Chapter 11
For some reason, I feel as if I was dropped into an alternate parallel dimension. The last time I'd been in this clubhouse, not the time when I'd come to help Lily, but years ago, it was totally different.
Back then there were skanky bitches barely dressed walking around, laying wherever. Now, the place looks clean, women, these being the ol' ladies to members of the club, were sitting with coffee in hand and talking. A couple of children were playing. It's baffling to my mind. Especially when Lily approached me, taking my hand once we stepped into the clubhouse.
Lynch had dropped my hand, kissed my cheek, left me with the women, and walked off to go do whatever it was he needed to do. I wanted to be mad at him still, but Lily apologized to me for being in my apartment packing up some of my clothes. This totally made me feel like an utter bitch for what I said to Lynch at the house. Damn him. She explained that they'd only been in there long enough to grab what I had hanging in my closet. Considering I hung up the majority of all of my clothes, this meant she got all of my clothes except my undergarments, nightgowns, and loungewear. They even packed up my shoes—all of them.
The inside of Lynch's closet contains all of my things, with a small amount of room left for anything he might have wanted to hang. Then again, he probably keeps everything in his dresser drawers.
"You okay?" asks Nora, one of the ol' ladies I'd been introduced to.
"Yeah," I answer, coming out of my thoughts and giving her a smile. "I'm just still tired, I guess." It was totally a lie, but I didn't want to tell the truth.
"I call bullshit." Nora snorts and cocks a brow.
"Excuse me?" I balk, not knowing how she could read me so well.
"Babe, we've been where you are," Nora says, sitting forward, eyes locked on me as she juts her chin, acknowledging the other women at the table. "We know what it's like to deal with these men. They can be assholes. They're totally possessive and don't like anyone fucking around with what they deem theirs." Nora pauses and rolls her eyes. "They also would do anything in their power to protect their families. Now, tell us what's going on with you. We're all family here, and you're a sister."
"What she's trying to do is get a feel for you because Harlow, Raven, and Victoria asked us to after they heard about you and Lynch being married," Tiny remarks. "Trust me when I say there aren't any secrets around here kept like the one about you to being married. It was a shock to the system for sure."
"Only a few people knew we were married. I didn't come around the clubhouse much. Lynch didn't want to cause trouble since the first time we met, I was only sixteen." I give them a quick rundown since it seems everyone knows now about Lynch and my marriage. It's not that we hide it, but I'd gone to school not long after, and then it all fell apart on us.
I guess you could say the world came crashing down around us.
"So, you and Lynch are now working things out?" Rissa asks. She stayed quiet where the others had asked questions while I told them about my past with Lynch.
"I don't know what we're doing." I shrug, take a sip of my coffee, and set it gently back on the table with my fingers wrapped around the warm mug. "I honestly find myself more confused than ever when it comes to Lynch."
"Why's that?" Lily asks, tilting her head slightly. "You two seem to be together. I mean, he had us move some of your clothes."
"That's what I don't get. He's being as he used to be with me when he shouldn't be. It's like he's over the fact we were separated for so many years because of my own stupidity. I just don't get it. Because of my not talking to him about the pictures, I shut him out. Worse, I cheated on him. I might not have had sex in all the years, but that didn't mean I didn't date or kiss other men," I ramble and slouch back in my chair. "When it comes to him, it leaves me running scared. And that's something I never allow myself to do. I'm hell on wheels in the courtroom because I don't admit defeat. I refuse to let others win."
"So, why keep running scared," Nora states, like it's something that can be done as easily as that.
"Because I did wrong to him, and everyone knows it. Because I have to live with the guilt of it eating at me. And he's acting like nothing happened."
"Do you want him to yell at you? Treat you a different way than he is?" Tiny asks, looking in my direction but not actually meeting my gaze.
"Honestly?" I straighten in my seat, rake my nails through my hair, and nod. "Yeah, I want him to yell at me. Tell me what I bitch I am for what I did. I don't want him having sex with me, acting like everything's all good and dandy when it's not real because what if it's all a joke to him? What if he's just playing me, getting me to fall for him all over again? Which, by the way, isn't hard considering I never stopped loving him. Every guy I dated was compared to him. So, yeah, what do I do if it's a way for him to play me? At least if he got in my face, yelled at me, and showed me his anger like the day I came here to help Lily. That day, he showed emotions. And that night. After that, it's like he thinks everything is all good."
During my rant, I didn't notice the others shifting in their seats straightening.
"Babe," Nora utters, eyes shifting to mine, "don't think you have to worry about saying that to him."
"What?" I slowly turn in my seat to see not just Lynch standing there but Tyres and Chains. "Great," I mutter and stare at him through knitted brows. "How much of that did you hear?"
Lynch steps forward, his expression dark and foreboding. "Walked into you saying, ‘Yeah, I want him to yell at me.' Means I heard all of it."
"Well, great." Just my luck he heard that. He heard it all. Maybe he'll stop playing games with me, divorce me, and leave me in my misery.
Lynch holds my gaze a beat before he looks in Chains's direction. "I'm supposed to be at the bar tonight, can you get someone to cover for me?"
He's working in a bar now? I didn't know that.
"Brother, until this shit is handled, Axel's gonna cover for you," Chains remarks. "Watch your back and keep in touch."
"Will do," Lynch grunts, gives a chin lift, and starts in my direction. "Let's go."
That's all he says. After what I said to him, that's all he has to say?
Twisting back to look at the other women who stare at me with wide eyes, I get to my feet. "Thanks for the coffee."
"Anytime," Tiny whispers. "We're having a cookout tomorrow. Tell Lynch to bring you."
"Yeah," I mumble and step around the chair as Lynch grips my wrists and tugs me to him. He releases my wrists, wraps his arm around my waist, and guides me toward the doors. "I can walk by myself. You don't have to have an arm wrapped around me guiding me."
"Camilla, I suggest you shut your mouth until we get to the house," Lynch bites out harshly.
I bite my lip to keep from saying anything further because I could read the tone in his voice.
Lynch guides me out of the clubhouse and back to his bike. At least on the bike, I don't have to worry about him yelling at me. Sure, it's what I want, or it was. Seeing the burning fire in his gaze and the harsh tone in his voice, I'm not so sure anymore. Regardless, it looks like I'll find out exactly how he feels when we get back to his house.
The ride back to his place doesn't take long, and I'm on edge as I climb off the back of Lynch's bike after he parks in the garage. I take my helmet off, the very same helmet I was surprised to find he kept. It was custom-made and a gift to me on my seventeenth birthday. On the back of it is his name for me and underneath it says ‘Property of Lynch'. I didn't know until he explained to me what it meant. Upon hearing it, I loved it. I'd only been allowed to ride with him a few times with my parents' permission. They loved Lynch and connected with him. It was great.
Then it wasn't.
All because of me. I ruined it all. I sometimes wonder what they think about all that's transpired between him and me.
"Inside," he clips out, swinging his leg over and straightening, taking the helmet from me.
On the way to his house, I thought about everything I wanted to say to him and hoped he doesn't boggle my mind as he did yesterday. Not that I'd ever complain about the sex. It's off the charts the best ever. Granted, it's always been amazing with him. I'm still limited in my experience and only know what he taught me.
I shake thoughts of sex away and step into the kitchen just as I had yesterday and the night before that. Both times, I hadn't really paid attention to the open floorplan and the elements of the whole space. Its cool colors surprise me. They don't exactly seem to be colors he'd pick. It says this place is a family home rather than a bachelor pad, but that's what it is. There's nothing exactly personal. No photos. Sure, he has a TV and comfy furniture, but that's about it.
The door slams closed behind Lynch, and I whirl around to face off with a very pissed-looking man.
I open my mouth to say something, but he stops me.
"You can't seem to stop yourself, can you," he snarls, prowling in my direction.
"Stop myself from what? From speaking the truth?" Yep, I was able to say it, but I backed away from him while doing it.
"What's the truth part of it, huh?" he demands, stopping only a foot away from me.
"All of it. It's because of me that everything happened."
"You're fucked in the head because of this shit." Lynch growls, narrowing his gaze. "For years, you thought it was me who fucked it up. You were good being pissed at me. Now that you know the fuckin' truth, you allow guilt to eat at you rather than be pissed at the reason behind it. Your aunt's a greedy bitch and didn't like that you had something she didn't. Didn't want you to have it, so she ruined it. Tricked you while doing it to serve her own purpose."
"Lynch—"
"Shut it, Camilla," he snaps. "You wanted me to yell at you. Tell you how it is. Here it is. Yeah, I'm fuckin' pissed. Was pissed at you for ending us. I'm pissed at myself for leaving it when I shouldn't have. It's not just on you that we lost all the years we did together. I went without your body when I didn't have to. I'm not a choir boy. Won't say I didn't find pussy, but nothing, and I fuckin' mean not one of the bitches I've fucked in the past come anywhere close to what I get when it's your body I'm sinkin' into."
The mention of him screwing other women feels like a sucker punch to my stomach, but it's not like I didn't already figure him to be with others. He's a man who loves sex, and I knew this.
"What I'm also pissed about is the fact you think I'd play you. That ain't the kinda man I am. Wouldn't do that to you. So, yeah, you can see I'm pissed, but I won't take it out on you. You had enough in your head to sort through so we could damn well move on. Evidently, you aren't gonna let it go, so here's the rest of it. What's happenin' between us is we're starting what should have been happenin' all along. I'm not just your husband, but your ol' man. Yours. Just like you're my wife, my ol' lady, fuckin' well, mine. I'm not letting you get away from me again."
"But—"
"No fuckin' buts to it." He interrupts me, closing the space between us. Lynch wraps an arm around my waist and draws me flush against him. "No more talk about divorce. No more bullshit. We're movin' forward, and you gotta get it through that stubbornness, I ain't gonna take shit out on you. Whether you think you deserve it or not. It ain't all on you. It ain't all on me. We both fucked up. Now, we move on and do it together. Show the fuckers who wanted us apart, they're not gonna get what they want."
Again, I go to say something else, but Lynch refuses to let me speak up. Instead, he claims my mouth, his tongue dominating my mouth. He doesn't wait around or handle me as he did throughout the night. Lynch takes me right there in the living room, bent over the back of the couch, my pants down just enough for him to slam inside. It's ruthless. Powerful. The way he takes me . . . it's him and just what I need.