5. REMI

5

REMI

I sit on the edge of the guest bed, elbows on my knees, watching the steam curl around the glass shower door. There’s a perfect view into the bathroom from where I am, the door open almost as an invitation. Mateo is inside, the water streaming over his tattooed skin, sliding down the sharp planes of his body. His muscles shift under the spray as he moves, dark ink etched into his skin catching in the muted light. The sight pulls at something deep in my chest—love, respect, awe.

But there’s a weight, too, one that’s harder to place.

I don’t move, my gaze fixed on him, but my thoughts are a tangled mess. I’ve always loved him, always admired the way he shoulders the world without breaking. Everything we’ve been through—every fight, every loss, every moment of triumph—has only solidified what he means to me. And yet, lately, there’s been this distance between us.

It’s subtle, barely noticeable in the chaos of our growing family and everything that’s come with it. But it’s there, a whisper in the back of my mind that I can’t shake.

I tell myself I’m being selfish. That with all the responsibilities Mateo has as Alpha, with Nepheline needing all of us in ways I never could have imagined, now isn’t the time to bring it up. So I don’t. I bury it, the same way I bury every flicker of doubt and insecurity.

My thoughts drift back to a conversation I had with Asani not long ago. I told him I didn’t always feel like an Alpha. That while I loved to protect and provide, I wasn’t sure I had the same drive to lead. He had laughed softly, his sharp eyes cutting through me in that way only Asani could. “We’d love you regardless, Remi,” he’d said. “You don’t have to prove anything.”

I wanted to believe him, but I wasn’t ready to say anything else. I wasn’t ready to admit that maybe I didn’t want the same things the others did. That maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t enough.

The door opens behind me, pulling me from my thoughts. River steps inside, a towel slung low on his hips, his torso glistening from his own shower. He crosses the room in a few easy strides, stopping beside me and folding his arms across his broad chest.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his head slightly tilted. While Mateo and Asani ground me, River always sees right through me.

I glance up at him, then back down at my hands. “Nothing,” I mutter, but the lie is obvious on my face. River doesn’t move, his piercing gaze boring into me like he can see every piece of me I’m trying to hide. I open my mouth to say something—anything—but the words catch in my throat.

Before I can figure out how to explain what I’m feeling, the shower shuts off, and the glass door swings open. Mateo steps out and grabs a towel before moving toward the bedroom. He sees us immediately, his sharp eyes flicking between me and River before settling on me. His expression softens as he moves toward us, crouching in front of me so we’re at eye level.

“Remi,” he purrs, his voice rough with something that sounds like regret. “I need to apologize.”

I blink at him, thrown off by the sincerity in his tone. “For what?” I wrack my brain for answers, for something that Mateo did wrong, for something that would require him to ask for my forgiveness. There’s nothing that meets that criteria, though, so I wait.

“For not recognizing that something is wrong. Remi—”

I’m not sure what I’m feeling and I don’t even know why I ask, the words spilling out before I can stop them. “You still love me, right?” The question hangs in the air, heavier than anything I’ve ever asked him. Some part of me wishes I hadn’t said anything. Some part of me wishes I could have kept my emotions stuffed down where they belong, the way most Alphas deal with their problems. And yet… I can’t do it. There’s something I need from my mates and I’ve been neglecting it for too long.

Mateo’s face crumples, his distress raw and unguarded. “Remi,” he voice cracks, the usual strength behind his words falling apart. “If you have to ask me that, then I’m not doing enough.” He shifts closer, his hands tightening on my knees. “I love you. More than I can put into words. More than I’ve ever been able to show you. And I’m sorry—so damn sorry—that I’ve made you doubt that.”

The knot in my chest loosens, a flood of relief and emotion washing over me. I reach out, my hand brushing against his cheek, Mateo leaning into the touch like it’s the only thing grounding him. Mateo’s hand comes up slowly, brushing against my jaw before settling around the back of my neck. He pulls me closer, his dark eyes locking with mine and then his lips are on mine—soft at first, then rougher, hungrier.

The kiss steals the air from my lungs, but I let him take it. I let him consume me, his warmth bleeding into my skin, chasing away every doubt, every shadow that’s been lingering in my mind.

“It’s not your fault, Mateo,” I say when we break apart. “I didn’t want to be selfish. I didn’t want to bring it up.”

He rests his forehead against mine, a heavy breath falling from his lips, rumbling with the force of his Alpha. “You’re never selfish, babe,” he murmurs. “Ever. And that’s part of the problem. I want you to take.”

His words hit me like a punch, my heart skipping a beat. “Take?” I whisper. With Nepheline, I take. But with the others, I don’t take. I give. They tell me what they want. They demand and I gladly submit.

Mateo nods, his fingers tightening slightly on my neck. “Take what you need, Remi. Stop giving everything of yourself without asking for anything in return.”

I swallow hard, the lump in my throat refusing to budge. “And if I said that I need more of your attention?” The words come out softer than I intended, almost a whisper. I’ve never told them that. They’ve just always known. When it was just us and Nepheline and Asani, I knew where I fit. I knew who I could go to when the thoughts became too heavy. Everything made sense .

Now? I don’t know how to navigate my feelings, my position, and what the pack expects of me.

Mateo’s eyes widen slightly, realization dawning on his face. “Then I would give it,” he says without hesitation. “All of it, if that’s what you need.” His hand moves to cup my cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against my skin. “Remi, even if Nepheline is the center of this pack, that doesn’t mean our focus is only on her. It’s on all of us. On you. Always.”

Something inside me cracks, the weight of his words breaking through the walls I’ve built around myself. I exhale shakily, my vision blurring as the emotions I’ve been holding back for weeks come crashing down. “I’m not sure where I fit,” I finally admit, my voice trembling. “I don’t always feel like what an Alpha is supposed to be.”

Before I can say more, River moves onto the bed behind me, pressing his chest against my back and placing his legs on either side of mine. His arms wrap around my waist as he places a delicate kiss to my shoulder, just over his bite. A shiver runs down my spine as I lean back against him, Mateo sitting beside me.

“You don’t have to fit into anyone’s definition of an Alpha,” Mateo says softly. “You’re allowed to be any kind of Alpha you want to be.”

I shake my head, the words spilling out before I can stop them. “And if I didn’t want to lead? If I just… wanted to submit to you? If I wanted to focus on providing, nurturing, taking care of you and Nepheline, would that be okay?” Being Mateo’s guard has been something I trained for but the longer I’ve spent in the kitchen and around Nepheline, the more I want it. I love the moments when everyone spills into the living room, waiting on my food or when I see their blissed-out expressions after a night of ecstasy as I change the sheets.

Maybe some Alphas would find it demeaning but I find comfort in it.

Mateo’s expression softens even further, his hand moving to cover mine. “Baby,” he says, his voice thick with emotion, “I’m sorry I never noticed before. But I see it now. I see how happy you are when you provide for us, for her. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”

His thumb brushes over my knuckles, his gaze never leaving mine. “Wherever you want to be, that’s where I want you. If you want to give, to nurture, to submit—that’s not weakness, Remi. That’s strength. And I will never, ever ask you to be anything other than exactly who you are.”

River’s arms tighten around me, his warmth seeping into my skin, and for the first time in weeks, I feel like I can breathe again. My entire body shudders as Mateo drags me into another kiss, this one full of need and desire, one of his hands moving to cup my cock through my pants. A moan tears from my lips as River wraps a hand around the front of my neck, the other moving to squeeze my nipple through my shirt.

“You don’t need to—”

Mateo hums, cutting me off. “Remi, if you ever think we’re doing this because we have to, you do not know us well enough. I might enjoy the moments you crawl to me or the moments when River or Asani roughly fuck you, showing you off to us but this is never a chore, baby. Never .” Then his hand dips into my pants, thick fingers wrapping around my cock.

My back arches as they touch and caress me, River twisting my head just enough to kiss me. My body is on fire, my hips rocking forward to meet Mateo’s grip.

“We’re going to remind you just how you fit with us, Remi. You’re mine, ours. And tonight, I’m going to show you just how much I adore every inch of you.” Mateo’s words are softer than usual but I love this version of him just as much as the one that demands my submission. "Right now, I want you to let go."

Tonight.

His words send a jolt of desire through my body. I feel like putty in their hands, ready to be molded to their desires. Mateo trails kisses down my neck in time with his strokes. I twist, arching into my Alpha, my hands clutching at his shirt. Their attention is overwhelming but in the best possible way. It’s a familiar dance but this morning feels different, more intimate.

Heat bleeds through me as Mateo picks up his pace, River breaking the kiss, his breath ragged as he whispers. “Let us take care of you, love.” His next kiss is softer, more tender, even as he tugs at my nipple, drawing out a breathy moan from me. His tongue explores my mouth, each swipe a delicate reminder that I’m loved. I’m not sure why I ever thought any different.

Goosebumps trail down my spine as Mateo sucks his bond mark between his lips.

Let go, Remi. Come for us, my love.

Speaking through the mind link shocks my system, pure love radiating through the bond. There’s even a spark of happiness coming from Nepheline, no doubt our Omega figuring out what’s going on up here.

His words are like a trigger and I gladly surrender to the pleasure. My back arches further as I tear my lips from River and cry out, coating Mateo’s hand and the inside of my pants. My entire body shudders as Mateo continues to milk my cock, the squelch of my release aiding the slide. A stray fantasy has me on my hands and knees, Mateo plowing into my ass, River filling my mouth, both of them chuckling. River nuzzles my cheek as his arms go back to sitting around my waist. “Remi, you keep thinking like that and we’ll be late to our own council meeting.”

I manage a chuckle, a sigh following as Mateo pulls his hand from my pants and offers it to River. There’s no hesitation as the Alpha leans over my shoulder and licks every digit clean, his cock thickening against my ass. I do my best not to move but the shallow thrusts against my backside aren’t helping.

“I need another shower,” I mumble, slowly untangling myself from my Alphas. As I stand, I turn to look at them, warm smiles on their faces. There’s so much that needs to be said, to be explained, to tell them what I want, what I need but in this moment, I can only find a few words. “I love you so fucking much.”

Mateo stands and drags me into a firm hug. “Whenever you need something, you come tell us or Asani. Your needs are just as valid as the rest of ours.”

I nod, retreating into the bathroom for a shower of my own. It feels like a weight off my shoulders, that my oldest friends and lovers now know how I feel. It’s just a matter of time before I find the courage to let the rest of our pack.