry fool.