28

Aspen

Something was wrong with me.

The blankets were too hot and scratchy. I kicked off the covers and stared at the ceiling, hating this aching feeling in my gut. This wasn’t normal. I knew my heat was coming in a few weeks, but this felt different. Like I was hollowed out and empty and would never be comfortable again.

Last night I’d given into my baser instincts, hoping a quick orgasm would scratch the itch. But it was… unsatisfying to say the least.

I should have thought to bring my vibrator.

It didn’t help that the only way I’d been able to come was thinking of a certain frustrating Alpha with earthy brown eyes doing questionable things to me in the woods. I was blaming my wolf for the image of getting railed against the rough bark of a tree.

Groaning, I rolled to my side and pulled my knees to my chest, still slightly paranoid that I was being watched. After what Molly said about the fight yesterday, I didn’t put it past the show to sneak cameras into our rooms.

My thoughts were too dirty to look at my phone and see if Papa texted me this morning. We’d chatted last night with him telling me how proud he was to see me on TV.

He definitely wouldn’t be proud if he knew what I was thinking of now.

I dragged myself out of bed and splashed some water on my face at the bathroom sink.

The nesting trial was today and I needed to get it together. That was probably the reason my head was all messed up. This was one of the dumbest things I’d ever had to do. It reminded me of middle school all over again when I’d sat red-faced through shifter sex education. They’d separated the genders, sending the boys to do Goddess-knows-what while the girls stayed in the classroom.

Granted, it was interesting to learn more about my body because the idea of asking Papa those kinds of questions was cringe.

But beyond the basic science of going into heat, mating, and the female need for comfort and den safety, I didn’t actually care about the practical application of a future nest. I wanted kids, but in that abstract someday way. And there’d never been someone I’d want to welcome into my nest.

Until now.

You know what? This is your fault.

I’d never been so at odds with my beast.

*

The cafeteria was blissfully quiet with no Alphas in sight as if they’d cleared out somewhere safe upon feeling the rise of female nesting hormones in the air. The Luna candidates that popped in for breakfast barely made eye contact with each other, choosing to eat and run.

“Are you ready for this?” Fallon poured coffee in a to-go cup, nodding at me as she took a sip.

“Not at all.” I laughed, dropping my tray in the bin.

“Good luck to us both then.” Fallon saluted.

*

“You have to smell this candle.” Stef shoved a jar of wax in my face as I walked into the hotel room.

I sneezed at the overpowering floral scent and took a step back when I saw the crazed look in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” She sniffed the candle deeply and a serene smile turned her lips.

“Let me smell that again.” I grabbed the jar from her hand. There were no chemicals or other poisons I could detect. Just soy wax, lavender, and maybe a hint of rose oil.

“Give it back.” She growled. “Get your own.”

I slowly handed over the candle.

At least I’m not the only one feeling strange.

“What are you standing around for anyway?” Stef twisted on the lid to the jar. “We only have three hours until it’s time to report to the nesting trial and you better not embarrass Nuva Pack with a sorry ass attempt at a nest like the one you made in 8th grade.”

That was below the belt.

And you know what? Her candle stunk.

*

Don’t panic. It’s just a nest.

I closed the lid on my gram’s trunk and lifted the heavy wood box. I think I had everything I needed. In middle school, we had to design and take a photo of our nest for extra credit. It wasn’t much different than that.

Except this was on national television and everyone was going to judge our private spaces. But I guess we gave up those rights when we signed the contract.

I don’t like this. My wolf was amped up and pacing.

Chill out. You’re making me nervous. I hoisted the trunk onto my hip and left the room.

The elevator dinged and a very sloppy looking Jesse came spilling out, smelling like the bottom of a bar room floor.

“I’m sorry I’m late. I swear she drugged me.” Jesse cringed under the fluorescent lights in the hall.

“Late for what?” I leaned away from him, discreetly rubbing my nose on the inside of my shirt neckline to chase away his scent.

“Your nest gear.” He stumbled to the side and overcorrected, leaning against the wall. “Wait. What time is it?”

“A little before noon. I have plenty of time to get there.” I cringed as his breath washed over me. “How much did you drink to still be this drunk?”

“Please don’t yell profanities at me.” He squinted with one eye closed. “Okay. We have time. Let me see what you’re bringing.”

“I think I’ve got this.” I hugged the trunk closer to my chest. The thought of him, or anyone, touching my things was making me sick to my stomach.

“Put it on the floor and take off the lid.” He pointed, taking a step back and still squinting.

I could do that.

No. It’s not for him.

He isn’t going to mess anything up.

He needs to leave. I have to prepare.

We still have a couple of weeks before the heat!

I wanted to cry in frustration at the weird feelings coursing through my body. My fangs extended as I forced myself to set down the trunk and open the lid.

“Um…” The alcohol flush drained from Jesse’s face.

Snarling, I snapped the lid closed. My hands flew to my mouth. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

“It’s normal.” He brushed off my concerns like I hadn’t just lost my mind. “Don’t worry. I think we can work with this. Let me make a few calls. I’ll have a delivery here in an hour.”

“We have to do this by ourself.” The feral voice that came from my mouth wasn’t my own. The sound was garbled with my wolf’s tone. My eyes widened in surprise.

Are you okay in there?

This isn’t right.

“Don’t freak out on me now.” Jesse moved to touch my arm and thankfully stopped himself as my claws extended. “I’ve got a mated female wolf shifter friend. She’s the only one who will handle the stuff and it’ll be dropped off in your nesting site before you get there.”

“That’ll work.” I nodded.

Jesse smiled like I was about to pounce, keeping his arms wide as he ushered me to the elevator. I stood in place to hold the door open.

“Oh no.” Jesse shook his head. “I’ll take the stairs. You have fun today.”

*

Fun?

This was not fun.

Tiny fire ants were crawling up and down my spine. My wolf was agitated and pacing, growling at any Luna candidate who got too close to us. I’d never felt this way in my life–not during any heat, or mating season, or trial nest run.

I almost snapped at the young male human who was just doing his job and walking around the room handing us each a number. In my defense, he breathed really, really close to my face.

And I wasn’t the only one who seemed affected. Most of the other candidates were waiting in their own little corners of the lobby for Molly to tell us when to start. I hoped the nesting site wasn’t far away, because with the vibes coming from some of the girls, it would be a bloody trip.

I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of this all and tried to breathe to keep myself calm as I let my gaze sweep the lobby. Opal was still hiding somewhere. Stef was standing alone near the fireplace. Edith and her sister huddled close together, not letting anyone into their bubble. Fallon was sitting on two black suitcases near the doors and staring straight ahead.

“We’re almost ready.” Molly came strutting into the room doing her clapping thing to get our attention, seemingly oblivious to the glares directed at her back.

We all stood slowly, keeping our belongings close. I had to force myself to stay steady so I didn’t take my gram’s trunk and run.

The main production crew came out with the cameras following Jay as they placed him in the center of the lobby.

“And now, one of our favorite parts of the Luna Trials is about to begin,” Jay spoke for the cameras like this was a documentary. It was about to get National Geographic up in here. “In a few moments, the doors will open to reveal forty blank canvases with coordinating numbers assigned to each of our lovely contestants. Minimalist chic? Farmhouse classic? I know you’re all as excited as I am to see what styles will pop up today as the rooms are turned into nests…”

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. My wolf snarled.

Will you shut up? I growled back.

“For the safety of the production crew, the cameras will be maintaining their distance during the design process for the next eight hours.” Jay chuckled like he said something funny.

None of us were laughing.

He swept his arm to the side, smiling big for the camera. “Let the third Luna Trial begin.”

*

Outside the resort in the courtyard across from the gravel driveway was a row of white crates labeled with numbers each spaced about ten feet apart. In the mad rush to find number 28, I bumped into Opal who gave me a tentative smile.

“This is crazy, right?” she whispered with a glazed look in her eyes.

I nodded, clamping down on my lips so the growl didn’t slip out, and managed to mumble, “Good luck.”

Opal skipped away with a large duffle bag smacking against the backs of her toned legs.

Finally, I made it to my assigned crate. It was basically a storage shed sitting on an oversized pallet with two doors that swung outwards. I threw them open and was greeted by the scent of wood.

Bare pressed timber walls lined four sides and there were exposed 2x4s lining the top. A single window was on the back of the eight by ten room.

This is wrong. My wolf was still snarling.

I leaned back, looking at the other contestants around me. Fallon was down the line near the first crates shaking two cans of spray paint as black fur sprouted along her arms.

We were all going nuts.

I ducked inside the room and closed the doors behind me, needing a moment of quiet to think. There were two plastic bins sitting in the corner of the shed and nothing else. No chairs. The floor was hard. Unnatural. Treated wood. There wasn’t enough air.

I set down my gram’s trunk and threw open the window. My frantic gaze swept the ceiling of the box. We didn’t even have light.

Stop stalling. We need a nest, my wolf barked.

Sweat beaded along my skin and I fanned the bottom hem of my shirt, trying to cool off.

Why did this feel so serious?

Like I would die if I didn’t figure it out.

It was just a nest. But I was worried that he…

Ranger’s dark eyes filled my mind.

“Nope.” I shook my head to clear the intrusive thoughts. Get ahold of yourself, Aspen.

Please do.

I took another deep breath. This was totally fine. It was only a nest. All shifter females could make one. And I’d just think of it like a test.

I was going to make the best nest the world had ever seen. Not for them or any male though. This nest would be for me.

*

Maybe perfect was a bit of a stretch.

I pushed a piece of sweaty hair out of my face and finished nailing in the floating shelf that hung across the room from the bedframe.

That monstrous frame had taken too much time to build. As much as I liked the rustic style that whatever female Jesse had sent to deliver it picked out, she could have printed me some better instructions. The mattress sucked. It still smelled of chemicals from being squished in the bag and I had to pinch my nose as I dragged it outside. I wasn’t sure the bed was sturdy enough to…

Definitely not going there.

The deer antlers with the wildflower wreath I’d mounted on the wall would have been cliché if it wasn’t so stinkin’ cute. I put the cedar candles on the floating shelf and stepped back to admire my handiwork.

The bones were solid–Jesse deserved a thank you gift–and it was a decent start.

I carried my gram’s trunk to the center of the room and my wolf finally relaxed as I lifted the lid. The scent of home filled the small space. Soft furs tanned by my papa were wrapped around the strands of battery-operated string bulb lights. I hummed to myself as I strung them up around the ceiling.

The furs went on the floor and I sighed as I dug my bare toes into them. It made me feel closer to home, more in tune with my true self, and connected to the earth again. Maybe that was half my problem, being cooped up in the resort.

I hadn’t been able to ground myself much.

Well, that was going to change.

I dragged the mattress back inside and shook out my favorite of gram’s quilts. It was the same one I’d shown off in 8th grade when we did our extra credit reports. But it didn’t have the frayed edges now and had lost some of her fading scent since I’d meticulously restitched it by hand after that shitshow of a day.

I breathed it in, letting the whispers of my heritage surround me and quiet my inner beast. My gram may have been taken before her time, but I carried her love with me.

I placed the quilt on the bed. A little to the left. An inch to the right.

It shouldn’t hang off in that corner.

Frustrated, I bunched it up and then shook it out again. My stomach was starting to hurt under all this stress.

What if he didn’t like it?

I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed. It didn’t matter if he didn’t like it.

But what if the viewers laugh?

Also, didn’t matter.

It was simple and sweet. Not garish or over the top. Comfortable and homey. There was bound to be at least one or two other Alphas who would cast a vote for this space.

I ran my hand across the top quilt, smoothing out the wrinkles. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do because this was me.

*

The buzzer sounded with fifteen-minutes remaining as I sat down on the ledge of the large fish head fountain in the front of the resort. Edith came walking up the gravel driveway, stopping to chat with one of the cameramen, before sitting next to me.

“How’d it go?” I asked.

“I’ve been making nests since I was five in all our different properties.” Edith shrugged.

I stared straight ahead.

She leaned closer, adding in a whisper, “But that box was absolutely awful.”

I chuckled softly. “And so damn hot.”

A few of the contestants started up the driveway when the buzzer gave the five-minute warning. We watched them walk in silence.

I scanned the other crates, looking for Stef and Opal and Fallon. In the earlier chaos, I hadn’t paid attention to anyone else’s numbers.

“You know, my cousin was asking about you,” Edith said, taking me completely by surprise.

I looked at her from the corner of my eye, trying to see if she was messing with me. She seemed serious. I thought of the votes. There was a real possibility the viewers wouldn’t carry me the entire time. I needed a few other Alphas to at least give me a chance.

“He’s handsome.” The words got stuck in my throat and I coughed to clear it. “What was he asking about?”

The buzzer sounded, signaling the end of the trial, and Edith’s lips quirked to the side. “He wanted to know if you’d decided yet.”

“Decided?” I watched the remaining contestants being pulled from their crates.

“You know, if you’d picked any particular Alpha,” she explained.

Ranger. My wolf nodded.

“I’m keeping my options open,” I covered the lie with a truth so she couldn’t smell it. My wolf might be obsessed with Ranger, but she didn’t always know what was best for us. And besides, mating was a two-way street. If–and that was a big if–I liked him or even wanted to get mated, it was highly improbable that he’d want to mate with someone like me.

“That’s good,” Edith said. “Getting attached to anyone this early in the season isn’t smart. I wouldn’t want you to get your heart broken if things didn’t work out.”

She said it so sweetly that I tried to think of some kind of friendly response to show her I cared too, like those motivational posters to “keep calm and carry on” or “you deserve the world, Queen,” but I was drawing a blank.

“This is bullshit!” Fallon was growling as she came stomping out of her shed. I caught a glimpse of her nest before the doors closed behind her. It was painted midnight black with stars and an oversized purple beanbag type chair sat against the left wall.

The scent of cotton candy drifted up the hill and I looked over to Opal’s crate at the end of the row. Soft cream and light blue shagged carpets covered the walls. A jeweled chandelier hung from the ceiling.

Is that a Saint Andrew’s cross?

The camera crew moved in, blocking my view.

“Could she be any more obvious?” Cindy growled, startling me. I hadn’t noticed her walk up. I excused myself, slipping away from the putrid smell of jealousy, and met Opal on the gravel driveway.

“Your nest is gorgeous,” I gushed.

“Thanks.” She bounced on the balls of her feet. “I couldn’t get the ceiling straps up in time though so I’ll have to ask for help if we end up needing them.”

“Ceiling straps for… oh….” My eyes widened. I hadn’t thought this through enough.

“Alright, contestants,” Jay spoke in a microphone, interrupting all our conversations. “It’s time for you to go back into the resort while the voters decide your fate.”